Ultima - is this thing on?


#1

I listened to two loops around 4:10 this morning. I played it alongside a Spotify playlist from the same device.

My new amp won’t arrive till tomorrow so I ended up plugging my headphones into my Onkyo receiver attached to my tv. Airplayed to the Apple TV. I believe this is lossless so not a big deal. The cord was long enough to chill on the couch.

Air playing while browsing is hit and miss because the tv likes to choose random ads to play but it was mostly uneventful except for one time during the second loop where it cut out around 33 mins and restarted itself. Right around this time when it was actively playing I had a slight pain in my right temple area. Then it threatened to cut again so I went to Audio Share to see what time it was at so I could restart.

  1. It didn’t stop
  2. The exact time I hit the screen was 00:44:44 in.

Did my reiki meditation afterward and got ready to go pick up some ingredients for the refried beans I wanted to make today.

It’s a bit after 7am so not many people out. I get to the grocery just as an older woman with a walker is heading in so I defer to her. She takes her sweet time picking a basket to put in her walker and turns the one she discarded sideways in the last. I’m normally patient but there was no usual internal irritation as I waited. I decide against getting a basket since I wasn’t going for much.

She heads towards the onions that I wanted so I pick up fresh herbs and some garlic. Circle back and get one Vidalia onion. The other type I like are kinda icky looking. Walk to the aisle with the arrows pointing the way I want to go and decide to pick up another hand soap for the kitchen. I stop on one scent but out of the corner of my eye see another I think I’ll like from a brand I don’t normally use for cleaning (stonewall, they also make batters and salad dressing /marinade)

Anyhoo as I head back to the dairy section I wonder if they got in the oat milk I like. When I arrive it’s there and when I pick it up it’s the only one left. The expiration date is far enough away that it’s a no brainer. I drop the herbs on the floor as I try to rejuggle them and the onions/garlic and was thinking “I knew that was going to happen.” Mentally run through what’s in the other aisles and end up finding my semi fav tortilla chips so I can make nachos tomorrow as my one meal.

Head out and right before I turn to go on my block I see people walking in the opposite direction with coffee. I remember I wanted something from Starbucks (hadn’t been in ages before I dropped off my laundry earlier this week) so I pause and see if their hours were later for covid (they weren’t). While I’m there someone who opens up for the bed bath and beyond nearby is getting her morning coffee so I realize their hours are back to semi normal too.

Speaking of laundry. I’d told them I would pick it up yesterday and I normally come out with a granny cart so I’m not lugging too many things. Again, I didn’t know if they were open today but I said fuck it and peeked in. My laundry bag was waiting for me with one other (the rest of the ship was empty which is unusual).

So now I’m super happy with myself and lug everything home.

I hand wash the stuff I was wearing and do my morning routine. Start cooking and decide to finally get to rearranging the metro shelves I have outside my tiny kitchen that hold all the non perishable foods I have. End up adding too much bean liquid but decide I’ll just cook them down till they’re back at the right consistency and that they won’t burn (I do, they don’t)

Results?
It seems uneventful but I normally would’ve just noped myself out of everything past the grocery store outside and would’ve just made the beans (and probably got distracted and let them scorch on the bottom if I wasn’t close by to the kitchen )

As I ate my breakfast I got full rather quickly but I could maybe chalk that up to the frap I got this morning. (I am trying to do intermittent fasting but fell off the wagon for a couple of weeks).

I felt like I got an intense surge of energy (again maybe coffee I don’t drink it much at all) and everything is super bright and in focus like I upped the sharpness in Lightroom.

I had so much energy I felt like I had to ground myself it was getting a bit overwhelming and the high pitched ringing I normally hear when that happens was intense.

My right foot was especially sensitive and started tingling which hasn’t happened before so yay I guess.

Too soon to tell for anything else. I also just feel a bit of euphoria which is like the opposite of my normal state.


#2

That’s fast…


#3

It’s why I notice it. I’m normally coasting on calm with more than a thread of melancholy and ennui. It’s like overenergetic energy with an edge just shy of harsh + the happiness.

And normally if I felt this on edge I’d be worried I was dying :sweat_smile:


#4

I was insanely productive today. Did a lot of things I’d been saying I was gonna do for ages:

  • Repotted a plant
  • Deep cleaned my bathroom floor
  • Chucked out bags I was saving for no reason
  • Same with some kitchen containers
  • Hung a picture that I’d ordered from Etsy. This morning I was wondering when it was going to show up and when I checked my mail later it was there (3 hours after I’d been outside)
  • Lugged an exercise machine out of the living room to make room for the new thing I bought coming on Tuesday (and to ease the replacement of the rug it was chilling on next week).

Thought I had missed most of a zoom meeting with all this newfound productivity, but it got moved to an hour from when I rushed to get to it.


#5

Welcome to Ultima. :wink:


#6

So today was different.

Listened to B at about the same time as I did A yesterday. Didn’t sleep as much before. I am exhausted tired and had to take a nap. No super euphoria, but a general sense of serenity.

I got what I wanted to do today done but no crazy drive to do it all like yesterday.

My mediation felt different. Instead of the normal tingling / goosebumps I just got super warm. In the middle of third eye tings I did feel a jolt of something I had to talk myself out of being concerned by. I also left my crystal bracelets hanging in the bathroom since my shower and subsequent scrubbing of a pan using barkeepers friend. I didn’t want to interrupt my vibe to go get them so I just envisioned them hanging on the hook I left them on then felt the weight of them on my wrists (sensation only).

I kinda still wanna nap. I normally do when riding the crimson tide, so not sure If normal tired or sub tired. My cramps aren’t as bad. Gonna brew some tea.

My arm is sore from when I moved things then decided to lift a kettlebell with one arm that I should have used two.

Finding I have to unclench my jaw more today ( I wear a night guard for clenching anyway) and relax my tongue from the roof of my mouth.


#7

Went to make tea and realized the top to the canteen I normally put it in was nowhere to be found. In my euphoric haste yesterday I must’ve thrown it out with other things in my hands instead of it making it safely to the sink. Put on some nitrile gloves and lift a layer of onion peels and there it is in my trash bin. Just lucky I followed through with the tea and I didn’t take the trash down yesterday.


#8

My Dreams were crazy symbolic in a more “hit a 5 year old over the head with the symbolism style.”

I just wrote down snippets each time I woke because I’m still exhausted.

Seem to wake up at “just the right,” time whether it’s to finish up my stamina in a mobile game before rollover or right before my tea got too cold to drink.

Last night I woke up to what I thought was my bell. Checked on my delivery and it said it was “handed over to a resident.” Amazon used laser ship for the Sunday delivery and they’re normally a hot mess. I go to their website and it gives me more info handed to “doorman (Joel).” well shit.

First of all, my building doesn’t have a doorman, but there are a couple nearby that sometimes got the wrong packages pre covid (a Christmas mangalitsa ham comes to mind). Second of all, I haven’t had a mis-delivered package in ages (except for this one box of treats that someone in my building probably bounced off with that I got redelivered). Other people have left passive aggressive notes about their packages being gone, but I’ve been lucky that the mail people leave the smallest ones near my door after knocking (mostly). I

So I’m like ok, bet, and get dressed +masked. Go to the one that my package was dropped off to last time and they have no record (his name isn’t Joel either). Wearing a mask and sitting behind a desk.

Check the one across the way from me and no dice. This person is also not wearing a mask but asked to see my phone screen so I’m holding it out like my arm is a 10 ft pole then quickly walk back to my bldg. There are way too many other possibilities if it isn’t on my block and it’s their responsibility to remedy anyway.

have to go through contact us and chat to get to a bot that says the delivery might have been prematurely updated and if I don’t get it by tonight to contact them for a refund. Meh

Saw some old dude sipping a to-go cup from my local bar and quickly said nah to even the slightest idea of going to check it out. I do miss chatting with some of the bartenders (I do not miss the patrons). Have only seen one when getting laundry.

So glad I didn’t wait for the “perfect” set of equipment before listening. My Onkyo is like a big dinosaur amp anyway. Also was not particularly irritated or snippy just like “you went all the way out after a downpour for what?”

Started today’s listen about 40 min later than my previous ones.


#9

Today didn’t feel quite the same overwhelming energy as Saturday, but I did still feel lighthearted (as much as one can be now). Laughed off some things that would have irritated me for a while.

Almost missed doing something for a big monthly email today, but got it out of the way quickly. My boss gave me kudos when I showed him as an FYI. My skip level had asked me something on Friday when I was off and, since I actually checked my email Saturday, I was able to field it so work is peachy for me.

Trying to let my friend vent while also working behind the scenes to get her more leadership support so she doesn’t get burnt out from her teams. Hopefully that goes well.

Packages today came to my door. I went downstairs just to check if more than usps had come and it hadn’t, but did get a chance to close the door to the garbage room of the building bc that smells gross by the end of the weekend with everyone’s mess.

My missing package yesterday requires me to wait till tomorrow to contact amazon again because the carrier has to investigate how they messed up. Still fine with my current setup but I can’t move out of my living room till the sub is over without pausing.


#10

Wired. Last time I powered through with all the busyness until I was tired. Didn’t do that because of work so my brain is tired but my body’s like gooooo. fuck you, body, I want to nap. Gonna meditate and see.


#11

That escalated quickly…


#12

Not really. I curse quite a bit and value my sleep :laughing:

———

Dreams, when they came, were fragmented.

Was on a flight then handed some sort of caramelized treat.

Walked down a corridor to follow someone then ended up at a festival watching two friends who have never met sit next to each other like besties. They’re also polar opposites personality /lifestyle wise but neither is the most extreme in my life of either end.

One had a grey t-shirt that the other bought but I forgot the words on it by the time I woke up. They both mentioned the glasses of my best friend from elementary school. And I’m like what’s so important about her and her glasses?

She’s a teacher down south. We parted / stopped talking when we went to different high schools. Our circumstances definitely became quite different after that fork. (Think gossip girl high school vs normal all girl’s catholic school in the burbs.)

High pitched ear ringing ebbed and flowed being the strongest yesterday afternoon. Was present each time I woke up as well. I kept seeing grid lines on my ceiling like a 3D render mesh throughout the night when I woke up and sometimes if I just closed and opened my eyes. They always lay the exact same direction.

The wreath on my wall above a painting made the combination look like a crying pigpen in the dim twilight after the dream below.

Last dream before I gave up on sleep began with me in a place I normally don’t like being from childhood. My mom was there, maybe my father and definitely my cat who passed earlier this year. His fur had fallen off his arm and one leg and the limb underneath was so slight. He was still affectionate but curled in my mom’s nightstand drawer with food nearby that he wasn’t eating. I had to inject him (I’d had to do this irl but he never got sooooo tiny like he was in the dream) he was silently meowing for me so I went over to pet him.

I wasn’t upset by any of the circumstances besides my cat being so frail. I also was aware that everyone in the room had passed besides me which happens sometimes. It used to creep me out a whole lot more.

Dream shifts to some sort of romantic weirdness in a different setting that I’m not feeling and I wake up.

Currently listening to first loop of B for the day. Still productively puttering about which is normal, but there’s no undertone of annoyance or burden.


#13

Remind me, have you used Mind’s Eye before?


#14

Nope, never.


#15

Yesterday was day 2 of Bx2

My mood was lighter, calm as usual but no negative undercurrent.

They had to refund my package and I was a bit frustrated with the chat rep this time because it was like the conversations I had with reps yesterday disappeared into ether. I do hate rehashing something I’ve already said. Now that I know that my setup is ok for wfh and that people are feeling it with Bluetooth headsets maybe I just don’t need the amp right now.

I slept a lot, for me. Anything over 5 hours is more than my normal. Didn’t want to do my mobile game dailies. It’s that sunk cost of being top in server or in a top guild and wanting to keep virtual status but it’s all a bunch of pixels and money down the drain at this point.

Grid still showing when I wake, more faint. I was in twilight half awake half asleep and it “looked” like someone petite in workout clothes was browsing a table in my room. Right before I fully woke up I said in my head “who the f are you?” twice which she parroted back twice almost at the same time I “spoke”. The second time she’d blinked closer to my bed so that was slightly unnerving. Maybe it was supposed to be “me” but I’m not that short. She had a sick bun at the top of her head though.

Dreams had speed walking through churches, telling someone’s apartment location by the street sign out their window, a committee meeting where I had to step up and take point because the other person who was on the same task was zooming in from Ireland and couldn’t give a crap about the work anymore, and a casino / event space. There was a rigged slot machine and the World Cup was playing.

Time to start A again. My new workout system arrived plus a new recovery roller so hopefully I get motivated to use both.


#16

Serious headache now. It’s rainy today and my desk is front of the AC.

Had to lead some things for my boss so less downtime. Chose something I wanted to do personally over a committee meeting. Declined to play a part in the event beyond attending though. Felt ok.

Fitting in action between meetings. Itchy to tackle this closet with boxes I’ve been ignoring.

Meditation has more moments of being in a zone. Like that moment when all you can feel is your breathing and even your heartbeat fades into the distance. The disconnect still unnerves me. I work on surrendering to the sensation.


#17

Take a rest day from Ultima if you need it. A number of testers are reporting feeling burned out, which makes me believe the script is doing its job TOO well.


#18

Time to test a main title with it :slight_smile:


#19

who says this is not a main title? :wink:


#20

Can’t wait to find out what its job is supposed to be. I think I’m fine continuing. Just tired.