After a bit of introspection, This realization was certainly because of HeO. But i think it only appears when i run it for 15m, i had something similar happening too when i ran HeO for that long around a month ago.
learning about vipassana also plays a big part in it. HeO brings a deeper level of understanding based on that.
As i look deeper into how i respond to emotions, 1 thing stands out:
I tend to latch onto a feeling in the hope of making it go away, which ironically only makes it stick even more.
Emotions come and go, if i want to be able to control my emotions better, i should let go of the desire to control.
Once i became aware of it, i notice that my mind is actually really good at letting go of emotions, all i have to do is not latch onto it, don’t try to “solve” it. just observe.
On a book on orthodox Christian meditation I once read the advice to watch feelings like you would watch a sailing ship on a river.
You see it coming, see it right in front of you, big and bold, and you see it vanishing on the horizon.
As you said, just observe. No assessment, no judgement. See the color of the sails, the number of sailors on deck, how deep the keel is in the water. But don’t judge.
One of my mentors always says, that if you notice an unpleasant feeling, just think “Interesting” and observe. Helped quite a lot.
That’s a really good analogy to explain the process. It’s really spot on with how it seems when i observe my feelings.
I’ll bookmark it 
Putting observation into practice is quite challenging.
Sometimes i don’t know the right approach or what’s considered an observation.
But i believe I can find the ways even if it’s done slowly and sluggishly. Keep an open mind and let go.
On another note, i may add Mogul to my stack. HeO alone makes me really productive, but I miss mogul’s unique focus on productivity.
HeO’s productivity is more spread out, with a lot more emphasis on learning for mastery.
Mogul’s is more straight forward. “just do it every day for hours on end” kind of productivity.
Well, that’s one reason, but truthfully speaking, reading others testimonies on LE & Exec makes me want to experience it too. Mogul gives me exactly that.
And to be even more honest, i want to try the NWE on Mogul too, lol.
Solo-ing HeO for 15m feels lighter than i expected. There’s no reason not to add another sub on top of it. Ultimately, I’ll listen to my intuition.
HeO strengthens my intuition a lot.
It feels like i just know what to do and what not.
I need to train myself to listen to it more.
It’s so strong that there’s never a reason not to.
i don’t know which sub(s) caused this,
i’m now not as picky anymore about music.
i can enjoy almost any music that i listen to, even the ones that i really didn’t like in the past.
whichever sub did this, i love it. my suspicion is on LBFH and DRLD.
I decided to microloop WB again after i accidentally did it a week ago.
The recon was not fun, and is still not fun.
But what if it’s fixing something inside of me that I’ve been avoiding all this time? Saint did say that everything in the script is positive and such, so if i’m having such an adverse reaction to it, there might be something that i can get from letting myself reconcile with it.
Besides, i have other reasons to do it too:
2 cycles ago, after running HeO for a few days, my intuition told me to run DRLD even when i was 100% sure i was only gonna run LBFH + HeO for a year. And it was actually a really good decision.
To be totally honest, i’m still skeptical about this decision. What am i going to do with the kind of romance that WB offers anyway? All i do and care about is work. But even with that, i’m sure my intuition this time will lead me somewhere great.
I’m also suspicious about this but it’s an experiment and I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes! HeO and WB have such different goals it’s difficult to reconcile them. Most people don’t report recon on WB so I’m really curious why it was that you got so much. Maybe the HeO / WB interplay?
Have you tried running stark? The language scripting on stark is off the charts and it applies to business as well as personal relationships. I tried a loop after the forum debate, but a lot of my friends IRL run stark and I see it all the time. Seems like it might be more aligned with your goals - and it’s a feel great sub too.
the recon is, to put it simply, really up there. and I only listened to it for around 1 minute.
I’m even hesitating to write this right now. i may have to lower it back down to 30s or less. when i accidentally listened to WB a week ago for not even half a minute, it immediately got me into recon. though it only lasted for half a day which was great.
Yeah, I’m really skeptical about this too. I read Saint’s post that said both of them are like 2 completely different paths. It’s really interesting to see how it will go.
1 theory that I came up with is, I just don’t find value in WB’s goals in my life except for the ones I listed above even when the results are in front of my eyes.
At first, I thought it was just not who I wanted to be or what I wanted to spend my time on. but now that I think about it, it could actually be a recon and I wasn’t aware that it was one. I don’t know and I want to find out.
I was considering it, but i forgot why i didn’t choose it. As you said, it fits my goals best at that time. Well, that’s until HeO came around.
For now, my goals are everything in HeO except for sparring. almost no more, no less. the goals in HeO are so close to who i am and what I want to become that it feels as if I was asking saint & fire directly to make a sub specifically for me.
So every sub other than HeO is just something that’s nice to have. that’s why i haven’t gotten RM:UWX yet even though i have been saying that i want to use it for months now. I’ll only use HeO unless my intuition says otherwise. or if the hype for NFTW gets into me, which will most likely be the case, lol.
First run of mogul for 15m, stacked with 30s of HeO.
It feels different from the previous version of mogul. I can’t really put it into words, more broad? it has a distinct feeling.
There was little to no recon with the old version, I want to test if that’s still the case with gen:mogul.
Well, that was the plan. I realized halfway through that I won’t be able to tell which recon is from mogul and which is from WB anyway.
I will stack HeO + Mogul + WB.
HeO & Mogul(the previous version, at least) give me almost no recon, so they are the best choice to stack with WB.
What i’m afraid of is how much HeO & Mogul make me productive separately on their own. I hope it’s not too much like when i stacked HeO with DRLD.
Taking DRLD off the stack was the right choice. even though i’m not as productive, i feel more balanced. I don’t feel super tired and people don’t say that i look & sound tired anymore. Well, now that mogul is in the stack, let’s see how it goes.
I will still use 17 days instead of 21. Shaving off the last 2 listening days works well for me.
Update 1:
scrap that. i can feel the recon now, it’s definitely not from WB or HeO. i feel unsettled, almost like when i first started DRLD. it’s not that bad though, i don’t feel like I’m being hindered at all.
Update 2:
This feels like an overload on top of recon. I haven’t felt like this ever since i started aggressively doing microloop when i first used HeO.
the recon itself feels tame. if i compare it with the peak of recon from WB, it’s around 10% of it.
I will keep updating this journal a lot to keep a log of the recon and stuff.
Update 3:
I feel happy? it doesn’t feel like something superficial, it feels like it’s coming from inside of me.
It has a hint of abundance, a tiny feeling of freedom, and a funny feeling of fullness in my belly (the feeling is different from being full of food, all i can think about to describe it is “abundance”).
That’s the best i can put the feeling into words.
I originally thought that the feeling was from LBFH, but now that i think about it, maybe it was from the old Mogul instead all along.
I ran the old Mogul for 3-4 cycles, the feeling I’m experiencing now is really similar to it plus a feeling of relief and joy. it feels broader too, i really can’t put this into words. some times i feel like it’s expanding? I’m not sure. really unique.
It’s a bit more intense than the old Mogul.
Update 4:
The recon from Mogul is not here anymore. well, it went away pretty quickly. i will update this journal again if it comes back.
on another note, recon from WB sometimes flares up. it manifests itself as tenseness in my muscles, sudden twitches, and general awkwardness, on top of weird feelings. the most dominant feeling is a deep feeling of loss, followed by fear & anxiety. EDIT: the feelings are both inward and outward. i feel both losing a part of myself and losing others.
it’s not as bad as when i first used WB a few cycles ago. if i compare it to the peak of recon from WB, it’s around 20% now. when i listened to WB 2 days ago, it was around 30%.
why am i getting so much recon with WB even on microloop? i don’t have problems being with women. a lot of my close friends are women. is it the archetype? It’s the only probable cause i can think of. I resonate a ton with HeO, so maybe WB is too far away from it. that’s my theory, but is it really that far apart to the point where the recon is that strong?
I’m not just following my intuition to play WB anymore, i want to find out why it gives me recon. maybe I’ll uncover something valuable that I’m not aware of.
Did you ever notice nice guy symptoms? Or were you ever attracted to one of your close female friends?
Most of my life it was the same for me. I was a picture book Mr. Nice Guy. Best friend to tons of females. But not a chance to be considered as more, even if I came to be the last male on earth.
I’m not projecting this on you, my friend. That’s only what I experienced and remebered about my history when I read this paragraph.
And it would explain the recon feom WB
But it could also be a clash of objectives feom HeO and WB. Being the morally superior samurai who gathers one or two harems just by being present doesn’t sound to congruent.
I was writing a reply to this, basically ensuring that i’m not.
But what if i am?
What if deep inside, i actually have those problems? I genuinely believe that I don’t, but I don’t want to dismiss the possibility. You might be onto something.
That’s fine, It’s a good argument to make.
This may play a part in it, but there was recon too even before i used HeO. So i doubt that’s the main cause.
Maybe i should run one of the revelation subs to unfold and reveal the reasons, lol.
With my personal history of development, I realized that I used to tell me stories about why I act like I act, why I do what I do. Explaining my challenges away. Yeah, for others this behavior wouldn’t be advisable, but with my circumstances and my attitude it’s totally OK.
When later, after healing, I realized that I sold myself a real bullshit story so I wouldn’t need to change.
And again, I don’t want to project anything on you. Just a little hint on how clever our subconsciousness is working.
Hmm… let me reflect on that.
I do this, and i do it even more after i started journaling for subs here.
I’ll read my journal again to find clues.
As in making excuses to not confront my challenges? Interesting. I’ll reflect on this.
I think a part of it was revealed when i used LBFH. I used to think that being attached to other people is bad, which it can be. But LBFH taught me that healthy attachments can help & boost my growth. So that was 1 bullshit story melted away. It was my blind spot.
I need to reflect a lot on this. What other blind spots that i have and such.
Yeah, don’t worry about it, i don’t mind it at all. I think they are pretty useful.
Deleted that, it’s too personal.
Long story short, running WB was the right choice. It helped me connect dots that i wasn’t aware of.
This is the best explanation I’ve read about the foundation of taking action with subs.
I decided to keep WB in my stack until I get no recon anymore from it, no matter if it takes a month or a year. I’m sure there’s something to be gained by reconciling and making peace with it.
i plan the schedule to be like this:
1 HeO 30s Mogul 30s. microloop every time i start a new cycle. right before i sleep.
2 Rest
3 WB AC
4 Rest
5 HeO Mogul
6 Rest
7 HeO Mogul
8 Rest
9 WB AC
10 Rest
11 HeO Mogul
12 Rest
13 HeO Mogul
14 Rest
15 HeO 15m Mogul 15m. full loop at the end of the cycle.
16 Rest
17 WB 15m AC. right after i wake up.
18 Rest
19 Rest
20 Rest
21 Rest
I will swap Mogul to RM:UWX after 2 or 3 cycles.
I will take more rest days if my intuition tells me to do so.
HeO & WB will stay for a long time. so my stack only has 1 free slot left.
Because of that, I will stop coming to the forum until then to keep myself from sub switching.
It seems quite extreme, but I know for a fact that when the upgrade for LBFH drops, WB will be first on the chopping block to get swapped if I don’t control myself, rofl.
see you guys later!
Take all the time you need. I really liked reading your journal. I’ll miss it.
I… come back much sooner than i expected…
I played WB again and there’s almost 0 recon.
If the peak of recon from WB is 100%, then the recon now is not even 1%. Unlike the last cycle where i said there was “no recon”, there is actually no recon now. The difference is clear.
Not only is the recon gone, but WB’s effects, which originally only felt like they were seeping in through a crack, now feels like they are flowing more freely.
–
I did a lot of inner works and pondered deeply on what @Parsifal & @Skadoosh posted and said to me. Those directly & indirectly give me clues on where to work on myself.
After discovering more about myself & my sexuality, i feel more calm & confident. It’s like i found another depth that i didn’t know existed.
I am having a big shift in how i think, feel, and approach life. I don’t know how to really describe it, it’s like i found another layer of vipassana that i can apply to my life. I can observe & respond better to my thoughts, feelings, and body.
–
The changes are second only to when i was actively using LBFH. Yes, It’s that huge. I’m glad i picked WB even though i have HeO in the stack. I knew my intuition were onto something. HeO is enhancing it really well.
As for the subs’ influence on the healing, i wonder if NWE in mogul helped me with this. I noticed a big shift in how i think, notably how much i go “i can learn from this” or “this is useful to help me grow” and more when i face myself and outside circumstances.
I didn’t have this thinking pattern being this intense before. I don’t know if it’s because of the new Mogul or because i started to listen to only 15m of HeO instead of microlooping it. Maybe their effects combined together and resulted in that?
–
I’m not gonna think too hard about it. if it works, it works. That makes me reluctant to swap Mogul out for RM:UWX though, that’s unless HeO is upgraded with the N*E scripting sooner than it.
Knowing that the new scripting might have had a hand in helping me with this whole thing, WB’s position in my stack is more precarious when LBFH’s upgrade comes out.
That’s why I will go back on hiatus until i’m completely sure that WB doesn’t give me a big recon anymore. I think writing all of this now is a bit hasty, but I just feel it’s only right that i give an update for now.