Thanks dude!! Sometimes I get a bit emotional, but Im ok.
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This is gonna be a long night… The feeling of loneliness is unbearable, I want to go out get drunk, do drugs and have no one to do that.
Im gonna stay between four walls like a madman.
Theres a holiday in my country and everyone is out having fun… Havent spend a holiday alone in years.
I cant deal with the void I feel inside.
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Im trying to fill a void with noise and alcohol, but that only make it worse in the long run.
The void is a lack of love, self love. The sooner I accept that, the better.
I didnt take into account that Im listening to LB in my custom. Lol
I want to be held and cry endlessly, but honestly that wont fix anything, I gotta learn to be at peace by myself.
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It’ll get better my friend. Stay strong
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Thanks my friend!! Venting out is helping me process.
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Im looking for someome or something to believe in, something that gives me hope, cause I cant believe in myself.
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Hummm Interesting… Ive forgotten about this, it seems to me that Im perfectly attuned with my goal.
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I sympathize. A while back on Khan, I tried alcohol to deal with reconciliation. It just made it worse.
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Yeah… just a momentary release, followed by sinking lower than before.
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Tomorrow is the end of my DDR3 cycle and of my healing adventure.
Then a nice washout, followed by my custom and Primal Romance.
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Still processing a lot of emotions, like grief and sadness, but instead of locking myself up in my room, I came to a park and Im sitting under a huge tree.
Its calming me down…
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The purge has been constant, lots of sadness and loneliness. I had to take a nap.
Now I feel more rested, but I cant stand silence.
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The more I think about it, this trip is a search for meaning. Ive been analyzing and taking apart the narrative of my life and how I used that to decide who I am.
Just like a journalist, I interpreted my experiences to satisfy the “Official Narrative” instead of reporting the facts.
I been feeding myself a shit ton of fake news.
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This stage is called “The Awakening”
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Bursts of good mood and optimistic attitude… Feeling grateful
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Ok Ive reched the end of this journey!!
The healing from DRR was a rough ride, very hard at times.
Ive gained a lot of insides and many emotional clearings.
The most impactful lesson from st3 is that to stop struggling with myself, whether you want what you say you want or you dont.
The struggle came from a lack of self love and a feeling of undeservedness. From the tendency to hold on to the past and the story I wrote of who I am, the need to honour that character I built for me. Ultimately being unable to write new characteristics into it, because they were out of place.
Now the time comes to focus on whats next and how to build new things.
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Next I’ll be using my custom (DD, LB, Sanguine) with Primal Romance.
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