@Trader
It is the case that partners reflect our unhealed issues, in the form of triggers.
If we don’t work on it, then we put on the same crap over and over again.
You can still separate yourself from someone so often and enter into a new relationship, the shit remains the same. (Disputes, no or little sex, violence…)
At the beginning you think, “This is much better than my previous relationship!” Believe me, a little later it may be that the whole vicious circle starts all over again.
Even if there are some now who want to attack me and say that violence never has anything to do with oneself. Let me write the following:
Trigger sexual violence and assault
My mother was permanently abused and raped by my father.
As a child, I was only related to this “love.” A partnership by caring for each other, supporting and lovingly treating each other, I therefore did not know.
So my subconscious mind has saved the following: Sexual assault and violence = love.
So it was obvious that I would have just such a partnership later.
As weird as it may sound, I felt safe, because that was something I saved as love.
I had this relationship for almost 11 years.
It wasn’t until I started dealing with personality development, self-love, healthy relationship, etc. that I realized that what my ex-partner gave me was not love, but abuse. On a physical and emotional level.
So I gathered all my courage and left him. When my sister and her boyfriend picked me up at the time, I was very keen. My ex closed the door and I was so relieved that I started smiling.
When I met my fiancé, I was overwhelmed.
He took care of me, was loving, courteous, absolutely attentive and very understanding.
My subconscious was not at all satisfied and agreed with this, because it knew only physical and psychological violence.
So I had to work on myself so I don’t unintentionally manipulate the relationship. I had to learn and actually feel that a relationship doesn’t mean getting on your face.
That was damn hard and cost us both tremendous nerves. But my fiancé is not a blank slate either. He was also allowed to work on himself.
Btw, no one gets into a relationship without a backpack.
If both parties understand this, work on it and give the other space to heal, something wonderful can arise.
If you’ve had a traumatic past, you can’t always remember everything and you wonder why this is happening to me right now. Our subconscious wants to protect us from this past and therefore it makes us forget many things.
So you consciously don’t always know why you react the way you react.
“We are all traumatized children in adult bodies.”
Only when you start working on yourself can you break these patterns.
It doesn’t matter what you want to heal. So many people are broke because in the family phrases fell like, for example: “Rich people are arrogant! Money stinks! Money doesn’t make you happy!” etc.
That’s why most of them are here. They want to get rid of these strange beliefs with the help of subs.
The same goes for every other area of life. In relationship, you may notice that you are in the shitty relationship of the parents. So you should work on yourself. If the partner is open, then he should work on himself too. Never change your partner, but always yourself.
Either you realize that you can do it after both have worked on themselves or you go your separate ways. (If only one wants to work on themselves and it’s just not sustainable for the relationship anymore or you realize that they both want something different in life).
So I think that a partnership is or should be work, but you should always work on yourself and never want to change your partner. This costs too much energy to heal yourself in such a way that you can lead a life that is yours.
So when you realize that you are being manipulated (only sex to keep someone) you can ask yourself the question, what do I have to change in my life to stop attracting it.
And indeed, I would ask why she is as she is. What was the relationship of the parents, the environment, close relative, trusted ex-partner?
All this shapes one and maybe she wants to have a completely different relationship.
