Its been a hard couple of days… after all I went through with alcohol last week, this saturday I became totally drunk and Im still sick. Yesterday I vomited all day and felt really guilty.
I went through feeling guilty to hating myself and not believing in me anymore.
Now I feel weak physically and emotionally.
Ive been going to really dark parts of my mind and considered many different possibilities.
One going to a healing stack, other stopping all subs.
The thing is both feels like running away from something.
I think I just had an idea…
Ive realized that Ive been using alcohol, sugar and sex as a substitute for Love. The kind of l
Love I wasnt giving myself.
Also Im really afraid of people for some reason.
Who am I really afraid of? Maybe someone who I was supposed to feel loved by…
I decided to add Sage Immortal to my stack… its seems that It will help me reconect.
I did my first loop of Sage Immortal and it was quite trippy. First I saw a golden padlock getting opened, then lots of imagery of me going through a dark pipe system, I was afraid to get in at first, but did it anyway.
Later I had many images of boats navigating the ocean, different sizes and different kind of ships.
After a while I began to see many “bad” things from my life but with a feeling of kindness and detachment… I dont remember feeling that way before, specially thinking about those things, after that I saw myself infront of me holding two objects, one in each hand and that version of me said “Dont say you are lost, you always now exactly what you are doing, sometimes you do things that go against what you now you really want, you convince youself “its ok” and then you regret it. You are equally capable of creating light and darkness, so… which one its going to be?” I chose light and the other me gave me both objects, they where like golden metal feathers or something similar.
I feel very calmed now…
How has your smell been on Wanted this month? It’s interesting that Wanted has a Internal Deodorizer effect
pretty great! never went back to deodorant nor shampoo.
I dont know if I would call it a deodorizer effect, to me it feels more like learning to love your own smell. I still shower thoroughly everyday to keep myself clean.
Ive been feeling my stomach very irritated for the last couple of weeks, since my alcoholic adventures and decided to give Sage Immortal Ultima a go.
After some minutes I got an intuition on what to inquire looking for a more definitive and profound change of life style.
I got this deep sadness and began to work on it to dissolve it… as soon as I finished I got very nauseous… had to go to the bathroom and vomited my whole stomach out…
Still listening to Sage Immortal Ultima got the impression I have to keep digging and found something very interesting about why I was so attracted to drinking… now I feel very peaceful and with the certainty that I will get the changes that I most need.
I feel a new kind of force emerging from inside.
When I was a kid I could repeat a word in my mind over and over again until it had no more meaning, it was just sounds, my mind could not attach any significance to those sounds for a while.
Listening to Sage Immortal Im having a similar experience with the concepts of darkness and shadows, they dont mean anything. Darkness in the spiritual sense and shadow in the psychological sense.
Im having first hand experience in the Tantric principle that everything in the Universe is Sacred, no good or bad, no dark or light, no duality just experience.
No rules doesnt mean do what you want without consecuences, but that every path will eventually lead to enlightenment.
I feel a calmness that can only be described as spiritual and at the same time I feel toxicity circulatinf in my body… I need to vomit again.
Im beginning to reject toxins in all forms… my mind and body are rejecting everything toxic.
Food and drinks for one side and entitled, arrogant people on the other.
This whole week I been having gastritis symptoms, so Im eating healthy, drinking herbs infusions and last night I changed my stack a bit by adding Paragon… well I havent listen to GOD nor The Wizard the whole week either.
I think Ardhanarishvara, Sage Immortal and Paragon is a good choice for 2 or 3 weeks while I recover physically.
First as I look back on my life, I was more likely to feel tempted to drink when I wasn’t having sex with someone I really liked. So this is relatable.
Also when I started meditating a lot, drinking to the point of intoxication felt awful rather than pleasant or fun.
@anon2351792 I realize that perhaps there might be a spiritual component going on here with your vomiting. However, I would encourage you to go to a doctor just in case there is a medical issue.
@Leandros would you like to comment on vomiting and spiritual events?
Now still want to emphasize that even if this might be somehow healing in a spiritual way, please consider seeing a physician.
It might have a spiritual component, I dont really know. Most likely an intense emotional distress and physical intoxication.
Thanks for your concern, I already went to a doctor 3 years ago when I went through the exact same symptoms and Im aware of what the treatment is and what they cant do for me. Doctors cant make me stop drinking, cant make me love myself… thats on me.
Im making a conscious decision of treating myself naturally on the emotional and physical planes. I will only go to a doctor if I really need to and to be honest, Im feeling better and better everyday.
I hear you… for me at this moment in life is about accepting that Ive been lying to myself and accepting that I was living in fear… fear of Love.
Yup that’s when you consciously shine the light on shit and want it out of you.
You vomit the whole energy out.
It can’t stay any longer inside you.
You consciously/unconsciously sayd :NO MORE
and then it has to go very fast.
There are a few options how this can occur
Ether way you don’t allow this shit inside you, so it has to go out very quickly =vomiting
I’d you drink to much liquid Zombi Abiss( I mean Alcohol) on some point your system needs to bring it out of your body trough vomiting.
Same is possible with energy/emotions
Thats it
Super super efficient and effective
Seems like Sarge Immortal is capable of doing the work that is needed
Wil try it out in 6 months
That sounds oddly satisfying to vomit all the negative energy out.
SG then definitely not for beginners? 
OH YESSSSSS how do I love the 1-3 min of pure vomiting the shit out from my soul. Every time I am screaming inside : NO MORE OF THIS SHIT, GO OUT NOW
The feeling afterwards is phenomenal and it stays phenomenal.
Great explanation! Thanks bro!!
It makes so much sense with the process I was doing.
Thats the literal process I was engaging, there was red hot light in my stomach and I asked my inner wisdom for a color that could resolve that red light from its source, from its origin.
Golden light was the answer so I began breathing golden light into existance and begam breathing it into my stomach.
The red light completely dissolved and I breathed the golden light to fill my whole body… this is when I became very nauseous and had to go vomit.