The Dice of Reality

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#102

There is no such thing as control
In actuality what we have is structure, the ability to create frameworks which reality flows through towards an outcome. Any form of action is still a part of a framework.

Going one step further, the framework isn’t even yours, it belongs to reality. You were just able to make use of it and props to you if you truly see it. If you can identify a pattern, then you didn’t create it.

Nothing created, nothing destroyed. All that will ever be, already is. And true control remains an illusion.

Do you see?

At the end of it all, are we just conduits?

Then what exactly is The Will to Power?

And what is time?

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#103

Its not my fault if you get a “not accurate” impression of me

Something I’ve been subconsciously scared of is people getting the wrong impression, without me intentionally making it so—people thinking I’m angry, I hate them, or I have a thing for them. The deeper part is I know how they will react/interpret my actions most of the time, which contributed to this.

EDIT: Taking it another step, I always saw myself as a guide, and in a sense responsible for other’s experience. So more regulation was added.

I consciously understand the nuances of projection to an extent, but my way of being is now catching up.

This brings more understanding to why I know what to say/do when communicating, but still feel blocked from executing, which was one of the reasons I made my Dragon’s Pact custom.

From now on, I will express myself as I please. If it comes to mind, I express. If I notice a hold back, I still express regardless.

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#104

I’m very much one of the boys, just as I’m very much one of the girls

The level of comfort, treatment and inner world reflects similarly in both cases. Things that are only expressed/reflected if either cases were true are gradually becoming normal.

My ability to express myself and communicate in both situations, which actually fits both, while still remaining myself is improving.

This is like an expansion pack which unveils a unique placement that has always been present, but only expressed in moments where I accepted myself as truly free (happens on both Primal & Wanted)

It feels androgynous in a way, but masculine androgynous?

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#105

I guess so

An ode to the human trait of self-actualization, a desire to be complete, often misinterpreted as greatness that stands distinguished by human standards.

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#106

Paragon 00:30
For preventive measure, started falling sick.

On DoR, it felt more like I was being taught and shown things, most felt very exclusive and some of them I didn’t understand.

On GG, I still don’t feel any difference, like I’m not using a sub, yet results keep popping. I’m very certain there’s something useful happening here, I just don’t know what it is, yet.
Perception

It feels like a combination of both realization and unfolding. The more I see, the more things open up and versa. Just observing alone makes it feel halfway integrated, this way integration is very quick and mostly don’t have to be conscious

No perceptual shift, cognitive or sensory enhancement. However, mental feed and processing are clearer and more stable. It’s not forced, or comes as an information dump, it’s more like a stream that actually never stops flowing.

Sometimes it flows under a cave sometimes on level ground where I can see, other times even into deeper waters. It speeds up at some points and slows down at others. The most influence I have here is focusing on the top layers of the stream to let other layers slip into the background.

I feel like a sailor with a vessel that can double as a submarine when needed.

Coupled with the extreme time dilation I just experienced while sleeping. And they all feel absolutely normal.

I think it’s geared towards optimizing the use of what is already present, rather than increasing more capacity

Energy

I don’t feel any energetic difference yet, in terms of tiring less, more drive, sensitivity or energy regulation, like on KB. I actually find that I need more sleep, way more than I thought I needed and I still get hungry.

However, I feel an uncanny expansion in both aura and state. Like they don’t need to spread outside of me, it stays inside and the environment adjusts to it instead.

It’s possible this might be a reinterpretation of reality from SG combined with some energetic protection from Singularity.

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#107

Sub plans being reconsidered. Planning my stack for minimum 3 months

Overall goal is to consolidate my level across all subs I use at this moment. Each custom will directly focus on its own concept & goals.

Modules are subject to change till they’re built

Dice Man: Builder Set

Concept
Err…the Dice Man’s foundation?

Goals

  • Continue increasing active income. Already on this, just couldn’t dedicate the required focus.
  • Cover practical bases of survival & living I.e adopting foundational structured habits.

Cores
ASBR
RICH

Modules
ESSENCE: Stabilizer?
Experimental ZPU Adaptive Scripting
Power of Sacrifice
Pragya
Omnidimensional
Mosaic

Temple of Desire

Concept
Embodying my space where desire is present, expressed in all that exists, even when not actively stirred.

Note: Still trying to decide if I’m going for focus, driving or more depth

Goals

  • Presence
  • Physical shifting
  • Healing

Cores
Wanted
NREE/S&S/KB St1

Modules
ESSENCE: Summertime/P:Sleep?
Experimental ZPU Adaptive Scripting
Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
//MDFY: Freedom
Irresistible Relaxation
//Mosaic

Both combined with GG

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#108

Behold I serve myself up on a golden platter. If only you could have a taste. But can you. Are you worthy of my blessing?

Well, that took a different turn😅

#109

I’ve felt angry, ignored and frustrated. Now, I’m genuinely interested in the structures generating this.

One-Sided attention in interactions

We’re in conversation, I listen listen and listen some more, but when I start speaking, about my life, something that interests me, or something they ask about in the moment, suddenly they have something better to do? Or say? Then rapidly try to switch the attention back on them.

Like only my listening is valuable to them. And my expression doesn’t really matter. I’ve pointed this out multiple times, apologies come but behaviors never seem to change and every time I have to assert myself or continuously interrupt in order to be heard.

This is extremely prominent with my family, unless it concerns their interests. Now, it’s beginning to bleed into other encounters. And frequency is increasing.

Am I supposed to just remain a sponge for you?
Is me paying attention to you more valuable than me myself?
Why can’t you just actually listen to me?

I can tell it’s not boredom because there’s this underlying sense of captivation and “please, let me offer you more, more, and more about myself in our interaction” the body language, the eyes, the motormouth. I can be obviously ignoring, which I do a lot these days, but they keep going on and on, unless I outright dismiss them.

Now, there are a couple things this points to

Firstly, I used to think maybe I’m being taught patience in listening more, but this is definitely something deep reflecting from me.

Blocking people from sharing my world while still deeply desiring their attention. How are they to give me attention when I’m making it extremely hard for them to deposit?

Open up and receive, let people be captivated when you speak too.

Secondly, I don’t think I value my attention nearly enough.

Thirdly, I will have to dismiss people. Started doing this unknowingly. Just showing I’m not interested almost never works anymore. Now, I’m getting bluntly expressive about it.

#110
More Interesting Stuff
Venting vs Resolution

Funny how I find it hard to rant without it being productive in figuring out the mechanisms behind it. It’s good, but I still feel something missing because I’m not releasing emotional charge this way.

It’s more of “there’s no more reason for the charge, so it should just disappear on its own.” Then the charge begins to get suppressed on some level.

To put it plainly, there’s no full (intense) release of emotions.

Realizations & action plan before experience

Realized this issue about opening up my world in social interactions three days ago, and then now having this experience today.

I’m noticing this pattern where I see the problem, the solution flows in, and then bam, I have an experience(s) that over expresses the issue I just realized.

I don’t really get caught off guard, but it’s not a nice feeling. It seems I’m also harboring some resentment that I just can’t be reactionary anymore.

Like why do I always have to be the one regulating?

Sub Expression

One of the reasons why ASBR focused so heavily on the fame and popularity.

I can confidently say one of the best changes to my self relational vocabulary in the past year is frequent use of the words and & interesting