I have faith in you.
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Thank you @RVconsultant
This time I have to face my âtopicsâ more seriously
I forgot that I was doing DragĂłn Reborn,the moment I realized that all this is because of the Dragon I could deal with it.
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Faaaaaaack this loneliness hurts so bad
This is unbearable
I saw today a women (with a 2 years old child), she looked at me and I looked at her, we both smiled and instantly there was fire between us.
She was a beautiful Latina and not more than 3 years in Switzerland. She still got her warmth and Fire inside.
Thats what I react to
Time to finde someone like her.
What is your mbti?
ENFP
why?
Just curious.
Deep connection is a good thing
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I am answering your question here so that we donât spam Avengers68 journal.
My recovery is fucking hard.
Pain in my chest since 2 days
I am digging in and weed out one after another.
Right now I have much pain because of" lack of a love relationship "
For me its 1000x harder than for everyone else
Why?
I do plant diets on" Ucho Sanango "
afterwards there is unbelievable clarity-you see how it really is, energetically , also protecting from curses and this kind of stuff, imense power, control, complete Eradication of addiction (food, substances, emotions, whatever makes you addicted, feeling also) also protected from foreign negative energy only positive energy comes through.
But since Morona the collective vibe is so negative and powerful that I breaks trough.
Its shit
I am starving of positive energy from outer factors. This people here can not give something positive. Itâs very frustrating
In peru its no problem, there the people are alive and I feel wonderful, everyday charged to the utmost with lifeforce
But here in Switzerland itâs catastrophic.
My best Frend and Shaman returned since nearly 3 months and is constantly apologizing to me.
Even someone of his caliber says: my heart is full of pain here, I can not generate a good vibe, this country neutralizes every heights and leads you to selfishness and self destruction, also I want to attack people all the time. (and this is only the very short list of things that fucks me up big time in this country )
I want to leaf this country forever but I need to make money first.
Lots of it.
My problem is that I donât feel the people, I only see abyss in people. I canât vibe with them because I donât feel something positive come out,only when they are drunk but then itâs mixed positive energy with this abyss energy from alcohol that makes the people zombies.
So I canât go out in the evening to âSocializeâ
I am in a fucked position right now.
And the fact that I do Plant medicine makes it more clear (in this case worse because leaving my country without money or possibilities to make money in Peru)
The only thing that letâs me have my shit together is this : since my frend returned and tell me he has the same problems like: emotional unstable, pain in the heart, Negativity, hostility towards others, donât want to do something, unhappy, joyless, pessimistic etc etc I finally realized that this is not me, itâs from this country. My whole life I believed that something is completely wrong with me and I need healing. I even started to forbid myself entering a relationship with this many problems. I thought itâs me but itâs not. And that is unbelievable liberating.
I waisted 18 years of my life, I tried every approach to heal this problems, I was going crazy until 3 months ago.
But there is a way, I can feel it
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Pff buddy⌠Itâs really scary how much that resonated with me. Honestly, 1,5 year ago I went trough EXCACT the same thing as you, like in detail. Living alone, no family and just trying to give out the positive vibes and just getting nothing in return. Itâs difficult because in a state of lack it mostly does come your way but cmâon everybody deserves people around them that loves them and be there for them at all times.
The funny thing is, I also had this with my home country (Netherlands) that I wanted to leave (Gotta say indeed Switzerland itâs a different story, I am dutch. Got 2 friends from Switzerland and they also say itâs terrible, very close minded people 
). So I moved to Spain to be more with my father and build my business there. In short, came into a depression felt completely lost and went back after 8 months with nothing. No home, No job, no money nothing bro⌠5 months later since my arrival at the airport in my country, I now live with the girlfriend of the husband of my deceased mother. He donât even life there himself(How weird is that). She has 2 sons I really like and they just took me in without even knowing me. After all these years, I got a family again out of the most weirdest situation ever and Iâm so grateful for it.
What I want to say is that, even with how difficult this is in that what youâre going trough, I think it has a reason. Your personality type (ENPF) and when I see the customs that you make. Youâre on this journey of really understanding how to love and how special it is. And you can only truly understand it when you donât have anything or at least it feels like this. Thatâs the reason you made those customs and start searching. But men itâs difficult with that longing for deep connection and family and having to deal with the emptyness in how people percieve there lives. While for them, it mostly feels like whole (Nothing wrong with that, sometimes a bit jalous about it). While for us we just long for more and having these really deep and inspiring connections with our friends/lovers and family. Itâs great that youâre crying about it man⌠best way to deal with it IMO.
Youâre doing amazing! Keep following your heart and it will come, Iâm certain of it. Sorry if I got carried a bit away haha, but I just wanted to tell you that.
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Thank you @Solomon
Today was heavy, actually the last 2 days.
Non the less I was going out today into a nearby city. This weekend is African Street Food festival there. I was wandering around and had music in my ears. Then I saw a head shop and thought : letâs see if they have a special Pipe. I entered the shop and there was this relaxed beautiful neo/hippie girl behind the counter.
She asked :can I show you something?
Me: please the next 7 numbers for the euromillion jackpot
She laughed and tell me : that would be super to know
Me : yes, I look for myself if I find something I can use
She: ok
I make my round in the shop and searching for a pipe where I can burn some stuff
The moment I kneeled before her counter I suddenly felt liquid Lust wrapping around me, I stand up and ask her whatâs the best device to smoke something cristal like.
She tried 3 times to answer my questions before she said: please excuse me I am very nervous right now, I canât concentrate
I smiled in her face and said :relax completely
She did and then offered me to ask a specialist on Wednesday.
I was positively surprised that a women letâs her Sexuality free flowing.
So I answered her energetically : I just penetrated her slowly with my sexual energy and said : then we will meat again on Wednesday
She made a little jump and said : yes, I like that.
I smiled in her eyes, she smiled and held her hands before her chest and then I left the shop.
This happened 30 min after I wrote my answer to RVconsultant. I still canât believe it.
Letâs see Wednesday if she is single.
Whats even more puzzling to me is this: every time I am in a realy tough mood, the women around me start to licking their lips like crazy and give me ultra obvious sings the whole time. I look at them and ignore them because I am fighting for my life, I have no capacity for women in this mood. And then they start to dance around me.
I am happy for you that you found a family.
I was today a couple of times at the point to shoot it all in the wind but somehow I digged deeper than before and made some profound changes. THE ELIXIR does wonders in that area. I can consciously reach at the bottom of a problem and then remove or change it.
Yesterday shoud my Dr+Elixir custom be delivered but nothing happened.
Anyway
THANK YOU again FOR your time and SUPPORT
really appreciate it.
Thank you all for your support, even a like is precious in these times.
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My custom arrived at 3:30 am
I did my first loop at 8 am and it knocked me out until now. Thatâs nearly 7 hours.i laid on my couch for 7 hours.
I was running 2 time to the toilet and vomited hard.
I had also one run to the toilet and shited hard.
All in all it was very successful cleaning until now.
Now I feel power in my solarplexus, dense pure power of the sun.
I feel very strong
During the loop I faced suicide and unwillingness to live, also fear that is stuck in my head and constantly telling me that everything is dangerous. I see now that this fear is a lie.
I vomited and shited a good amount of suicide out of my system.
As much as I want to proceed with my other customs I have to stick to healing for the next month. I am somewhat relaxed because I did Dragon Reborn for over 1 year and the biggest obstacles are out of my way.
During the loop I asked the universe if itâs ok to draw white healing light from it. I get a deep yes and so I draw white light and directed it to support healing. I think that the reason for the 7 hour knockout.
I saw myself after the loop alone and scared.
My ex father did this a couple of times when I was 4-7 years old. He take me to a shopping Mal and left me alone for hours. He even did it in the holidays. I saw myself as a kid and walked straight to me (kid) and put my hand over my head(kid) I didnât allow any more fear or trauma to live longer. I told my kid self: I AM HERE AND I FIND A WAY/SOLUTION FOR EVERY SITUATION. I COME OUT OF EVERY SITUATION UNHARMED, COME WITH ME NOW.
Then I realized that I am indeed unharmed despite the fact that I expirienced very damaging things.
Then it kicked : nothing can harm me realy
I can always heal
I heal
There is a way
I am walking it
Now its my time, this custom is the best decision I ever made
LETS GO
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I am playing with the thought of doing my Chosen +Love Bomb custom also today
I am not sure yet.
I go for swimming now and decide in 2-3 hours
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Last loop was yesterday.
Today I had to test something because I felt so good.
I smoked weed - 2 puffs only.
5 min later I was vomiting Panick and Fear that was still stuck out of my system.
I had to draw white light from the universe 2 times. The first time I directed the light to wrap around all the reasons for this state. Then after I send it to the universe to a place where it can dissolve without creating any harm to a living being, I heard in my head : you have to have fear
I knew it was untrue and it lost its power.
Then my body began to shake and I had to repeat it again.
Afterwards I was leaving my apartment to buy papers. During the walk I realized that this fear is unnecessary and itâs over, no need to let this state alive. And then my right side of the brain felt like a pillow of needles, Finaly the simple message: donât be afraid, reached my system and consciousness.
The first time I was under people and wasnât afraid or in fight and flight mode.
The first time my stomach donât feel like a washmashine
My stomach is relaxed
I donât feel like vomiting all the time
I never had this
Sometimes you have to force the results a little
In 4 hours I am going to smoke again to see what happens. If I need a round 2 then so be it
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Did 1 loop this morning and somehow I am in a very good mood
I am happy and my stomach plays salsa, bachata and merengue
I never had that with DR.
Now letâs see how this unfolds during the day
Update : it was constant during the day, at night I played one loop of Chosen+Love Bomb.
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1st day of my washout
I feel incredibly liberated
Like tons of weight dropped off
I am close to myself
I can breathe
I feel internal powerfull and alive
I feel fresh, less tired
At peace in my mind
It was so worth to do another round of Dragon Reborn
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I did yesterday also 1 loop of Chosen +Lovebomb
Now Lovebomb is working good with me.
I can love myself
Somehow this brings pain
I still search love from the outside but I slowly realize that I have it inside.
Now I feel all topics that has to do with: unloved
1-2 cycles more of this custom is needed.
I am glad it works beautifully with Dr+Elixir, itâs very synergistic
I am very curious to see what happens the next cycle
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Day 2 of washout.
I feel like I can reload big time.
I just want to do another Loop of DR
Also this happen now for the 3rd time- 2days before my washout my mind is jumping to Wanted all the time. Then on day 4 of my washouts it stops. Letâs see if it stops in 2 days.
I donât have recon but why Wanted?
I am eager to try it but somehow it does not fit into my next cycle.
So wanted have to wait for another 30 days
My next cycle will be a combo of
DR+ELIXIR
CHOSEN +LOVE BOMB
ALCHEMIST ST1
This combo just feels righ
Some ideas comes to mind after my next cycle
Wanted
Alchemist ST2
Chosen :the way of Nature
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CWON I am sure will help you a lot
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Jup I am eager to try it immediately.
But I have another cycle of DR before me.
I will try Chosen :the way of Nature when I am going to peru into the Jungle in combination with Sage Immortal
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Perfect my friend !
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Ohh that sounds amazing. I can only imagine having had these subliminals when I was trekking the rain forest in Borneo years ago 
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