Thoughts and Rambles

Journals - Major Programs
#174

Interesting dreams all around. The first “dream” didn’t feel too much like one, but was more me debating with other people about how Stark Black and other subs would express in particular situations. “It would express like this because of [insert some stylistic, copy, and scripting reason]. Is that better than this other one? How would that express in this specific situation?”

There was a full on dream world and continuity. A lot of different events happening, some that I can’t remember and others that I can recall a little bit of. One thing I think is interesting is that characters retain their memories and behaviors from past dreams. So there’s a dream version of my mom that has all of her real memories, and then the memories of the actions she’s done in dreams. Kinda trippy.

One dream of interest was me getting married to someone I’m deadset on working with in the future. Afterwards, I even got to spend some time with my childhood best friend who came to the wedding and his family. I think I was holding back tears, it felt like there were a ton of emotions being released. A little bit after, I was spending time with my friends on the roof, who started to leave one by one. My family was actively looking for me throughout this entire dream, and I was able to watch them from this roof. There were a few other times I could see them, but those other times all included an elevation difference where I was on a higher surface than them, and they weren’t able to see me (or just didn’t know to look up).

I’m interpreting this as a huge subconscious clearing. My intent to what I want my future to be being signified by my “marriage.” The rest of my mind is becoming fully onboard, as I’ve dedicated myself to doing this. My childhood best friend also being there helping to connect the dots between child me and me now, with the emotions being cleared finally reconciling some of the differences we have. Childhood me is coming to accept the me now as his future, and connect all of his desires and hopes onto me. The fact that I always remained out of sight and elevated above my family signifies to me that I’m rejecting some element that’s been in my ancestry for generations. I’m breaking some kind of cycle, or multiple cycles. I’ve already stated my intent to live as I want to in the past, completely away from any familial influence. Not in the sense of me separating or distancing myself consciously, more that I refuse to have the same limitations that any of them have. It’s my life, and I don’t care if it means “killing” a part of myself to reach the life I want, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’m going to be the one that surpasses every expectation of me, even my own. I’m going to live the dream life I’ve wanted to since I was in high school, that desire has never changed.

Following that dream was one where me and some of my close family set fire to an apartment building that we lived in. I don’t think it was a traditional apartment, more like a big multi-story house that happened to have multiple tenants, including the old couple that owned it. All the other tenants were able to get out, but the old couple was still inside. While the building never actually got to the point of burning down while I was in the dream, I was thinking that they were trapped, that it was sad, but I was focused on something else. That something else required that we burn down the building and not care about who got caught in it. I don’t think it was required for the couple to die with it, but we were following the “let what happens happen” philosophy.

A beautifully fucked up dream that feels pretty easy to interpret, especially after the one preceding it. I’m burning down a self-made and purposed home I used to live in. That mental home, old beliefs, ways of thinking, ways of doing things, were deemed to be unnecessary, and so we (I) burned them down in the night. The tenants that all got out are the mental structures that are still vigilant and that will still serve me going into future from where I am now. I’m not attached to any of them but thought it would be a shame to picture any one of them not making it out. The old couple are the ones that made this home that used to serve me and I used to live in happily, but is now holding me back. If they’re old mental structures that are no longer of any use, they have to be burned away, it doesn’t matter how attached to them I am. I value my future self more than I do me now.

Overall very interesting that I got these dreams on what’s now a washout, but I’m glad I’m getting the indication of these things being worked on. Hoping that I can welcome in new status quos soon, that I can grow into a different person that’s strong enough to handle everything I want.

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#175

Very incohesive, thoughts from throughout the past few days.

While walking earlier I got the distinct feeling of a future version of myself. I’m starting to resonate with the person that has everything I want. I guess something mentally clicked, because I could directly feel the part of me that’s going to become more prevalent. It’s from WDB and it’s going to be one of my biggest attractors. It’s hard to describe exactly what it is in words, but it’s like that part of myself that can look at someone I know and just smile, be happy with how they’re doing and growing.

I feel like I can be the person I want to be in 6 months. It’s difficult thinking about all the growth and “burnoff” that I’ll have to do. Not necessarily that I don’t want to do it, but that I’ll feel bad for the things I’ll have to say goodbye to. I know I’m coming closer to understanding who my mind’s eye’s image of Stark Black is. I’m already more decisive on who I want to be, what I want to do, the emotions I want to feel, the people I want to be with. Rather than it being me looking into the distance, it’s as if for a lot of those desires, it’s getting compared to the me now. “What about me now is holding me back? Why wouldn’t I be able to have that if I woke up tomorrow?” I really like that last question, even just typing it I feel a lot of thoughts coming up.

I feel like one of RAIKOV’s deeper objectives is to model the person I want to be and become him. I already used to do this, but it’s even more prominent now. The question “What’s the gap between me and him?” happens subconsciously so much more often now. It’s like it aligned with a deeper part of me, the part that will do anything to get what he wants. He did it to get me into the colleges I wanted, he did it when I fought to have the life I do now. Now it feels like he’s slowly drawing a circle around the self I want to be. Visualizing it, understanding its very texture, drawing every small detail. Asking “what’s the gap” feels like a cheat code, it’s one of the things I’ve been using to speed up my growth lately. I take it on as it’s identified. I don’t need to consciously understand it, I just need to take its essence and thread it into my being. The one thing is that this question now comes up consciously too, completely naturally. If I want something, my first question is what’s the gap, which honestly feels like overkill. I can’t have the part of me that fights between life and death latching onto me just craving a cookie.

I’m feeling very much like my life is about to change to. I can see the alignment in all the changes ASBR has made in the past few months, building on top of the past two years. Especially in me becoming a more private person. I’ve been more comfortable with the subconscious fame and attention aura being a little higher, it’s just naturally there. My personality is better at dealing with it and adapting. There’s a few minor things left, but they feel very internal and Love Bomb-y, just me going in and resolving a few inner child things and guaranteeing my happiness. I feel like the last big step is aligning all of my desires and dreams to what I’m chasing now. I’ve been pretty fractalized, but now a majority of my being wants the me that I am now to pursue these things. My younger selves intuitively understand that me getting what I want means they get what they want, because them being happy is also what I want. I want to kick up the WDB processing and tie it a bit more into Stark Black, but we’ll see. There may still be a bit my subconscious wants to prioritize before I can reroute the objectives into something else.

I’ve been a little nostalgic for how I was last year. Since I was still on my break from subs, my mental state was a lot different. I was fun though. I’m glad I got to have the experiences I did, and I found some good music. Similarly, I’m also getting a little nostalgia for high school and when I first “left” my own little bubble in the first place. The other night I mentally recreated the location of one of my favorite places back then, so if I want to go back and “live” there for a little while, I can. It’ll make it easier to interact with the mental structures and memories from back then. There’s always so much to learn from those past selves. I’m almost there. I think I want to meditate(?) again. Can I call it meditating if I’m just going inward? Like lucid dreaming while awake. I’d call it daydreaming, but daydreaming has a more fantasy connotation, meanwhile I use this state to resolve recon, analyze my state and day, etc. Literally exploring my own mind.

One thing I really like about that professor I talked about earlier is that he uses the word reconciliation a lot. Often to refer to two opposing worldviews, both valid and that evidently have had someone’s entire life experience going into them. Rather than completely devalidating one of them, we carefully go through the arguments made, and find the “incorrect” point. Less incorrect, but an assumption being made that perhaps isn’t valid, or a small leap in logic, a generalization that gets made a little too broadly. It could be completely fitting in its original context, but it’s exaggerated just a little too far out of its range. I’m also reflecting on that even from the start, I never disliked recon. It signified that what I was doing was working, and that I was making progress. On some days I’d even be happy once I felt it. Maybe a little masochistic in some way, but it felt amazing to break through it. I learned to adapt when I felt strong emotions, such that another version of me would take over when they came. I could be in recon and still be the funniest person in class. I still get messages from people in those classes every now and then that they miss it, it really was fun. Maybe that’s what’s led me to the point I’ve gotten to now. Unless I’m super low on sleep, I’m pretty unaffected by my recon or processing. Sometimes I’m more internal, but that’s not a negative, just a different way of being for a little while.

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#176

Very simple and symbolic.

I was in a new place doing something, while also watching over a kid. I was basically responsible for him and taking care of him in the best way I could. After a little while, I had him take a shower. While I was regrouping and deciding what should be done next, someone annoying also happened to be there. Very much detracting my attention and getting on my nerves. Even my dad was laughing and thought it was hilarious I had to deal with them.

So, in conjunction with the past few nights, I’m “raising” something new and acting as its caretaker. We were traveling, so we’re in a new “place” with me acting in charge. I had to deal with someone I thought was annoying and wished wasn’t there (and that I honestly would be fine not seeing again). There’s some mental structure, habit, belief, behavior, or cluster of those that have still stuck around. I recently just took really huge action in an area of my life, and intend on doing the exact same thing in the coming days. So, I need to get rid of this thing that wants to stick around. My typical way of getting rid of unwanted things involves listening to ASBR and consciously guiding it to get rid of whatever it is. Basically turning the sub into its own Total Breakdown. It sometimes feels super harsh or intense, but that’s kind of the point. It’s the cleanup that allows me to grow at a faster pace than I normally would. Plus since I did it a lot two years ago, I’m able to handle doing it with minimal effect on my daily life. On top of a stronger urge to start listening again, I think a washout of 4 days completed its goal. I completed my rest, and am ready to run forward at full speed again.

There’s still a few aspects of earlier in the dream/the dream before that I’m trying to remember, but I’m also doing pretty well with it right now. I usually wake up for a few seconds in the middle of my sleep cycle and I used to use that as time to write down my dreams. But I think at least during the semester, I’m valuing my sleep too much and absolutely hate being near blue light when I’m half-asleep. So, I’ve been utilizing the Clear Sight module of RAIKOV to encode and remember my dreams until I officially wake up. I did pretty well yesterday with remembering the important aspects of both dreams, as well as some smaller details and early interpretation.

EDIT: Just an experimental idea and idk if I’ll go through with it, but potentially switching between ASBR and WDB as I’m listening in increments. Like 0-3 minutes ASBR, 0-3 WDB, 3-6 ASBR, 3-6 WDB, etc etc. That way they’re “encoded together” a bit more. I’d normally consider microlooping ASBR since I’ll be out for quite a bit later, but because I’m trying to burnoff certain structures, I think it may be better to use the full one so there’s no room to adapt. The parts of me that can handle it can handle it, the parts that can’t can’t, no coddling with less exposure and risking having to take more effort down the road.

One of my dreams before was about me being late for class, and the time 2:3X showed up. That could’ve been the dream I had around 2:30am, since typically when I dream of a time, it’s a similar or the exact time that it is at that moment. During false awakenings when I try to reach for my phone, I almost always still see the correct time if I’m not stressed out about it.

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#177

Super chatty. I feel like I could go from focused to the charismatic WDB state at the drop of a hat. Maybe a little too chatty, but I can’t complain considering I wanted to accomplish being social at the same time. When I listen to a full loop of ASBR, I tend to just be in my head for a while and work slower, not talking as much either. My professor also bantered with me a little which was fun, I like it when the environment’s comfortable enough to joke around a bit.

My theory and reasoning for trying it was that two different parts of my subconscious would be receiving input, with neither getting a full 15 minutes straight. ASBR wouldn’t be able to pull my consciousness down deep, and the part of my mind that’s closer to consciousness would be processing WDB as normal. Since they were interweaved, the subconscious closer to the surface would interpret the input from WDB as a way to accomplish the goals being communicated from the deeper subconscious. So I’d remain more social while those deeper concepts are being processed. It’s still pretty early after and I have a bit of my day left, but I’m happy with the results so far. It’s funny how I can relate it back to my dream. If the part of the subconscious that processes normal build subs is like a child, the deeper subconscious is basically distracting it so that it can focus on doing what it needs to, like how I sent the child off for a little while as I dealt with the stubborn structure that wouldn’t go away.

I tried this same thing almost two years ago and didn’t notice as much of a difference, which could either be because every sub was in the same build, or I just wasn’t as good at managing subliminal input as I am now. Both are pretty plausible, but I enjoy this significantly more than listening to a full loop of one followed by a full loop of the other. It could also be letting WDB hit deeper, I’m not sure. I just feel overall better and like I can still adapt to whatever circumstance I need to rather than being pulled heavily in one direction. I’m starting to feel the typical forehead processing sensation I usually do, so it might be that since I’m not around people anymore, ASBR is doing its thing.

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#178

I’m lucky and something good is going to happen to me. That thought is coming back stronger.

I’ll probably be traveling again soon, it might be good to get Polyglot. I feel a strong connection to the me that first got to travel for work.

Just ended up pausing my show at 1:22:22 before I’m about to leave. Same show I watched religiously while traveling. A deeper part of me feels very excited and giddy.

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#179

Needless to say I’ll be finding a way to normalize this alternating schedule :joy:. ASBR is processing and yet my mind doesn’t act like it. Everything was super smooth, I was funny and able to make quick jokes, and I don’t feel the slight heaviness I usually do when I’m usually processing it. WDB could also very well be hitting deeper since it was more closely tied to the ZPQ loop, but that’s something I’ll see more effects of later. Genuinely so great though. Today was already going to be good, but I was just on it. Slightly more chatty than I’d normally like, but I think that’s something I can consciously adjust either when I go to bed or in the moment in the coming days. Worst case I just don’t listen to the full WDB loop.

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#180

@Wonders just tagging because this might be a cool strategy to try as you increase your WDB exposure. Interleaving with the title that grounds you the most. I think once you have the Regen/LB custom that would be such an OP combination. Subconscious mind is like okay I’m going to be genuine and attractive, let my more surface level expression of that be through loving myself and giving myself space to heal.

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#181

I’ve been noticing how strong the recent titles are. I think since about Regen is when they picked up. Maybe Wanted was the last one that felt “normal”. I want to say it’s the density, but I wouldn’t even know how to vocalize that, I doubt they just started ballooning the scripts in size or increasing the builds. But there’s a distinct difference between a title like Inner Circle or True Social and Dream Boy or RAIKOV. The effects stay longer, processing is more spread out over time, and they just generally have a stronger mental effect. Maybe I should take a few days to compare again since I know I’ve grown a lot in these past few months, but I can’t help feeling it’s the subs themselves too. They got more powerful while I wasn’t looking. Absolutely excited for the future. Waiting to see what the artisan title upgrades will look like with anti-recon and adaptive scripting backing them.

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#182

Both are linked :relieved: thanks for the recommendation ^^

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#183

Compared to back when I tried it a few months ago, I think I can directly work with ASBR as it’s processing now without getting “kicked out.” Could be related to my interleaved listening yesterday, but I also think I’m just more acclimated to jumping down deeper and understanding my subconscious more. Possibly some growth + Clear Sight action going on.

Forgot my dream (and interpretation) at the last second though so… tradeoffs I guess.

It hasn’t even been a full two weeks, no way I’m giving up on mastering these things yet. Every result keeps acting as a reminder to me of how perfect my stack is for me right now.

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#184

My ability to detect subtle recon cues and follow the cues to find the source has gotten so much better.

First, I didn’t sleep as much as I should have. I know better, especially after a heavy listening day. I woke up just down for some reason, when I very much didn’t need to be. Detected that anything related to socializing or opening up was causing discomfort. A few probing thoughts and I was able to tie it back to an exact time period having to do with some self-worth issues I’ve been glossing over, hoping that they would resolve themselves.

Immediately conked out and my dream had to do so much with yesterday, just twisted around and emphasizing the symbols I needed to get.

I was working on music, and this girl was there with me, super intrigued by everything and the entire process. She was someone I knew could be judgey, yet she was completely open and just wanting to learn and see how I did things. We were at my grandparents’ house and came up on some old gadgets (probably the best word to summarize, literally just things I made) I’d made when I was younger, and I was explaining the stories behind them. I was also giving family some advice on something that they were considering, since I had a point of view that I thought was valid that differed from what they were saying. At some point the other side of my family came over, celebrating my mom’s birthday (I directly questioned this in the dream since I knew it wasn’t the right month, but there wasn’t a response and the dream didn’t end). The girl was completely fine meeting and talking to all of them, which made me a little shocked since I didn’t think I was “worthy” of someone actually wanting to know about all of my life and staying with me.

This forms such a huge continuity with the past few days, both dreams and real events. I was right on the money with what structure was being worked with, I even walked through it as if it were some kind of building before I fully fell asleep. Just exploring all of its intricacies and how it was built. The dream itself was just showing me (like yesterday with the girl and the rest of my friends) that I can be comfortable sharing more of myself, without worrying as much about what they’ll think of me. Those parts make up the me that they see anyway, it’s not as if hiding them did anything but cause me more worry. These aren’t even insecurities or a dark past or anything, I literally just felt uncomfortable with people seeing multiple facets of my life. I’m used to code-switching and only talking about things immediately relevant to the context, so even the people that think they know me well don’t end up seeing a lot of what’s there. Even me giving my opinion without shame represents that too (probably in the context of more “professional” environments and giving advice).

Combined with the past few days, it’s giving me the feeling that this structure doesn’t necessarily want to be burned off. It wants to grow, it wants to be reformed and help me move forward. I’ll keep directing my efforts in helping that, even applying it in the context of ASBR since that’s how my listening was.

I think I’ll call the listening I did yesterday the interleaved strategy. I used to think interleave was a made up word and pun that was used in one of my homeworks, but lo and behold it actually means something (and something useful). Just more proof I very much don’t know everything and am continuing to learn. I think WDB also hit deeper listening like that, which is why all of the signs from yesterday and today were so obvious. I feel much better after the nap and feel like the initial friction is getting reconciled and resolved smoothly. It’ll take more than that dream, but I at least know the direction to steer things now.

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#185

More just a small synchronicity within myself, but as I was traveling a few weeks ago I had the urge to listen to a specific song. The same song now just played in the background of this episode I’m finishing.

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#186

It’s like that dream and the ones from the past few days opened a locked box I had full of emotions that I was hoping would just go away. Stuff that runs deep since I was a kid. The entire day has been uncovering the patterns and seeing the ones that are responsible for the feelings I’ve been having recently. A lot of synchronicity leading me here too. I think I’ll be continuing to work a lot with WDB to address and grow past things further.

Needless to say I don’t think I can ignore that listening strategy and disregard all of these results as a one off event. I think WDB definitely started to get processed on a deeper level, meaning I had to start going deeper to match the speed of growth it was having. I’m not sure when my next ASBR listening day will be, but if tomorrow or Monday feel okay processing queue wise, I might try to interleave with RAIKOV next. It’d probably work best if I had someone I aligned with that I could also project some Dream Boy characteristics onto, alongside the standard modeling and Clear Sight shenanigans.

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#187

I had a dream I think was directly related to ASBR, which is interesting considering those haven’t been as common lately, at least ones that are easily interpreted. I think this one may have to do with some repressed emotions like before, or at least tangentially related. Probably something that can lead to fast growth if I understand its connection.

It feels like my mind is also waiting on me to process it, not really being as much in the background. It could’ve been that yesterday signified something with me going through the motions all on my own, it could be that my flow factor’s increased. If it’s the latter, it could be that either RAIKOV is helping, or that this was just a natural stage of evolution. I’m really intrigued that now, it feels like I can slow down with listening and work with each concept individually in an intimate manner. I knew increasing my second sub to Terminus would do something, but it really feels like I’m at a “normal” pace now in terms of how fast I get through a loop. If I’m now going to be consciously a part of ASBR’s processing, it’s both exciting and only slightly scary. This is the same sub that’s had people in insanely influential positions change career decisions on a whim. I’ll be responsible for a lot more, but I’ll also be able to better advocate for what I want consciously too.

I’m going at a faster pace and I’m comfortable. I think that’s what sums things up.

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#188

I think my body was dreading the expression of some of ASBR. But now I blew past that, and in my dream literally ascended the stairwell and walked through the door that I’ve been trying to ignore for so long. Before, it was like I was trying to maximize the amount of the internal changes and processing I could have without being fully in the open. It feels like I’ve been given permission to finally pursue everything in the open and let the fame hit me.

Instead of paying attention to subconscious cues, I can directly feel what’s processing, when, and how much I have to go. It’s like the feeling of hunger or being full. This morning I got repulsed at just the thought of listening to another loop, similar to being offered food after you just stuffed yourself. Similarly, last week when I decided to start listening, it’s because I was excited to listen again, and I wanted something to “chew” on.

Everything genuinely feels as if it’s clicked. With normal subs, the action I take feels like the expression of the subliminal. But I am the expression of Stark Black, as if some core part of my understanding of it just latched onto me. As I was going about my day everything just clicked, felt easy, and I was who I was. Everything reaffirmed it and continued to show me that I am exactly what I am. Anything could happen, and I’d just adapt because of who I am.

EDIT: I forgot I also reached out to someone I thought made good content, really well thought out and incorporating a lot of points of view. I just thanked her for those kinds of videos and talked about how beneficial they are to me and the other young people watching. She accepted the request and responded almost immediately thanking me and said that she really appreciated it. That’s definitely not something I would’ve done before, yet I did it without a second thought today. I just thought that if I really liked the content someone made, why wouldn’t I let them know? I hope she knows the impact she’s having and that she continues to do what she does.

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#189

Since some people don’t like IOI results I might consolidate more of those results here. A female customer opening up with me, being closed off after she goes off with my female coworker (literally crossed arms) and then opening up again immediately the moment I come back and start talking. It’s the small stuff that shows you all the subtle changes going on beneath the surface.

I’m gonna be honest and say that I’m not using WDB to get laid, if that’s a byproduct then that’s fine, but I’m focused on the personality changes and just becoming more attractive in general. Its synergy with ASBR in its authenticity also helps quite a bit in literally every social setting including networking. I don’t care about getting my dick wet, I care about achieving the business and financial goals I set for myself.

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#190

People reporting prefrontal cortex pressure makes me think that they’ve been slowly raising the power level on the subs, and that Paragon might be in a stronger build than ZP Standard.

That or it’s another one of those group contagious things. One person experiences a symptom, then other people start reporting feeling the exact same thing.

If the build strengths have gradually been going up, then it makes sense why I feel like the late 2025 subs last longer than the early 2025 ones. But also became a lot more sensitive to input in general in the second half of the year, so I guess I can’t really say anything. I like my current routine too much to disrupt it by trying out random titles again.

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#191

Stark Black just makes sense. As I’m gaining this intuitive understanding, I’m getting an influx of results too. First is just my personality, I’m almost never this open and relaxed. It’s like I know everything is and will naturally fall into place, and if it doesn’t, I’ll make it. I’ve done it before. Those results earlier with the customer, me being much more open to socializing (yesterday me reaching out to the social media creator, today me texting an old group chat with no hesitation and them responding), a girl calling my name out and saying hi to me as I was getting coffee (I’m usually good with remembering faces, but I can’t for the life of me remember her name/where I met her), me being more confident and natural with all my coworkers who are older than me at work and not feeling smaller just because I’m younger than them, some business stuff where I have the exact vision and understanding that the copy describes (literally the easiest way to describe the past two days, copy and paste from there), and to top it off, me getting money unexpectedly “just because”. The day isn’t even over yet and I’ll be doing more business stuff later too. Everything just clicks. I myself am the expression of A Stark Black Reality.

I feel like I could immediately just jump into my inner world and fix whatever I don’t like, just like that. Everything’s following the rhythm I created, it’s all in my control.

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#192

Interleaving ASBR and RAIKOV today, trying to raise my motivation levels. I genuinely could just sleep all day and care less about anything else Hoping to at least tie motivation into my identity.

Forgot to say earlier but one of my meetings also got canceled and moved to Thursday, making it incredibly more convenient for me since today’s kind of a bottleneck of things that are due. Just more emphasis on the fact that everything is clicking right now. Message to future self: Don’t start to doubt that now that there’s more subliminal input swirling around. Lock in.

EDIT: And my friend just reached out to make plans again. I hope my old self that I was completely falls away and stays in the past. I like everything that’s coming now.

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#193

Why is there always a resisting thought when you want your status quo to change? Not even limiting, just an “I’m comfortable here” thought. Fuck that. I don’t want to be comfortable here, that’s the whole point of me waking up every day. I think I need a change in routine.

I’ll keep projecting myself in the place I want to be, until that vision surpasses real life with how long I’ve lived in it. It’s like a war with myself. I don’t want to be comfortable, the me that’s ever been worth looking up to never has.

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