I just realized something. I’m not resentful anymore about having to leave my previous city when I did.
Was resentful for the longest time because if wife had gotten a job there when I said I needed help bringing in money, we might not have had to move.
But I’m not anymore. My brain just reframed.
Wouldn’t likely have met Cart Girl if I didn’t move to where I am now.
RoW is the only recent change.
I’ve been mentally reciting the Striker’s Oath the past few days.
The more I ponder it and let it wash through me, the more miserable I am. Because in a big way, I’m living in a way that’s out of alignment with my values and desires.
I’m not at the point yet where I can bring myself to assert control over that.
Because of looking like “the asshole” which I know is just acting in a way to “protect” someone else’s feelings.
I’ll get there.
Yes you will get there 
I realize the mistake in my thinking. I’ve been thinking that I’ll love my life more (and have more options) if I build something.
But building something great comes FROM one’s love of life. Not before.
I got out of a very similar situation a while ago, by starting to build a life that I can love more.
Now everything seems to be simply flowing.
I’m trying to read the copy for the new EoG, but just can’t get into it.
Not the copy itself, just the entire idea of subs right now isn’t doing anything for me. Time for a break I guess lol.
The more I ponder the ideas about needing to be more honest about my life, the more I find myself feeling ugh. Def don’t feel like a powerhouse at the moment.
I’ll read the copy more tomorrow. Just need a break for tonight.
What is your life, other than the manifestation of your inner world?
@JAnon recommended a book called “Learning to Love yourself” and it’s been hitting deep. Using one technique the author described in passing almost made me cry.
I have this deep feeling, this deep certainty that this will change everything. Like the holy Grail I am striving for. Learning to love myself no matter what.
I’m tired? So I’m loving myself for being tired.
I feel powerless? So I love myself for feeling powerless.
I hate myself? So I love myself for hating myself.
And I guess once I love myself more than I do now, this change will manifest itself in my reality.
I’m glad you got to the part of the book with the method for practicing this.
Take it easy on yourself.
For me, I found that a lot of my default mode of ‘self-improvement’ involves a lot of self-criticism, being a task master to myself etc. And while that may have its place, when it is the dominant modus operandi, it results in misery and self-hate and never quite ‘making it’ to the other side.
I think this application of love will bring a far healthier state of being healed, whole and capable of attaining our desires.
I’m practicing this alongside listening to Ascension and Sanguine: the Elixir. I’d consider Love Bomb some time in the future. But StE adds this nice layer of finding ways to transmute all this heavy internal work back into peace, balance and positivity. Feeling good is something I’d underestimated before in my personal journey lol.
I actually feel better somewhat. I watched some Courtney Ryan vids on YouTube. Haven’t watched her stuff in a while. Her voice calms me lol.
Could this be Khan TB recon? Never tried it, but IIRC many Khan users reported similar emotional tidings.
Maybe
EoG1-Full
Row-Full
Primal-10 mins
I’ve just ordered a ZP Upgrade of my BILLionaire V3 custom. The one with all EoG cores and R.I.C.H. core
There’s one word in Galt’s speech that sticks out in my mind more than any other in the entire book. Since he uses it a lot. I think Rearden uses it too.
Sanction.
I gave the cute Pakistani girl a ride home after work. Closing shift etc. she asked me if I wanna come inside. Which is weird given she lives with her entire family. But still.
Cute girl inviting me into her place 
. I ran wanted and nectar a few mins before we left the store. Since I was done about 30 mins before she was.
Just being friendly probably. She knows I’m married etc.
Is she cart girl? Or another one?
Another one. Cart Girl is a cute Mexican masterpiece.
Wife sent me something tonight. A meme. Delayed reaction to ED I guess.
sex 3 times in the past 2 days!
2 nights ago, I went down and went to town.
She said later that I was going at it like a kid eating candy.
I was getting into it.
Last night, I got in the mood and just took off my clothes and started kissing her and fucked until I got mine. No words. Didn’t worry about making her “go” first.
Today she said “It’s MY turn now.” lol
Went down again, way better than even 2 nights ago. Then bam.
I told her earlier today about the boner pill prescription I got. She said “THAT’s why it hurt a bit last night.”
She then said “That’s why you’ve been so horny lately.”
I said “That stuff doesn’t make a guy horny. It just makes it easier to do stuff when he gets horny. I’m always just horny as fuck.”
“I know.” lol
