The Unfolding Year - 2023

Journals - Major Programs
#21

Day 19 - CFW

Today I woke up emotional, angry and tired.
Had a rough morning with an argument that ended up hurting the other person and I was filled with guilt.

It passed after my morning running, and I did apalogize and realized some fears I have. Problem is that my behaviour actually might make these fears come true. I almost started crying at work. Luckily I was alone. Lucky it’s the weekends now too, so I can spend some
me time and reflect on these fears.

Next week is washout week and then I’ll be running RoM, RoS and LBfH.

Peace

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#22

Day 20 - Rest
Chill day today, spend the whole day with family.
Ups and downs with emotions, but a realization that sometimes you just need a break to push forward. Nothing new, nothing deep, just a thought that made me feel good.

Also, another thought, I have some form of blockages and no matter how much action I take it’s going to feel like an uphill battle, a mind boggling struggle. I need to work on this and this is why I am glad I chose healing subs. Nonetheless, I am taking action as well. I am doing both. Because it would be an pure excuse if I just stopped everything. I still want my goals an aspirations. But I just realized I have so much baggage that is making the journey heavy and holding me back. I refuse to be a victim of course, but I am just stating what I think and feel. There is always a step forward!

Perhaps I won’t go with RoS. Perhaps RoS does help with healing. I am not sure. Is RoS a good companion to healing @SaintSovereign ? I might either do RoM, RoS and LBfH, or just go ham on Dragon Reborn and do RoM + DR only. We shall see. Also, I want to engage in some activity or exercise to help with this. Not just subs, but also like CBT exercises or something, to create pathways.

Also, if you are ambitious and have all these goals and all these stuff to balance, you gotta let off some steam. It’s too much for a sane mind, and burn out is around the corner. Perhaps if I take on the mindset of play and it’s just a game. Make it lighter I guess might lower the stress.

Best regards ya’ll. Don’t know why I wrote that, but I am going to leave it there. Let’s call it a occupational injury. lol

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#23

Day 21 - RoM & LBfH
Chilling today, played 5 minutes loops of RoM and LBfH. Been having interesting ideas to ponder.

I feel closer to knowing what I want but the ideas need more time in the oven, my mind.

I do need to continue this healing journey as I feel alot of breaktgroughs, or break through that I am working on integrating, which takes time for me. The question is if I should keep going with the current setup, current stack. Perhaps remove CFW or LBfH, as it might be too much with both of them in there.

I don’t know what to do, time will tell because I am going on a 1 week break, washout. :sweat_drops:

Actually I’ve decided (after a while) to go with RoS, RoM and LBfH next cycle. RoS seem to help you learn about yourself and release blockages and limits, so seems to have some form of healing. I mean awareness sometimes is enough to let go off limits and self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours.

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#24

Day 22 - Washout
Washout time, felt immensely focused today at work. I was at the gym too doing my running exercise. Felt good, also super excited for tonight’s improv, where I’ll meet with a group and improvise. In think improv helps alot with skills that might benefit content creation, it’s also fun and in my opinion pretty deep, esoteric almost. Love it!

Anyway, working on letting things go througout the day. People have said letting go is a muscle, you can make it stronger with practice. Luckily if you’re anxious more than you’d like you have more opportunities to practice and get close to the cause. Too often emotions overwhelm and once you let go off the excess you can begin too process the emotions and understand you ourself better. So I hope.

Peace

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#25

Day 23 - Washout
Another day, another washout.

Nothing special, hit the gym, worked at work. I took the iniative to suggest me holding an improv class at work. I am no way a teacher but I can teach a thing or two. Also, I’ve always heard and believed one stepping stone on the path to mastery is teaching beginner classes in whatever the subject is. Because you will be forced to comprehend the fundamentals and why they are good. Also I like improv and want to become better at it, so any excuse to do more improv.

Still working that letting go muscle. It’s an enjoyable process and I’ve started to notice how it’s related to obsessiveness. But I am still learning the ins and outs, the subtle ways and obvious ways of being stuck and ruminating on totally useless things.

Peace

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#26

Day 25 - Washout
Continuous washout yo. I need to meet people and talk to them, actuall people who have what I want to have, so I can learn from them. That’s been on my mind and also, you gotta step up if you want your dreams. They are dreams to most people because they don’t want them really or are not working diligently to move towards them. Been more and more of my time and how I spend it. Aware of how I don’t use time always in my favor or being distracted. Doing X but thinking of Y, then when I go to do Y I am thinking of Z.

Peace

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#27

Day 26 - Washout
Washout day 5… after this weekend I am in the next cycle!

I am having doubts about streaming and anxiety. Fear of failure. Many such thoughts.
Wondering if I am wasting my time. Doubt. Fear.

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#28

Day 28 - Washout
Final day of washout :palms_up_together:
Note to self, it’s Sunday.

Tomorrow I’m starting the next cycle. I struggle with anxiety overthinking, and I wonder what the next step would be. It’s so hard to know exactly what one needs and to commit to that long term because needs change and evolve. Life is waves sometimes.

I feel I need to execute things more now. I feel I need some anxiety relief. I feel I need some healing. I feel I need money. I feel I need creativity. I feel I need to expand my physical fitness. And more. But what subs do one commit to for such short time, because the next cycle you might have different needs? That coupled with the thought that subs work better over a longer period of time, longer commitment. Hmm :thinking:

Peace

Post post note:
It’s been decided, RM, RoM and RoS.

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#29

Day 30 - RM, RoS and RoM
Yesterday was subliminals day but I forgot to import the files to my phone and had no way of retrieving them at work. I also went straight from work to a improv meet-up with my group.

So today shall mark the start of the cycle instead and I will start with 30 sec microloops and increase that every listening day until we reach a good threshold.

But first, the gym!

Peace

Post post post
Ran 3 minutes off each sub. Felt nice, started immediately to analyse footage I’ve made for YouTube to assemble into a video through editing, and found multiple points I want to improve. My content sucks, first step is admitting this and then work at it like craftmanship. Also to make my life easier and save time as that is a very valuable commodity nowadays for me, I plan to plan every stream I do in a way where I have multiple clips ready to edit and out together into q video. So facially a script and footage needed, so it’s easy and organised to put together later as editing takes long time especially if it’s ine big 2 hour video chunk.

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#30

Day 31 - Rest
No subs today.

Felt a bit tired today but this usually happens in the first few days starting a new cycle.

Tonight I’ll stream and practice talking and narrating through the whole stream. Also, going to record the shots for a Youtube video while streaming to save time when it’s time to edit, which I plan to do on Saturday.

Also, Ive been exercising and progressing through the Couch to 10K program. So far on point. Going to run a 10k in 2 weeks just to see what it’s all about. But my initial plan was to finish the 12 week program and run a 10 then. But now I am going to run one in 2 weeks as well. So it will be good to compare results again in a month or two.

I’m wondering how I can practice my various hobbies everyday, but it seems impossible to fit in with all the work and responsibilities. I am thinking if there’s ways I can progress in multiple things are the same time.

I mean there are ways, I just gotta reflect upon them and see if I can build a plan to incorporate them. For instance meditate on the subway to work. Narrate my thoughts while working on a programming problem. Various improv exercises while in the WC.

Peace

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#31

Can you explain what you mean by improv? Is that like, theatre or something? Sounds interesting to me.

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#32

It’s kind of like improvised theater yes. But it’s all improvised. It’s pretty cool and the principles and skills you learn there can be applied to both creative solutions and social games but also to just be spontaneous and have fun.

You can look up exercises and perhaps even shows online to see what the pros do etc

I’ve taken a bunch of classes in it and now I have a group that meet up every Monday to practice and do improv. The problem is that improv where I live is like one class a week and it’s expensive so you can’t go do it often. But in the us it’s even more popular hence why there is so many talents there. If you like American comedy shows like The Office etc, most of the stars there did alot of improv.

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#33

Day 32 - RM, RoS & RoM
No entry

Day 33 - Rest
Have been having the craziest dreams the last two nights.

One where I had built this baby bed that had 4 modules, one for each thing I usually do to help the baby fall asleep.
#1: Sound, relaxes the baby with hums or light, low volume lullabies.
#2: Movement, one that makes the bed feel like moving, basically like carrying the baby around to calm them down
And 2 others that I forgot but my girlfriend said I was talking in my sleep how I’ve activated only 2 out of 4 modules because I’m too tired right now to install the other two. So weird. Perhaps it’s the creativity and ingenuity of RM at play.

Anyway, I am just not used to remembering dreams, but this was insane.

Also I’m experimenting with a new way of stacking and playing my stack. I play all three subliminals on listening days back-to-back for 3 minutes each. I am thinking of pushing that to 4 minutes next cycle and then 5 in the third cycle but no more. It feels good so far :+1:

Also been planning and scheming on a solid plan for streaming where I have S.M.A.R.T goals and also ways to incorporate actions towards my other goals. I’ve become painfully aware of how little I value my time. Mainly because I don’t value time, period. Most likely because I think I will live forever. But now with responsibilities of being a dad I realise and understand the value of time and therefore how I am wasting it.

Fun is sometimes part of wasting time, but I am talking about unconscious time and energy waste or spending it ruminating or thinking about or doing not so meaningful things to me.

Peace

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#34

Day 34 - RM, RoS and RoM
Listened to all the three for 3 minutes each, back to back. I like and enjoy this setup.

Day 35 - Rest
Had a stream last night where I pushed myself further. Taking notes of where I did badbir could have done better but also giving myself a pat on the back for the courage to put myself out there and share.

Truly viewing this like a craft that I am honing everyday, like a true renaissance man. This is why I have RM, as I do many things, but also for the craftmanship.

Also started to view streaming as a pro, not letting it get priority over my family or job, but to when engaging in it, treat it like a job and not just some guy playing games, but an entertainer, giving value to the people.

Peace

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#35

Day 38 - RM, RoS and RoM
Today is listning day, which I’m excited for. Heading to the gym right now followed by work. Later tonight, streaming.

Thinking of switching subs around. Recon?

Peace

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#36

Day 39 - Rest
I actually messed up my listening yesterday and listened to RM for 15 minutes and RoS for 15 minutes. So to ease the potential recon that might come out of this I’ll only listen to RoM tomorrow and next time go back to my new schedule of all three back-to-back for 3 minutes each.

Feeling a bit tired today, but heading to the gym and work now. Will probably wake up after the gym.

I feel confident at work, a lot of healing and challenges in the form of imposter syndrome thoughts and feelings, the past two weeks, and I feel I’ve grown from it a bit. Socially I feel too confident, in the moment, because afterwards when I get home from work, I have hangovers regret. You know, after a night out when you ruminate of things you said or did and you are worried you might have crossed some boundaries drunk? Well it’s the same feeling except I wasn’t drunk.

On a second note how do I bring this out while streaming? Perfect personality and vibe for it. :smirk:

I streamed last night and had tons of fun. A person came in and hung out for like 50% of the stream. I am still not happy with the audio quality. I need to work on learning filters like noise gates and compressors, because I think Nvidias AI filter messes up my voice when it tries to remove background noise.

Peace

#37

Day 40 - RoM
Going to run RoM today only for like 5 minutes as I mentioned in the last post since I over played the other two the day before yesterday.

Now heading to the gym to try to run my first 25 minutes straight run.

I’ve been thinking, all subliminal have benefits and can in a way aid you in whatever journey, some more than others obviously, but how do you know for sure which is the best due your goal?

Do you just check how many objectives match that goal and give the subliminals that amount if point and then measure them against
each other?

For instance I realise that RoS might not be the proper title for me right now simply because I only meditate etc to relax so I can perform better in life. To let go off steam and be more present when I stream. But I don’t do it at the moment for enlightenment or any deeper spiritual pursuit. But I do it so m to perhaps get to know myself better and know what I want, make the picture clearer. I am unsure. But I could add in True social or dare devil to help with the being in the present moment in social settings, which you kinda are when streaming etc. that seem to fit my goal more.

Confusion, most likely recon, might take the day off today instead if listening to RoM.

Do we have to be so dedicated and know what we want all the time?

I think I listen to RoM and RoS to understand myself and my reality better. But I wonder if it’s time to move on as I don’t so too introspection or try to add more of it so I get the most value. Thinking…

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#38

Day 42 - RM, RoS and RoM
So happy that GMX3 is out, it’s beautiful. :+1:

My current run of running my three subliminals for 3 minutes back to back has been working fine. I wonder if I can push it and add GMX3 for 3 minutes as well :drooling_face: greed and impatience.

I am thinking if removing RoS as I don’t engage in spiritual habits more than mindfulness and occasional meditation. Perhaps I’ll just stick to this as I feel I am moving quite well with RM, RoS and RoM currently. Taking action, running, working productively etc. I am unsure.

We’ll see what time unveils.

Post-post notea:
On other notes I am enjoying it too much. I catch myself having profound moments of presence and awe using RoM and RoS. Perhaps I already have innate drive and ambition, leading to anxiety at times, and I just need the spiritual groundedness to hold all steady. Becauase I love the journey and how I am making plans and taking massive action. Who knows, just some thoughts.

I am so conflicted. I am also am putting myself in a box. I am also confused. What the f do I want?

Everything, everywhere, at once. Maybe I should watch that movie?

I am thinking of going Renaissance’s Man , True Sell and Daredevil. Maybe Renaissance’s Man, True Sell, True Social and GMX. But that’s four titles. Build a custom? Uncertainty…

I want to improve at content streaming, and I need a way to measure it. Of course you can measure numbers like viewers, followers, etc. but my content sucks, how do you measure taking action and and improving that content? Something like art? Perhaps you just do the art and forget about the measuring? It is art, not a science project.

I like RM because of the creativity and expression aspect. Also I am into multiple arts. Entertainment, streaming, public speaking, coding, improv and so in.

Hmmm

#39

Day 43 - Rest
I am going to run GMX3, True Social and True Sell next cycle which is sometime next week to try out GMX3, I can’t resist, and to try out @Invictus recommendation and decide if I want to turn those three into a streamer custom. I really enjoy RM, and think it’s a good sub for what I am looking for. But the recommendation is 3 subs per cycle and I most likely won’t be able to run 4 subs.

I have experimented with running 3 subs in a day for 3-5 minutes each and it’s been wonderful. I will probably see if I can push it to 4 subs, but 2 run in a day, rest day, then the other two after the rest day, but most likely will not be feasable. But we will see, it feels like RoM and RoS have increased my flow factor.

Peace

Also I think I’m in recon lol
The last few days I’d anxiety and deciding what subs to run. So perhaps the running 3 subs a day for 3 minutes didn’t go so well because I sometimes miss to stop the playback in time and end up listening to more than 3-5 minutes. :cry:

#40

Day 44 - RM & RoM
Listened to RM and RoM for 5 minutes each. I am going back to only listening to maximum 2 subliminals in a day to be in the safe side and mitigate the recon I’ve felt yesterday.

In love with RM, I feel like I’m a RM. My improv last night was on point, I was super expressive and had many small lessons to improve even more. Love it, and I think RM helps with this. I also felt present and super aware. I catch myself sometimes almost crying to a beautiful song or painting. Even colours can trigger awe in me. This is most likely courtesy of RoM and RoS.

I like RM and I think it fits with well what I want to do and like to do, which is to engage in different arts and bringing them together to create something new (a combo). I think it fits me so well so far, more than Stark did, then again I haven’t run the Stark, let alone the new Stark, in a long while.

So I’m thinking I’ll either keep going like this for next cycle or pause RoM, and bring in GMX3 instead. We shall see, I am in a phase where I am testing to improve my content and creativity and entertaining value. But I think RoM and RoS is bringing that missing piece perhaps, that I might have the ambition and the drive already, the plan, just not the patience, groundedness, depth or awareness, which RoM and RoS brings out. So that’s why I have hard time deciding.

Do I have to decide now?

Peace

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