Happy Birthday, wonderful woman!
You carry strength in your eyes,
passion in your heart,
and joy in your smile.
Enjoy time in nature!!
Also, @Parsifal sends his warmest wishes too! 
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Happy birthday 
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Embracing the Next Level: My New Stack
Today, I begin a new chapter with a carefully chosen stack: A Stark Black Reality (SB), Seductress, and Paragon.
This isn’t just about adding more subliminals, it’s about deepening the embodiment of who I already am. SB sharpens my focus and amplifies my presence, reinforcing the grounded strength I’ve built. Seductress awakens my feminine magnetism, helping me lead with grace and power. Paragon supports my well-being, keeping me resilient and balanced as I move forward.
This stack reflects my commitment to wholeness. It’s not about picking sides, it’s about harmonizing all parts of myself to create a strong, authentic presence. I’m not seeking validation, I’m affirming my worth and stepping fully into who I am.
Edit: I took a long enough break from SB & feel ready again!
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tres belle!
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Day 2 ~ rest day
I listened to SB solo yesterday for a full loop.
I feel like it cracked me open in ways I haven’t experienced before. It was quite revealing.
I had some more vulnerable parts present within me that have felt exiled since a young age. The ones that felt like too much, misunderstood, odd, something wrong with them, etc.
I gave them so much love. I shifted into total bad ass mode, feeling energy pouring through all of me.
I am becoming more embodied as the bad ass leader I was always meant to be.
I had so many layers of protection trying to keep me safe, playing it small. Avoiding the discomfort of others disapproval by masking. No thank you!
I am a way shower. I know and speak the truth. I am powerful. I have a lot to say, a lot to express, a lot to share. I wont die with the music still in me.
This time of my life has been very transformative and continues to be as such.
I take moments of conflict and turn them into opportunities. I make content. I share from experience. I teach from that frame. 
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Things have really been coming together wonderfully for me.
I went deeper into some of my parts relating to sex and intimacy.
I’ve been opening up with the person I am seeing. We are really connecting deeply. Uncomfortable conversations bringing mutual understanding and more closeness. 🥹
It feels like I am becoming more confident with my body.
Paragon is helping me with my hypertonic pelvic floor. I’ve come along way, did pelvic physio for years. I understand the root cause and Seductress is helping with that too.
Feels good to be held without having pain down there.
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When someone hurt me, betrayed me, or left me feeling dismissed, I used to speak up. A lot. I’d write long texts, bring up hard conversations, try to explain how I felt—over and over.
I did this with people I cared about. In relationships, with friends, with family. It was never about picking a fight. I wanted to fix the distance, rebuild trust, and make things better. I believed that if I could express myself clearly, we could understand each other, because closeness and connection mattered to me.
I’d say what was bothering me, where I felt hurt, what I needed. I wasn’t asking for anything wild—just some effort, some care, some honesty. I thought if I explained it clearly enough, we could work through it.
But every time I spoke up, it felt like running into a wall. I was told I was overreacting, too sensitive, reading into things too much. Instead of being heard, I’d get silence, blame, or a complete shift that made it seem like I was the problem. I’d walk away feeling heavy, like I caused damage just by asking for clarity or honesty. And somehow, I was always the one trying to clean things up—even when all I wanted was to fix it together.
So, I stopped. I got quiet. I kept things to myself. I acted like it didn’t bother me when it absolutely did.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want connection—I did. Deeply. But I learned that speaking up didn’t lead to closeness. It led to me feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or worse, blamed. And no matter how much I loved them, love alone wasn’t fixing what they refused to face.
Now I’m done begging to be understood. Done stretching myself thin just to be halfway met.
From now on, I’m choosing honesty over guessing games. I want people around me who say what they mean, who listen when it matters, and who don’t make me feel wrong for being real. I’m showing up with truth, and I want that in return.
No more walking on eggshells, no more hiding how I feel just to avoid conflict. I want relationships where I can speak freely and still feel safe. If being honest makes things uncomfortable, then that’s part of growing—together.
Because staying silent just to avoid tension doesn’t create peace—it just builds pressure. I’ve done that enough. Now, I’m choosing better. People who can handle honesty. Energy that feels calm, not confusing. Conversations that lead somewhere. And most of all, I’m choosing to show up for myself in a way that feels right, real, and true.
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I started up a new listening cycle 4 days ago, resuming the same stack: Seductress, Paragon & ASBR.
Pairing Sed & Paragon on one listening day and SB solo on the other listening day.
I’ve gone fairly deeper into my internal family system work lately. I haven’t felt like saying much because it’s a lot! 
It’s fascinating how our exiled parts have a connection with our attachment styles. I was having vivid memories of inconsistency from my mom as a young girl and basically all through my childhood. I had a lot of sadness and anger because of that.
I see where my dad would show up inconsistently as well, almost like he had better things to do, while sometimes making time for me if it was doing things of interest to him? I learned to mask and people please in order to get some sort of attention.
I see where other people will appear to my exiled and protector parts as the way my parents were in my childhood and onward. I see where my parts used relationships as a way to avoid pain or distract the internal turmoil. I see where going on vacations has even been a way to do that very thing!
It’s wild!
I’m taking this as an opportunity to do some reframing and revisions. This helps to change my experiences NOW and going FORWARD.
I wish everyone would do this work. I bet the world would be a much happier place. I bet relationships would be so much healthier and thrive over survive.
🥹🥹🥹
I have been experiencing beautiful conversations with strangers out in different social settings. I am feeling a lot more comfortable that way.
I identify as an ambivert, sometimes leaning more into the introverted side. I see the link with my protector parts though.
Who am I without the blended and burdened parts trying to manage this inner system?
That has been mine to discover and can be yours too! 
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I think I am halfway through my 2nd round of the same stack: SB, Paragon and Seductress.
Here’s some revision/reframing work I have been working on around relationships:
OLD SCRIPT → NEW SCRIPT
“I get emotionally invested in people who end up hurting or betraying me.”
→ “All my relationships have always been whole and stable. I am cherished and nurtured in love. The people in my life are loyal and prioritize my heart above all else.”
“I end up giving more than I receive.”
→ “I have always attracted balanced, mutual love where both people pour into each other fully and generously.”
“People I love choose others over me.”
→ “I have always been the natural and only choice for those I love. I am chosen easily, joyfully, and without competition.”
“Love is intense but unstable.”
→ “Love in my life is passionate and steady. My relationships are deeply exciting and deeply safe.”
“Men I date keep secrets or hide things from me.”
→ “Everyone in my life has always been honest and transparent with me. I have always known exactly where I stand with the people I love. Cheating or betrayal have no place in my relationships.”
“If I don’t hold on tightly, I’ll lose them.”
→ “Love stays with me because it is meant for me. I am secure and at peace, knowing all connections are mutual and lasting.”
“My feelings are dismissed or used against me.”
→ “My feelings have always been valued, respected, and treated with care. My voice matters and is honoured.”
“Partners twist situations to make me feel like I’m wrong.”
→ “I attract partners who take responsibility for their actions and work with me to find solutions and understanding.”
“I’m made to feel guilty for speaking up about my needs.”
→ “It is natural and safe for me to express my feelings. My needs have always been heard, respected, and met with care.”
“If someone’s upset, it must be my fault.”
→ “I know my worth and my innocence. I attract people who communicate clearly and take responsibility, instead of assigning blame.”
“Love means tolerating bad behaviour, so I don’t lose them.”
→ “Love with me is always respectful and kind. I only connect with people who treat me with consistent respect and care.”
“Manipulation is part of relationships.”
→ “Manipulation has no place in my life. All my relationships are direct, truthful, and safe.”
→ “All my relationships have always been whole and stable.”
→ “Everyone in my life has always been honest and transparent with me.”
→ “All my relationships have naturally unfolded exactly the way I wanted, with ease, grace, and joy.”
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I’m actually gonna begin wash out from this stack now. I was more than halfway done! 
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I’m sitting here reflecting on the inner beliefs I have carried for years that seem to keep me aligning with and attracting narcissistic addicts.
When I look back, I can see where some of this began. As a teenager, I lived next door to a narcissistic drug addict whose presence and behaviour deeply influenced my life for several years. It shaped my understanding of what relationships could look like, often in ways I did not realise until much later.
I have done a lot of work to heal from that chapter.
Still, I can trace some patterns further back. My mom may have developed a dependency on painkillers to cope with the pain of MS, and she could display narcissistic traits at times. My dad also had his own tendencies. I understand now that this does not mean they were full-blown narcissists. As Dr. Craig Malkin explains in Rethinking Narcissism, we all fall somewhere along the spectrum.
At the centre of the spectrum is healthy narcissism, where a person values themselves without devaluing others, can give and receive love, and has the confidence to pursue their goals while still showing empathy.
On one end is destructive narcissism, marked by traits such as grandiosity, entitlement, a constant need for admiration, manipulation, and a lack of accountability. This is where you find behaviours such as gaslighting, chronic lying, or using others purely for personal gain.
On the opposite end is echoism, where people fear standing out, struggle to voice their needs, and may chronically put others ahead of themselves. Echoists often feel uncomfortable receiving praise and may suppress their own desires to avoid seeming selfish. While it can appear as kindness, it often comes from fear of rejection or conflict rather than genuine generosity.
I have leaned toward both ends at different times in my life. I have had moments when I guarded myself so much that I slipped into echoism, silencing my needs to avoid upsetting others. I have also had moments when I became more self-protective and self-focused to the point where I was less empathetic than I wanted to be.
The difference now is that I am more centred. My self-worth is no longer tied to extreme self-sacrifice or to a defensive need to protect my image. My attachment style feels more secure, and I am able to balance my care for others with my care for myself.
I know I have strong caretaker and fixer tendencies. I am naturally nurturing, patient, and willing to hold space for people and their traumas. But that does not mean I am naïve or that I have “stupid” written on my forehead. It means I have been wired to see potential first. And while I am generous with my time, energy, and compassion, I do not drain or empty my own cup to fill someone else’s. I give from my overflow, not from my reserves, and I am learning to notice when my empathy begins to slip into over-functioning. Healthy self-respect and clear boundaries are what allow me to care for others without losing myself in the process.
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This is me too. I struggle to understand what’s a deeply empathetic nature vs a trauma response for taking care of others though. One of those helps me connect deeper, the other is incredibly self destructive. The lines blur a lot. I’ve found that’s the danger zone for me because some people really do want to exploit it.
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In IFS, that is called polarized parts.
Probably need to talk to each part separately and then bring them together for a discussion. Let the Self lead it all with compassion and curiosity. Validating and reassuring each of them.
I’m going to revisit this with my trauma therapist asap.
I have had so many realizations listening to this current stack.
It’s hard to work on some things without knowing the target. A lot of the unconscious has become more conscious to me.
My one manager part was making therapy challenging for me. It’s a know it all! That part is ready for the real work now.
We’ve got this!
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Totally relate to the manager part. I need to start talking to my parts again, this made a lot of sense. Thank you!
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Often enough that potential is in people who hurt us, but deep down they are a human with a spark of light damn it and they can change if I just love them enough to help themselves the divinity within them.
The theme song to another failed relationship.
The person who should have saw the potential was ourselves within ourself, but if no-one else saw it, why would we even think like that?
Hopefully that script is just that now for you, a script in a past movie, rated 3/10 by Rotten Tomatoes.
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Right.
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Despite the tension in your newest photo, you seem more,… Radiant?
Like you lost a burden you carried around for to long. The struggle, or rather the toll it took is visible, but the redemption is shining through.
Also, did you loose weight? Your face looks more defined. We’re sending you some hugs from overseas.
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Tension? I was trying to pose sexy
I don’t weigh myself. Haven’t in 4-5 years.
I think physical shifting has been going on though.
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I’m saying that I love this photo and I’m surprised by what you guys are thinking about me. I was trying a pose. Something different.
Kind of bums me out.
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