Wanted dream lover social boy QTKS

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#41

Today at work I had two women who were acting like damsels in distress( I don’t know if that is the right term) but they basically were acting helpless telling me to fix something inside their car. I laughed because it was bullshit, they ended up doing it themselves when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Not a mechanic, I’m actually the worst person to ask about anything in regard to cars btw lol. They were asking me my name, making small talk. I wasn’t attracted because they weren’t my type but it made me realize sometimes just how bold women can be when they want something. They even said that they needed a man to do it because they couldn’t…its like they automatically turned submissive.

I felt more confident than usual but also had some negative thoughts of when I used to be disloyal and lying, thinking of my past mistakes etc., feeling like I’m stuck where I’m at and there’s no way out. Thinking that I’m not worth it. It was a very humbling experience.

Also haven’t watched porn or masturbated for a couple of days, I just don’t feel the urge to and even when the urge comes, it goes away quick

I still have sexual thoughts but they seem more controlled

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#42

Didn’t realize it but I think I just manifested a potential FWB, I was suppose to meet her tonight but no gas Money, like zero Money in the bank account atm so I can’t even take the bus or invite her over because I don’t have my own place…living with family so can’t bring her here smh

So at lease this is working, haven’t hit 30 processing days yet, I think I’m half way there

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#43

I pushed LE to 7mins and hit the hardest recon ever…never again. This was a couple of days ago, never again. I thought I could handle it but it blew up in my face. I have to take a week to washout from all subs. I think I may have symptoms of overexposure from an already heavy stack of QTKS. So I’ll take a break and reevaluate.

#44

How many modules are you running?

#45

my Qtks has a only 10 modules in them but they are all heavy modules

Inner spa
experience love and joy
synergy: I am atman
Synergy: Venus Unveiled
Experimental Adaptive Scripting
Experimental ZPU Anti-Recon
Inner circle core
WDB core
Love bomb core
New Learning Experience Core

For QTKS

#46

For whatever reason, with the new anti recon tech, instead of dropping the sub, I end up adding more subs to my stack that are not necessary. In the past, before ZPU or the new anti recon tech, I would drop all the subs in my stack, now I just end up adding more subs which can be tricky because I always self observe and wait and see whether I have an urge to drop the sub, and when I get an urge I know I have to reduce the listening time or go back a min or a few mins back. Now, I have to watch out for when I get an urge to add a sub

Still tho I think its more recon than over exposure.
I’ve experienced

  • been feeling anxious, heavily doubting myself and whether some of the steps I’ve taken in the past were correct or whether I was self sabotaging this whole time and didn’t even know it

  • seeing myself as the lowest of the lowest

  • criticizing my self

  • losing motivation to work out

  • Sleeping long hours

  • brain fog

  • a little fatigue

  • boredom with everyday things like why do I keep going to work and doing the same mundane things over and over

  • feeling like a social outcast

#47

what do you do when you become consciously aware of something but don’t know how to change it atm

#48

Need more context

#49

So I realized a while back that the reason I was never good with women actually stemmed from my relationship with my mom and sister. I’ve never had the best relationship with them both. They are my stepmom and stepsister but we’ve basically grown with each other since I was born. Somewhere along the way we went our separate ways. I think it started with my mom because I think she resented me for not being her birth child and she had to care for me as her own. My birth mom passed away due to health related complications and I never really knew her but I felt like for the longest my step mom never really loved me as her own, which trickled down to my relationship with my step sister.

I also noticed that there was always a power balance when we were younger. The birth children were treated differently and exempt from doing certain chores vs the step children who did all the chores, all the tasks etc. I think I realized early on in middle school that there was something off. Why was she overly protective to some of her children and didn’t care about the others as much.

Anyways I realized that that has been the root cause of my relationship issues with women. I’ve noticed that a lot of men that are great and comfortable around women have great relationships with their mom and/or sisters. I have several friends who I manifested during emperor that made me realize this…

Ok cool

but now I don’t know what to do with that information. How do I fix something that the other party really isn’t interested in fixing

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#50

First. I feel for you and hope you can salvage things.now that you understand a root issue. What cms do is take control of your life and strive for better relationships with women in your life. Case the more you lean into the belief your step mother not loving you is causing your problems, the more you’ll feed into self sabotage.

I’ve noticed that a lot of men that are great and comfortable around women have great relationships with their mom and/or sisters.

Don’t overcomppcilate this. The men who do great with women learned to to do great with women. Thats it. There’s no secret orgin or specific upbringing involved.

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#51

Thats true, I have a mental blockage when it comes to women. I just self sabotage before I get good with women

#52

Do you need the other party really? Turn your attention inwards instead or you’ll always find yourself being dependent on someone else (out there…) to solve your own inner issues.

From my experience with people that I’ve found problematic in my life, is that none of those individuals were present when I finally solved the issue within myself. And what I’ve learned is that they are teachers/sign posts, showing me where my internal landscape is not the way I would like it to be, and therefore they become blessings instead of devils.

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#53

That is true, I sometimes struggle with validation. But you are right. I need to find a way to fix my inner self so I never need to rely on someone else to fulfill me

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#54

Shadow work, therapy, interests outside women that give your life value.

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#55

Today when turning into traffic, from a shopping center, going into the main road, I had a lady literally stop and let me get into the intersection. Keep in mind, there was no car behind her or in front, so she could’ve easily went forward because the light was green too. Her stopping to let me get into the intersection from a shopping center made no sense at all. She wasn’t even turning into the shopping center either, she proceeded to go as usual without making any turns. She basically went out of her way to help me

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#56

A few days ago I matched with an older lady on a dating app. Tbh I’ve been matching with a lot of women recently but most live far. But I matched with one who isn’t too far from where I live who invited me to her house again tonight. She looks fit and attractive enough.

I matched with another lady who is gorgeous, two actually, will see how those go. But one is close, the other one I’d have to drive quite a bit to get there.

I just realized I’ve been matching with a lot of women, granted only like 1 percent are attractive, I think its a good sign because I haven’t changed my photos from wanted black but I changed my profile bio description.

Another thing, I’ve been having women tell me their darkest secrets casually and I’m like whoa, slow down, in my head of course. It’s one of those things that you don’t casually tell someone unless you really trust them. This one was my friend who I’ve know for decades but still she told me she had never told anyone before except her sister and me. In my mind I was thinking, should you really be telling me this

I’m starting to give less fucks about what people think about me, I used to be the guy who was like ohh I need to go talk to people so I don’t appear weird or socially awkward, at work, and now I realized, who cares. I’m not going to force myself to talk to anyone just so I can be in their good graces.

I used to also get jealous when my coworkers would be friend some of the other staff members and I was the only one in my department who wasn’t in the social circle, now I’m like fuck it. If you like me, cool, if not, oh well I guess. No more being “performative”.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve been super horny for whatever reason, I just want to fuck, so I’ve been masturbating a lot, sadly. So hopefully tonight goes well and leads to something consistent but not going to put too much thought into it…whatever happens, happens

One thing I need to work on is my self sabotage. Every time things seem to get good I sabotage really bad.

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#57

Hero origins made me aware that I’m not ready to face my demons at all, in any capacity. Its like walking into a pitch dark cave, with no light, then shining a glimmer of light and seeing a bone chilling monster looking you dead in the face and before you have time to react, you run like hell.

One of my deepest fear/trauma reared its ugly head for just a few seconds and now my body and brain has to adapt to the fear

I know HeO is suppose to make you fearless and one of the mechanisms of that is facing your fears…I believe…in order to be fearless…correct me if I’m wrong @SaintSovereign @Fire

Basically I don’t think I’m mentally and emotionally ready to face all my demons and I think if I have to, I have to be running HeO by itself so I can dedicate all the mental resources to accomplishing that because there’s no way I’m working through some of my fears without a clear, energized mind thats focused on one task at hand.

Thats why I’ve chosen to do a 5 day washout and just run my QTKS for now

I’ll come back to HeO once I feel I’m in a good place mentally.

My stack was already pushing me towards healing x100

So I need to take my foot off the pedal a little bit and relax

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#58

I just wanted to note, that I plan to run my 2 QTKS for 5 years min, this is a life time sub hands down. So if you see me jumping run to different subs, its recon, everything always balances out in the end

Easier said than done though, life has a way of rearing its ugly head at the worst time possible

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#59

Had a very interesting day yesterday at work. I had people being super friendly to me, approaching me to talk. One woman, who was not my type, trying to be flirty, I didn’t know her but I could tell she was attracted to me because she initiated the conversation and asked to give her a ride somewhere. But I was busy at work with something atm, so I told her not rn. She wanted a ride some where within the property so it was something reasonable but I was busy.

I just felt confident and like I could get any woman I wanted.

I will say tho I did feel kind of depressed though. I just felt like I didn’t have any purpose. Working a dead end job, with no clear path, feeling like I’m not going anywhere in life. It’s like knowing you can be successful and what not, then looking at your life and thinking where’s the success I believe in.

Also have been clashing with my mom because she still treats me like the loser I used to be who would do whatever she said and she would manipulate me but yesterday I called her out on it. It’s like those around me feel insecure about my ascension smh

I stopped talking to one of my female coworkers because I realized that I was giving her free attention without getting anything back in return. I was chasing an emotionally unavailable woman and for what…wasn’t worth it

#60

What’s free attention?

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