Walking the Path - smartwater42069

Journals - Major Programs
#1

I’ve closed off the previous thread. It has served its purpose.

This year I have set forward some very ambitious goals. I’m going to run the new QL V3 series from scratch. (ST1 → ST2 → ST3 → ST4).

Edit: 2/17/2024 - disregard the going from scratch. ST1 is very very intense and reliving those emotions again from running ST1 from last year…I don’t see it as profitable with my time. Will switch to ST4 + Index Gate. will ramp up with ST2 and St3 to ST4

Goals:

  1. Win the martial arts competition in May 2024
  2. Start my business and get my first $1000 in profit.
  3. Work out 4 times a week.
  4. Become a master coder in data science. Win a Kaggle tournament.
  5. Throw a party for my recently divorced best friend in December 2024.

The strategy:

  1. Follow the ZP listening protocol to the letter. There is a reason someone took their time to write out everything. Take days off etc.
  2. Journal every morning.
  3. Take massive action.
  4. Manage my time like a god.
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#2

Sorry that I haven’t read any previous journals - are you stacking QL with anythign?

#3

I don’t plan to. Maybe Index Gate for my coding goals (my weakest skill right now).

After a long break from subs, I realized that I was running too much and too often. I didn’t give the subs time to express themselves within me. I fell into the trap of shiny object syndrome and started thinking the results will happen because of the subs. The subs are a guide. The results happen because of me and my actions. Subs are like supplements. What use are they if I am not working out in the first place?

This time around, it will be with strict protocol. I’ve learned that proper technique exists for a reason. Improper technique in martial arts leads to hurting your spar buddy or yourself.

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#4

2/16/2024

I went to sleep last night after my workout feeling gratitude towards everyone I have encountered. I have taken their best traits and made them my own. I don’t know what give to others but I last night I realized what others have given to me and I am grateful for have coming this far from the osmosis of their behaviors.

I had a mild argument with my manager yesterday morning. I dreamt of my past, and woke up to realize how I am currently living the emotional ecosystem which is a frankenstein of my past. I have had small outbursts happen in my alone time when no one is home. These are artifacts of how I handled my emotions. However, I do forsee some emotional purge incoming. I’ve done the Dragon subs.

My goals are achieveable, but will require ruthless time management. So far, I’ve worked out almost everyday. Right now I will do about 2 hours of focused coding. I had doubts about my coding but I just had to re-solve the reasons why I started it in the first place. Getting better at my datasci goals will only get me closer to my ambitions. It will be worth my time to learn the skill.

Learning this will be slow and painful until I build an intuition to it. In martial arts, learning a new move requires repetitions until internalized. Coding is no different.

Well, off to work.

Here is the current schedule:

Day Date Loops
1 2/14/2024 1X QLST1
2 2/15/2024 Rest
3 2/16/2024 1X QLST1 + 1X Index Gate
4 2/17/2024 Rest
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#5

What martial art do you practice?

#6

sent you a dm

#7

2/17/2024

What a couple of days so far. Last night, I laid on the floor during my workout. It felt like all the energy left my body. I just knew then and there this was an emotion bubbling up.

I confronted the main emotion that was blocking my data science goals. It was welled up within my for the past months, since I got serious. I did not have a good couple of years working in IT before, and those old emotions were broadcast over my current goals. twas a rough night. I vented out rage, hatred, frustration, and sadness.

anyways, did nothing today. just took a nap, at some sugary treats…i think it is time to cut the thread with QLST1. I forgot how intense this was. I just don’t have the time for it now. Lost a day and a half. Last year I ran a whole bunch of ST1s: EOG, Dragon, QL, Khan…I think I am good on the ST1 front.

For the sake of not giving up the current structure of habits, I’m going to press forward to the next stage. ST2.

boy, what a fire ST1 stages are.

The positive note, the datasci tutor was impressed with my progress.

Moving forward, just going to stick to ST4. I ran enough loops last year. Maybe I’ll do a few days of St2 and ST3. I just need to get back to speed at this point.

Cant afford a day off.

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#8

2/18/2024

I laid in my bed last night and practiced the exercise I saw in a Youtube video. To think in complete sentences for 20 minutes. It was very hard. But I stayed at it. Came across a few realizations with the help of the thinking process as well as some Jocko videos.
Today I saw a video of a very successful entrepreneur and gleaned some wisdom off of it.

  1. Re-frame the perception of the problem no matter how bad it is.
  2. Re-solve the fears and doubts to build the mindset of never giving up.

QLST1 pitted me against all the failures of my past. There are alot. They haunt me. QLST1 magnified those emotions for me to see them.

Re-frames:

  1. Any social hiccups or mistakes I’ve done in the past - I was doing my best at the time and was using the information available to me. There are many instances where I improved my behavior as a result. Every social mistake is an opportunity to learn and get better.

  2. Looking at all the mess I have made, unclean room, unshaven, poor grooming, etc - Rather than beating myself up, I have to thank myself profusely. This is an opportunity for me to practice being clean. How is one supposed to practice cleaning if there is nothing dirty to clean? thank god for messy clothes, I can practice folding them.

  3. Feeling hatred, envy, jealousy, sadness, anger - These emotions are opportunities for me to practice gratitude. These feelings exist because I care. I hold the highest values of love, gratitude, freedom. Every moment I feel these, I get to stop and practice gratitude for how far I have come, how hard I’ve worked, and having the awareness to continue.

  4. Re-solving fear and doubt - The future is uncertain. What if this? What if that? I should have, could have and would have. I am focused on getting better by doing the right actions every day to the best of my ability. Resolving these emotions, will build resolve which will add to the “never giving up” mindset. I will keep the intention in mind to do better given the chance, to not hesitate, to attack my problems head on while also having some thought out plan and structure.

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#9

Can you share the video?

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#10

1 hour 20 minutes in. Huberman mentions this.

I scoured my youtube history for the original video and went down a rabbit hole. Originally, it was a clip from Chris Williamson being interviewed by a random podcaster, but for the life of me I cannot find the clip. He mentioned multiple multimillionaires use variations of this meditative practice to think problems through.

@ouroboros I appreciate the question. I spent the past 2 hrs going through videos and discovered Chris Williamson’s content. Solid guy who interviews strong people. Will definitely be exploring his content in the future.

also mentioned here 1 hour 30 minutes in. Karl is doing a lot in life and explains how he manages his time

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#11

2/21/2024

Been up since 4AM. Did not sleep well. Had a reoccuring dream. Definetely from the subs. I had one yesterday night where I coughed up some tumor from my throat. This morning it was me stuck in a subway and falling, running into a subway car from the roof of the car.

I had these similar dreams last year. It has something to do with emotional healing. Will find the post.

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#12

Searched through my older posts. Couldn’t find it or I didn’t want to write about it.

I was weaker back then. Basically, these dreams happen after emotional trauma. Last year I ran multiple Stage 1s from Dragon Reborn, QL, Khan, all kinds of programs. There was a reoccuring theme of me “coughing out” the traumas in forms of tumors, gemstones, hardened items. Also robots running around in my brain killing things.

Going through my past posts, alot of them revolved around sexual, emotional trauma. While I was going through and reliving the past, I did not have the energy or motivation to write about it. Looking back, yea wow I’ve come far.

Was supposed to meet my friend at the gym at 5am today. He was finishing up a project so we will meet tomorrow morning.

The world is only getting better.

I’m going to order some materials to start production on the business side. No idea for marketing or sales yet, but will figure it out.

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#13

2/28/2024

1x loop QL ST4 today

I don’t notice a day’s work go by some days.
5am gym is brutal. The intensity is 2x or 3x my usual calisthenics routine. Took 2 rest days. But will hit abs tonight.

Business actions are getting executed. Production run scheduled either this weekend or next weekend. Need to order more supplies.

For once, I am making progress in data science. However, still not putting in the hours I want.

Been reading “six pillars of self esteem.” This book is solid gold.

Room is a mess. But the mess is less! My new system improvements are being tested and they are passing with flying colors. Usually the room would be waaaay messier.

Also note to self: use less laundry detergent, and sleep on time.

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#14

3/4/2024

Today the path feels hard. My goals feel far away. I am tired.

Drank 1/2 a bottle of wine with some steak on Friday. Poisoned my body.
Repeated it yesterday.

However, meal prep for the next 2 months is done. Just fatigued I guess… Didn’t go to the gym this morning either. Called off yesterday.

Full disclosure, engaged in some porn and masturbation this weekend as well.

Now that I think about it, I felt my ambition drain away today. I stared at my desk at work in a daze.

Running 1 loop QLST4 to get back on track. These are my old behaviors coming back.

Bassy rap music, thinking about what I can be rather than what I need to get done today to actualize my goals. My brain is messed up.

Future me, if you are reading this. I’m at a low point. I still have a nicotine addiction to get rid of in the next few months. I have a business to build. I have a job to quit. I have a competition to win. I have to get stronger man. Being this weak is literally a waste of time. Weak actions breed weak results. I want exceptional results, I’ll have to take actions outside of the norm. Get back on the horse of discipline. Sleep on time. Eat well. Don’t give into easy dopamine impulses. I cannot afford another day of this kind of self-induced weakness.

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#15

3/7/2024

got late to the gym 5:20AM. Worked out like a champ. Shoutout to greg plitt.

Eating breakfast of the champions. Time to crush the day.

Just got back from work. This feels surreal

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#16

3/12/2024

I beat my alarm clock today. alarm was for 4:30am, woke up at 4:04am.

Chest day today.

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#17

3/14/2024

Will run QL ST4 when I get home from work.
Hit the gym 5AM. Solid workout in.
Read 6 pillars book. Epiphanies in the shower.

Epiphany: As I solidify who I am, my beliefs and values, it will reveal the “Why”. When I reveal the “Why”, it clarifies “How” - how will I accomplish the things that are important to me? clarifying the how concretes the “When”, the “Where” and “What” - When will it happen? Where do I need to be? What do I need to do?

Reading a book and showering after is amazing.

I look good today. Time to put a smile on people’s faces.

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#18

3/18/2024

Been weaning off nicotine. Almost at finish line.
All my systems are a mess. Dopamine circuits are adapting to the lack of stimulants.

Today I will focus on just getting my basics handled.
Sleep on time, shower, take care of myself

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#19

3/18/2024

Post #2

Cleaned myself up. I was a smelly mess for the past 3.5 days. Took a sick day from work and just sat in my chair. Slept alot. Sleep cycle is messed up. My brain is grasping for any ping of dopamine. Nicotine really hijacks dopamine. I was on 40-50mg a day for the past year. Cutting that off felt like a part of my soul dying. I think now, I am down to 1-10mg per day.

I will buy some mints to adapt the habit of wanting to have that hit after a meal, during work, etc.

Every other goal for the past 3.5 days have been put on hold. This has taken the most energy out of me and I consider it a high enough priority to take extreme measures.

Nicotine is a stimulant but after prolonged use, it becomes an energy vampire.

Just took a shower, trimmed my beard and hair. I feel and look human again.

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#20

3/20/2024

Felt like a zombie all of yesterday and today.

Observed my emotions. Similar to when I was quitting smoking.

I felt a pit in my heart. The cravings led to me thinking about lost romantic love.
Then it led to my childhood beatings. I felt horror. Below the horror was pure sadness.
I don’t know how long this sadness has been lying around but it is there. A deep sadness from childhood. I’ve visualized myself hugging that little sad child. It is all I can do.
It is ok little buddy you didn’t deserve any of that.

Other than that, the work kept me focused on something.
Rest of my life is in shambles. Haven’t worked out or gone to class. Just been a zombie.

Future me, remember this is for the greater good. Quitting nicotine will get me back an extra 30% more energy through my day. I’ll need this energy to win the competition.

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