Depends on who she is and who her friends are.
Also depends on how she may talk about girls who do similar things and what kind of content she consumes.
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Yes. Including me.
This one seems to be a lifelong learning process.
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Thanks for all the different perspectives and advice.
I will give more information.
I dont have a communication problem, i specifically told her in these exact words “if you fly to this trip, when you get back you will need to find a new boyfriend, I don’t know what you will do there and with who, I can’t live the rest of my life with the thought ‘did she cheat on me on this trip?’”
If it does or doesn’t happen i will never know.
@Skadoosh its not like going to the supermarket for a few minutes or even going to a restaurant with her friends for an hour or two, it’s 3 months of long days travelling and meeting many different people, local and travelers alike, so many opportunities to cheat, and she is a really good looking woman and she is very friendly too.
To all the people who are asking me “if you can’t trust her why are you with her?” I do trust her generally speaking, in this specific situation i wouldn’t trust any woman in the world.
But i really love her so i feel clueless, maybe i am wring, maybe im insecure, maybe im making a mistake and missing out on a really good woman.
Also everyone are telling me that im insecure/primitive whatever, except one huy who agreed with me.
I don’t know what to do.
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Take her keys so she can’t leave 
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You always have the best advice Achilles the wise 
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I didn’t mean to imply you were unreasonably untrustful. I could’ve worded my question better.
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Well @RagnarLothbrok, you sound pretty freaking wise to me.
Personally, I think that was a good way to handle it. Not the only way. But a good way.
In communication, the nonverbals matter as much as or more than the verbals. I have a feeling that even when you were telling her this, your love probably came through. And that matters.
Hollywood notwithstanding, it is not a tragedy every time a relationship ends.
It hurts.
But it’s not a tragedy.
And it’s okay to question your choices. That just makes you a thoughtful person. We don’t know the future. Maybe she gets to South America and Barnaby the Magic Unicorn transports her and her friends for 3 months to a magical land to save the exclusively asexual, non-gendered people who live there. Who knows.
But the choice you made was based on a realistic scenario and a realistic assessment of your ages and where you are in life. (I’m guessing you’re in your 20s.)
None of us actually does, many times. But you’re doing a good job of it.
Stand strong, brother.
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Maybe she is missing out on a good man if she makes this choice to go. Have you thought of it that way?
There is no insecurity in wanting what you want. Heck why did we all join SubliminalClub? To get what we want.
Yes it is true that healing happens along the way and we might change our mind later on this topic but why force yourself to live with a circumstance that you currently don’t like which in this case is your girlfriend’s girl’s trip?
Maybe you will still be the same regarding this belief in the future and then will you be able to live with this decision to agree for her to go and then return to you?
Don’t put yourself down for wanting something regardless of how your woman feels. Just as women lose respect for men who don’t protect them in times of danger, it is fine to lose respect for a woman who doesn’t meet your standards regardless of what they are.
Have faith in yourself. You have an abundance of choice and there will be better women who will come along later.
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Agreed. Also reveals a healthy level of self-awareness and empathy in making sure one isn’t the asshole.
If a person wonders if they’re crazy/insane, they likely aren’t. A person who is truly crazy or insane doesn’t have the self-awareness to even ask the question.
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As always I am here to help the community, that is my mission
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I feel like it’s not about her but you. Doesn’t matter if she is the most loyal woman in the world. That’s a boundary you don’t want crossed and she will cross it.
I understand that it’s a once in a lifetime thing for her and can’t blame her either. But it simply means it’s not meant to be. Also how long have you guys been going out?
There’s a saying in my country that goes something along the lines of “Its easy for a single guy to say just get divorced.” So maybe im just simplifying it too much as a single guy. But i don’t see that relationship being a healthy one after the trip if she goes on it.
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This!
I personally know a few girls who went on those trips in South America. It’s basically tourism and sex!
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Sounds like you are thinking and making very rational choices despite being in love. It’s easy to let feelings cloud judgment. It sounds like she already made up her mind without asking you. Sounds like she’s telling you saying that’s her dream and that’s okay. 3 months traveling to much can happen. All things come to an end at some point
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- 3 months of meeting many different people from outside of your awareness.
- Opportunities to cheat
Is that it? (What am I missing? Anyone, lol).
Let’s say your girlfriend doesn’t go on this girl trip.
In the next 5 or 10 years, you don’t think she’s going to “meet many different people” and have opportunities to cheat? Just in general day to day life?
Yes or no?
Furthermore, if she’s going to cheat on you, on a travel trip… she’s going to cheat on you without a travel trip. It’s not about the trip, it’s about the tendency and if it’s there.
Cheating is a very complex and individual behavior.
What I’m trying to understand, is your logic with this part:
I’m trying to turn this discussion towards,
Does the specific situation logically warrant this level of distrust?
I don’t think it does but I’m open if someone can give me more reasoning beyond “meeting different people” and “opportunities to cheat” because that can happen regardless. I genuinely think you have a bias somewhere.
When you go from -general trust in someone- to -zero trust- based on merely a travel trip, that’s too extreme of trust switch in ratio with the circumstance. The math is off. Disproportionate response. You seeing that? Tendency to cheat has very little to do with circumstance.
I’m trying to dig into the bias that is influencing your perspective. What exactly is that level of reaction based on? Get into the specifics.
This is not based on trust, it’s compensation for a lack of trust. It’s an ultimatum. Those can really damage the health of a relationship because they create a tense and controlling atmosphere rather than open, calm, and healthy communication. This is basic relationship toxicity.
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Just curious,What type of girl they are?
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Looks like your girlfriend trusts you not to have another relationship for 3 months or doesn’t care. Since we don’t know either of you, no one here can answer your question definitively.
Since you love her, you will feel bad in both scenarios. Unless she actually gives up her trip. However, I would never ask her to do that because she will always hold it against you. Not a good basis for a relationship. So you have a choice between feeling bad about ending the relationship or feeling bad while she is away, but with the prospect that she has remained faithful to you.
I would go for the second scenario, even if it’s hard. What’s three months? They go by faster than you think and then she’s back.
No one can take the decision away from you, but if you really love her, let her go. Either still as her boyfriend or as her ex. The pain will be the same because she is no longer there.
Jealousy is a very negative energy and can drive a man crazy. Maybe the two of you should look at this as a test. If it goes well, you will have created a very strong foundation for the future.
As I am probably much older than you, I naturally see things differently. It is the experiences in life that shape and influence you. Maybe you need to look at these experiences now.
Trust yourself and trust her, that’s the best thing you both can do. If it goes wrong, you’ll break up anyway. Real love has survived wars and years of separation. So 3 months shouldn’t be a problem if she loves you as much as you love her. But we can only assume that.
I wish you a lot of strength and will make the right decision.
The one you can live with best.
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Actually no. You also have to account for social pressure. Especially in Middle Eastern cultures. There are things that a woman would never do in her own country but once she is out and no one is looking…
You also see it in the US. All those girls that go to “study abroad” for one year. Do you really think the only thing they do is study? When they know that they have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do something that no one back home will ever know and that won’t stain their reputation?
A more interesting question to me is if it is really her dream trip, why not go with her boyfriend?
Three girls traveling for 12 weeks by themselves is like three guys traveling for 12 weeks by themselves. If there are sex opportunities (and there will be) and no one back home will ever know what she did, chances are pretty good that she…
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University educated girls in their mid to late twenties…
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Their personalities?
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To sum it up very briefly, this is all about trust.
It is immediately assumed here that she is cheating on the trip. Why should that be? It’s just an assumption. This can be true or false. So do I trust the assumption or do I trust the person? A big difference.
An assumption born out of fear. I would not want to submit to this, even if it is difficult.
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