6/27/2024
I am learning to live in this new found ecosystem of emotions. Reality itself is transforming around me. Positive friendships, smiles, joy, laughter. These are all coming naturally to me. Roughly 5 times a day like a devout muslim, I spend about 1.5 minutes to go through the following emotional states: 1) gratitude, 2) self-love, 3) sexual dominance. My body relaxes and I lose my tensions. I’ve supplemented this with the following teas: Yogi brand “Relaxed Mind”, “calming” and Celestial Seasonings “Tension Tamer”. These emotions I layer in that order. I see attraction around me from females. They WANT to feel this too. A genuine smile from a guy is such a gift. Not from niceness!
Before this, I was operating from a core of tension. Envy, jealousy, frustration, took deep root. But those are all leveraged and alleviated in the light of gratitude. I envision a bright light emanating from my body into my surroundings. It was hard at first, but got easier with the visualizations.
Now, I completely groomed my body head to toe. took a shower. The other routines have fallen off, but will slowly be re-incorporated into this new emotional framework. I am no longer operating out of self-harm. Now I operate out of self love.
I operate not out of the need for something or the need for a response. I operate from expression of love and the one who gives the gift out into the world.
I still find my remnant behaviors, which objectively adaptations at this point from the information that I had. Now that I have new information, I can create new, more effective adaptations.
We get reflected back the expressions we give outwards. Love reflects back love. Gratitude reflects back gratitude. Tension reflects back tension.
My challenge now is to find the line between love and aggression when I am lifting weights at the gym.
Was this all the acid’s doing? It is possible from the serotonin effects it had. I honestly don’t know what a non drug alternative would be. This may have been achieved with proper love and nurturing from a loving individual, maybe a mother, or a lover, but I guess I discovered it through a small square of paper.
Upon a second dose this weekend, I did not notice much different effects. This effect I think can be achieved with proper meditative practice. Becoming aware of any conditioning in the body that arises to tensions could be achieved by practicing awareness. The self-love loving sensation, possibly could be achieved with something like getting a puppy or a kitten, studying the emotions that arise and then replicating on one’s own through meditation with a kitten or puppy in mind. Replace the kitten or puppy with yourself.
Self love is also a natural occurence of taking care of yourself. From an external point of view, a mother giving love to a child would involve caring for the child’s needs, dressing him properly, feeding him right, hugging, and accepting his flaws, nurturing his strengths, smiling. These can be achieved if you were the parent and the child at the same time in some meditative visualization paired with self-hugging, and the above stated self-care routines.
Dominance can be achieved solo possibly though meditative masturbation, visualization of sex, sex with a lover, sex with some sex-toy. The idea is to focus on the primal urges arising in the body. Sex has been here since humans existed. It is a primal latent energy in all of us. I speak as a guy, so my view is skewed.
Logically dismantling traumas with trauma exercises will also help. Redirecting and re-perspectiving trauma will help. It is like polishing the soul to express the proper emotions which will bear more rewarding fruit.
Will add to these thoughts in time.
