Walked by my gym yesterday while I was with someone. Felt nervous and genuinely made me feel sad, I really miss going there. Muay Thai was such a beautiful outlet, even if it doesn’t make any practical sense in my life right now I still miss it dearly and would love to train there every single day.
Slow steps. We will get there in time. Just need to prioritize what’s necessary and take it from there.
Man, recon hits the spirit. I can clearly feel the effects of Dragon blooming during this washout, more than the other subs in my stack. It’s wearing me down I have to say.
I just need to bite down and look toward the finish line.
What to replace Emperor Black with, is now the question.
I’ve thought about Revelation of Mind, but using it will turn my stack of DR ST1 + QL ST3 into a very internally focused stack, instead of a stack that is meant to be balanced and addresses all aspects of life through the ERB principle. ROM would be a nice replacement for QL ST4 when that time comes, but that time hasn’t come yet.
I’ve thought about Godlike Masculinity, which has been @Davisnwc’s recommendation and one that I like. It brings balance to my stack, and continues down the path that I’ve been on without creating a distraction. It’s a sub I’ve never ran but I’ve only heard good things about, so I do want to run this sub. My only downside is that it hasn’t been released in ZP2, and it’s hard to go back to ZP1 when you’ve been running ZP2 with so much success.
I’ve thought about Paragon and Paragon Sleep as well. Tracking my sleep has become a recent interest of mine, and naturally running Paragon Sleep would be perfect for this. My hesitation is in the way it shifts my stack’s focus. When adhering to the ERB principle, incorporating Paragon Sleep into a stack alongside QL ST3 and DR ST1 would force Paragon Sleep to either be the expansive or the balancing element of the stack (most likely the latter). Turning QLST3 or DRST1 into the grounding element of the stack will IMO either curb my results with QL, or turn me into a mess with DR. This is the problem.
Ther are two subs however, that can address all of these problems with the aforementioned subs, be ideal for both short and long-term use, and can help ease the effects of DR as I continue to use stage 1. They are, oddly enough, the two finalists of the SC World Cup: WANTED and LBfH.
LBfH can be run anywhere, anytime, and by anyone, which makes it a perfect short-term sub (more so than WANTED). LBfH in ZP2 was especially incredible, and will ease DRST1 perfectly while aiding in the self-love that DR also focuses on cultivating. There is a significant amount of synchronicity in the use of these 2 subs together, making it perfect to use in my eyes.
However, while LBfH is clearly the better sub to use in my situation right now I am attracted by the allure of WANTED. WANTED was a part of my first ever stack, and holds a good place in my heart. While other subs are significantly better in the way they address all aspects of life, WANTED is unique in what it both does and can do. WANTED does build self-love as well, and theoretically could ease DR’s side effects while also doing its own thing.
I ran WANTED in QV2 for 7 months, and I ran it in its original ZP version (pre-ME primer) for about 1 month. Things have changed drastically since then. The ME primer changed everything with ZP1, and then ZP2 leveled up the subliminal experience to a whole new level. I am so curious to see how these changes have affected a sub that I already enjoyed quite a bit during the Q days. And to be quite honest, I’ve even begun to experience presults of WANTED as well.
Ideally, a custom with LBFH and WANTED sounds perfect. But instead of building a custom, I’d like to experience the new WANTED again and see what has happened for it to become the world champion subliminal that it’s become.
This has been such an odd washout for me.
Recon has never been this significant during a washout for me before, talk about blooming hahaha
Don’t fear feeling. Embrace it, it’s a wonderful thing. The best and worst part of feeling is that it is always temporary. Enjoy it while you can.
Dragon Fire is really taking a toll on me. Feels like I’m carrying a burden. Recon is significant, more so than any other sub I’ve ever used.
It brings me back to March this year, when I fractured my foot after having gained so much positive growth and momentum in Muay Thai. That injury + intentional overexposure to Paragon lead to my worst recon, but Dragon Fire feels similar without the external stimuli.
If anything it feels like Dragon Fire is triggering external events. I just feel burdened running it. Gonna run a full loop of LBfH and hope for the best.
Well Dragon is definitely doing its thing.
Had a few eye-opening talks with a few people, on and off the forum. Made me realize a lot of things about myself, and helped me understand and contextualize my experience with Emperor Black within the grand scheme of my life.
So I’m officially single again, and associated with it is the fear of the unknown. I feel free, refreshed, focused, but I also feel lonely, lost and a little apprehensive. My previous relationship was the ultimate comfort zone that I had built for myself, as it spanned all but 18 months of my entire 20s.
The last time I wasn’t with her, I went from being at rock bottom to rediscovering the me that I thought was gone forever. I realized that these past few months, I’ve been dangerously close to the edge of this cliff, and it’s become clear to me that I need to refocus and get back on track with myself.
I can’t be in a relationship right now, as much I love and want the companionship I need to focus on building myself up. I hate the idea of the modern-day promiscuity culture, which makes me apprehensive about dating in general again. Dating sucks, it’s a pain to find someone that you can click with on many different levels and this girl was indeed that.
We love each other, deeply, but there were two aspects that ultimately could not be overcome. She’s older than me, so her timeline and mine do not align. She sacrificed the prime of her reproductive life to be with me during the worst time of my life, and it hurts me to feel like I’m responsible for her wasting so many years of her time and energy. I hope she can find the right man for her to start a family with, but ultimately that man was not me. It makes me sad because I had felt that I was for so long, I basically lived my life with that idea in mind. After the first time we broke up, I learned to let go of that idea and when we got back together, I unfortunately was unable to recapture that idea. I just did not have that blind trust and affection that I had for her in the past, which in retrospect are foolish metrics to assign to determining the quality of a future life partner. In the future things will be different with future potential partners, but her being a relic of my past life made it almost impossible for me to move on to the next phase of my life without ending this relationship. There was simply too much history to overcome.
The second aspect was our inability to communicate with one another properly. We fundamentally had to speak to each other in both of our 2nd languages, and because we’d interchange our use of languages things would be so often lost in translation that we simply caused more stress to each other’s lives than we should have.
It’s just a shame, because to me this girl was and is absolutely wife material. If she wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been with her for so long. But it’s clear that I’m not ready to get married and have a family, but she is. It would be unjust to her to continue this relationship, regardless of the amount of love she has for me.
There’s even a sense of duty that I felt, like I had to be with her because of everything she did for me. That type of mentality is absolutely toxic to have in a relationship, no one should feel compelled to be with someone. Not only was it unjust to myself, but it was so unjust to her. There is a clear lack of self-love at play here, on my end. The reality is that she loves me more than I could ever love myself, and that’s a very big problem. I have a lot of healing to do.
I’ve always wanted to start a family, it has been my deepest desire and goal since I was a child. I feel like a big part of me wanted to essentially “speed run” my life by accomplishing that desire so quickly, way before I was ready.
At the end of the day, I can just keep rattling on about this but there’s no point. I need to be single, because I need to do what I fundamentally want and that is to build myself into the best possible version of myself. That is my fundamental desire right now. If I am not the best version of myself, how will I find the woman that I desire to start a family with? How can I be the father to my children that I always craved to have when I was a child?
I was relieved with the rapid changes that were brought to my life thanks to the subliminal technology, but what I did not realize was that these were all “noobie gains”. I’ve now reached the intermediate growth phase, where things become slower, the technique needs to be practiced and refined, and consistency determines one’s ultimate success or failure.
Dragon Fire, ladies and gentlemen.
This song, and Indila’s energy, is rejuvenating. These lyrics echo how I feel at the moment, worth paying attention to (especially if you speak French).
Truly my favorite artist that I discovered this year, by far.
Sorry to hear about this. You sound younger than me, but what you wrote reminded me of something similar that happened with me many years ago.
I dated a woman that was also older than I was, and it was great in the beginning, until time went on and I felt we drifted apart.
I knew she wanted something I couldn’t give, I wasn’t the guy for that, and for my part I also knew it wasn’t what I’m looking for at the time.
Our paths didn’t align and although a part of me knew the end of our relationship was inevitable, the actual parting was not easy for me to cope. It was a serious relationship and the feeling of it ending was not pleasant.
I kept busy, and within days after our break up I started dating several women at the same time. I didn’t want to leave myself any room to think or feel because I have been so used to having her in my life that it was something I didn’t know or want to deal with emotionally.
My response was immature, it was of personal preservation, but I was young and looking back, I wouldn’t change much. In that experience I’ve met new people, some true gems that contributed so much to my life.
My time with her was great, we were happy for the most part, but there’s so much of the world out there. The experiences I’ve had since that relationship ended are some of the happiest and priceless.
Knowing what I know now, things could have been different if I had subs at the time. The pain could have definitely been dampened or my perspective could have been aligned towards something more fruitful asap. Perhaps I could have reached newer heights.
I went in blind, with a few mistakes on the way, but I knew I have to get back on track.
I didn’t have folks to talk to about how I felt, and it wasn’t something I’d normally discuss with my close friends.
I wish her nothing but good on her journey, and I hope she found what she was looking for. I would like to think her experience with me was something good, and contributed positively with her life.
Although probably younger, you sound more mature than I was when that similar experience happened with me, and have so much more tools at your disposal to get back on the saddle and be on your journey towards your best self. You got this man.
Thank you. Your comments are rare but always appreciated, and full of value.
I’m 27 by the way, for whatever that’s worth.
I relate so much to all of this, going through something very similar myself and you hit the nail on the head for so many things. I am almost 29 and had been with my partner since I was 24…
Exactly why my partner broke up with me.
How I feel as well, like I wasted her time by never getting to the point where I was as ready as she was to move forward.
This is also me, as I had already envisioned being with her for life, how she would be an amazing mother, what our life could be like. I never believed in soulmates then she somehow convinced me we were meant to be together because our romance felt so fateful.
We also had communication issues, my ego getting triggered and her conflict avoidance made it hard to communicate sometimes.
This 100%, in many ways I still can’t imagine wanting to marry anyone else except her.
Yes I also felt like I had to soldier through the relationship no matter how hard it got sometimes and that I couldn’t ever leave her because she had been there for me in some of the most difficult moments of my life. I loved her but felt a little trapped at the same time.
1000000000000%, this is the realization I came to as well. She loved me more than I loved myself, and my self-worth became dependent on her love and validation. Another reason it all fell apart, and why I am now running LBFH.
Exactly this… she became all the comfort and safety I had in my life, and I lost all my internal sense of power and security that made her fall in love with me in the first place.
Thank you for putting in to words so many of the things I am feeling as well bro.
I don’t have the balls to run DR right now, the pain is too fresh from all my abandonment issues getting triggered, and my tendency to be self-critical and analyze every possible thing I did wrong would be like getting caught under an avalanche as I was far far far from being perfect.
Will be following your progress closely, I wish you the best 
Thank you for sharing your story, it genuinely means a lot to me.
While we are in slightly different (but still very similar) positions now, we definitely were in even more similar positions when compared to me 2 years ago.
I feel DR triggered this moment in my life to be quite honest, I wasn’t using it as a way to cope with what happened so I agree, I don’t think it’s a good decision for you to try it (unless you find alternative reasons of course).
Thank you again.
So for anyone interested in hearing an update, we’re still speaking and she still wants to be with me. I want to be with her too, but for what? Companionship? Temporary emotional fulfilment? Logically speaking, it doesn’t make sense for either of us to be with the other.
You’re stronger than me man haha
I agree that it doesn’t make sense for you, or for me in my situation, but I think I’d be weak and jump back in that boat even if I know it was sinking.
What I’ve been telling myself, is that the best thing for her is to move on and get what her heart desires (settling down, having a family) because I don’t feel like I’m in the place to give that to her and if I force it and give that anyway, I will regret not following my own heart’s desires to travel and live abroad and have more freedom and independence.
My viewpoint, not sure if it resonates, but stick to your guns man, I think you’re doing the right thing in letting her go.
Not sure why you would say that, I’m still mulling over the decision. I know what’s right in my head but it feels painful to admit.
Ah I figured since you said logically it doesn’t make sense for you to be together, that you had made your decision already.
Yeah this will require lots of introspection bro. I wish you luck.
Keep in mind that you’ve noticed a lot of ways in which you haven’t shown up for yourself, or her, in this relationship, and that you have already identified things you want to work on and improve in yourself.
If you think you can do that work while still getting back with her and avoid falling back into that comfort trap, then go for it bro.
I think this is the first time we’ve spoken on the forum, but I’ve identified with your predicament a lot so I am invested and want to see you succeed haha. Here to support you man, whatever you decide.
I’ve made the decision mentally I guess, but it’s hard to let go emotionally you know. All she’s been doing these past few days is shower me with love, but I’m trying to make her understand that this is not because of her shortcomings - perhaps they’re my own shortcomings, or maybe we can just blame circumstance. But I know rationally, it doesn’t make sense to waste each other’s time. She says that she will never see me as a waste of time and energy, but she won’t say that 5 years from now when she still hasn’t had a child yet and is in geriatric pregnancy territory.
We tried that already, don’t think it will work.
It is. I do recognize your avatar though, definitely one of the top 3 best on the forum. Thank you man, I really appreciate it and genuinely hope the same for you.
Yesterday I went to my local convenience store and I was shocked by the way the girl at the cash register acted. For the first time maybe ever, I was able to see someone genuinely attracted to me physically.
Obviously it’s not the first time someone’s been attracted to me, but I’ve always been oblivious and horrible at identifying signals from women for my entire life (every woman I’ve ever slept with had to make it frighteningly clear to me that they were attracted to me before I pursued them).
Maybe it’s because my current situation, unclouding my view of others. Regardless, it felt really good to have someone blatantly show their infatuation to me, that was really cool.
Makes me want to test out a seduction custom just for the fun of it, I’ve never actually ran a seduction subliminal before. I ran WANTED but focused it inward, and I ran the first stage of Khan which created a nice aura but I’d consider it healing more than seducing. Maybe I should run Khan from beginning to end next year, who knows.
Plan for a custom, after having a conversation with another forum member who truly enlightened me with regards to what should be prioritized in life.
Cores:
LBFH
EOG1
ASC
GLM
Spartan
Modules:
30 total modules.
Gotta remove 10.
Fucking hell.
Cores:
LBFH
EOG1
ASC
GLM
Modules:
5 modules down, 5 more left to cut out.
God I hate this 20 module limit.
Cores:
LBFH
Paragon
ASC
GLM
Modules:
3 modules to go.
Yeet these?