Someone tries to pour you a soda, but you don’t want to drink right now or let it pour on you. So you get your bottle, put the soda in there and lid it as you wish.
You can walk around with you bottle at your convenience, open it when you wish and close it when you wish.
But your bottle has an extra weight and the moving generated more pressure in your bottle. All you have to carry.
There are multiple ways this can go. However, your have to let the soda out at some point and do what you will with it.
Ultimately, you must open the bottle.
You can open it gently and pour it as you wish, whether all in one go or in manageable quantities, or then, it could just spill, making a mess in the process.
Now, what if this soda is emotion and the bottle your vessel?
The first case of emptying becomes a conversation that leads to resolution.
The second case being a conversation with a table only accepting that you see them but refusing to see you too. Despite multiple gatherings.
My current case is the latter.
Interestingly, my decision was made before I got angry. The how was refined in the midst of the anger. And the pre-execution review was done after the anger.
Few and far between since the body quieting experience. Like going a whole day and not even noticing it. They still happen but so smoothly and rarely.
Gaze
It’s different from anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s not ferocious like OG Emperor, piercing like ASBR, worth questioning like Khan or even that of Wanted.
Cannot completely explain it, but it feels like a mix of ferocity, Wanted and warmth. Leaving it here for now.
Change in Internal Vocabulary
Noticing the exact word ”displeased” and its other tenses being used in internal dialogue a lot more recently.
Boundaries
Getting very precise/proficient with this on all its related expressions—violation, communication, affirming, retaining etc.
Communication
Summary is that I’m more focused on who I’m communicating with and tailoring what I intend to communicate to them.
Intent is shifting towards clarity and precision. To be as precise as possible in a way I perceive the other party will best absorb it.
Body language is free-er, intuitive and sometimes unconventional. I can more readily communicate in a way that exactly matches the intent. Sometimes it feels like I’m making “seals” with my movements.
Directing energy in engagements is slowly but surely getting easier.
Bridging conversations is getting easier too.
Oratory skills are being worked on in the very background. Seems almost unnoticeable and easy to miss for now. Seems the thread continued from what started on ASBR.
Wealth
My attention moved here multiple times this week. Debt, planning, streams and balance with other areas.
Got one idea, not something I want to dive into.
Second idea is more about up-skilling for something I’m learning. More learning to get to🙂
Presence & Assurance
Still the same me that everyone loves, the narcissist flair of Wanted is now building back up to how it was while running the Major version.
Feel slightly more settled and composed.
Seems I’ve retained my “Wanted” walking step, except now there’s more gravity behind it.
Combined with the communication aspect, it seems I’m gaining crowd control skills.
Increase in status.
Romance
I internally feel “higher” not by reason or identity definition, just the way I am. Caring lesser about female opinion about me
Most responses are more of “leaning into me” where they want to play and bask in my presence and attention.
Will probably expand on them as clearer. observations come in.
From my view of it, the path that has been working for me is to be aware of the stories, and just observe. Notice that It’s a part of you, yet you’re not defined by it.
When you mentioned stories, it immediately resonated with what I’ve been experiencing & going deep into. Nowadays, since I’m using LBFH, I’ve been noticing the depth of how I’m able to choose immediate relaxation in spite of the stories my mind creates to block, limit, obscure, or convince me that it’s not so simple/I have to take a roundabout way first before I can relax.
To borrow from hermeticism, “All is mind, the universe is mental”.
Everything is a story made up by the mind.
The first time I heard about it being described as “stories” was from a reiki video. I shared it in the journal I have in the black section of the forum back then. It talked about how reiki healing is about co-regulation that stemmed from not associating with stories that arise when scanning (I hope I described it well enough, I watched it a long time ago).
From what I’ve observed, at some point, there might be something that even stories can’t describe, beyond “it just is”. But I’m not verse in this either, it’s just curious to think about.
Do you think this deeper dive into the nature of reality the result of Boundless v3?
You do have Zone & 42 there.
This part is what I recognize as the actual first step to active healing. From here on, this gives room to break apart/reshuffle or even rewrite the story entirely. Wrote it in the previous post but taught I deviated from the question you asked.
It almost seems like one sub creator had identified this about three years ago🤔
I know right😂
Probably, the first thing I can point to is the origin of reality, God if you presume. The second being duality (?).
The deep dive probably started about two years ago.
But this particular exploration of stories and worlds (resonant, expressive and interactive aspects of reality) started last December from my use of BL.
Though I put less focus on the rewriting. I usually use it to get to neutral.
They dissolve on their own after I disengage & just observe enough times.
I’ve heard that process before.
Duality is a vast topic, let alone the source.
It’s fun to dig around though.
About the same time as me too.
I started around 2-3 years ago after reconciling HeO + WB.
Even BL is that potent at opening paths for this. I wonder how Sage Immortal will be.
Updates to movement and structural alignment on Wanted
Started to notice increasing sciatica irritation and pain that began to radiate to other parts of my body, due to unbalanced hips. I identified it as an issue with movement pattern, but couldn’t properly fit a corrective routine. This shit plagued me for close to six months.
The Sculpted Motion feature began to activate from my second loop, but I don’t remember seeing it in the soft copy, till the main copy. Cultivation of my “Wanted walk” started and has remained as baseline. Ended up correcting the faulty movement pattern. Even when I compromised my hip posture, conscious activation of the walk seemed to serve as a sort of corrective therapy
Built coordination that allowed me to walk straight even with my head fully turned to the sides. Wore off when I moved it to customs, but It’s coming back now.
Now noticing an activation of different muscles when walking and sprinting. My glutes and inner thighs are damn sore, mild soreness in hamstrings and nothing in my quads, calves or ankles.
Top speed increased so much I started falling mid sprint, but acceleration, deceleration, and balance during motion decreased. Felt like I was using new parts of my body I’m not familiar with.
These are things people pay so much money to research and train for.
Just realized the consolidation I was talking about in my previous journal is actually integration.
I want to integrate all my major growth till now, until they’re parts/aspects of me I can completely access on demand.
That’s the focal point of the season, upon which I built my stack. I don’t know how long this season will last, but I’m projecting six months as a start.
Tried to fit Singularity in as the cornerstone but refused to go past double major customs, for now.
It’s been an extremely hectic week and stressful to say the least.
So much drag that listing them and their extents feel like whining rn. And it showed clearly on me.
The endpoint is that I made it through and plans set in motion are reaching completion.
Also, no sub use since last Monday.
Recognition -> Forging
It’s already a made decision.
The push to external action came into balance immediately I decided to move my focus outwards, and honestly, it tracks.
I’ve been on insane internal focus for the past two years, with varying levels of action involved. The growth has been insane, to the point where comparison will be unfair.
Although I’m not exactly where I want to be internally, the sheer amount of work done calls for external balance/reflection.
I also realize that given my predisposition, everyone sub I used has actually been turned inwards in some way, even ASBR.
Shifting the gear this inwards feels overkill for now. And I’m really fiending for more action, despite my subs working exactly as intended.
I’ll probably return to deep internal focus for 1-2 months next winter.
Intermission, for rest
I continuously got the ping that I had seriously dipped into my reserves and I was still drawing more, like constant reminders for close to 20 mins a time.
I have this entire week as my reset week. Using it for my scheduled gut detox and some deep rest.
My sub use this week will reflect this.
Been trying to include new LBFH in a custom to no avail, @William reports just made the craving deeper.
Stack for the week is LBFH, PEACE and Paragon.
Changes to Stack
More changes will probably be made to others, for now, switching I AM//A//F to Conqueror’s Delight, which will come in from next Saturday.
