Day 2 of this madness.
Madness as in, I feel perfectly fine. I still get emotional swings here and there but nowhere near as close as how they were before I started DR.
I felt as light as a feather walking home from work today…I never walk home. The distance is over a mile. It felt heavenly.
It has been a while since my last post.
I worked 13 hours of productive labor towards my goals…on a Sunday.
Also, walked 3.5 miles Sunday morning while listening to an audiobook. I am going to continue this habit. It is quite relaxing.
When I woke up today, there was no negative chatter in my mind. I usually get intrusive thoughts and bad memories which prime my brain down a negative emotional spiral for the day. Not anymore.
I feel unhindered. Like these traumas and emotions were a tangled mess of balloons attached to my body and I finally let them slide away and up out of my life.
The world feels different around me. I feel at peace. I feel…refined.
Progress is painful. No pain no gain.
I’m exhausted, but every day is a gift that keeps on giving.
I’m grateful.
Lots of chaos tomorrow at work. Coworker is quitting. Guess who will be picking up the slack.
Also, I’m closer to my 6 pack goal than ever before. Walking 2-3 miles every day. Shoutout to Emp Fitness.
Well, you wont like this post but, heres the bad with the good. The good, the bad, the ugly. This is the ugly. I’m dealing with extreme emotional fallout.
A friend who I have heavily invested emotional time and energy into are quitting tomorrow…I’m stupid sad…
I had one cigarette, a beef jerky stick, a bag of chips, and a 500ml bottle of soju (currently ingesting)…
I’m sad. This is how I deal with my emotions. This is how I always dealt with them.
At least it isn’t 500 ml of tequila and an entire juuul…or weed…
Man, im super bummed out…
I blame no one. I’ve always done this…just this time around it is less extensive or self-harming…
Ugh…
Man, Dragon Reborn comes through yet again.
Root cause of these behaviors are that they reflect all the friends I lost in school from either me moving or them moving, death, friendship strifes, and just life getting in the way.
I do feel like I am getting closer to my true self expression.
If there is one thing I learned in the past 3 weeks, is that emotions are a very powerful thing. They can be exceptionally uplifting and motivating, or exceptionally downtrending and energy sucking.
I did not know how much energy was being taken from my own emotional problems. I am grateful for have transforming this past couple of months…
But this is not enough. What I am doing is not enough, objectively speaking.
Life is short as hell. The average human lifespan is 75 years. In my line of work I see death and decay all around me. I deal with tragedy from other people and watch them wither away and die. I lost family members to poor health and cancer.
Even my own behaviors over the years are a mixture of addiction, trying to look cool, supplicating to others, being a follower and not a leader, hiding in fear, responding to fear in unhealthy ways, repressing anger, rage, unhealthy diet, poor sleep.
This all ends today. I am making a conscious decision to focus on myself. To love myself first before anyone or anything else. To treat myself with respect, honor, compassion. To work towards my own goals and desires with the same efficiency and work ethic that I have towards my job and service to others. I will bring that same service to myself and my positive emotional ecosystem.
Every day I am going to build on this reality. I have removed 80% of the clutter in my life. I have cut off any relationships that will cause me emotional pain. I have business goals, career goals, relationship goals, workout and health goals. I know what kind of value I want to bring into this world. Money isn’t everything. Anyone can make money in any kind of sphere provided that is what they truly want to do. Working just for money is a fool’s errand.
I’m going to find stronger people in my life. Healthier relationships, better food, better sleep. My body is going to look awesome. The muffin top is at an all time low now. That 6 pack is closer than ever.
Another coworker might be quitting next week. I will start up the job application process. It is time to move on. To build a better future. I will work out with regimentation. I will diet with regimentation. I will sleep, eat, and most importantly, cultivate positive emotions and love myself…with regimentation.
I can work for someone and do things I don’t want to do. I will do things I don’t feel like doing for myself and my happiness.
5/21/2023
Had another emotional release. All the people that I lost or miss over the years due to my own mistakes or moving away, or death, or other circumstances. Thoughts were: Why can’t I keep any friends? Am I not good enough?
I then read the “Emotional Transformation” chapter in the book “Winner’s Bible.”
I’m going to have to list out each of these emotional experiences and transform them.
I feel uncertain about this. But, I’m human, I have to try.
I’m doing this for a better future.
5/23/2023
I’m noticing a very interesting effect. I don’t know if you guys have any similar experiences.
I spend a few seconds throughout my day in a quick “prayer” calling upon what I need. QL ST4, BL for when I’m working…when I’m walking, I think about Emporer fitness, When I am getting ready for bed, I visualize myself listing out each of the Zps, Sleep ZP, Mind’s Eye, Dreams ZP…
Within a few minutes they start kicking in…and I am grateful…
Works better when I am well slept.
Feeling fantastic today. Martial arts class was a blast.
My friend was down, I uplifted him on the phone. Spreading the love.
Crushed my renovation painting. Painted a little extra.
We all gon make it bros. Lets crush it.
Running LBFH, QLST4 1 loop each right now.
The more I remove from my life, the clearer everything becomes. The less mental chatter I have.
There are a couple of goals that really stick out to me. I want to have healthy relationships. I want to be in the best shape of my life. I want to have an excellent girl in my life. I want to run my own business…
Speaking of business. I know deep down inside that if I were to get another 9-5 job, I would start to have resentments towards my manager. I have been following orders since I was a kid whether it was from my parents, my teachers, my tutors, my “friends”, my siblings, and my current manager…
Im in my 30s now…I don’t want to answer to anyone anymore. I want to go about my day doing my own thing and not answer to anyone. I don’t want to be asked what the hell I am doing all day, because now I can manage my time.
I am grateful for all the work ethic instilled into me up to this point, but to reach the next level of personal growth, I have to build out a system of income where I can stand on my own two feet without a care in the world.
Deep down inside, even if I get a high paying salary job, it will not give me the freedom of managing my own time. There will always be a superior asking what I did today, people to update, someone with perceived higher status hovering over my every move.
The entrepreneurial spirit was never there for me as a kid, until I met people doing things outside of the perception of the world indoctrinated into me by my local circle of influence.
meditating.
Exhausted. Ran another stack today QLST4, BLZP, IndexGate, and another BLZP.
3 hours of martial arts training today. With the sensei’s sensi. It was awesome. Seeing so many black belts congregated into one area.
Renovations for the house are almost complete. My estimate is another 30 hours left of work.
IndexGate is a godsend. I will get my coding up to speed again. I want to compete on Kaggle. I also need to spruce up the resume and master SQL. No more excuses. If I can renovate a house, I can build out my knowledge of coding in the same manner.
I will also be hitting the clubs again. Meeting as many pretty girls as I can.
I am considering getting some of the romance subs for the occasion. Maybe mix in Khan, Wanted. Will research further. Dragon ST4 is coming online now. I’ve spent enough time dwelling on my traumas.
One thing I learned from martial arts…all traumas and bad memories can be leveraged into power and action. Maybe it is also the scripting at work. I’ll take the small wins where I can.
There is no turning back. I must power forward everyday. Like a machine.
5/29/2023
It is almost a year since I started running subs. Been extracting the bone marrow out of all the time I utilize everyday.
Recently, I figured out that I can control the energy in my body. Whenever I get a thought like: “Man, I am just tired right now. I can’t do it.” or some variation of that thought that will detract my energy, I reverse the thought. I say to myself and think to myself: “Man I have so much energy right now. Where is this coming from? Why do I have so much energy?”
Magic happens.
Tonight, I will run EOG ST1, QL ST4, DR ST3/4, Emperor Fitness ST1, Index Gate, Paragon Sleep, Dreams ZP, Mind’s Eye, RICH.
This is a heavy stack…but god dammit…I am loving the results…
For the future, I am considering running romance subs…actually, seriously considering it.
Problems that I need to solve:
Researching the following:
Oddly enough, I had the weirdest recon with LBFH. I knew it was happening when I was feeling positive affectionate emotions, they were met with resentments. Something wicked lies buried deep.
good night. sleep tight.
5/30/2023
Words from the grandmaster:
“You need to push yourself to your limits (at least once a week). Only within your edge or limit can you learn the feeling of pushing past or staying on the edge of your limit. Do not fear your limitations. You push your limitations and comfort zone.”
Little does he know I run QL and BL 
5/31/2023
Prepped last room for renovations.
Every journey has an end. Suffering will always have an end.
6/3/2023
Time for some gratitude, sprinkled in with some motivation.
I’ve come to realize that we can be whoever we want to be. Whatever we want to be. We can do whatever we want to do. Anyone from any walk of life can learn the skills of someone succeeding in the chosen field.
The only thing stopping us is our own emotional world. We have traumas, negative thought patterns, limiting beliefs, all which are forged through personal experiences and the people / influences around us. All that can be changed with dedicated, disciplined effort. Do more repetitions of whatever it is you want out of life and eventually you will get it right. You can lower the learning curve with mentors in the field but 99% of the results will come from taking the right actions daily.
I feel like a completely different person from last year. I’m focused, stronger, always trying to improve my surroundings, always giving value no matter the cost, positive, kind, caring, but also ruthless. I can be cruel to myself but I know the suffering has an end. I can do the things others are unwilling to do because they have to surpass their own limiting beliefs and emotions towards working hard.
I am grateful for these products. I am grateful for executing on my mission, goals, and friend circles. I am grateful for seeing others executing, and bettering their lives. What a world we live in. I could have been some lowly peasant farmer in the 1700s with no upward social mobility opportunities. But no. I live in a time ripe with opportunities. I get life lessons daily. The sun is always shining no matter how bad the day is. I am still smiling under duress. I can change my circumstances, whether it is dating, intimacy, friends, finances, living conditions, health, sleep. Everything rests on me taking the right actions at the right time with some room for spontaneity.
I’ve done 1000+ actions, different actions from last year, from the last 10 years. My thinking patterns have changes for the better. Instead of “why am I tired all the time?” I now ask “why do I have some much energy all the time?”
All I have is this life. My estimated lifespan is a statistic, but the actions I take within that lifespan is not statistically accurate. Most people will accept their reality by their 30s and their 40s. Gone are the fires of hardship to forge better personalities. Gone are the trials and tribulations. Replaced with a cushy job and cushy daily routines.
I’m gonna make it because I am capable of handling higher and higher levels of adversity. Any negative experience is always a positive. It adds drops to the bucket of success. I finally feel unshackled. Each experience I have now are just bricks to a powerful foundation. The cement is my ability to harness the energy of each experience.
I know I am going to succeed. So will you. Keep hammering away.
