Vibrations of energy transfer from one tuning fork through the air to resonate the other tuning fork. I think the same can work for emotional transfer (good moods transfer, bad moods transfer, etc.) Which can in turn manifest the people because they resonate with the same energy. Similar with thought patterns. Like minded people tend to stick together. Birds of a feather and all that.
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6-21-2023
Index Gate kicked in full gear yesterday at work. I was extremely efficient in my hotkey usage and typing. Few mistakes. Get it done the first time with no errors.
When I got homeā¦KHAN ST1 kicked inā¦
I sat on my bedā¦had the deepest trauma unlock in my heart while I was sitting on my bed. I passed out sitting on my bed drooling.
KHAN st1 aint no joke folks.
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6-22-2023
I might as well post this here. A forum user asked how the trauma emerges. hope this helps any future readers.
Based on my past experience with QL ST1, DR ST1, and now Khan ST1, the pattern has been the same. Iāll break it down into steps which might help on how it emerges
- I first have emotional reactions to things and conversations with people which are like 5% more heightened than usual, which causes me to notice it. and goā¦HUHā¦interesting.
- Over the course of a week or so, i start craving comfort food, escapes such as smoking, youtube, mamsturbationā¦anything to distract me from the feelingsā¦funny enough this is a coping mechanism I developed over the years and Iām guessing alot of new gen people in the youtube age have developed to cope with extreme emotions.
- You can defintely distract yourself but the feelings wont go away. The scripting of ST1 will intensify it.
- Choose a quiet place like on your bed prefereably at night to meditate. Sit alone by yourself and think about those emotional triggers. I like to ask myself and tell myself: āOkay, just let it happen. Show me what it is. What is below the surface?ā
- Repeat the loop of: "Ok these are the thoughts popping into my head, what is the deeper feeling behind it? What is the deeper feeling behind that feeling? "
focus your attention on your heart. - If you have the urge to cry. Relax, and let it flow. That is the point of healing from the trauma
The trauma will emerge in many forms. Maybe a vivid memory of a childhood beating or a loss of love, or a dim little faint picture in your heartā¦it varies, but you will cry regardless.
edit: forgot to add. the next day you will feel like a emaciated little child if you did it right. Emotionally drained. Self care is important. Take a hot shower, make yourself some hot chocolate, treat yourself good.
edit 2: also, find the gratitude. After the emotional release, like Marie condo, give the memory/trauma gratitude. Thank you for showing me this trauma, body. An emotional loop that was subconsciously running my life. I am now stronger from it. There is always a silver lining. The loss of love reignited my belief that love exists and I can find it again.
Hope this helps.
Let go and give gratitude:
6-23-2023 Ozmandius Protocol
I figured out what was behind all my previous behaviors with women. surprise surpriseā¦it was FEAR. Acts of bravado, forced masculine behaviors, developing ācourageā, laughing through the hurtā¦all just fear masquerading in its forms.
I focused on which muscles were causing it. Which emotions that aroseā¦but beneath it all was colored by fear. A deep, strong calcified fear.
My father is a fearful man. The years were not kind to him and I resented him for toxifying the family with his fearful behavior over the years. Little did I knowā¦fear is one of the most powerful emotions. If I can leverage the fear to my advantage, then I have all the energy in the world.
Thank you for your gifts, father. I will use them well.
āDoctor: āYou do not fear death. You think this makes you strong. It makes you weak.ā
Bruce: āWhy?ā
Doctor: āHow can you move faster then possible, fight longer then possible, without the most powerful impulse of the spirit? The fear of death.ā
Bruce:āI do fear death. I fear dying in here while my city burns. And thereās no one there to save it.ā
Doctor: āThen make the climb.ā
Bruce: āHow?ā
Doctor: 'As the child did - without the rope. Then fear will find you again.ā
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6/26/2023 - Ozmandias Protocol
I had a very vivid dream this morning. I knew it was a reflection of the subs. I have had this dream beforeā¦but this time, the dream was FAR more vivid.
I was in a temple, enjoying some free food. I was sitting on a bench with a girl wrapping her arms around meā¦Next thing you know, my entire world becomes fractalsā¦a deep blue fractalā¦ I hear ācoding for an algorithmā as the patterns around me take up beautiful fractal shapes. I watched an algorithm grow from a small fractal to a gigantic fractal. I started having this insights into code.
Index Gate ZP? QL ZP?
Lets just sayā¦Iāve been running them en masse the past 2 days.
edit: The romance subs must have some grooming scriptingā¦I have this urge to trim my nails, iron my shirts, etc.
6/27/2023
Another vivid dream. This time I was going through my house, but parts of my house were falling apart. My basement was starting to flood. My old room was fallen apart. My new room which I renovated was the one standing. I remember being a āfakeā nice person in the dream.
All of my old behaviors had the foundation of fear at its core. Fear of losing friends. Fear of not being loved. Fear of not performing sexually. Fear of failing.
I know failure. I understand it. I am intimate with it. This fear is my biggest strength, because I know that the energy is waiting there ready for me to claim it, own it, and transmute it.
6-29-2023
I started doing some journaling yesterday night after my martial arts class. Writing out what my plans are in detail. Getting to the core of who I am as a person. First martial arts class in 3 weeks. Had a fractured wrist.
Stayed off the subs for the past 2 days to let the brain rest. I sat in my bed and thought to myself āOk dreams, sleep zp,ā I was calling them to take effect.
Dreamt that there were two twin brothers escaping some prison. Hiding from the public, never registering for anything because they will get tracked. Also something with playing video games rather than socializing. Excuses for showing up late to a social event.
This dream, now that I think about it, feels like a reflection of my past. I would play video games to escape and not socialize.
6-29-2023
Started searching for jobs this morning. Old emotions are coming back.
The thought that got me out of bed and on my computer is : āok, you are going to go through the same emotions today. Wanting to quit, etc. Do something about it today or else you will be stuck forever.ā
Old emotions came back. The overwhelming feeling when applying for jobs. The grind. Iām ready for it this time. Dragon ST4, Index Gate ZP, lets gooo
7-1-2023 Ozmandias Protocol
First time hitting the bars in 3 months.
Iāve been running QL ST4, BL, Wanted, Khan, Diamond.
The energy I put out was totally different. I went for the girls in the bar in such a different manner. eye contact, little playful touching, calm voice. It was awesome.
I woke up today with such an urge to apply for jobs and make my life better.
Onwards.
7-1-2023
Todayās menu:
7-2-2023 - The Ozmandias Protocol
I went out last night. Met up with 5 old friends and 1 new friend. We bounced from bar to bar. I had a blast. I was flowing in conversation. Eye contact was at an all time high. the ānice to meet youāsā were at an all time low. First time going out in 3 monthsā¦thankkk youuu khan, wanted, diamond. I have no idea how many girls I talked toā¦here there everywhere. I didnāt notice the time go by.
Had 3 hours of sleep. Went to martial arts class. Signed up for my belt test. Made my bed. Took a nap, took a shower, set a timer for 1 hour and pumped out a datasci blog post. Thankk youuu QL, BL, IndexGateā¦!!!
The mission has just begun. I am locked in. 4 target areas. I have to be ruthlessly efficient with my timeā¦more to come.
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7-3-2023
woooooo just surpassed my target weight by 0.6 lb!
Setting a new weight target of 5 lbs less. This muffin top AINT NO JOKE folks
7-4-2023
Barely slept last night. Having martial arts class 1 hour before sleeping might have something to do with it. I also had a large meal right when I got home. Big nono.
I woke up just now after having multiple naps. Had some crazy dreams. I ran Paragon sleep and Dreams ZP last night before bed.
2 dreams:
- I was solving a very large āeaster eggā hunt. My last pit stop was a complex math problem. I looked at it and wentā¦āNo worriesā I got thisā¦and woke upā¦This was a reflection of the job hunt i am on.
- I was looking to save a life, and there was commentary in the background. ālook for friends who are willing to die for you and you for them. Life is more interesting that way.ā the camera pans back to me searching dorms for people who have had any surgical experience so that we can save a life that night. Woke up again.
Trippy as hell.
How is your wrist?
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Still hurts slightly, but there is 100% mobility back. Just some minor aches and pains now. I tested it out in martial arts class yesterday. Not too shabby. Just some minor swelling. Bone only heals back stronger after trauma
7-6-2023 Ozmandias Protocol
I guess it is time to be my own best friend. Technically, we all are our own best friends. Only we know ourselves 100%. Anyways. I am totally at a low point. Bit of grief in the body. A coworker who is a good friend just told us all it is here last day today. We all knew it was coming but didnāt want to acknowledge it. I felt like I was losing a sister.
I do want to cry a bit. However, something interesting came up. The grief emotion dredged up alot of insecure thoughts and feelings in myself. Alot of skeletons and remnants from my past insecure self. Things like: āIām never going to find love, no one will love me, I will never find real happiness, I am not enough, no one will like meāā¦real dark insecure stuffā¦
Emotions will trigger similar event emotions. This is one of those moments.
I truly am grateful for all yall. Any one who reads this. Iām grateful for my friend circle, even if they are currently busy at the moment and are not emotionally available at all times. I am grateful for my family, my health, my new environment, my sight, my strengthā¦I am grateful that I am still breathing and I still have the opportunity to change the circumstances in my life. These emotions are temporary. I have felt grief before. Hell, Iām grateful for having grief. Before I would be drowning it out with video games and a bottle of whisky. Now, I can hear its voice, and embrace its messages.
I have felt true failure, and the resulting grief from that failureā¦but I am grateful for having even tried in the first placeā¦where others would have cowered in fear. I am grateful for putting myself out there and improving as a person when there was massive friction in my way. Iām grateful for my mentors who are slowly building me up into someone much stronger that what I could have possibly imagined. Iām grateful for living, not dead in the dirt, unable to move, not paralyzed, not blind, not deaf. My junk still works.
Future me, if you are reading thisā¦Iām grateful for you too man. Iām out here busting my ass so that you can succeed. Donāt fuck up my sacrifice bro. Iām gonna go make my bed and clean my room and groom and love myself. I donāt feel too good but Iām gonna do it today. Donāt waste your time on dumb shit. Continue to put out with disciplined effort. You will get there buddy. You gon make it. Iām going to go do some more applications tonight too. Win for me buddy. Iām taking the L today.
7-7-2023
Went out to the bars with two friends. First hour or two was pretty brutal. I was in fear. I was fatigued from the week.
A little voice in the back of my head told me to push through. Look for a girl I fancy and get in there. I found myself catching the old me behaviors. I was far more relaxed, mirroring body language, playful touching, it was all still there hiding behind the fear.
The last girl of the night, I had in my arms. Didnāt go anywhere.
Will go out again tonight, after a nap and some coffee. and of course some more work on my goals.
Applied to 5 jobs before I went out.
Today I will apply to more. The cogs of change turn forward.
7-9-2023
For science!
