The Diceman’s Delight

[William]

@Goldfinger

I’ve been noticing the use of stories in reality and how it modifies the expression of consciousness, existence even (if both can be separated).

From my view of it, the path that has been working for me is to be aware of the stories, and just observe. Notice that It’s a part of you, yet you’re not defined by it.

When you mentioned stories, it immediately resonated with what I’ve been experiencing & going deep into. Nowadays, since I’m using LBFH, I’ve been noticing the depth of how I’m able to choose immediate relaxation in spite of the stories my mind creates to block, limit, obscure, or convince me that it’s not so simple/I have to take a roundabout way first before I can relax.

To borrow from hermeticism, “All is mind, the universe is mental”.
Everything is a story made up by the mind.

The first time I heard about it being described as “stories” was from a reiki video. I shared it in the journal I have in the black section of the forum back then. It talked about how reiki healing is about co-regulation that stemmed from not associating with stories that arise when scanning (I hope I described it well enough, I watched it a long time ago).

@Goldfinger

Almost everything has a story, whether it knows it or not, whether it created it or not.

Been observing it more closely in my inner world. There are stories that underly everything I’ve perceived there, just in different forms or patterns.

To me, It seemed like they’re part of the building blocks of identity.

Eventually, the question came up, in relation to identity.

From what I’ve observed, at some point, there might be something that even stories can’t describe, beyond “it just is”. But I’m not verse in this either, it’s just curious to think about.

Do you think this deeper dive into the nature of reality the result of Boundless v3?
You do have Zone & 42 there.

[Goldfinger]

@William

From my view of it, the path that has been working for me is to be aware of the stories, and just observe. Notice that It’s a part of you, yet you’re not defined by it.

This part is what I recognize as the actual first step to active healing. From here on, this gives room to break apart/reshuffle or even rewrite the story entirely. Wrote it in the previous post but taught I deviated from the question you asked.

It almost seems like one sub creator had identified this about three years ago🤔

@William

But I’m not verse in this either, it’s just curious to think about.

I know right😂

@William

From what I’ve observed, at some point, there might be something that even stories can’t describe, beyond “it just is”.

Probably, the first thing I can point to is the origin of reality, God if you presume. The second being duality (?).

@William

Do you think this deeper dive into the nature of reality the result of Boundless v3?

The deep dive probably started about two years ago.

But this particular exploration of stories and worlds (resonant, expressive and interactive aspects of reality) started last December from my use of BL.

[William]

@Goldfinger

Wrote it in the previous post but taught I deviated from the question you asked.

Go tangent all you want, I don’t mind, lol.

@Goldfinger

It almost seems like one sub creator had identified this about three years ago🤔

Gee I wonder🤔

@Goldfinger

This part is what I recognize as the actual first step to active healing. From here on, this gives room to break apart/reshuffle or even rewrite the story entirely.

Yes, that’s pretty much my experience too.

Though I put less focus on the rewriting. I usually use it to get to neutral.
They dissolve on their own after I disengage & just observe enough times.

@Goldfinger

Probably, the first thing I can point to is the origin of reality, God if you presume. The second being duality (?).

I’ve heard that process before.
Duality is a vast topic, let alone the source.
It’s fun to dig around though.

@Goldfinger

The deep dive probably started about two years ago.

But this particular exploration of stories and worlds (resonant, expressive and interactive aspects of reality) started last December from my use of BL.

About the same time as me too.
I started around 2-3 years ago after reconciling HeO + WB.

Even BL is that potent at opening paths for this. I wonder how Sage Immortal will be.

[Goldfinger]

@William

They dissolve on their own after I disengage & just observe enough times.

I’ll have to brush up my disengaging skills. It’s kinda tricky cos once I catch wind of things like this my mind starts digging on autopilot.

@William

I started around 2-3 years ago after reconciling HeO + WB.

Man took the seduce reality caption to heart.

Also, I used Sage Immortal for about two months this year

[William]

@Goldfinger

I’ll have to brush up my disengaging skills. It’s kinda tricky cos once I catch wind of things like this my mind starts digging on autopilot.

I feel that.

Even being mindful about the auto-digging in the first place is already a skill that takes time to figure out & apply consistently.

Though the new LBFH is helping me immensely with both noticing & disengaging/relaxing now.

@Goldfinger

Man took the seduce reality caption to heart.

Well, WB is that potent, lol.
I didn’t expect that from a romance title at all, but here we are.

[Goldfinger]

Updates to movement and structural alignment on Wanted

• Started to notice increasing sciatica irritation and pain that began to radiate to other parts of my body, due to unbalanced hips. I identified it as an issue with movement pattern, but couldn’t properly fit a corrective routine. This shit plagued me for close to six months.
• The Sculpted Motion feature began to activate from my second loop, but I don’t remember seeing it in the soft copy, till the main copy. Cultivation of my “Wanted walk” started and has remained as baseline. Ended up correcting the faulty movement pattern. Even when I compromised my hip posture, conscious activation of the walk seemed to serve as a sort of corrective therapy
• Built coordination that allowed me to walk straight even with my head fully turned to the sides. Wore off when I moved it to customs, but It’s coming back now.
• Now noticing an activation of different muscles when walking and sprinting. My glutes and inner thighs are damn sore, mild soreness in hamstrings and nothing in my quads, calves or ankles.
• Top speed increased so much I started falling mid sprint, but acceleration, deceleration, and balance during motion decreased. Felt like I was using new parts of my body I’m not familiar with.
• These are things people pay so much money to research and train for.

[Goldfinger]

Just realized the consolidation I was talking about in my previous journal is actually integration.

I want to integrate all my major growth till now, until they’re parts/aspects of me I can completely access on demand.

That’s the focal point of the season, upon which I built my stack. I don’t know how long this season will last, but I’m projecting six months as a start.

Tried to fit Singularity in as the cornerstone but refused to go past double major customs, for now.

[Goldfinger]

Around 6am in the morning. Sleep nowhere in sight.

My last post was a reminder to myself on why I embarked on this season, to stick with it.

Been feeling the pull to continue forging for almost a week now. Given it time to wear off, expecting it to be recon, but its only getting stronger.

Now, its reached the crux where I can’t even sleep without getting the message.

[Goldfinger]

It’s been an extremely hectic week and stressful to say the least.

So much drag that listing them and their extents feel like whining rn. And it showed clearly on me.

The endpoint is that I made it through and plans set in motion are reaching completion.

Also, no sub use since last Monday.

Recognition -> Forging

It’s already a made decision.

The push to external action came into balance immediately I decided to move my focus outwards, and honestly, it tracks.

I’ve been on insane internal focus for the past two years, with varying levels of action involved. The growth has been insane, to the point where comparison will be unfair.

Although I’m not exactly where I want to be internally, the sheer amount of work done calls for external balance/reflection.

I also realize that given my predisposition, everyone sub I used has actually been turned inwards in some way, even ASBR.

Shifting the gear this inwards feels overkill for now. And I’m really fiending for more action, despite my subs working exactly as intended.

I’ll probably return to deep internal focus for 1-2 months next winter.

Intermission, for rest

I continuously got the ping that I had seriously dipped into my reserves and I was still drawing more, like constant reminders for close to 20 mins a time.

I have this entire week as my reset week. Using it for my scheduled gut detox and some deep rest.

My sub use this week will reflect this.

Been trying to include new LBFH in a custom to no avail, @William reports just made the craving deeper.

Stack for the week is LBFH, PEACE and Paragon.

Changes to Stack

More changes will probably be made to others, for now, switching I AM//A//F to Conqueror’s Delight, which will come in from next Saturday.

[Goldfinger]

Hasn’t even been that long since I posted and a couple of the materials needed for my detox is getting delayed.

Might have to shift detox week and use this time for more focused effort on upskilling.

But I don’t want my detox week to be delayed by a whole month

[Goldfinger]

LBFH 00:15, Paragon 00:15 yesterday.

Finally having my first good sleep in weeks. Slept late as usual, but slept good.

Detox materials have been delayed, despite paying for priority delivery. Instead, I’m taking this week for relaxation and small studying if I feel like.

Been increasingly told that I looked stressed.

[Goldfinger]

I mostly keep my disposition friendly, and moving between extreme playful mischievousness and sharp edge when required.

I’ve also learned to communicate better.

Took me a lot of growth to get to this point.

For this I’m very grateful.

What is mostly left is allowance and repetition. Allowing skills to flow towards a consciously chosen outcome and getting the reps in.

The inhibition being low self-love in the form of undirected selfishness.

To be more specific, I don’t allow myself to reach my goal if others’ and their emotions aren’t accounted for.

Despite moral, ethical and logical alignment, I feel considerable amounts of guilt if I’m not of service or “sacrificing” (quotation marks, as I feel several interpretations pop up, very open ended)

Worked on this with multiple different subs, with the growth being able to consciously override in minute cases. However, the emotional aspect is still generated at whatever scale the case may be.

Expressing this wasn’t my initial intention when I started this post, but seeing how it switched a bit into the post, LBFH is probably helping with this.

[Goldfinger]

It seems not sacrificing is equated/interpreted as hurting someone.

It gets more interesting because I’ve always remembered the exact encounter that seeded the foundation for this.

I’ve gotten multiple interpretations of it, but this particular one is a first.

One scenario dissected and interpreted from so many perspectives, then layered in levels of connections.

I wonder what more was interpreted.

[Goldfinger]

Back to what I intended to write.

Ran my loop of LBFH on my way to go pick up an item.

I tried to communicate warmth and refined friendliness. Think of GLM/E:R.

The other party cycled from friendly, to attracted, to intimidated, to withdrawn, to something ambiguous, and started trying to return to their baseline?

It seems the other party is usually friendly but got quite disrupted by the energy coming off me, even beyond my conscious communication.

A while later I began to feel the intense stress piled up in my body being allowed to come to the surface for acknowledgement. I am tired, severely so.

I’m guessing the stress that came up unconsciously seeped into my energy, got transmitted to her, and caused the disruption for her.

It must have been more confusing, given that it didn’t match my external presentation. Which gave her no way to interpret the stress she was feeling. Then she went inwards to redefine her own state, rather than being moved by what was transmitted.

[Goldfinger]

@Goldfinger

I wonder what more was interpreted.

Only one way to find out.

Keep exploring.

[Goldfinger]

Words as vessel of intent

1. Intent to steer
2. Intent to express

Both are usually mixed and can be ambiguous.

I find I use words to steer my being by asking questions or making remarks. Interestingly, they work even without the corresponding emotion attached, to varying degrees.

Then I get an answer and the intent is to capture that answer, kind of like a frame freezer. Herein come the intent to express.

Sometimes it comes so literally in a sense that is already captured, eg

@Goldfinger

Only one way to find out.

Keep exploring.

Other times I have to do the capturing(mythologizing).

There are still two more interesting things to note.

1. Words seem to have direction, magnitude and velocity.

EDIT: Yes, the better way to put it is that they have spatial qualities.

2. Words and symbols with expanded use in my vocabulary over the last three years

Wonder, imagine, vision, sovereign, paradox, interesting, I, you, energy, vessel, form, reality, mirror, behold, if, own, belong, perhaps, maybe, do, when, destroy, like, ?, —,

The ones with personalized interpretations
How, can, yes, no, wait, what, me, why, I, you, ?

[Goldfinger]

@Goldfinger

Words seem to have direction

That is a contributor to a question I’ve been asking myself with increasing frequency, with no concrete answer for myself

Where do ideas come from?

Actually, I have answers. I just want something concrete that accounts for all of them

[Goldfinger]

Health & Body

Another day of damn good sleep!!

Throat and nose infection cleared up, after over a week.

Nutrition is less horrible than it was.

Lost majority of my muscle size, but the frame still remains. People around me are commenting on it.

Less willing to add size, till I cover my basics (nutrition, fascia health, more mobility).

Connective tissue improvement. Probably contributed to my strength increase.

Lost 2” from my already tiny waist (guessing stress & nutrition)

Actually testing all my health tools. Found my grounding sheet I’d used for months to be defective, maybe even contributed to some health issues I’m experiencing now.

Dialed back on the extreme desire for perfection in reducing toxins. What use is an overhaul if I can find suitable replacements? Going slowly now.

My new space is slowly but surely coming together.

Energy

Still feels extremely quiet and requires me to pay attention to see what is happening.

Erections in morning as usual, and more sublime other times.

Reduction in over sensitivity/responsiveness in arousal pathways. Original goal in using KB St2 in Streams of Vitality. The work continues till it flows with my will.

Watched some porn after about two years (never masturbated), but I wasn’t mostly watching. 90% of my attention went to just being still and observing aspects of my body that were aroused and keeping them still.

After that, every moment of arousal becomes an opportunity for mindfulness, like mini-meditations each time. It felt like a switch, combined with momentarily loaded repetitions to solidify ability to use the switch.

Little man seems bigger. Sometimes it also feels he is missing, but when I move my focus there, he’s there, just very still?

I feel robust kind of bigger, expanded and strong (like a metal stele) all at the same time. A new sensation.

My energy seems withdrawn into me. It’s so subtle and feels contained somewhere deep down inside. Doing its own thing.

I’m guessing it’s gently being used to nourish the energy pathways.

[anon15812918]

@Goldfinger

fascia health

how exactly are you planning to address that?

[Goldfinger]

Mostly using Hyperarch Fascia training by Dr Chong Xie. I find that most of the other trainings and “new research” are actually derivatives of his work.

He tailored his training to mostly professional athletes and made it kind of expensive.

However, he has the beginner (except breathe annd nutrition) exercises on his YouTube channel, which I actually think are enough for the regular person.

Used it on and off with some results.