Cycle 13 day 2
Rest
the word scrambling effect from RM:UWX is back. I need to find a firm ground for my writing style again.
This is the one big lesson i learned from WB + HeO:
If i want to control my emotions, i need to let go of the desire to crave control over it.
The stack didn’t just make me understand this lesson logically, but it helped me go deeper into it. It gave me experiences that i could gather insights from, which then i could apply and experiment with. NSE for learning is scarily effective.
I’m not running WB anymore, but I’m substituting it with meditation. WB taught me more about meditation than any other subs I’ve used before i tried SC. now I’m getting closer to the emotional control effect from WB + HeO using meditation.
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Cycle 13 day 3
HeO 8s + 6m27s RM:UWX 50s -3s
the audio got fucked again near the end of RM:UWX. i was supposed to listen to 40s today, but i let it play to 50s just to be sure.
then i played HeO for 8s, audio fucked, restarted my pc, then listened to 6m27s.
maybe I’ll get a cheaper pc for non work related stuff so i can listen to subs uninterrupted by whatever is going on with my main pc. maybe a phone is also enough.
The effect from RM:UWX that makes me reconnect with my past is back again. I have only used it for 20s & 50s this cycle.
We reconnect with our past every day, but the effect from RM:UWX is unique. It goes deeper, makes it more often, and it just feels different. Just like the effect of other subs, this effect uniquely feels like a subclub one.
For every effect that i get from subs, there’s always a feeling that i know the general idea of why it is happening. It’s hard to describe but you guys know what i mean.
With this nostalgia effect from RM:UWX, i don’t really know why this is happening, but i feel like i know exactly why deep down. It feels like something that comes from inside, not an outside interference.
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Earlier in the journal, i guessed it’s because of the emotional healing effect through writing & the closer connections between the conscious & subconscious mind.
Maybe it’s also because i stacked it with LBFH & HeO?
I can’t seem to find clarity on why this is happening. I said that i was just gonna go with the flow and not think too much about it, but it’s hard to do with the manifestation being this strong & frequent.
I won’t say that this is a recon, but it’s just a bit overwhelming.
Mmm… After i wrote everything above, i realized that i was going through small shock therapies everytime i went through those connections with the past. Maybe they are making me more resilient & ready to face life.
But why is that effect from RM:UWX? Is it a roundabout way to get me to write all of these to help me heal using writing? If yes then it’s working, rofl.
That’s one hell of a way to heal. I should have listened to my intuition when it screamed & whined to me to stack RM:UWX with DRLD. It has the scripting to find clarity and break limits that hold back that process.
Maybe sub hopping isn’t that bad after all if my intuition is the one that dictates me to do so.
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Should i finally listen to my intuition and swap HeO or LBFH to DRLD?
I don’t want to do it, just like how I didn’t want to stack WB with HeO. But listening to my intuition and stacking them anyway has proved to be the best decision.
But switching subs is exhausting. Even without recon, the massive changes in my life that swapping 1 sub can bring is enough to take a lot of my energy.
Well, i said to myself that i’m going to stick with this stack for a year unless there’s a new HERO title, so that’s what’s gonna happen. No sub hopping.
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my intuition saved me once again. HeO rocks
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I need to keep that in my offline journal
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Everything happens for a reason. and it’s our responsibility to learn and grow from that experience. NSE is wild.
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Cycle 13 day 5
HeO 6m40s RM:UWX 1m20s AC 2m40s
The flashbacks from RM:UWX are not that jarring anymore. Finding more clarity really helps with accepting what’s happening.
The lesson that i learned from getting hit by intense recon from WB still holds true. When in recon, find clarity and certainty.
8 minutes after i wrote that and i was hit by an old memory that happened years the past.
It’s like the repressed and old memories are surfacing up again. The manifestations also help with this process. I’m starting to understand more about why this effect is happening.
To be honest, a part of me still feel like it’s a bit weird that a nostalgia effect this strong comes from a sub about developing writing skill. But i also understand what caused this and what it’s for.
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I guess being in constant nostalgia is a part of the flavor of RM:UWX. It’s like LBFH, but instead of love, it’s nostalgia.
Writing all of these made me realize that i never really applied what i learned from vipassana to what i feel when i’m in nostalgia. I need to just observe and reduce the need to crave/avoid these feelings. I’ll try it.
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I like doing experiments by nature, but RM:UWX takes it a step further. it shows me what else i can dive into, what self imposed limits I set for myself, etc.
This feels like the NSE in LBFH is affecting RM:UWX. I can’t wait for when RM:UWX has its own NLE later.
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*literally anything happening in life
my brain after NSE: i need this. i can use this to fuel my growth.
Cycle 13 day 6
Rest AC 10s-20s
I GOT AC MIXED UP IN MY OLD MUSIC PLAYLIST
And i just played AC yesterday
Well… I’m fucked.
On another note
The dreams about “death” are gone. I haven’t had them in weeks. I guess either WB’s effects on my dreams have worn out or i have reconciled with it.
EDIT: ^ I decided to delete that too, RM:UWX makes me want to say stuff that should just stay in my offline journal
I don’t know what, but RM:UWX is doing so much to heal and make me break my limits more than even DRLD. Imagine if i stack them together.
Now that i think about it, subs that are not already aligned with me like HeO and Mogul are giving me a lot of healing. Imagine if i use a healing title that’s not aligned yet with who i am. How much more will the healing be?
I closed my eyes a bit to sleep, then i got a visualization about a bakery, and there was a side of the bakery where my favorite cake was always located.
I have never gone to this place. But the sense of nostalgia was really strong. It’s like i was in someone’s life before. It felt like it was my usual routine to pick a cake from there.
I write this here because the feeling of nostalgia was similar to how i feel with RM:UWX. I don’t even know if this detail is important or not, but i’m intrigued. How come a strong feeling of nostalgia and familiarity just came out of nowhere like that.
I decided to replace AC with DRLD, microlooped really hard.
The schedule:
1 HeO + RM:UWX
2 Rest
3 LBFH + RM:UWX
4 Rest
5 HeO + DRLD (used to be HeO + RM:UWX + AC)
6 Rest
7 LBFH + RM:UWX
8 Rest
9 HeO + RM:UWX
10-13 Rest
14 LBFH + RM:UWX
15 Rest
16 HeO + RM:UWX
17 Rest
18 LBFH + DRLD
19 Rest
20 HeO + RM:UWX
21 Rest
22 LBFH + RM:UWX
23-26 Rest
I’m gonna start the microloop from 5s, then keep adding +5s every time i listen to DRLD until i hit 30s or i get overloaded. Then i will switch back to AC.
Why? Accidentally running AC yesterday made me realize that I get overloaded by AC when i use it normally anyway, I might as well try this one.
I have used DRLD for 4 cycles and i have experimented with this concept using 30s of mogul three times a cycle with good results in a stack of 2. So this is not a completely new sub & a new experiment.
I also need to lower the listening days for RM:UWX until i can integrate better with the effects. This is a good excuse to do so.
Ultimately, my intuition has been screaming since the last cycle to add DRLD to the stack. I don’t want to do this. 3 stack is already a lot. But i’ll try to compromise and see how this goes.
A wild theory
Maybe my subconscious manifested the accident with AC yesterday to get me to think about doing this.
Cycle 13 day 7
LBFH 15m RM:UWX 1m40s
6m40s of LBFH then i blasted music really loud that i couldn’t hear the sub anymore. I have been experimenting with this method for around 6 cycles. I don’t think it does much to make the sub weaker.
I have been training this mindset for years. My goals to do it are:
- To open up more & deeper perspectives so i can develop my creativity better. This is useful for my work.
- To survive & thrive in the globalized world. Not being open minded is limiting yourself.
- Several other self improvement reasons.
It was hard to start with. your ego, pain, hatred, etc will constantly get in the way. But as time goes on, it will get easier.
From the farthest left to the farthest right to the farthest center. Try to look, feel, learn, understand, empathize, humanize every angle.
The karens, abusive people, office workers, religious people, farmers, anyone you can think of. Do whatever you can to genuinely understand their views, their lives, their positions.
It’s never simple. No one’s life is simple.
Go even further, look back to the people hundreds, thousands of years ago with vastly different views of the world. Don’t dismiss their views just because they are not modern.
Take it even further. Animals, plants, whatever you can think of.
Be genuinely open minded. Both intellectually and emotionally. It is a hard journey that will test your very being. Be wise & use your own judgment to choose what you want to do with the information you gained. Sometimes the barrier to getting more knowledge is yourself.