The Crucible - DRR

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1

I’ve been listening to SubClub for 3+ years now. It’s time.

It’s time for me to take on the Dragon. It’s time for me to heal.

I’m not living well. I wasted most of my life up to this point, especially my 20s because of my mental health issues. And I’m tired of it. Whatever’s holding me back from living, I have to destroy it.

My stack for this run:

Name-embedded DRR1 + Anti-Recon

Godlike Executive:

  1. Godlike Masculinity
  2. Emperor: The Executive
  3. Anti-Recon
  4. Stop Porn and Masturbation
  5. Inner Gasoline

I run my first loop(s) tomorrow.

8 Likes
#2

DRR 1 min | GE 1m40s(hopefully)

Just turned 28 today. And to be honest, it’s been a sad birthday.

I’m severely depressed right now. I pretty much slept for most of the day. I went to the park and walk around the lake and then just sat in my car in silence.

I didn’t want to turn 28 today. I’ve wasted my life so far and I’m having a hard time figuring things out. I think I’m too dumb to figure my life out.

I feel more pressure to live and it’s shutting me down instead motivating me. There is a lot of bullshit holding me back that’s making it extremely difficult to let go and live.

Like major depression, trauma, anxiety, self-hatred, brain fog, inferiority complex…

My main goal that I want to achieve with this stack is to be FREE from it all.

I wish I could write more, but I’m drawing a blank.

Edit: While I was laying down on my couch earlier today, body got warm all of sudden and then stopped. It lasted for about a minute.

2 Likes
#3

REST

Currently at my local park.

I did something that I haven’t done since my early 20s.

Jog. I felt like Forrest Gump. For some reason during my walk, I just felt like running. And I did just that.

I didn’t jog the whole time though. The trail is 2.2 miles around, so I did a run-walk-run until I got back around to my car.

It felt pretty good to do something different.

1 Like
#4

DRR 1m30s | GE 2m

So far, the only thing I notice is the desire to watch porn is non-existent.

But I still can’t shake the urge to quit watching shows and sports and mindlessly scrolling the internet. Right now, I’m so depressed and my drive is really low. My brain really wants quick dopamine.

I do take time to sit in silence, but the thoughts I have about myself are too much. I need something to distract me.

I have no life. Nothing to do while I’m on leave from work. I just stay cooped up in my apartment. I hate it. It’s like I can’t get myself to do anything else.

1 Like
#5

GE 5m14s

I’m starting to recognize the subtle ways in which I show love to myself even while self-loathing.

Someone who hates themself wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning. I do that.

Someone who hates himself wouldn’t seek help. They wouldn’t contact a psych and therapist. I do that.

Someone who hates himself wouldn’t take the meds he’s prescribed. I do that.

Someone who hates himself wouldn’t take a shower every day. I do that.

Someone who hates himself wouldn’t be listening to subliminals even if he still isn’t sure it’s working for him. I do that.

I don’t do these things just because they’re nice to do. I do them because I want to live. I do them because I care about myself despite what my mind tells me.

1 Like