Thoughts and Rambles

[jelly]

I read a book I hadn’t read in a while. When I went to sleep, a character from it was there. She’s an oddball in the story, so it makes sense I interpreted her like that here. How odd? She was talking to me about the scripts I was processing. She was acting out parts of the sub’s script, redoing her behavior over and over to optimize it. She was saying a lot of familiar things that I can assume to be part of the script. Even in the dream, I knew I was asleep yet I didn’t even know what was going on. It was a “dream,” yet at the same time 100% real since it was the exact process that was going on, being detailed to me in every step.

Do you know how hard it is to tune out the scripts being directly told to you? At this point my short term memory has to be doing the equivalent of covering its ears and going “lalala i can’t hear you.” The amount of effort that’s going into keeping subliminals subliminal is getting out of hand.

[jelly]

She pulled me down to where Stark Black is processing. It’s something I can intuitively and inherently understand now. Compared to this:

@jelly

I tried doing that with the ZPQ build, and I had a dream that night about being a complete nuisance around a bunch of scientists working on something, with the dream ending with one of them telling me to focus on another task that didn’t quite require the same level of expertise

it’s like I’m considered a different person. There’s something that my subconscious wants me to accept. It’s less about reconciling, and more about accepting a belief on the deepest fiber of my being.

Even though I’m awake, it’s still like I’m asleep. I can go back there. If I want to make it through everything, I have to go back there. Whatever it is I’m accepting, it’s changing who I am on an identity level and involves so many manifestations I’m genuinely not going to be the same person I was when I decided this was what I wanted to do. My other dreams were symbolic, but this moment is just characteristic of RoD. Waking up in the middle of the night for all the unfolding to happen.

The feeling is hard to describe in a way that isn’t rambling gibberish, but I just really want to accept this belief about me. It feels like everything and nothing, comforting yet pushing me even further. Everything I want is behind this feeling, and even when I tried visualization, this was behind the things that I was feeling. I’m becoming more powerful than I am, and my entire mind listens to me.

[Philemon]

Im curious, What was your dream baseline before running RoD and how long did it take to start getting strong dreams?

[jelly]

I had a ton of dreams when I was younger. Maybe a good vivid one every month or two, some I can even remember now. Up before I started using subs here, not many I can recall. Once I started ASBR, I started getting weird symbolic or desire-oriented ones every few months (including one of me reaching into the void and grabbing a manifestation). They weren’t that frequent and I didn’t write down many of them in my journal at the time. I did have two pretty vivid ones during my “washout” (washout from all subs for a few months except Index Gate every now and then). They actually both came in the same week and it struck me as weird. One was desire-oriented again which I noted in my journal that I was surprised about since I wasn’t running any subs related to it. The other had some weird numbers I was seeing and I woke up shivering with the feeling in my ears like I was being submerged.

EDIT: These dreams also came about a week before I became compelled to start using subs regularly again.

Nothing too of note after those (probably just desire and school related ones) until I started doing some energy meditations, that’s when the super vivid ones started. Then, after having one specific one I remembered there was a sub about lucid dreaming, so I bought it. Stopped all energy meditation since I wanted to stop mixing mediums. After that, I started remembering dreams immediately, but they didn’t turn super vivid or lucid until a week or two in. That’s when a similar thing to last night happened, where I couldn’t pinpoint what had happened, just that something had changed. I had more control in my dreams and got really good at adapting to their physics after that. I’d also say it had some impact on my processing but I have zero proof. The dreams had also reached a pretty vivid point and on good nights, I could recall the majority that I’d had.

I stopped RoD around September, but also upgraded ASBR a few weeks later so the vividness went down a little, but was still there for me to recall quite a bit.

After last night, I’m theorizing ASBR and RoD did something together (which they also could’ve done the first time) and some aspect of agency and authority mixed together. Usually when I’m asleep and a strong emotion comes up, I wake up. When I went back to sleep though, I had a dream about someone that usually gets on my nerves and would wake me up. I didn’t this time though, I just straight up ignored them and even started intentionally pissing them off. All the thoughts and observations came through another person though, I only really acted on instinct. No clue what that means for whatever clicked but I’ll keep observing.

Super rambley, but that’s I guess that’s the name of this journal anyway

[jelly]

The life of SubClub users has to look so interesting to people from the outside. You say you want something. Weeks to months later you get that exact thing like it was nothing.

I’m just trying to imagine what certain things I’ve said or done seem like. Hoping my friends won’t think anything too crazy when I talk about wanting to do something and then somehow end up doing it a month later.

I’ve also come to not like consciously trying to manifest anything, since it feels like almost every method just ends up making me more needy to getting it. And the things I really want that I think will be the way I do something end up not being as effective or the best way to do them anyway. Getting this one connection is cool, oh but now I have this one that gets me everything that one did on top of a more favorable situation. Not to say the first one was bad or it isn’t useful for another situation, just that what I originally thought was the end all be all was really just a scratch on the surface of what I could really have. All this to say, I like imagining more end results or feelings rather than any details in between. Even getting caught up in the details of the end goal isn’t too fun, since something different will come down the road anyway. Not to mention that I myself change as a person to the point that the “me” I’m envisioning won’t really exist by that point. It’ll be an even better me. So I guess I like just having a desire and letting reality bend around that, rather than trying to put any conscious effort towards it outside of the daily action I’m able to take.

Things will happen as they happen, all I can do is exist as I am. Not to mention the Stark Black way of doing things lets reality bend itself. No begging, no asking for a chance. It’s not some miracle that comes to you, it’s you that’s being asked to be a part of the natural flows, just because of who you naturally are. A complete role reversal. I think that’s why I don’t like consciously manifesting anymore. Why am I the one putting my energy towards something when reality should be putting its energy towards me?

[Philemon]

@jelly

I think that’s why I don’t like consciously manifesting anymore. Why am I the one putting my energy towards something when reality should be putting its energy towards me?

This goes hard AF.

Its also super valid and the correct attitude. I am taking notes

[jelly]

Lmao the Stark Black scripting has kicked in HARD this month

[jelly]

Results dump:

From a close friend I’ve had for two years. She’s never been the repeating letters type, or even the clingy texter type. There’s also some from a group chat where we just naturally had a banter going and she was using emojis (she’s also barely ever used emojis before this). I don’t really want this friendship to turn romantic but small things like this are fun.

I sat next to this girl in the class and she asked me a question about an exercise I just so happened to be well-versed in, so I spent some time explaining it to her. I’m usually in my head when it comes to academics so it took a little bit of rephrasing, but she was able to understand it in the end.

A friend I spent time with last year just so happened to be in a class with me, completely by chance. Also another subject area I’m well-versed in. It’ll be nice actually being able to take a class with him. Someone sat next to me in that class and immediately introduced himself to me. Nothing beyond pleasantries since the professor walked in a little after, but it was nice learning another person’s name in there. This class revolves around a lot of things I’ve already done in my major and research area compared to a lot of other people, so I ended up answering a lot of the questions that were asked (not in a way though, there are too many of those here already).

Once I walked out, I saw one of the girls from my original WDB report a month ago and we waved at each other.

@jelly

We ended up talking about her childhood and after a certain point she just went “What about you? What are things that make you happy?”
We ran into some others a little after but still somehow ended up in our own separate conversation walking a little ahead of them.

In my next class, I was a little wary since I didn’t know anyone going into it. Maybe 30 seconds after I sit down, this girl asks me if I’m friends with this one girl. Turns out we’re both mutual friends and she asked to sit with me, so I made a class buddy within the first minute. Then an ex-situationship walked past me and we awkwardly waved. Could just be coincidence but I’m excited to see what the semester brings. Another friend I don’t know too well walked in late and we crossed paths on the way out, so I know I at least have people in there.

EDIT: Halfway through class I started thinking about one I really enjoyed last year, just for someone that took the class with me to walk in 10 seconds later.

On my way to my last class of the day I was thinking “okay, that was all great, but no way that kind of thing continues.” I promptly realized I was walking next to my next professor. I worked as a TA for her and the other professor last summer. She didn’t recognize me at first but it was nice talking for a bit. My other professor recognized me immediately and automatically marked me down in attendance, also smiled and waved at me when he noticed me. I originally went to sit in the front of class and walked past someone I had in a group project last year, but am not close with. I then get a text from my friend I haven’t seen in like a year and turn around to find her sitting in the back, so I went and joined her. We both are in the same lab section as well, so we’ll be seeing each other a lot again. I texted my friend about the guy from our group project, once he realized what class I’m in, told me his gf is also there. Same lab section as me and my friend too. Knowing the professors already is nice, I told one I needed to miss a lab day for something, and she reassured me that it’s okay since they already know me and that we can find time to make it up.

Also from last night, I got a free dessert from the bakery/sandwich place I frequent. They had a ton of extras and even wanted me to take more. The workers usually recognize me and do a little catch up every now and then, but this one that offered was new.

Something I’m only just noticing now is that since starting subs here, I almost never have to introduce myself to people in classes. A friend either happens to be unexpectedly taking it or someone new just introduces themselves, which honestly makes life 10x easier. I don’t usually schedule my classes with people in mind, but that part almost always seems to work itself out.

A few days ago my mom also started talking to me about her plans to have multiple streams of income flowing. It was out of nowhere and kind of felt like that result people experience where the sub they run spreads to the people close to them as well. It’s interesting that it just started now though (something related to internalization? not too sure but I don’t mind it now).

There’s another thing related to career things and a text I just got, but I’ll probably wait to report on that in full for a little bit. Let future me who has more perspective do the talking.

[jelly]

Also to get a little esoteric for a moment, are manifestations really “manifestations”?

Fire’s mentioned how something considered a manifestation could just be as simple as learning to hold a fork a certain way, in a way that maybe years later leads some CEO you eat dinner with to feel some kind of rapport with you and want to mentor you. In the same vein, I doubt that me thinking about the class I took last year “caused” my former classmate to walk in. Rather, I think that what we think of as manifestations are really us tuning into some invisible current.

Take the coincidence of me having so many friends in my classes despite not having talked about it with them at all. Did me signing up for the class during registration somehow “cause” them to also sign up? I don’t think so. Taking a class requires the balancing of so many factors, the input of multiple people, and just the luck to get into a specific section. I think what ZP (or just reality in general) does is “tune” you into currents that are more favorable to you in some way. My reasoning for believing this is also the things that require my decision-making alone. Choosing to take a specific route to class, choosing to make something my goal, choosing to sign up for a specific section of something.

Fun example: The graduate student I currently work with, I actually met 8 months before I started working with her. Completely by coincidence, I signed up for one of her experiments. A few days later, she also happened to be in a meeting I had, a meeting that actually needed to be rescheduled to a different time, one that she just so happened to also be there at. I then had a dream about her that night, which I thought was odd, but just moved past. I kept it in my memory though. 7 months later, when I reached out to the owner of the lab that I’d like to join a project, she just so happened to be the one open to teaching an undergrad (and I just so happened to have the programming experience they wanted, all props to ASBR for helping me stick out the class that gave me that experience).

All this to say, I doubt these dreams or thoughts I have about people reaching out are because of me causing them. Rather, something unconsciously is happening that puts me on the same path as those events. My friend being more emotive with me wasn’t caused by me, I’m just tuning into the current that she naturally responds emotively to. I’m not causing my friends to sign up for the same classes, something unconsciously is causing me to sign up for the classes at the same time that they just so happen to be taking. Huge internal company shifts aren’t caused by me, I’m just naturally moving in the direction that causes me to be there at the “right place and right time” (especially considering it would be very weird for me to say that I alone caused some of these very big decisions and negotiations, they just happened to be tipped in the favor that I was already attuned to). I’ve been thinking about the definition of synchronicity lately, until I realized all I had to do was take the beginning of the word. “Sync,” so quite literally just moving in sync with something else. In this way, it might be that everything is synchronicity, signifying that an outward expression is just being in sync with something deeper. This would make sense with Saint’s constant reminding that “Zero Point IS you.” The world doesn’t change, YOU change, and the world simultaneously changes and adapts around you as you take action. Hence the nature of action and listening being cyclical in nature. When listening to the sub, you are becoming more in sync with your deeper desires, and some deeper currents that exist unconsciously. When you take action, you are not only consciously moving towards those desires, but also reaffirming the synchronicity between what you are hearing and who you are. You begin to influence the world around you in a way that CONFIRMS what the sub is telling you. Thus, the sub brings you in sync with the world, and your action brings the world in sync with you. The sub works on a deeper, more internal level. Your action works on a visible, more external level. You can’t have true change without both. Without the union of these two influences, you cannot solidify the changes that will truly “change” your life. It’s also why taking action leads to easier and more smooth manifestations, yet when you don’t, the sub will also find a way to make it easier and easier for you. It’s finding a route that’s able to successfully influence you, so that you can influence reality.

Okay schizo rant over. #ZeroPointUnion

EDIT: Since I’ve been trained to cite my sources

@Fire

Manifestation is often simplified to believing hard enough or “being in the state of having it”. It is more than that - it is the chain of causality, like dominoes that were pushed back in the past echoing to the current moment, or from the present moment to the future. Something as simple as picking up the spoon in a different way could therefore be a manifestation without you even realizing it - because in the future, the way you hold a spoon could attract the attention of someone powerful who is ready to teach you.

It was a spoon, not a fork

@SaintSovereign

At this core level, the “unity of opposites” principle manifests in the balance between who you are intrinsically (inner) and how you operate in the world (outer). By embracing and harmonizing these seemingly distinct aspects, you stand in your personal Zero Point. This is where your deepest authenticity meets the real demands of daily life—providing a stable foundation for genuine, lasting change.

@SaintSovereign

By actively choosing and consciously engaging in this transformative process, you embrace responsibility for your own evolution. This is precisely why you cannot deceive or lie to the Zero Point—because the Zero Point is you, the ultimate reference point of your existence and transformation. You cannot hide or avoid truths about yourself when you are genuinely pursuing accelerated growth.

Basically this entire post

[jelly]

A lot of things are going to shit for the people around me but it feels like I’m in my own Stark Black bubble (if something directly affects me, it goes my way). If I feel like shit I can go in and fix it, I can change and control the different aspects of my life. I’m done letting anyone or anything else control the trajectory of my life. If it’s in my influence, I’m gonna make it okay.

[jelly]

The recon I’ve felt has been purely from ASBR and RoD pushing me. My sleep’s been a little irregular and I’m a little more irritable at some points in the day. It’s very much characteristic of the two subs when it’s working on something really deep. I feel a little inner tension every now and then, but it doesn’t have anything to do with my conscious behavior. I’m fine, and I’m acting in ways that the me two years ago would’ve hoped I’d be acting like in the future. It also doesn’t affect my actual day-to-day, just something that I feel when I’m laying in bed or reflecting on how I feel. I hope the tension will be resolved soon, but until then I just have to keep doing as I’m doing, since I know I’m doing everything right consciously.

[jelly]

TLDR; I’m in a crazy results bloom and it looks like it’s gonna just keep compounding. Deep ASBR recon which I think I can pinpoint the source of. I can function normally (and even better than I used to) though, so it’s just a matter of how it resolves.

[jelly]

My friend was eating apple slices before class. I thought about how I wanted one but moved on. A minute later she offered me one (not to any of our other friends around us). She also texted just as I started writing this rofl

[jelly]

It feels like I have the freedom to work on whatever I want, which is a really nice feeling. Outside of any “standard” action to keep the subs moving at a good pace, the additional growth and revelations are up to me. My dreams have been fuzzy since that RoD thing a few days ago. I don’t know if I should chalk it up to sleeping in a new environment again (on a different schedule) or if there’s something deeper going on. I only really have memory of the earlier dreams that are more future simulation based, which is interesting since those usually only come when I’m stressed or trying to process a lot.

[jelly]

Saint talked about a ripple effect with ZP where he said it felt like if he touched a mirror his hand would go through it. I feel like I’m the mirror. That if something were to touch me, it’d go through me and cause something inside me to ripple. I’m a little groggy since I took a nap but I kind of like the half asleep feeling, it feels more freeing in a way.

ASBR is still focused on moving me past deep stuff, and WDB is trying to get me to start consciously acknowledging certain things to accelerate results. I’m giving myself a little bit of time before I force myself to acknowledge it though, I want to ease into things. I want to get used to the structure the title works with before jumping into the deep end of deep internal work. RAIKOV works well with everything. I’m still struggling to figure out a good listening solution to be able to squeeze some RoD in, but it’ll probably just have to be a microloop once a week. I used to be so good at balancing 4-5 titles, but ASBR being stronger means a lot of those resources are busy. Not to mention how deep and focused it is, it’s hard to prioritize my dream life when I’m doing so much while I’m awake too. I’m hoping increasing the build strength might somehow let it be processed on a different enough level that it can still remain in the background, but really have no idea. It might turn less into routine and more just when I have the motivation and mental capacity for it.

EDIT: Following this logic, it’s also gonna be quite difficult to make any kind of custom that includes ASBR. ZPQ is a build I only really want to use when I intimately know a title and when I can handle using it on a deeper level. WDB needs months at the very least, if I’m going fast. RAIKOV has potential but I also just need more time to understand its intricacies so I’m not just modeling anyone I accidentally make eye contact with.

I can also see the path WDB has me on. It’s nice and I very much want it, it’s just a little bit like having to relocate or reallocate mental resources to let it have the big changes. Some time for introspection and mentally working in the inner spa will be hugely beneficial for that. I’m hoping I’ll get to do that work in February? I still need a bit more time to adapt to other sub changes, but I do want to let WDB be at the forefront relatively soon. I think the timing will work out especially if there’s a “calm before the storm” pocket before Stark Black kicks in with bigger things playing out. I already have everything in mind I’d need to mentally prepare for it, including already “seeing” the perception shifts. I think for now I’ll work on solidifying those and making those foundations really strong. I can elaborate more on this kind of thing in the future for anyone curious. Operating directly on the level of mental structures makes changes a lot more smooth (and gives me conscious input too, as well as the ability to speed things up).

[jelly]

If I observe the results I get and think deeply about the title, I can naturally come to understand how my subconscious interacts with the subliminal. I can begin to guide and emphasize the parts I like to increase the kinds of results I want.

The biggest WDB results come from two “changes.” One is the emotional openness that others feel around me. The freedom to feel and express those emotions more than they usually would. This connects back to the inner calm, self mastery, and dream currents part of the title being tied together into my own presence. Something unconsciously communicates that this openness and freedom of expression is okay. The other is more open playfulness on my end. An interaction doesn’t need to serve a purpose, I don’t need to act a certain way just because I did in the past. I don’t need to pressure myself into upholding anything. Things just exist, and I’m free to playfully exist around them. Why overthink a message, what is it really going to do for me? I want to exist as I want, to live in a world where that small of a thing doesn’t matter.

Knowing these two things, I can now lean more into the title and create more depth in my inner world. Where can I exist from that these two things become natural, to the point I won’t even think about them in the future? Probably somewhere soft, fluid, yet steady and stable. Somewhere that I can hold the emotions of other people, yet feel free to exist as I want, not feeling pressured by those emotions in any way. Now I need to reconcile the rest of the current beliefs I have about this. What about Stark Black’s edge and ambition? Who ever said that I was limited in being ambitious? If I’m coming from a fluid place, then I’m able to exist as I want, when I want. What about when I don’t want to be social, or would rather be on my own? Who said I had to be the biggest social butterfly every second of every day? The dream current is quiet, meaning that I also have room to be quiet. Hell, the title is literally called Dream Boy, I don’t think being off in my own world at times would conflict with how the sub works at all.

Then, what do I want my results to be? I want exactly what I’ve been getting, with a slightly larger scale of effects on the people I meet, and with a little more obvious attraction so that I don’t have to think about it as much. How do I get that? Probably by leaning into the freedom and pressure-free scripting a lot more. If I can hold my own emotions without pressure, I’ll be able to better hold others’ too.

Now that I know this and have written it out, I can just send it inward. Whenever I’m on my own, I’ll let myself exist from this gentle freedom. When I’m on my own later, I’ll reflect on how this felt, and how I think different aspects should be better applied in my life, if they weren’t perfect at the start.

[jelly]

[jelly]

Plans changed and I immediately saw the value RAIKOV had in every aspect of my life, so I’m deciding to go experimental for a bit. Clear Sight is my favorite ESSENCE description (and I liked Mind’s Eye), not to mention all of the benefits to RAIKOV that’ll come from having a clear and vivid mental world. Less clutter, smoother integration, easy mental practice, visualization and deep trance identification, etc etc. Not even to mention any manifestation benefits that come from it. Could that be considered visualizing and manifesting from the place of a chosen master? Basically, I’m gonna try to push everything RAIKOV can do to its limit. Putting it on Terminus so it works on a deeper part of the mind and the learning and embodiment is also deeper. If everything goes as I think it might, this sub could turn into as great of an asset as ASBR is for me.

PS: bonus points for getting the order in before the influx of C&C customs and name embeds. My dreams started coming back so I know I’m mentally coming back to baseline

[jelly]

In my mind I debated this being a result but when it’s in writing, it definitely is. Basically, a lot of busyness. I do one thing, and that’s when a ton of people reach out, want to talk, want to do something. I have my own things to do and now they have to be balanced alongside also working/being with other people. Like, for example, yesterday I was teaching people different wet lab techniques since it’s something I do quite often (and good enough to be considered a head TA for). As we were doing that, that’s when the influx of people planning or talking about things came. I already had work I had been slightly procrastinating since I assumed I’d have time to myself, so it felt a little disruptive. I became a bit of an introvert last year and started to really enjoy doing things on my own time (basically the moment I dropped True Social), so I guess I’m still trying to figure out how to work with that.

[jelly]

In the middle of reading the C&C copy. I’m not even going to be running it but it already revealed one of the career and structural influence directions I’m realizing that my manifestations have been leading to. Insane copywriting.