William’s Winning Wayfare

Journals - Major Programs
#1781

Now that you mention it, I noticeed that I’m confrontational on healing titles in general. Even on something as peaceful as Regeneration lol

That too

I think it’s generally a consequence of healing and reconciling your boundaries, etc. which leads to these confrontations

just describing similar experience

Like, when I started Regeneration, I realized how much I was disrespected by a certain group of people, had some tough talks, but overall it turned out to be a very healing experience both for me and for them (not only our current relationships improved, THEIR relationships with other people improved as well because they were able to see the problem)

Do keep in mind that it’s not always other people who are the problem. There were a few occasions where I almost snapped but then took an extra second to reflect and realized that it is me who is wrong in this particular situation

But man, do I wish to run DRR after reading your journal lol. It’s getting extremely hard to cope with 3 subs limit haha

1 Like
#1782

Interesting.
For me it’s just DRR2.
LBFH, DRR1, DRR3 and (to a certain extent) DRLD didn’t make me confrontational whatsoever.

DRR2 is really focused on inner power, at least for me.
Not necessarily increasing it, though it does, but it’s more about readjusting my view on it and how it manifests in my life.

It’s such a great sub. I’m glad I got it.
My favorite is DRR3, it’s super focused on my meditation goals with its “transcending” theme, and it’s also light to use.

But you have Regen, by how saint talk about it, it might be the better option for now.
I can’t wait for the new tech & knowledge to trickle down to DRR when it gets updated again.

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#1783

EE 1m30s HeO 10s

Noticing a gradual decrease in sex drive.
How did I live for 8 months with WB like this? rofl.

#1784

EE 2m HeO 12s DRR4 10s

Once a week is the best listening frequency with DRR4 for now.
I feel the recon dissipating 2 days ago, and it was almost unnoticeable yesterday.

I’m starting to be able to come to terms with my more confrontational self.
Now it’s a matter of adaptation while exploring more of it in depth.

Update 1:

The gradual decrease in how sensitive I am to social cues is catching up.
Stopping WB makes me slowly unable to grasp “that thing” in conversations.

This is a huge clue.

I’m glad I’m taking this break from WB.
Now I know what I need to focus on when I go back to it.
The clarity from absence is great.

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#1785

The recon only lasted for a bit after i listened to DRR4 yesterday.
Next week I’ll go to 15s again.

I’ve been feeling more naturally “confrontational”.
Maybe this is something I’ve learned to suppress rather than being the real expression of myself.
Finding my true self & mastering it should be able to allow me to adjust it to my liking later.

1 Like
#1786

My stack is lacking softness.

It used to be LBFH, then WB.
Now everything is about productivity and improvement.

There’s a distinct difference between how I was able to balance out my approach with WB, and how dense, blunt & upfront I am without it. The confrontational push from DRR4 doesn’t help either.

The break is working well in showing me clarity about what to focus on.
But well, it will take a while to adapt.

Update 1:

EE 2m30s HeO 14s

I become more aware of the tensions in my body.

I wonder if I should let my body move when the tension shows and just observe,
Or to keep still while just observing the tension & the impulse to move.

I’ve been following the former when I’m by myself outside of meditation, and the latter when i’m meditating or with other people.

One feels like I’m untangling a knot, the other like I’m melting it.

DRR4 is something.

3 Likes
#1787

DRR is providing me a solid structure that allows me to fully embrace my emotions.

There’s no need to cling or to swat away any emotion; “good” or “bad”.
DRR helps me realize how much I can let myself be immersed in my emotions when it comes, and not cling to it when it goes. This leaves me free to embrace my emotions however much I want, which makes my life much more colorful.

Happiness without the clinging.
Sadness without the suffering.
Passion without the thirst for more.
Frustration without the destabilization.

Everything is good as is. Whatever their nature is. No more, no less.

Controlled chaos, one where I have the freedom to engage/disengage as much as I want, knowing that with the solid structure, I won’t lose myself & get sucked into it.

2 Likes
#1788

Seeing feelings rise up > then fall down > then rise again > then fall again > until the cycle is over > then a new one spikes up again, with a solid structure to stand on when I’m observing the storm, is a colorful experience.

The hope for relief is still there, but I’m not clinging to it.
There’s no use searching for relief, and no path to it.
No use to deny the search for relief, or the relief itself.
No cause of relief, no cause for the search of it.
No insight into either relief or the search.
There’s nothing to attain.

They are all one and the same.

DRR man… I love this sub.

2 Likes
#1789

EE 4m HeO 18s DRR4 15s

Let’s see how much my response to 15s of DRR4 has changed after almost half a month.
I become more confrontational, but also able to accept & just observe that part of me even better.
I can embrace a wider range of my emotions even more purely. Let them come, let them be, let them go.

With how much I’ve progressed, I can more confidently say that microlooping this low only once a week is definitely viable.

I also did some extended introspection and got a good ground to stand on.
DRR works well.

Update 1:

Significantly less recon for the first day.
This is a good sign.

Maybe I’ll be bold.
If I get no recon for the next few days,
+3s instead of +5s of DRR4, but once every 2 listening days instead of 3.

1 Like
#1790

Summertime sounds as exciting as Sanguine.

I might run a few cycles of name embedded Reg + GLM & Sanguine + Summertime after I’m done with DRR.

I’ve been using productivity related subs for ~3 years.
By the end of DRR, more than 4 years.

I will be fair for an extended amount of time dedicated to subs for relaxation.

So there’s a new character in overwatch that uses a sword (it’s old, but i haven’t touched this game for a long time). She uses a sword, I use HeO. I’ll try playing her, lol.

#1791

No recon from DRR4 at all.
Well, this is faster than I expected honestly, I’m gonna go ahead with this plan:

I did some introspection that was more extreme than what I usually do. More on the black journal.
That led to much wider realizations than I anticipated.

Is this from DRR4, or is this from the influence of the new tech from EE?
Idk honestly, what I know for sure is that the inner guidance is helping me well.

1 Like
#1792

EE 1m HeO 20s WB 8s

So, 8s of WB happened…
Hopefully this won’t cause a recon.

I’ll delay DRR4 just to make sure i’m safe.
I accidentally listened to Mogul once and it was fine, I hope this one is fine too.

3 Likes
#1793

Yep, WB is doing WB thing.
But instead of being approached as usual, I naturally connect without much thought.

I guess “willingness” is one of its biggest effects on me.
When I think about it again, the more I used WB, the more I became more open to the “life” it offers.
Maybe the recon was my unwillingness, then after I saw the benefits & how to integrate the results into my life, the recon started to melt away.

But still, I think it will be hard to stack with HeO. Back then, before I aggressively microlooped WB, the results were spotty enough that I could stack it with HeO just fine. Then the last time I stacked them when I microlooped WB, the effects of WB were too consistent that it felt kitchensink-y.

I’ll just wait until one or both of them get the adaptive scripting before seriously stacking them both, or when my stack is free enough to include A:Singularity.

Update 1:

I forgot whether I’ve written this already or not, but I’ve been more aware of the tensions in my body after I started DRR4. Some of them are resurfacing tensions, but most are always there in the background; I just become more aware of them now.

I wonder which stage of DRR this was from. It has been 1y8m, I can’t quite remember which is which for this one. Maybe all of them combined together in DRR4 make for a more thorough tension awareness.

Update 2:

HOLY SHIT WB.

I’ll write more tomorrow, it has been way pass my sleeptime. But holy shit 8s once is THIS strong.

1 Like
#1794

EE 5m35s HeO 22s

The decision to space DRR4 apart this cycle was the right one.

This is, without any exaggeration, the biggest inner transformation in my life.

I wrote more about the process on the black journal, though most of it are just incoherent rambles when I read it back, lol. It’s basically about how DRR guided me to a short TLDR of a meditation teaching and how repeating it every moment possible has helped me consciously make sense & better integrate the results from DRR & my meditation practice.

The last one was 15s of DRR4. The results are this strong.
Short exposure is just as strong as long ones.

Some social skills from WB still sticks, but the finer ones are starting to dull out.

But with the last run of WB, I realized maybe WB + HeO is not as kitchensink-y as i thought it would be. The key is to run WB sparsely.

Instead of aiming for consistency/improvement, the focus is just on getting results when I have the time to take a break. Only run WB when I have the time for it. This solves the kitchensink problem from how ridiculously consistent WB is, giving the space to focus on HeO (truly the “my beef is too juicy and my lobster too buttery” problem :rofl:).

2 Likes
#1795

If I have to describe the changes from DRRed, I think the term “blank slate” is the most appropriate.

It doesn’t only “erase”/“solve” (though it does these very well).
It often transcends the act of erasing itself, revealing the blank slate nature of yourself.

This creates a strong foundation to build future subs on.

Personally, this is the outline of how the stages expressed themselves in my life:
DRR1 is background cleansing & holistic improvement with no perceptible baggage.
DRR2 is focused on inner power and the expression of it.
DRR3 is about the bird eye view, which as I’ve figured out, is more powerful than it sounds.

My experience is heavily leaning towards DRR3.
I got the most transformation while I was on it after all.
So the “transcending” theme is much more prominent personally.

–

But every stage requires the foundation that the previous ones built on.
DRR4 is the combination of all three, I’m noticing how much bringing the elements of the previous 2 stages complements what DRR3 is building.

I’m not sure how many aspects of the stages are in DRR4; are they all there in full, or is it the condensed version? I personally think it doesn’t matter that much since I got the most of the transformation when I microlooped the hell out of DRR3.

You don’t need the “full script”.
You only need the script that you need.

It’s taking a while for HeO to manifest its usual effects on me with the microloops.

I’ve used the sub for well more than a year total, it’s not a surprise that I can get more by listening to longer durations at this point.

I’m curious how much will come with the current increment I use for it though.
So far I’ve only noticed the enhancements starting to show up, though not the deeper stuff yet.

I’d say above 20s is the minimum for me with HeO.
Though I might gonna be surprised if I choose to stick with less, I’m gonna march on forward as planned instead.

–

For EE, so far, it is undeniably about rest.
Rest is an integral part of the whole creation process.
EE helps optimise the work & fix the hierarchy of what I need to focus on to get the most out of it.

4 Likes
Pushing the reset button
#1796

EE 6m HeO 24s DRR4 18s

WB is still working, wtf?

That was 8s 5 days ago.

Also on the matter of WB, I realised deep inside, it feels inconcievable to think that I’m not attractive.
That was not how I was before the last 8 months straight of microlooping WB.

Back then I tend to view my look neutrally, yes I have good features, but I didn’t even think to look at myself as someone who’s that attractive, just normal. Now thinking like that genuinely feels weird, as if my body being attractive is the most natural thing in existence.

DRR4 is still going hard

I’m intentionally doing less for some time just to let the changes breathe more.
Now I understand others who says healing titles taking up a good chunk of your daily life.

DRR3 builds on DRR2, but DRR2 requires DRR3 too to express fully. Hence DRR4 being the combination of all stages makes incredible sense. Either that or repeating the stages. I prefer the last stage being the combination.

The new point of view, freedom from DRR3, but also the learning experiences from DRR2.
Love it.

Update 1: one of the biggest results from DRR4

I revisited one of the oldest internal problems i have.

These are the ones that I built around instead of solve. Duct taped instead of properly operated on. On practical level, these are done. But on a deeper one, these are like thorns. Everything is fine as long as i don’t grab the thorns hard.

But now, i saw them come out of nowhere in my mind (which is very rare), and there is no thorn anymore. I can let them slide just fine.

I lost years because of these.
And DRR absolved them just like that?

DRR is fucking great.
<=18s, once a week, this stong. How?

Update 2: expanding on the traumas

I tried to see how I react to the other old traumas I had.
They glided right off.
What the fuck?

The pain exists, though not as intensely.
But I’m automatically able to not suffer from them and just observe.
I realised my response was to attach to the discomfort, rumminate, trying to escape, hide, etc.
DRR cut that chain right off.

This is a first.

I felt overwhelmed with emotions after I realised that I’m no longer bound by these anymore.
But contrary to my expectation, I also did not attach to the gladness and was able to just observe.
I realised I don’t need to extend the feeling of relief to be relieved. I just need to acknowledge it.

No craving, no avoidance.

Almost halfway through EE

No recon yet.

The discussion on another thread made me realise the – now that I think about it – obvious.
I got recon the first few times I ran EE for 15m, which I didn’t expect at all.
That was finally solved after I tried 15m again for the 4-5th time.

But after mulling over it more, I realised the recon must have been about 2 things:

  • Something inside of me resisting further optimisation.
  • Me resisting the further balancing scripting.

Things that microlooping EE showed me to be more than possible.
It also showed me more things about my approach towards productivity.

It was intended to help other, but explaining things clearly in plain text also helped me to realise what is what. EE feels like Mogul, the results are so obvious that I didn’t feel the need to journal when I can just see it in front of my eyes.

I should have journalled EE more. The problem is that, just like Mogul, I can’t write things in detail here.
Even a vague timeline of daily journaling is not wise. I can only write the summary of what has been happening so far.

That will end up being repetitive and more vague than what I do with WB now.
“omg gangs i did werk fastr today” “omg work so focus much quick” yeah no shit you’re using EE, what are the details?

I should start an offline journal for it & HeO instead.

Looking at the previous post, I realized I yap a lot, lol.
I’ll go forward with this format instead.

5 Likes
Main Disc. Thread - Wanted Black: Seduce Reality (Now Available!) (Custom Core Available)
#1797

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Stack is 100% broken.

I guess this will be the point where I let go of HeO & EE.
I’ve been planning to use LBFH when it gets updated again. I see immense value in using LBFH alongside the realisation & changes I got from DRRed.

Not only that, but Summertime is officially slotted to have a For Humanity version too?

Imagine the sheer inner growth from DRR4, then combine it with the For Humanity subs to help others around us get some of the benefits. Or maybe I’ll stack them with WB instead and use its social scripting to enhance the For Humanity parts. Holy shit this is exciting.

The time for their release is also perfect.
By that time, I’d have used HeO & DRR4 for around 6-7 months at the very least.
Just in time for a change.

3 Likes
#1798

Till we get another surprise drop that shatters the plan again😂

1 Like
#1799

Man, sticking with subs does need a strong willpower with these updates & new titles around.
I almost broke mine with Alchemist:Singularity, then HeroTLTB, then somehow WB snuck in and broke it anyway.

If I hadn’t just switched WB for HeO at the start of this month, I’d have considered Summertime.
DRReg is ideal, but stacking DRR4 + DRReg doesn’t sound very wise at all. Summertime is just perfect.
But then, again, Saint announced the For Humanity version :sob::sob:

2 Likes
#1800

Having broken stacks that we’re not even running yet, and the stack that broke it, broken in succession.

A lot of good shit.

With the amount of will power needed here, it’s like training to be a spartan :joy:

1 Like