Thank you!
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Energy flows where attention flows, literally.
I have quite an active imagination, especially sexually.
It been hastening to frequently that fantasizing about people seems to influence how they relate with me. Regardless of distance.
It’s extremely obscure but the transfer of energy is felt.
Casually fantasizing and going about my day is literally unnecessary leakage, because doing so was not my intention, that was me letting myself go.
The interesting part is that energy and information are being transmitted in every moment of existence. Focusing attention & energy (varying amounts) just amplifies it.
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More things I just remembered to note.
Composure
Had a period where my already quick reflexes were going haywire due to overprediction, which then contributed to clumsy behavior where my reflex would be applied, literally looked like a tweaking robot.
Once I recognized it as a form of overcompensating in order to feel safe, I began to settle.
I’ve been more composed for quite a while now. Being shocked lasts milliseconds. It’s kinda different from the somatic/energetic groundedness from WANTED.
Only need to remind myself that I’m safe and then I settle. Somehow I can also feel IF I’m in danger a bit more.
??
Shit. Forgot what I wanted to write
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Have you ever poured a river into a cup?
How did that feel?
Where you okay?
With yourself?
Conqueror’s Delight
Cores
Khan St3
Wanted
World
It Always Rises
Art of Trust
Main Character Energy
Physical
Irresistible Relaxation
Stonelike
Harmonic Singularity
Boosters
Omnidimensional
Mosaic
New custom came in yesterday and I ended up running it. Nothing to note for now.
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Am I the only one that gets this irritated at poorly expressed creativity? With movies being the most discussing of them all.
Like people read the script, oversaw both pre and post production and was like “yep, we outdid ourselves on this one, we’ll go with this retarded shit🙌”
Usually I stop at the slightest hint of bs, but I had hope for this one.
Damn. Someone give me back my time.
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Vision tempered by philosophy.
I see.
My self authored world is still taking shape.
Redefining those structures are necessary.
I understand why I had to shift gears for the moment.
Please, don’t be too long.
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Was writing a post and halfway, when I realized quite a bit of my posts are quite open ended (based on my memory of them).
Now, to ask myself, why?
Quite a bit of the human experience is varied and subjective. Assuming myself a representative that can account for these myriad experiences would be ignorant of me.
I am not their truth
There are possibly objective patterns that best mirror these myriad experiences.
Receiving these patterns, and then, communicating them to the best of my ability is my favorite pastime.
Their interpretation is left for them to define.
…
Courtesy of my RoS run last summer.
@SaintSovereign you guys hiring any script writers?🫣
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Can I make it simpler?
Edit: Yes.
What if their interpretation completely misses the point of the pattern I’m communicating?
Edit: the picture doesn’t belong to you. What they see is theirs to keep and of their making. It is fine if it takes a structure you can’t interprete
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Pin📌
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Never have I ever thought that an improvement in social expression would be the fastest result I’d get on subs.
Rn, it seems like a massive vessel is adjusting course.
The river of energy I usually feel coursing through me still remains silent. Very unusual for my experience on either Khan or WANTED.
The only thing left is the subtle impetus to not reduce myself anymore.
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Scheduled first week of September for my gut detox.
I’ll start prepping my body. Temporarily swapping my stack in one week intervals from Sunday.
Firstly, Streams of Vitality (SoV) for Paragon Sleep.
Then, Boundless v3 for Paragon from the following Sunday.
Lastly, CD for LBFH by the final one.
Then, about one week of washout before returning back to my regular stack.
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Humans should at least have the emotional experiences as evidence of their existence.
Right?
What does it mean to be human?
No, what does it even mean to be an existence in the first place?
Alas, the key I refused to receive has returned once more.
Is it finally time to open this door?
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Yes, your answer has always been yes. You can not escape this door forever, neither will it pass you by
I know.
But is it really my place…to take the visage of a god.
In return, I ask you—who are you? What is there to take?
When will this end?
Run again or accept it
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There came a point where I began to feel like a being that transcended humanity, heavenly mandate incarnated into form.
And there’s currently only one word in my vocabulary to describe that.
But identifying as that seems blasphemous, along with the perspective I’ll have to approach the world with.
So I ran.
I kept turning my attention to every other aspect of myself. For how can one of that stature be as lacking as I am?
The more I ran, the more concepts in my world beckoned for refinement. More questions, unanswered.
Running wasn’t working.
So I reduced myself, every chance I got….just so I can feel like one of the masses.
I designed emotions, expressions, even affirming pain, just so I can feel something for a moment longer, so I don’t face what flows through me.
For if I do, it will be expressed.
And in each moment of reduction, I cut a piece of myself away.
It was painful, but I kept doing it, over and over again.
Madness.
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I’m back in the middle of what I can only describe as existential recon.
For something so existential, the stress only registers in my spirit. Every other level is as plain/usual as they can be.
Unlike my past experiences, there’s seemingly no obvious intensity. I can sense I’m suffering, but the usual emotions, physicality or energetic upheaval doesn’t come with it.
They’re so stable It’s almost bizarre.
This is the first time I’m experiencing such clear cut distinction.
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moving this here
My usual long reply
Caution
What I’m about to say are based on my own inferences and experiences. I recognize that this, in a way, is a message to myself. You can think of it as the musings of a wandering minstrel.
Firstly, you’re not alone in this.
It seems you’re becoming aware of the nature of “assumed” identity. Conditioning in general.
To be clearer, you now see that who you thought you were was not truly you. And you’re now seeing the exact interactions of how that identity was built.
This depth of awareness could have come in a short time and can be destabilizing. Hence, you not feeling like a “person”.
Also, note that most regular “person” are not aware of this aspect of reality. That doesn’t diminish who they are, but it can indirectly influence how you interpret what a “person” is.
A simple block for this could be
“Person” should be unaware, but I’m aware. Hence, I’m not a person.
This is a definition/relational conflict.
The statement itself is illogical and falls apart when the concept of “person” is further refined.
Emotionally, this could be a process of shedding attachment to conditioning.
Secondly, there’s no need to be worried though.
Think of it like seeing the intricacies behind the world building function of reality. And eventually, learning to consciously wield that function to define your own identity.
This process happens multiple tones in life, on different scales and in different contexts. However, it will always pass, leaving you with more clarity on who you are and choose to be.
Finally, give yourself more time to refine your definition of a “person”, who you choose to be, and, how you fit in the picture.
A fun exercise
Go to a random walk/destination, that makes you feel safe. Meet any person that seems open to you and engage them in a conversation about life and conditioning.
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What you have built is not in vain
What do you mean?
I built the man I am today. There’s thousands more steps to come, but look at the thousands behind me.
And?
You expect me to take this risk?
What was that again? Yes!! the Diceman. I thought you thought yourself a gambler?
The Diceman forecasted…the trends of reality itself. He was sure. Only God could stop him even he moved. He never gambled.
What if what you refuse has already been forecasted? You just refuse to see
When I take it up, what happens to me?
Wisdom and Conquest. Not everyone can behold a god
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Amidst the chaos
The lesser rises
To take its chance
But it is futile
For I am
I remain
What an unfortunate time
For you to be
Woke up this morning to my alarm.
Shut my blinds but couldn’t sleep back.
Participated in some self care
Turned on some slow music and took my time through the day.
Completed my room organization.
Felt joy in using an steam iron?
Packaged return shipments.
Ate while watching anime.
Ordered new books to read.
Cleaned the house.
Took a shower.
Went on a walk.
Shipped return items.
Study.
Save the cooking for tomorrow.
As of last Friday, my emotions gradually started getting stirred, mostly because of the experiences that incited doubt.
The emotions then attempts to stir me into accepting the nature I’m currently resisting.
But I refuse.
I am me and whatever is beyond this door is still me. Sounds like a paradox.
But I will bend that which I accept as I desire.
Not because my current emotional state desires it.
The spiritual and the emotional still remains as distinct as they have been since this resumed.