Can I make it simpler?
Edit: Yes.
What if their interpretation completely misses the point of the pattern I’m communicating?
Edit: the picture doesn’t belong to you. What they see is theirs to keep and of their making. It is fine if it takes a structure you can’t interprete
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Never have I ever thought that an improvement in social expression would be the fastest result I’d get on subs.
Rn, it seems like a massive vessel is adjusting course.
The river of energy I usually feel coursing through me still remains silent. Very unusual for my experience on either Khan or WANTED.
The only thing left is the subtle impetus to not reduce myself anymore.
Scheduled first week of September for my gut detox.
I’ll start prepping my body. Temporarily swapping my stack in one week intervals from Sunday.
Firstly, Streams of Vitality (SoV) for Paragon Sleep.
Then, Boundless v3 for Paragon from the following Sunday.
Lastly, CD for LBFH by the final one.
Then, about one week of washout before returning back to my regular stack.
Humans should at least have the emotional experiences as evidence of their existence.
Right?
What does it mean to be human?
No, what does it even mean to be an existence in the first place?
Alas, the key I refused to receive has returned once more.
Is it finally time to open this door?
Yes, your answer has always been yes. You can not escape this door forever, neither will it pass you by
I know.
But is it really my place…to take the visage of a god.
In return, I ask you—who are you? What is there to take?
When will this end?
Run again or accept it
There came a point where I began to feel like a being that transcended humanity, heavenly mandate incarnated into form.
And there’s currently only one word in my vocabulary to describe that.
But identifying as that seems blasphemous, along with the perspective I’ll have to approach the world with.
So I ran.
I kept turning my attention to every other aspect of myself. For how can one of that stature be as lacking as I am?
The more I ran, the more concepts in my world beckoned for refinement. More questions, unanswered.
Running wasn’t working.
So I reduced myself, every chance I got….just so I can feel like one of the masses.
I designed emotions, expressions, even affirming pain, just so I can feel something for a moment longer, so I don’t face what flows through me.
For if I do, it will be expressed.
And in each moment of reduction, I cut a piece of myself away.
It was painful, but I kept doing it, over and over again.
Madness.
I’m back in the middle of what I can only describe as existential recon.
For something so existential, the stress only registers in my spirit. Every other level is as plain/usual as they can be.
Unlike my past experiences, there’s seemingly no obvious intensity. I can sense I’m suffering, but the usual emotions, physicality or energetic upheaval doesn’t come with it.
They’re so stable It’s almost bizarre.
This is the first time I’m experiencing such clear cut distinction.
What I’m about to say are based on my own inferences and experiences. I recognize that this, in a way, is a message to myself. You can think of it as the musings of a wandering minstrel.
Firstly, you’re not alone in this.
It seems you’re becoming aware of the nature of “assumed” identity. Conditioning in general.
To be clearer, you now see that who you thought you were was not truly you. And you’re now seeing the exact interactions of how that identity was built.
This depth of awareness could have come in a short time and can be destabilizing. Hence, you not feeling like a “person”.
Also, note that most regular “person” are not aware of this aspect of reality. That doesn’t diminish who they are, but it can indirectly influence how you interpret what a “person” is.
A simple block for this could be
“Person” should be unaware, but I’m aware. Hence, I’m not a person.
This is a definition/relational conflict.
The statement itself is illogical and falls apart when the concept of “person” is further refined.
Emotionally, this could be a process of shedding attachment to conditioning.
Secondly, there’s no need to be worried though.
Think of it like seeing the intricacies behind the world building function of reality. And eventually, learning to consciously wield that function to define your own identity.
This process happens multiple tones in life, on different scales and in different contexts. However, it will always pass, leaving you with more clarity on who you are and choose to be.
Finally, give yourself more time to refine your definition of a “person”, who you choose to be, and, how you fit in the picture.
Go to a random walk/destination, that makes you feel safe. Meet any person that seems open to you and engage them in a conversation about life and conditioning.
What you have built is not in vain
What do you mean?
I built the man I am today. There’s thousands more steps to come, but look at the thousands behind me.
And?
You expect me to take this risk?
What was that again? Yes!! the Diceman. I thought you thought yourself a gambler?
The Diceman forecasted…the trends of reality itself. He was sure. Only God could stop him even he moved. He never gambled.
What if what you refuse has already been forecasted? You just refuse to see
When I take it up, what happens to me?
Wisdom and Conquest. Not everyone can behold a god