Another journal…just because I felt the need to open another one, both for more accountability and for the need to share something that other people outside of this self-improvement path will never comprehend and understand, I guess.
I named it The Journal of Life to keep it as open as possible, without a particular title. A journal to document how I’m navigating the new way of living my life.
I’m stubborn by nature, and so I cannot give up on myself, despite all the ups and downs in my journey.
Also, it’s a journal to shine the light on the doubts I have regarding my subliminal use
Frankly, I don’t know if Summertime is the right title for me, as it gives me very harsh recon on just 15-30 seconds. It’s very discouraging to have this kind of experience when it should be one of the easiest subliminals to run, on paper. It’s highlighting the hard comparison game I have been playing in one way or another that dug a deep hole into my self-worth.
However, paradoxically, it could be the one that I need the most if the high recon symptoms are related to the very core of my stubborn patterns. The recon is very deep, and it’s causing me to rethink how to approach my life altogether. It’s causing me to wonder who am I at the very source/nature of my identity.
So it’s fair to say it’s a fully fledged identity crisis and not just a deep recon phase, which started right after the spring equinox.
Every fear-based and artificial control mechanism has been brought to the surface of my conscious awareness:
- The Superego “I’m the God of my Reality” phase/character
- The Solipsism Master “I’m the Only one here” phase/character
- The Ultimate Victim “I’m the Weakest/Unluckiest/Unworthiest One” phase/character
- The Nothingness “I’m the Nothing & None is there but Awareness” phase/character
- The Wholeness “I’m Everything” phase/character
- The Superman complex “I can become Superhuman anytime & anywhere” phase/character
All these identities have been trying to fight for supremacy for many years already, and now I have to deal with them all and try to find a way to integrate all of them without destroying them all or going all in on only one of them.
I have seen a different behavior starting to show up in myself and that’s very difficult to describe and categorize. It’s more versatile in a sense where I can find myself coming up with a very brilliant joke out of nowhere in front of several people or a warmer way to interact with anyone I want, just for the sake of expressing myself without any particular motives.
However, it’s a very fluctuating behavior that’s not influenced by a certain objective, but just by the impulse to do it. And people seem to react differently, too, by mirroring more of it.
So a lot is going on in my inner world, which is very disorienting at times and there’s de-fragmentation in progress too.
Current Listening Schedule:
Sunday 22th 2026: Summertime (15 seconds)
Tuesday 24th 2026: Summertime (30 seconds)
Thursday 26th 2026: Summertime (15 seconds)