The Road to Alexandria (IG: UPX)

Journals - Major Programs
#261

So I had to stick with it doing takes and more takes to get different video sections done, but I’ve finally started my education series on writing VR apps using Hotham, starting with the cargo configuration and NDK considerations.

The video production is still rough as guts, but I’m starting to find my way around OBS Studio finally. I think the key has been continuing with Limitless but forcing myself to do rote repetition of the process of speaking directly to the camera and cutting content together / adding key frames, which I am most definitely not used to.

I do feel somewhat frustrated at the slow speed in building up a channel. So far I’ve only published two official videos, one with AI generated voice overs and this one with my ugly mug and nasal Australian accent droning on for about 50 minutes of programming related content. But I know I need to generate some shorts to push the channel views up and gain subscribers, as well as publishing my further content on the code angle. That would be the meat and potatoes to build up a following of future developers, whereas the first two videos are more “vegetables”.

I have to aim for having several more hours of content over the course of the rest of the week, beginning to go into proving the safety of unsafe code, introducing OpenXR and Vulkan, and the graphics library I’ve been using. It’s only quarter past 8 at night here and already I’m somewhat exhausted.

Whoever said that being a solo developer and content creator was easy?

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#262

Even with Limitless, I have to admit certain limitations. One of those is the extraordinary uselessness of Gemini in providing useful information about breaking changes to the NDK and SDK over time. Gemini’s parent company developed Android. Gemini’s parent company is heavily into AI. So why in the hell has it been made so difficult to get concrete information about the evolution of Android’s architecture?

I literally had to explicitly point Gemini to the line within the changelog for r23 where they upgraded to LLVM12 and caused breaking changes in some systems due to the move of the default unwinder from libgcc to libunwind, before it would even give me anything concrete. And then, when asking about the changes to the Android polling around NDK 20, which were gradually deprecated in favor of the Android Event Extensions, it could not even tell me with any certainty when the method of event polling changed!!

Then it started giving me useless af information about C++ versioning as a way of identifying compatibilities between the NDK and SDK. It purported to give me a link that identified the changes in the C++ versioning for each NDK. However, on going to the link, it turned out to be nothing of the sort. It then apologised for the incorrect information, and did not provide any corrected data or link that might clear up the differences it was claiming.

I told the mealy mouthed AI that I would go find one of its competitors to tease apart my original query instead. Highly ironic that an AI written by Google cannot give me useful information about a Google project.

#263

Got halfway through the next video (recording segments) before I had to stop for the day. I could have been Nigel no friends and ignored the call from my mate and had an easy night, but instead spent an hour or so talking business and life in general, giving advice and shooting the shit. Reached a point at which I just couldn’t do the talking thing any longer for the night, so I managed to wrap it up with them before playing a little WoW. And by a little I mean, several hours to exhaustion of soloing the Emerald Nightmare on Heroic.

Tomorrow I have to ensure I deal with government and potential financial support before it gets too late, then it’s back to getting into the nitty gritty of recording that video and focusing on the code side of things. I figured out a way of working around the s****y answers Gemini gave me on the NDK issues and just wrote the best summary I could and recorded it along with a commentary on working around it and how the community should band together to write a pull request to fix the problem.

I keep getting frustrated by the amount of time it takes to make content, but I know I just need to keep doing the same shiznit until it becomes second nature. There really is no other solution other than improvement by forging those neural pathways to make it easier. The more I can accept this the less its going to stress me out.

#264

How much of the contribution to this reminder to me was due to Limitless, I have no idea. It cannot be the entirety of the contribution frankly, because last night’s walk around the happy time (just after 4am), as I was sitting on a log communing with the consciousness of the bush, I put it to the divine to teach me on how to change my behavior to make myself a better instrument to create good works through.

Today I tracked down a copy of Man Who Tapped the Secrets of the Universe again, and began rereading it. My friend in authorship/artistry who likes to call me all hours of the day dropped me a line and I explained to him my rationale behind starting this read-through again.

In the process of doing that, here is what I realised. In the past when I was reading a lot more, one of the techniques I took on which was very similar to Raikov modelling, informed my intuitive grasp of learning about genius.

Mind you, it wasn’t called Raikov modelling at the time. I had read about it originally in the process of reading Pernety’s The Great Art, introduced by the Martinist Eduoard Blitz M.D. He spoke of the process in terms of EVOCATION. In some version of that work or another related one, it had mentioned a jurist who learned about the intentions or motives of those he was dealing with in respect of the law, by imitating all their mannerisms and idiosyncracies. Quite likely it was an apocryphal or second hand story of Giambattista Vico, as I have discovered in trying to find the story again (futile).

My point being: I had at this early stage an understanding that “To train ze dolphin you must zink like ze dolphin! You must be getting inside ze dolphin’s head” (to quote Ace Ventura), and so reading a lot of works by people who were genius or polymaths and especially those who had a spiritual perspective was a technique I used, unconsciously, for a long time in my research and attempts to improve my own skills.

Now that I am trying to get back to that place after probably 10 to 12 years of being blindsided by life, I am finding myself really enjoying certain parts of W.R.'s perspective. Russell was deeply spiritual, and made several very interesting statements with respect to genius.

An inner joyousness, amounting to ecstasy, is the normal condition
of the genius mind. Any lack of that joyousness develops
body-destroying toxins. That inner ecstasy of the mind is the secret
fountain of perpetual youth and strength in any man. He who finds
it finds omnipotence and omniscience.

and again, when speaking of his process for preparing to sculpt Thomas Edison when he had hardly ever sculpted before:

"So I went to Florida with a mass of clay, but on my way down I spent the entire time absorbed in inspirational meditation with the Universal Source of all inspiration, in order to fully realize the omnipotence of the Self within me as a preparation for doing in a masterly way what I would otherwise be unable to do.

What I realised after speaking with my friend today was that this has been precisely what I have been trying to reach in my work recently, but doing it wrong, in a disconnected way which has more in common with straining a giant poop through a colander than a smooth birthing of great works.

So my plan is to at least partially Raikov model, in my own way, some of the concepts and methods that Russell used, to help my own creative process with the video production.

#265

Didn’t get any further with my video production today. Stack remains consistent. Had to go to $government department today to finally sort out the issues with signing up for my remaining payments I’m eligible for while working on the business. 35 minute wait times just to speak to someone, so I decided to try some of the concepts touched on by W.R. mentioned in the previous post. First person I spoke to then told me I would have to speak to someone else, which was another 15-20 minute wait.

Managed to avoid getting frustrated. Remembered how W.R. was speaking about how people respond positively to people who trust the inner universal power, among other things. So I concentrated on connecting with my own energy and on confidence that I would get the entire problem dealt with today.

When it came time to go up to $govt agent, although I didn’t expect to get anything more than the information I was unable to get calling their contact centre every day in a row for a week. But instead the agent decided to be helpful enough to submit my claim for me right there on the spot! Granted, its going to take their usual service standard to be processed, but I was totally expecting to have to go home and do more dicking around just to get the ball rolling.

Was it my inner work I was doing while waiting that helped? Or would he have done the same anyway regardless of my internal state? I don’t know. This needs more investigation, further multiplied examples. And I sure wouldn’t mind the side effects.

Alas, after walking the several miles there and back in heavy work boots and a thick jacket I was exhausted upon getting home. In retrospect after speaking to my friend, it was probably my electrolytes out of whack through sweating a bunch, that and the lactic acid in the muscles. So I couldn’t focus on the business. Did a few hours of WoW instead which is something I can do without thinking too much.

Really looking forward to intensifying the focus on the techniques mentioned in the book to see if I can get them as close to intention as possible, and then see how it impacts my manifestation of results from the stack.

#266

Early update tonight if I can, maybe another retrospective later if it forms.

I had another positive experience today with the government - it’s a miracle! As I’ve mentioned yesterday, I worked with the ideas of Walter Russell while at the government office and got someone who was my eventual assisting agent to go above and beyond the usual call for me, without asking for it!

Well today I had the follow up interview/phone call, and where in the past I have gotten extremely hard to understand Indians who don’t even know how to go off script (nothing against Indian people, just noting the extremely valuable perspective of talking with someone born in your resident country for a citizen born in the same place), today I had a person obviously well established in the country if not born here, who was able to deal with my long form answers to questions that go beyond the traditional yes/no, and could figure out how to translate them properly into the system.

No more than an hour later, while recording the next parts of my coding video, the successful approval of my claim came through - something I had not been expecting for up to two weeks! And this agent woman, with a perfectly pronounceable monosyllabic name was able to be open and honest about their job and their occasional frustrations with it, and ask me real questions about my business and the name I had chosen. I actually got to speak to a “real person”! I’m tempted to submit positive feedback for this agent because they did their job really well and professionally.

What this tells me is I need to continue working with these techniques and continue to watch if things improve. I would classify this as an improvement; even though it falls within typical human limitations, it was so nice to speak with a fellow person who actually clearly cares about their job and the service they give to the community! I saw this as my sign from the Universal that I’m on the right track.

Not a lot else to report. I’ve been a lot more direct in my truth telling than I have been in the past with certain people whose opinions I typically value more than the need to be blunt and open with them. And I feel it has been for positive outcome.

Also, last night, I found myself automatically doing, at least twice, the Lord’s Prayer, in a telepathic-voice-to-the-universe kinda form. And even flippantly remarking to my housemate who I had no idea if he understood or not about the Path of Samekh (verifying truth through trial, “thinking like a hammer” as someone once put it) in my spiritual process. So things have certainly been happening.

#267

Time noted of events at 3.14am (LOL… the perfect circle)

Listening to a homily before bed that looked interesting… meditation on the relationship between recent solar flaring and Mary, the “woman clothed with the sun”, and a reminder of the imagery, but with the addition of my unique view of the consciousness of systems such as the sun, or the moon, in their chain of being or inter-relationship up to the Ultimate weaving in with the sermon.

Flashes of insight arose on how I can implement the ideas of W.R. in a way that reflects my own ways of conscious perception. There arose understanding of processes of consciousness along that chain of systems that things such as The Woman Clothed with the Sun represents (with her 12 stars representing the 12 30 degree segments of the great ecliptic, the 30 degree segment being the only sin that represents a line of 2 in length for every 1 in height, the only rational number ratio for a number of integer degrees). The ultimate perception of scale and Psalm 19 as a way of approaching in our own consciousness an understanding of what we’re aligning with or the type of thing we’re establishing a resonance with when we pray to or connect with God, ultimate source of consciousness.

A reminder arose to use the techniques of Lefebure which can most easily be approached through sungazing as the most approachable reflection of the light of that Greater Light.

Finally applying that perspective on or remembrance of the Universal One to W.R.'s ideas on success and creativity is to be executed was the additional understanding received.

Tomorrow/today I must try to apply these things received as my momentary re-entry of RoS into my stack occurred recently and try to apply it to my difficult process of learning how to talk about my development process with confidence and bring forth that light of understanding in words.

#268

About to get started on recording the final segments for video three: example code for loading models, the tick loop, and the different systems that are typically called during it. Mercifully, future videos should be a hell of a lot shorter, knock on wood.

I have not been happy with the slow speed of my progress on the video. The reasons for that slow down are partially my own fault. We all fall short, and recently health and finances have been a major stresser, and trying to ensure I continue to survive and find the right path forward for the business has been weighing on my mind.

I even looked at some of the open contracts on upwork to see if any of them might be up my ally, but that didn’t exactly fill me with enthusiasm. One guy was offering $50 to fork a repository for a complete Rust Project, set up continuous integration, modify the Rust code to add extra options, recompile the code targeting Windows, and then do full testing on the binary to ensure it functions as expected, and then to provide full documentation to the person sending the fifty on how the changes were made and how to maintain the code in the future. They then had the gall to ask any interested party to “apply with your relevant experience and a detailed plan for how you will approach the project”. We’re talking here about a minimum of a half hours work just to apply to land the project, then multiple hours to code, document and test it. For fiddy bucks. Ummm, thanks but no thanks.

Another more reasonable request wanted to convert some of their Python code to Rust code, but it became clear after reviewing their repository that converting the code to Rust would not make it run faster or better, because the library they were using was not thread safe, and required a mutex to make copies of the code run separately.

Today I just dealt with stuff at a basic level, dealing with the government and figuring out what forms I need to fill out to ensure I’ve jumped through different hoops in the right way. As usual, after having done the mile or so there and back again, my mental energy was not high enough to focus on the business at that point, so I needed to work up to it again. Now that I’m back there, my PC is almost out of drive space and I need a full clean reboot to regain enough drive space from the hibernation file to use OBS Studio again.

The one positive thing during the second half of the day was watching a street preaching video or two from a particular Youtube channel. Ordinarily I find these types of videos really distasteful because so few people can really convey “the news” without coming across as judging the people they are ministering to. However I actually saw some really touching human interactions and a healing of a mute kid by laying on of hands/prayer, and it gave me a chance to reflect on my own beliefs and how I would approach speaking about those topics myself. Although I will probably never be a street preacher, and such a job would only be slightly less distasteful than being a shelf stacker to me (I was put on this Earth for other things with other skills), I have to give the guy respect and props.

I recognized that in the reflections I was having watching the videos, ASBR was at work. I have experiences and wisdom as a result of my life path that I probably need to write about, or at least talk about with others. Things that have come out of a lifetime of following the Heraclitan aphorism: “those who love wisdom must investigate many things”. I can’t snap my fingers and magically send that info via osmosis to the rest of the world, but its a nudge in the right direction.

#269

Midnight approaches, 35 minutes away as I start this post. I didn’t get to the video segments. I’ll get to them tomorrow. I have to. My eyes felt the strain of yet another day staring at a screen. My meal of cold peri peri chicken soup out of a can combined with rice crackers (to avoid cooking up the more expensive food tonight) gave nourishment but left the indigestible acidity in the belly. Too much coffee, too much this, too much that. I withdrew to my meditation cocoon.

I won’t go into detail about what imprecations I was making to the Divine. But at one stage as my thoughts started to run into vision/daydream of explaining things to another human I know, a sudden flash of insight (again). The earth, the sun, the galaxy… again a common meditation them, the structure of the universe. What do they all hold in common? Fire/heat/spirit being released through pressure. Things being crushed, squeezed together, pushed until the energy they are made of blooms outward, unable to be contained in such a tiny space. And then…

Boom! The insight hits. What is the Seed of Life, which expands into the Flower of Life? Why are plant seeds hard and dense? Why does Fulcanelli italicise/emphasise in his teaching on Adamas “this knot having hard and black, owing to its density”? Why indeed is the famous bone of Luz spoken of by De Cyrano Bergerac the alchemist and others the weight bearing bone? ie, the seat of the Kundalini is right at that point where all of the pressure squeezes down as we stand upright or sit upright, the part which is hardest to burn up in the fire. Why do they call it the Diamond Body?

The maximum spirit/spark of consciousness operating in the minimum space that eventually has no choice but to bloom outward in the sign of the cross or the star, as Fulcanelli pointed out. Living through suffering/pressure is one way to cause the consciousness to gather inward and protect its integrity and thus there is more in a smaller space. Etc.

All these little ideas and correlations going off like miniature fireworks in my brain, and seeing the connection to different techniques of “development” I’ve learned of in the past. And suddenly I realise, I’m probably not going to sleep for a while :wink:

Really, is this (partly) RoS? From only a second or third run since I got the idea to lace my stack again with it? Much to ponder.

#270

I can’t believe its been almost 16 days since I put out video number 2!

Video number 3 is coming, probably tomorrow at some stage. I need to record a final segment and an outro.

I have a few segments recorded for video 4 already, however I didn’t realize until I started to cut number 3 together that it was already very close to an hour in length already. My teaching style is slower than some people would probably like, but it is what it is.

So far I’ve covered:

  • The state of the VR industry in 2024
  • Why I chose Hotham as the graphics engine
  • The structure of a Hotham program
  • Initialisation and state variables, design patterns for working with state variables in Rust
  • Loading models into the world

The next video will cover the math of VR and 3D games/applications, including conversion between different coordinate spaces, the tick loop, and a lot more. Again I already have content recorded, but I need to cut it together with additional content describing how to use the math and the 14 different subsystems that already exist (and when to role your own system).

It’s been a heady journey, and there is a lot more content to come, including how I wrote an entire 3D windowing system from scratch. But I need to cover the basics first. That’s important. not only to get noobs on board but also to get people on board with the system I used, I’ll probably end up having to take on side contracts to keep myself afloat while I work on the series. People are fickle, and so far I have had exactly zero supporters on buymeacoffee. Part of me says, fecking brass moles, it’s their loss. The other is like… what can I do to improve the situation. Lets see which side wins, LOL

#271

So video 3 was delayed again. I’ll get it out soon, but I know better than to give a date because things are in flux. Maybe the new IG release will help give me a kick in the ass to get it finished, but the Creator has been showing me stuff that perhaps is proposing to me an alternative direction.

I say that casually, but several videos, textual websites, PDFs and other things have dropped into my lap which are increasingly higher quality information (with some need for interpretation) than I’ve had access to in the past as to the nature of exactly what the fuck is going on ™. Newflash (shock horror), much of alternative media is either compromised (controlled opposition / limited hangout) or wearing blinders that prevent them from seeing the rest. The sunglasses in They Live are a better metaphor than some would think.

Now that information which I’m still processing is all well and good, but the real upshot of it is the action I take as a result of the new information. Right now as I’ve started understanding the situation better, I feel like the timeline is longer than I originally saw it as. I guess I’ll keep and eye on earthquake and solar activity among other things to help verify what the “fourth dimensional thinking” seems to be suggesting. So perhaps the fear porn in some of the more popular Australian alt-media sources is indeed nothing more than that. Bottom line is I have time to adjust my actions in line with gradually expanding knowledge of truth and to verify said truth at the same time, in real time.

But one thing I can say with certainty… I need to rethink the level and scope of involvement with my current industry and if there are ways I can smoothly transition to a different way of getting livelihood. Perhaps a cycle of NR is in the cards…

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#272

Last night I found a potential project on upwork that was actually interesting and possibly something I could complete (for a fee of course) relating to transforming some Go code into Rust code. So I spent the day working on it to see how far I could push it in order to turn it about in my mind and see if there were any obstacles to it’s completion for the potential client.

Well, fk if I didn’t just run into the most infuriating piece of obfuscated code I’ve ever seen recently… obfuscated not entirely in the sense of deliberately, but due to its complexity and lack of comments. It was an adaptation of a paper from SIGGRAPH97 on mesh simplification that formed part of the libraries the Go code relied on. Three or four different functions relating to quadric matrices, quadric error metrics, quadric vectors, quadrics out the fricken wazoo. And then, just to make things even more fun, the different functions were all jumbled up with code to queue and dequeue vertex pairs from a heap in a special way, based on the outcome of a function that tries to maximise the output of the quadric vector across the edge of the pair.

It was so confusing that even with Limitless I had to stop, shake my head, and say “what the hell was this guy smoking when he wrote this?” The comments were about as helpful as some as the comments I have seen by other graphics programmers (who are an eccentric bunch), like a single word comment “simplify”. Simplify what? Did you mean “TODO: Simplify”?

Gah, I’ll have to go back to it tomorrow after my afternoon appointment at this point. One of those cases that is really going to test what kind of miracles Limitless/new IG can help to work. Perhaps this is a Pantene case – “it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen”

Other than that, I was called to reading John 3 and 4 tonight, and digging deeper into the meanings and etymologies of some of the Greek words. John 3:16 is often over-quoted outside of its complete context by lukewarm followers of the Master as a kind of distillate of the good news. Much like ethanol is distilled out of wine or beer but that doesn’t make the two the same thing. You can’t savor ethanol.

It comes in the context of a discussion with a ruler who came in secret at night. When you end up reading the multiple different meanings of the Greek words so that you can breath with the language, things start becoming a lot more clear, and this was what I experienced tonight.

The Greek term “anothen” in “gennea anothen”, usually translated as “born again”, can actually mean (and usually does mean in its literal sense) “from above”. I had a discussion with Gemini where it was actually helpful in breaking it down into ano and -then, the latter which holds the concept of an origin. Of course, then as I broke things down further, the AI/LLM decided it would be a good idea to try to contradict me and act as an authority in interpreting a holy book, and I had to put the demon back in its box. After telling it I didn’t think an LLM should be interpreting a 2000 year old book for me, it apologised profusely. AIs, they make me laugh sometimes.

There is a way you can take the words of the dialogue with Nicodemus as a kind of treatise on the alchemical regeneration of man, and when you read his statement about Moses lifting up the serpent in the wilderness (using a Greek word that can also mean basically “on his lonesome”), that becomes kinda obvious. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the reading tonight. I don’t know how much Limitless helped there with different thought modalities, and how much was divine inspiration, but in the end the result is the same.

#273

The potential contract to bid on became even more complex when I looked at the Go code for decoding an STL file. Strangely enough, the code for reading PLY, OBJ, VOX and 3DS is all single threaded; it’s just the code for reading STL that is multi-threaded and uses go routines, and that only for binary STL.

Why, Georgia? Why? Why the hell would you write the code for loading only one type of complex mesh as asynchronous co-routines, and the rest as blocking, synchronous code? It makes no sense whatsoever.

Converting it to Rust using async would mean all sorts of other implications for very little performance benefit, especially if it’s running as part of a web service. Not to mention that the code fires off as many threads/futures as there are CPUs, which would mean concurrent requests at the same time would thrash the CPU.

I think I’m just going to write a synchronous code version of the same function and see how that goes. Maybe soon would be a good time to have a good long talk with the contract owner and see if they’re still interested. I originally thought “this will just be a fun little project”, but whoever wrote this library they’re using made some fking weird design decisions.

EDIT: oh crap! More go routines spawning to NumCPU times in the shader context code. What a nightmare. Running something like that on a web server would NOT scale well.

#274

I made an executive decision today to just ignore the multi threading bullshit in the code and just write a single threaded version of the code. So far everything has gone well, there’s only one or two modules left to convert, and the only real change I need to make (executive decision) is how to deal with the interface calls to the Shader trait. I’m honestly thinking passing an &mut Vertex to the vertex shader to modify its original value and then resetting it to its original value afterward if need be is the best course of action. fragment shader will need to be different to allow for interpolating values between twoi points. But it could still be done with a mutable reference if I hacked the code a bit.

I can see why the person who wrote this wanted to make this multithreaded. Hell, I may even try to make that happen eventually. But for the purposes of running on a web server, spawning off as many threads as there are CPUs is a piss poor decision. At best, maybe what I will do is allow the code to be asynchronous in this one or two functions eventually and pass in the number of cores per instance, so that the user can decide how fucked they want their machine to be.

Reason for the original decision is no doubt because its calling the same poorly designed phong shader code once for every pixel in the output image, and each one of those is running a color interpolation for each pixel in the image. The speed of Rust will probably obviate that poor coding decision, but it’s still going to be relatively slow. But at least it won’t kill the CPU by tying up every core (!!!)

Part of me wishes I had a big box of goon right now to drink wine and code like a drunkard. The other part of me says no fuck that, it’s better to attack this from a more translucent mental state. So my better angels will prevail.

I still hope I can retain this contract. The tax implications seem like rocket science to me at the moment and potentially unworkable, but I guess we will see once I look at it another thousand times (hyperbole) from the perspective of an Australian taxpaying citizen (at least until they introduce the mark of the beast)

For now this is Mr ObeWan saying: yes, I really did decode the Pakistani brain virus :wink:

#275

Okay, I have officially decided that Upwork is a load of steaming you know what.

Seriously. Stupid app can’t even scan my id card. I spent $25 that I’m not getting back on Connects for this piece of shyte website, and I can’t even connect with the contractor.

Don’t use upwork. It’s a scam. No direct number to contact for support, useless frigging app, they make you scan a QR code and then can’t even verify your document. What a waste of bloody time.

#276

Daily update. Useful information continues to come to me through multiple reliable sources that makes me realize how much I was unaware of with respect to the receptacle of illusion within which we find ourselves. Much of it is humbling and yet only years ago I would not have believed it to be anything more than well written science fiction.

I’ve decided for now at least to drop the possibility of connecting with the person who turned me onto this fake opengl implementation and wanted it converted. In fact I should probably destroy my account on the website in question. I have begun to come up with a different plan which is more aligned with my goals of stayin’ alive and keeping my soul safe. I won’t write anymore about the plan on this journal, except to say: think globally, act locally.

How much those couple of runs of RoS, and my various runs of other programs, have affected my progress in this regard, and how much is the result of divine help, is impossible to say and no longer really matters to me. My total loops of the different subs per week have dropped significantly, and that could be helping my brain play catch-up.

I will be seeking to hammer out an analog version of my plan tonight. A digital one simply won’t do, even though parts of it will be implemented in the digital realms. With help from Him, I will ensure it is as meticulous as it needs to be to work with those who will help me bring it to completion. In the meantime, I still need to finish absorbing via osmosis the information which has been presented to me, and trust in God.

And remember Psalm 27 as a shield against the enemy.

#277

So today was a mixed bag start to the week.

Work-wise, in terms of making money or proceeding closer to a sold product, it was utter shit. PC started acting up something shocking, rebooting didn’t help, and it wasn’t until I had force killed emacs and all its associated processes that things started working as expected.

Despite the fact that I’ve given up on selling the fauxgl conversion to the person who wanted to pay for the expertise, I still tried to finish the job just to prove I can do it. But with emacs playing up, what I finally figured out was happening was the USB drives my code is stored on were going on and offline, and causing the rust-analyzer/LSP to freak the hell out. So multiple rust-analyzer processes were using my entire CPU and even most of my disk throughput. And that made for a horribly frustrating experience.

Eventually I gave up, rebooted and spent a bunch of time chain smoking and making minimal food for myself and trying to force myself to calm down after virtually bursting into tears at how hopeless everything was feeling.

I managed to have a chat with someone about a project I’m hoping will make some money before the world collapses (hyperbole), as well as discussing various topics relating to off grid survival and self reliance. This was a positive influence, and gave me some potential focuses to make me feel like I’m not a completely useless wanker. I suppose to some people that might be a surprising statement, given the fact that I know assembly language and low level languages like a pro, however my dirty little secret is I know how useless these skills are going to be very very soon, at least for a while.

Go ahead and try to prove me wrong, I dare you. Everyone right now is gearing up to capitalise on the next big thing ™, artificial stupidity. So secure in the idea that computers and AI chips will always be around (pay no attention to what China is doing), along with our cushy way of life of buying a big juicy steak from the corner store after walking, no! driving! no more than a mile or two to your duly sanctioned 15 minute city shopping center where you can also pick up a nice 2L cask of goon and some poisoned puffed wheat and corn covered with artificial flavours including 3 types of MSG and several carcinogens.

Don’t worry, the artificial stupidity, oh sorry I mean intelligence will closely monitor everything you do, as well as everything that potential terrorist in the next isle does, so if they flip out and start stabbing you, it will all be captured in glorious 4K video footage and uploaded to the cloud, so the store employees can prove in court that they could not possibly have intervened because they were in fear of their lives and the legal statutes. It will monitor everything and even make the decision immediately on whether the situation trumps the violence in other parts of the city for importance in terms of the limited response the defunded law enforcement departments can give, and whether it demands a human response or just a drone like what they’re trialing in Colorado now :wink:

That is, until the EMP comes or the solar killshot / earthquakes which destroy all this fabulous (sarcasm) technology and turns everything in the cities into a free for all. I’m sure all of those illegal immigrants, oh I’m sorry I meant refugees, those not military age males, will stand in line for their hand outs and be utterly polite and let all the legal citizens take their government allotted rations first :smiley:

With all of this joking/sarcasm aside, I move on to tonight and my discussion with my friend in another state who has been having a hard time for many years. A good conversation was had tonight, about the hardships we have both experienced, about resilience (Emperor), about addiction and getting over it, about Tesla and his discussions of self awareness in “My Inventions” and so on. And then finally, a little Kansas (“once I rose above the noise and confusion, just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion…”).

I’ve recognized recently that when my friend is in trouble (emotionally, spiritually, etc), I tend to move towards desire for alcohol again. It’s not because I need it, because I don’t, but it is to get myself in resonance with him, who still drinks more than a winner would. Something pushes me to get myself in sync with him via such crude methods, so that I can more clearly give him advice that will help him move beyond such illusions and intemperance. It hurts me physically in some ways, but in a way I don’t care because I love my friend enough (no homo, lol) to take the hit for them, so I can speak more clearly and in a brutally honest way about the ways of being virtuous in our lives.

As I consider the multi-hour call I had with my hard ass friend tonight (me and him are like cheese and chalk in some respects), I acknowledge that my true raison d’etre in life is not writing code or being a clever person, but it is about helping people who are at the end of their rope in improving their lives and learning to be true human beings. I have a knack at this kind of thing, you see, which I don’t often talk about on this Index Gate journal. Part of that knack has to do with hands on healing, what many nowadays would call Reiki or use of the Universal Energy to heal peoples physical problems. Part of it is living people’s emotional and spiritual discomfort, and resonating with with it, and showing them how to move beyond this.

It’s a hell of a difficult thing to do, and I can’t say that it is an easy task, but it is one hundred percent rewarding.

As a result of being in alignment with these skills of mine, my friend opens up to me and we have conversations which can only be described as one word: authentic. My mind goes to a song which I just paused by Tim Hawkins, which goes like this:

I go down, to the water
Dive as deep as a man can go,
To those, dark places,
Watch the underwater flow…

Exploring the blue (x3)
In search of You

To help people to move from a dark place to an empowered place, you often have to reach those places yourself in order to offer them advice. I’ve often felt that has been my life story. I spent days homeless at Saint Kilda beach dealing with the riff raff who inhabit that place after midnight, in order to help people who have also slept rough. I know what it is like to deal with self preservation issues and not having a place to call home, and it is only because I have experienced this pain that I can connect with other people who have also been in these situations.

And yet, here I am, writing fucking code, and trying to teach people about thinking logically. It’s kind of a joke, isn’t it?

I am a paradox, even to myself. And yet, that is the gift that I give other people.

I can heal someone just by putting my hands on them. Hell, I healed a person indirectly connected with our city’s underworld once (although I did not know that at the time) just by doing that. I can help people just by talking to them in a direct and honest way. And yet, here I am, writing code.

The problem is, I have multiple skills. And in this messed up world, we tend to think cleverness is more important than these other abilities.

Exploring the blue…
In search of you.

I could continue this post all night

But what I’m probably really getting at with this post, is that I’m in the wrong profession. I’m a smart dude, and I could go any number of a couple of different ways. But the way I want to go is the way that brings the most benefit the the other people I love. And I do love my fellow humans. I do feel a deep resonance with Christ who spent his time with the sinful and the downtrodden, the people who most would say are beyond hope, because with my inner third eye I see the potential of these people and I want to help them rise beyond the things which are oppressing them.

Ramble ramble ramble. Listen to a little Ed Kowalycyzk, a little Live. Get a little inspiration. I hope tonight’s experiences can push me towards a more rewarding path.

#278

Today was not a very productive day. However, I was reminded during my actions today that if I indeed “make my eye single” as the saying goes, I can read without glasses. This is not an easy process, but it works, and it makes me wonder: if I can focus my eyes with nothing more than a simple exercise, through a sustained act of will… why are they scattering light in the first place?

If the sight issues are due to damage to the retina, it should not possible for it to be reversed temporarily by an act of will. So whatever is the root cause is clearly reversible, and it is clear that I do not have the full knowledge on how I see figured out. I should keep working with these exercises.

Editing post add add further experiences. I found a video which introduced 3 Enoch’s description of the transformation of Enoch into Metatron, which I had not been aware of. 3 Enoch is considered pseudoepigraphal, but nevertheless its description of Enoch’s transformation basically describes him becoming a being of plasma. From a secondhand source quoting 3 Enoch:

This Enoch, whose flesh was turned to flame, his veins to fire, his eye-lashes to flashes of lightning, his eye-balls to flaming torches, and whom God placed on a throne next to the throne of glory, received after this heavenly transformation the name Metatron.

This was very interesting, but I was curious whether any other more reliable texts would provide a comparable description. At first I asked Gemini for some assistance. I am quickly learning that this and many other AI’s deliberately act dumb with regards to questions such as these, unless you trick them into giving information by crafting the right narrative. I eventually gave up on using the demon-in-a-box and did my own search, finding my answer in 1 Enoch chapter 17. Here comparable beings are described:

And they took and brought me to a place in which those who were there were like flaming fire, 2 and, when they wished, they appeared as men.

So while 3 Enoch does not have a direct parallel in 1 Enoch, there are beings described which exist in a similar form to Enoch’s transformed state in 3 Enoch.

I considered this, and his description of the throne room, and the incident of the Burning Bush, and the descriptions of the Ark. All of this furthers the resolve of my belief that these apocryphal and canon texts describe the same final state of transformation of man after a long struggle and communion with the Divine into beings of intelligent or conscious plasma.

The contemplation of such things, and comparing it to the program of digital enslavement, lawlessness and debauchery of the prince of the power of the air and his servants, certainly puts things into perspective. It reminds me of something I said to one of my American friends regarding the alphabet debacle: why all this focus on gender and sexuality? We are all so much more than these pitiful human conceptions, and our real concern should not be such things but the power which animates us and sustains our existence, and not making this power within us subservient to any other but the source of all of this power which steps down ultimately from God.

And again, the mastery of this power within ourselves, usually most clearly evident in bioelectricity/biomagnetism, should be a primary concern. One could call this power which moves and manifests in such forms the soul. At times I have touched on this mastery in being able to control my own field, but only in limited scope. I suppose this is where the book my old partner pointed me to comes in.

This is a topic I have wanted to write a book about for some time, and yet I fear there would be very low interest in a written technical book about such topics in this fast decaying world. I continue to mull the idea of writing such a book, but recognize there is also “chop wood carry water” to deal with.

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#279

“I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass,
And I’m all out of bubblegum.”

#280

A different perspective (from a bookseller): The market has changed considerable over the last decade, especially for niche non-fiction books. Many authors are selfpublishing or better put: Become their own small publishing company. What has been frowned upon for a long time is now the best way forward for many. More lucrative than selling to a publishing house. Today you can cut out nearly all middlemen, market over social media to people actually interested and you can sell worldwide pretty easily. And the less populated your niche is the better. Just my 2 cents.

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