TOP 500 DPS In Overwatch 2 - GMX + ME + [⥀] TBD + Ascension Chamber

Journals - Major Programs
#121

Day 45 - Rest
No subs today, it’s rest day my guys. :slight_smile:

Anyway, played some Overwatch 2 today, played 6 games and won 3, lost 3.

I am feeling this urge to play other games and switch it up, but I know I’ve done it in the past and I always regret it. Only thing I ever regret is stopping from striving towards goal. I mean it’s fine, you gotta follow your heart I guess, but I see that this is a pattern of “striving and failure” in my history. Because I always regret this, so I am going to stick to it. Stick to this goal for 6 months and see what happens.

Like I always regret not sticking to a journey. And I can see now, the reasons are the next shiny thing, or perhaps I am a variety guy that needs variety. But I want to stick to it, just to see what happens. Because I’ve almost forgotten how good dedication is. Time is your greatest ally if your patient.

:pray:

#122

Day 46 - RoM
Listened to RoM today for 15 minutes. I notice myself noticing stuff more often. I look at things consiously and try to be fully present and take them in. Because unfolding can come from anywhere in reality, and I am opening myself for that this way, I believe…

Lasagna, what can you teach me?
My daughers face, do you have some insights?
The sensations in my body, what are you telling me?

It’s beautiful. I have also started meditating a bit and take moments where I just sit and stare at nothing.

Haven’t gamed anything today, been a busy day. Perhaps I will get in some aim practice and a game or two later. :pray:

I’ve also been reflecting on ways our minds can play games on us, most likely to protect us or this behavior perhaps had a purpose in primal times, and find myself praying that some higher power helps me see these phantoms and dreams if I ever get lost. It’s not easy.

#123

Day 47 - Rest
Today is rest day. I haven’t played OW2 in two days, feels bad man.

I’ve had new years evening with my girlfriend, and then been busy doing daddy stuff. I’ve also felt alot of anxiety.

I feel like I don’t have time to go after my dreams. I feel like I will fail all my goals and dreams. That I will forever be tired and stressed and anxious and still be nowhere near my dreams. I will have baggy eyes and nothing to show for it. Bitterness and resenment will build with age. That I will in my pursuit, fruitless pursuit, not only not get anywhere or get anything, I will also have wasted time on meaningless things, and lost precious time with loved ones, or worse, spend the time with them in a negative bitter moody mood. Creating hell for them. Not being present, being in my head, anxious, stressed and on edge.

I took time to explore these feelings and fears. I know I am just being impatient and in a bad mood. I needed these days to rest, to process these emotions and thoughts. To calm down, calm down my mind, and let the pieces fall into place. Meditate, relax and reflect. It did me good. I feel better now.

I realized I am just being impatient. Forgotting the love for the journey I have. Stressing too much about the destination. Worrying about phantoms. I don’t have endless time, true. I won’t get every result or reach every destination, but the journey is fun, and we get fruits on the way. But I can still take action no matter how small. Life is not about all or nothing thinking. This is a trap I fall into often, and many other traps.

All or nothing is pointless, something or something is more true. But in the end all physical and external fruits are all pointless really. The journey is not. Enjoy the ride bro.

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream

#124

Day 48 - GMX and ME
Listened to GMX and ME for 15 minutes each. Still feeling the residue from last few days and feeling myself clutching to every explanation or hint as to why.

I haven’t played Overwatch 2 today. Having a baby in the house that is in a phase where they wake up every hour or to every sounds also is making it hard to game. Baby is priority of course, but we definitely need to find some place bigger.

Nonetheless, I am in a very contemplative mood and started meditation practice or breathwork to calm down my mind. Also it jells well with RoM.

Lately the interest in Horoscope and RoM perhaps, had me thinking of traits of dabbling and switching things and being obsessed about things. That is my strength, and it also has cons. But I am leaning towards that all strengths have pros and cons, especially in the extremes. I am leaning towards celebrating this, owning it and featuring it and respecting it.
Reapecting as in, find balance as too much, even of a good thing, can cause discord. But I also know I dislike this part and perhaps because when it’s unbalanced it causes issues.

I don’t know. I think if I learn to calm my mind and take care of myself with rest, it will all be fine. But I am also not having the same drive to go for top 500. I also know this is a pattern in my life, and I want to stick to the plan just to see it through, as the rewards take time. Also to see what happens if I stick to a goal for some time and take action everyday no matter how small.

Time to meditate.

Peace

Post-post notes
I feel bad that I don’t have time to game as much and rise in ranks. But I am going to stick to this stack for now. To see how things progress, viewing this life situation as a plateu and not the end. My all or nothing distorted thinking and demons are playing tricks on me.

#125

I would definitely consider adding RoM into the mix

The cognition is unlike anything I’ve felt before, way more refined than QL I think.

Give it a try and see things take a brand new shape in your life :+1:t3:

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#126

Agreed man. I think RoM is bringing these issues up for me to grow from. I am already blessed with RoM in my stack brother. I listen to it. But I also believe I am a bit overwhelmed.

How has RoM blessed you?

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#127

It;s like all the things I used to imagine/dream about I feel I can now bring into reality

All the things I wanted to do and be, is now possible. Also fear seems to be nowhere in sight.

Imagine looking at the road you want to be on but you keep getting turned away from it by stuff (limiting beliefs etc) and now you are just on this open road ready to cruise down it.

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#128

Awesome man, happy for you :grinning:

I wonder if I am seeing these clouds as I am being forced to deal/process them now, so I can see the free roads ahead like you describe? Some people have said RoM has a different form of healing, so it makes me wonder.

Could easily be being underslept and recon as well, time will tell. :handshake:

#129

Day 49 - Rest day
No subs today. Slept better last night and me and my gf came to an agreement about gaming and streaming.

I am a father and in a relationship. We’re a team and it’s important for me that it’s a win/win.

I get 3 guilt free gaming nights minimum a week. On specific days of course. Minimum as in, on certain occasions perhaps more. That’s a good deal because consistency is key in streaming. I gotta stream smart though, so I plan a way to turn or record stuff for YT as well from each stream to increase exposure.

I also have a new idea or concept for YT gaming videos. I might share it later here after a few implementations and iterations.

:pray:

Postpost-notes
I’ve also realized lately it’s pretty hard for me to stick to one game, especially if some other game comes along Inreally wanna try. And this is I guess a weakness and a strength I should not deny this nature. But one things is certain, I always wanna improve and be good at whatever game comes as I am pretty competitive. So I am thinking of changing the course of this journal to, Gaming God & Content Creator. Perhaps more humble, Proficient Gamer & Content Creator. Or perhaps, Insane Gamer & Content Creator.

#130

Day 50 - RoM
Listened to Rom for 5 minutes today to see how I react to microloops (or semi micro?). Also too see if this is easier on my mental. I know saint only listened to a couple minutes for a undisclosed duration of time, so perhaps that’s enough for now.

Can’t believe it’s been 50 days :pray:

Excited to game tonight, more notes later in the post-post.

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#131

Day 51 - Rest
Rest day today.

Yesterday I had a gaming session and I played Escape From Tarkov. Dies a few times, whiffing some shots, this is part of Tarkov, the dying. But I also killed alot of AI and a player and found alot of loot. Money wise and item wise, profit. That’s the way you gotta look at it. If you play to not die, you will waste time. But if you play to win, you will always go profit in the end. That’s my experience of EFT at least. It’s a fun game!

The whole session was fun and I kept commentary during my stream and recorded a bunch of clips for YT videos. Alot of clips actually. I need to learn to discern what is clip worthy and not, because filtering through all of these when video editing is going to take a lot of time. But it’s a process, a learning process to hone your workflow.

I skipped meditation yesterday because I started feeling good, but meditation last few days is a factor that helped feel good, so I would like to keep it up.

🧘‍♂️

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#132

that’s a great idea lol and fuck being humble, you’re the goat lol

“proficient gamer” LMAO!!

i think you mean to say gaming gigachad god

Triple G

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#133

Thanks mate :joy::pray:

Gigachad Gaming Inc.

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#134

Day 52 - GMX & ME
Today I listened to GMX and ME.

I also played Escape From Tarkov and realized a few sticking points ans lessons that I am hopefully intergrating soon. Sometimes you gotta repeat a mistake a few times to learn it and sometimes just the awareness of said mistake, bad habit or sticking point solves it.

I feel fearless playing and know that on path to mastery one can’t be affaid of dying. If you play to win, you might make more mistakea in the beginning but you’ll learn more in my opinion.

Enjoying this cycle so far. I am wondering if I should switch one of the subs for a more streamer beneficial title as the current stack was mainly chosen for gaming mastery. Perhaps I’ll just stick to it for a couple months, because the subs are awesome. The only sub I haven’t been helping in taking action to create pathways is ME. I haven’t done as much visualization exercises as I would have liked to.

Anyway, let’s pray for a specific content creator sub, but it’s very niched so most likely will never happen.

#135

Day 53 - Rest
Wow, it’s still feels surreal I’ve been doing this journal for 53 days, time flies!

Anyway rest today. I’ve noticed I obsess again and try to control my journey more. Speed it up, find more things I can do to speed it up. And to be honest it’s exhausting and hinders success because when the time comes to game, perform and stream I am drained, having spent that energy obsessing about the goal.

Pro athletes work hard, but they also recover hard. It’s important for performance and learning.

So I am trying to let go of obsessive-controlling behaviours and leaning into letting it go. It’s like that book Power VS Force. Where I try to force things. Don’t get me wrong, force is important and sometimes mandatory at times, but it can also be inefficient and waste. It’s like forcing attraction in someone else, you’ll just come of as needy, intense and to be honest not cool and it might hinder that relationship. If you just let go, stay positive, lean into power and trust the process it might go different.

It’s like the analogy of the seed and tomato, and trying everything to speed it up and although you can improve the process long term, short term you just gotta let the nature and life take it’s time.

Listen to the subs, take action, and let it grow. It must, it’s natural.

Post-Post Notes
Been thinking lately of running a pure confidence/status sub and rotate ME or something to deal with general insecurities. But perhaps I’ll just run LBfH again instead. We shall see.

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#136

Day 53 - RoM
Listened to Revelations Of Mind today for 15 minutes. Trying to let things unfold, and be, when I am not actively working on a goal. I can’t spend every waking hour obsessing about my goals and how everything might or might lead to that. You gotta sometimes let things happen, like when you plant a plant, there is a waiting time. Patience my friend! You have planted it, you took action, and now let it grow. Sometimes you need to clean out weeds and bugs and stuff, but you don’t have to stand over the plant every waking hour.

Peace

Post-post notes
Meditation has been nice, giving my thoughts and reactions space, and in some cases silence in that space. It’s not about stopping thoughts or thinking for me, it’s slowing things down a bit so I am not in a state of reaction all the time. So I can see and think clearer. It helps me slow down and be aware a little bit of my thought processes and perhaps helps me find “traps”, negative thinking or cognitive biases. Recently I’ve been doing breathwork type of exercises/meditation. Not everyday, but whenever I have time. Don’t know if these count as meditation, they do help though.

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#137

Day 54 - Rest day
Am hit with something that must be recon. I listened to AscCh for like 2 minutes yesterday and it is so damn powerful man. I am like a lion cub keep trying to mess with the head lion (as you see in nature shows) and the head lion is not down for cuddling or mischief, just slaps the cub away. AscCh slapped me!

(Just some wild metaphors of my experience)

Anyway, the reason I want to be good at games is because I am competitive and love games, but also because my dream is to turn my hobby of videogame streaming and content creation into a job. RoM is helping me to understand myself and why I do things. I still want to maintain being good at games, but aiming to be top 500 in ONE single game is not me. I don’t like or play only ONE game. That goal put me in a box.

I want to keep RoM a while longer as it is truly a revealing sub which I appreciate. I am thinking of going back to StarkQ rotating that in someday. Perhaps switch it with ME to start. Also True Sell and perhaps Inner Circle. This is for my hobby of streaming on Twitch. But yeah, let things unfold. Patience is really not my strong suit. It’s something I struggle with daily and hopefully the awareness will help me figure out how to deal with it, live it or make me better at patience.

RoM might be a sub to rotate in for 2-4 cycles every year to remove layers or distractions and assess where you’re heading etc, to stay on track. It’s a beautiful sub man.

Anyway, rest day. :pray:

Post-Post Notes
Time flies so fast I forgot tomorrow is last sub day and after that the washout starts!

I want to keep RoM as it helps me in realizing and understanding myself and helps be aware my thoughts and behaviors, good and bad.

I also feel I want another run of ME, and I would like to add in some more visualization practices as I’ve been doing near zero visualization on it, just to squeeze the juices out of it. I have seen benefits from it in work and gaming, but there is definitely more to check out.

So I am thinking to do another run of GMX, ME and RoM, meditate more, visualize more and then switch out ME for StarkQ, and once GMX gets upgraded (to perhaps include some of RoM and ME) switch out RoM for Inner Circle or True Sell.

I am planning to come back to RoM a few times a year for clarity and to assess where I am and where I am going.

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#138

Day 55 - GMX and ME
Last day of this cycle and then washout starts :pray:

I think I need to recheck the day count and statistics, because just looking quick I see a day or two with the the wrong number. Opps.

Anyway I’m thinking that I continue with the current stack next and this time try to add more mindfulness, meditations and visualisation exercises. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it could just be taking a moment here or there to sit still and observe. Perhaps before I write a piece of code, close my eyes for a moment, visualise what will come in and come out, input, output and flow.

Then after next cycle, I’m switching ME for Stark and I am unsure for now what I wanna do with RoM. I am going let it unfold.

The reason I am attached to RoM is that it’s an ally that makes me aware more often, makes things a bit clearer and sometimes show me too much at same time and I become overwhelmed. It’s powerful, use with care.

I am even thinking of running EmpB when I plan to run RoM in the future to really sit down, focus and reflect, where am I now where will I go next. It’s seems to me to be perfect to run Nov-Dec, first of all my birthday is there and also you’re about to enter a new year. So it’s a good time to assess where you are etc.

Time to listen to GMX and ME 15 minutes each back to back.

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#139

Day 56 - Washout I
:soap:

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#140

Day 57 - Washout II
Another day another washout. 🥲

Anyway, had a very focused day at work yesterday even though I was sleep deprived. Later in the night I played and streamed Escape From Tarkov, the game that is harder than tax returns! (Joke attemp #1)

I am thinking of switching ME directly to Stark next cycle. I am indecisive and I’ve learned to let it goo and let it emerge because if not I will go into obsessiveness trying to figure it out right now, right away.

Peace

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