The Unfolding Year - 2023

Hello guys, as you know I’ve had gaming and streaming, and other things as goals. And all has been great. Seeing progress and learning so much.

Then I started running RoM and the heavyness and struggle disappeared. The ambition stopped being so heavy and I realized alot of ways I self-sabotage but also put myself in a box. Also that I most likely were trying to fill a void inside me with validation and external or superficial success. Now I am leaning towards doing things I enjoy and love and success is just a bonus.

But this has made me very unsure of what goals to have (if any) as the biggest goal I’ve had (still do) lost alot of it’s intense struggle and I feel not as driven anymore. I mean it’s a hobby I enjoy alot and success would be super nice, but I used to self-attack alot of I didn’t stream. It was loaded with self-hate and anger. Like I felt like a loser if I didn’t take action or had conflicting goals. Very rigid and toxic to myself. All or nothing thinking. That heavyness is semi gone with it’s negativity, but also the motivation to stream. I don’t force myself to stream anymore. If I do it it’s just because I enjoy it. What a relief.

Anyway this had me realizing I want to keep RoM, because of the revelations and nudges towards areas to explore in my self, so I am interested to spend this whole year with it and potentially the upcoming revelations series, Revelation Of Spirit, Revelations of Body. I mean, what if I am chasing phantoms, I want to understand my mind, my body and explore the universe, spiritually with the help of subs. Before I feel comfortable setting new big sub/stack goals.

Another areas RoM has helped me to see and nudged me towards is healing. We all have flaws, and we might not get rid of all of our scars and traumas, and who says you need to anyway? But I do want to go on a healing journey as well.

I have been more aware, more now having a baby and building a family, of my upbrining, the good and the bad, but most importantly, the anger and the discomfort with emotions. I want to work on that, for my child, to not lash out on them or loved ones. I want to perhaps stop the cycle.

I have also set a goal to motivate myself to exercise, to run a 10K race in 3-4 months. Couch to 10K style. More gaming chair to 10k to be fair. The fitness/health programs are most likely beneficial here, but I want to explore healing for now. I have treated my body like I am going to live forever, so after spending January candy/sweets/chips free, and seeing results, I feel confident to stay without the daily sweets and push my health further but needed some goal to motivate me.

Anyway, first run I will focus on healing:

  • Revelations Of Mind
  • Love Bomb For Humanity
  • Chosen From Within (the test one we got with Chosen)

There are other good subs for fitness and healling, but I am going to start with what I got. RoM is awesome for so many things, but it’s staying to help me navigate and discern and understand that which will emerge with these healing subs. I am going to be flexible. This run I am focusing on interpersonal trauma and anger. And then we’ll see what unfolds.

“Don’t swim, float.”

I will start tomorrow and most likely start with microloops a la 1.5 - 3 minutes.

Wish me luck :four_leaf_clover: and good luck to you all, 2023 will be a tough year, but also a year of opportunity.


Day 1 - RoM & LBfH
Today I hit up the gym doing interval running, training for the 10K run in a few months. My first ever race ever. Race I feel like it’s a bad word for this, as I am running with others but not competing. I am already thinking of running a half marathon after this one. Anyway the drive is through the roof, I need to pace myself.

I listened to RoM and LBfH today for around 3 min each. Feels good :+1: so far so good.

Felt gratitude towards my ancestors for some reason. I feel like I should pay respect to people I loved and have passed away. Like there are things left undone (unloved).

Work day was super productive, but I am expecting it to dip a bit when the healing takes place. Usually it’s followed by recon, but hoping for the best.

I felt at peace today even when anxiety was around I felt the peace underneath it.

I feel confident. I feel firm, even during negative emotions. Ready for the journey.


Sweet! I’m planning to try and hit my first 10k run in 3 - 4 months as well. I use the 10K Runner app on Android and I open it up while I’m on the treadmill at the gym. May we achieve our goals :muscle: .


Ok cool, I need to check that out. What do you get out of it, if you don’t mind sharing?

Yes!! Good luck mate.

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This is how the interface looks like. There are 3 running days per week and it takes a total of 14 weeks to hit the 10k run goal at the end. So what you’ll notice is that there’s an interval between running and walking. As you keep progressing day by day, the length of the running interval increases as well as the total time per run. So on Week 14/Day 3, you’ll be running for 60 minutes straight with no walking.

I’m going for a run in a few hours and I’m on Week 3/Day 1. What I love about the app is how it progressively pushes you week by week, just enough so you’re pushing yourself but not too quickly to the point you burnout. You can give it a try and if W1/D1 seems too easy, you can always skip ahead. My settings on the treadmill are 4km/h for warm-up, 5km/h for walking and 10km/h for running. You can adjust it and see what fits you.

I document my running habit on my journal and I started quite recently, so you could skim it and see what my thoughts were when I started. Good luck mate! :running_man:


Awesome thanks man :slight_smile: I am also following a 12 week program, couch to 10k type of infographic. It starts at 20 minutes of 1 min running, 1.5 min walking and increasing it as well.


Day 2 - Rest day
Ah, the second day of a new cycle and stack. The day where the first days honeymoon phase is over. The real start!

Woke up a bit tired so took another hour of sleep. The 10k schedule I follow says train 3 days a week and the other days of rest or cross-train. I chose to rest today, but I was filled with anxiety and shame. I did some body weight squats, to no avail.

This is my first week on this schedule and I’m already self-attacking. Could also be recon, and most likely a mix, so I have ways to go.

Also feeling myself getting angry at loved ones, and my problem is I say stuff before I think, but interesting enough right after I get a pause in impulses and thoughts and realise the things I’m unhealthy angry at is meaningless. That love is more important. So that’s hope!

It’s just a reaction, no meaning. Insecurity and reactions. I need to learn to pause as soon as I feel anger before I say something. Don’t react, respond.

Yesterday I steamed and played Terraria. Love this game, got hours in it but never finished it so I’m striving to finish it and experience all the content. So far I am kicking ass.

Heading into work now, going to focus on feeling these emotions and let them run out. Come up guys, you’re welcome :pray::joy:


Day 3 - Chosen From Within
Woke up and felt pretty ok, are some breakfast and then headed to the city. I work out in the city in the morning because that’s also where I work.

Felt really good during the later half and the end of my interval (running) training. Did some stretching and then had a ok productive day at work.

Had a really deep profound idea during a demo presentation but now I can’t remember it. Maybe it wasn’t that profound? I should have noted it down either way. It was one of those things you need to reflect upon. Ahhhh!

Anyway, I am feeling a bit of emotional today and I’m just trying to let the emotions come up. They’re there, so let them do their thing.

I also reflected upon the conflicting goals of having a piece of cake with the others or stick to my goal, skip daily candy and lose weight. It’s conflicting because I want both. In started having things back and forth in my head but this time I was the empathetic and loving father explaining to the part of me that wanted the cake that yes, I know it’s hurtful that you can’t have the cake but it’s ok, it’s going to pass and it’s just one of those things that you just have to breathe through, no need to struggle not to give in. Instead of the self-attacking way. Discipline doesn’t have to be aggressive and rough. It can be as simple as breathing through temptations.

Also the key here is I want both but deep down knowing this is just a daily unnecessary pastry. It’s not that I am punishing myself from something I want, I want both, that’s the key for me.

I guess I am teaching myself (or trying to) a new form of discipline. Not based on the stick or shame.



Day 4 - Rest
Today is no sub day but it is cross-training day, which according to my program means training something else that is not running but might complement running, so I took a Vinyassa class (yoga).

It was super awesome and the instructor was very playful and helpful. Also the guy at the entrance counter was super helpful. Went out of his way to help me pay for a energy drink and remove false non-attendance warning I had because I forgot to sign in.

Now these things might be stuff you expect from these people, but I just felt a deep smile and gratitude. Also noticed myself looking at the early morning sky, seeing seagulls and the old concert hall and just feeling gratitude and being in awe. Weird, because it’s different.

People helpful and friendly, something I have taken for granted perhaps. Thank you.

Thank you! :pray::tulip:


Day 5 - RoM and LBfH

Starting to feel some recon, tiredness and anxiety. I listened to the subs for 15 minutes too. I’ll just stick to 3 minutes so I don’t over exposure with the healing.

This is also a good opportunity to explore and try to let go of the anxiety.

Today I was also at the gym and did my cardio run for the 10K. That one did feel good and the bloom after cardio is so nice. Love that calm fuzzy feeling afterwards. Is that the endorphins every runner is talking about?



Day 6 / Rest
Just chilling and family life and errands.

I did today again notice myself getting angry or something and being aware of that and choosing to pause, breathe and then respond. Trying to be more responsive rather then reactive.

I think this journey will be challenging but worth it.

I also feel more connected to the universe, it’s so esoteric and woo/woo type if feeling.


Day 7 / Chosen From Within
Feeling the anxiety coming up but also alot if ideas of how to work through it for growth and healing. I knew RoM is perfect to use as a tool together with healing. Keeps the mind sharp and fills me with ideas on how to tackle the day to day to burn off bad habits that keep me chained by my trauma and emotions. Very useful.

One thing I’ve been working with is acceptance of emotions as I’ve had a bad relationship to my emotions. These walls have made me only feel two emotions, anger and anxiety. Now I’m working on feeling all emotions.

Excited for this run.


Day 8 / Rest
Monday mornings, started with a run and stepping up in minutes running. Feels good so far, very sweaty, something I am unused to. Gamer lul.

Still working on my emotional strikes and feelings. Sometimes you can’t just accept the emotion, you have to act. In my life I have to let go of certain things that are based on perfectionism, elitism or control needs. Some are conflicting goals based on fear.

Now letting go of these things is never easy, letting go in general can be hard. So I am slowly working on accepting or letting go of what I can. I always listen and accept the emotion, if it runs it’s tim, good. If not perhaps it has some insights for me. And lastly can I do some thing else?

I love anxiety and emotions coming up. It’s a bit overwhelming at times, but I can handle it thanks to RoM if I am aware before they take over in the wrong time.


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Day 9 / RoM and LBfH

Things, thoughts and emotions that stand in the way (or is that just illusions?) of my emotional health and peace keep popping up and at the same time ideas on how to grow from them. To be honest it happens at such a rapid pace I can’t imagine me actually working through these things completely at the same pace they come up. That’s why I am trying to write everything down so I can contemplate, think, and reflect upon the nuggets of wisdom at the best pace I can handle.

Anyway, anxiety is still up and down, telling me I have deep rooted beliefs or habits that keep causing these. Some would call this neuroticism. I believe everything can change as the brain is malleable, and so the healing journey continues.

I love the control over the process I feel I have. I don’t feel swept away, or that it is out if control.
Is this self-esteem? Feeling capable to work through your problems?

On positive note, I’ve never felt this cool. Wherever I go I feel the coolest. I think this is blooming from Stark I ran a couple months ago.

Forgot to mention that I have worked out every week day so far. Love the after glow from running and also doing strength training.



Day 12 / Rest
Haven’t written here for a day or two, busy working out, working, gaming and family life. Things are good. Anxiety keeps coming up, followed by a lesson or a layer being removed. Been all up in that process.

Been diligent with my subliminal and reflecting on things.

Love this combo so far. I would like to engage with some emotional release meditation or something to aid in letting go of things. But I am learning of things that I hold on to that do not benefit me anymore. Things that might have been used as a self defence mechanism in the past and have helped me in the past but no longer serve me. Maybe that’s enough for now, the awareness can sometimes cut cords. Some teachers say awareness is like a knife.


Day 13 / RoM and LBfH
Lots of ups and downs in anger and anxiety. I have so much built up anger, that I hid as a child, and I have ever since. It’s not going to be easy to process all this but a journey starts with one step, and goes on one step at a time.

I listened to RoM and LBfH for around 3-5min each.

I was a bit of an agressive kid, with anger issues. I already had anger back then. Then I was for obvious reasons forced and shamed into supressing it (angry kids are annoying I guess and might hurt other kids as well, so fair enough) so I have kept it down. I wonder if my parents or teachers should have suggested a therapist instead of just making me stuff it down as a kid.

I guess they didn’t know better. Schools today seem better at finding mental health issues and people on a spectrum or something and give them aid. Of course not all school, I know there are alot of people who never get help, I am not alone.

So now I am here trying to understand that shame, endless anger and hurt. Probably loneliness, and also scared of hurting others.

Grown ups around me used to say ”Don’t play with him, he has no control and balance and don’t understand the concept of limit and boundary, he’ll end up hurting you really bad.”

So yeah, all these memories start to come up, memories that have come up before but I never thought they might actually have affected me as deeply as they have. Should have known, because memories you remember for decades usually have an emotional charge to them.

Processing on til break of dawn.



Day 14 / Rest day

Cool day, chill Sunday, started with a long sleep and then the day started.

Breakfast, a long walk, I think 10k+, call it active recovery. ❤️‍🩹 Found this nice big glass jar with a spigot in a second hand store along the way. Bought it immediately because lately I’ve been getting into making my own kombucha and my first batch was awesome, so now I need a bigger jar to fit my increasing passion. It was at least 2 gallons, probably 3, which is perfect for the continuous brewing method. So yeah, I’m a brewer now.

Healing wise i I feel progress has been made from this past weeks pain. No pain no gain, and I believe the pain brought my awareness to the cause or some of it and as I’ve said before, awareness is sometimes like a knife and enough to cut off bullcrap or to heal some wounds or fix some issues. Long way to go, probably will never end this healing process, but who said you need to be 100%. Is anyone 100%?

Besides healing I’ve been also leaning into health and fitness. So I wonder how I can get a fitness subliminal in or whether it’s too early in my journey.



Day 15 - CFW
Played CFW today for 15 minutes, its powerful man. Need to stick to micro loops for now. It might overwhelm me otherwise. Next cycle I might push it to 5 minutes, then 7 and then perhaps 15. Perhaps go even slower, we’ll have to dons it if it works.

I believe these emotions come up and you have to process them and adapt to them. Lessons to be had and even is that’s just letting them go. Sometimes just experiencing them fully is enough.

Nice workout today, interval’s training (running). Also met up with an improv group and sis some improv. Good I missed improv. Got inspired for some ideas for my next stream.



Day 16 - AscCh
Rest today from regular stack so I ran AscCh. Feeling good :+1:

Alot of stress and anxiety, alot of opportunities to grow. I can feel my self getting better and better at handling it. Far from great or perfect, but I can see progress, tiny, but progress nonetheless.


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Day 18 - Rest
Yesterday I played RoM and LBfH a little bit too long, that coupled with being tired, not a nice combo. But we’ll come out stronger!

Excited for RoS, I have gotten value from RoM and therefore excited for the unfolding of RoS. I will remove CFW and switch it with RoS come next cycle which is after next week. I am taking the whole of next week off for a week long washout.

RoM, LBfH and RoS. Will be interesting cycles.
I will stick to micro-loops even more diligently, after hearing the power of RoS from the copy and the pro-tips, and knowing that I operate best at microloops for now.

Peace and love

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