I feel like switching subs right now
It could be recon, idk. But I’m feeling depressed and lonely.
I look at my sibling and friends. And they all have so many friends. They’re all texting each other, snap chatting each other etc.
My phone? So dry. I text 1 or 2 people regularly.
The thing is, I used to be like them. I had so many friends, so many people that wanted to hang out with me back in my early days of high school. And now… almost nothing. It has been that way for three years.
I don’t even know how to make friends, honestly. I mean, I do, and I don’t m. Cold approaches scare the shit out of me; I don’t know what to say, I get all self-conscious and in my head. Most of the time, when I do talk with others, I rarely say much as I don’t have much to say. It’s like I’m too logical and analytical. It’s like I lose my sense of self and analyze them, and until I know who or what I’m dealing with, I can adapt to complement that person.
But this comes at the cost of my true personality, opinions, wants, and needs.
Everyone loves to talk to me because I can nod my head, laugh and give them approval all day. But when it’s my turn to talk… blank. Nothing to say; I don’t know what to say.
When I drink, that all goes away; I enjoy being the centre of attention; I enjoy leading conversations, making people laugh, poking fun at others etc.
So clearly, there are some limiting beliefs here.
Quite honestly, I fear the judgment of others and have an inferiority complex, So it’s no wonder I experience “social anxiety.”
I’m getting tired of living like this. I want to have lots of friends that love me, respect me and listen to me. I want to enjoy social interactions rather than view them as a constant source of stress and anxiety. I want to enjoy being the centre of attention instead of shying away from it.
I want to feel good In my skin wherever, whenever.
Been living this way for way too long, and it’s driving me nuts.
), and further healing is necessary to become this ideal version of myself.