The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#321

What a way to end one year and start another.

Honestly, I don’t know what to write, not even in the mood to introspect. Although I don’t know when it’ll be, I’ll have to wait till it comes to me.

On another note, I feel like I’m losing touch with my major development from GLM, which was reaching and holding a space beyond limits of any kind, then harnessing it to realize my truest self and reality, with myself as the guiding light. Like embodying a me unbound by convention.

It’s like this solid formlessness molded the way it should be. And one of its effects is lots of mental and internal flexibility in self development, which I used to blend beliefs and archetypes.

Now I feel like I steeped out the door of this space and gradually backing away, while still staring at it.

#322

Also I’m finding it really hard to be amongst people that don’t strive for greatness or success. There’s this depth of anger that feels painful that comes up consistently. From my current perspective, my environment reflects this, even family. They are not bad people, they just don’t perceive success and reality the way I do.

I see a scenario or performance and the cues for practical improvement flow to me in real time, then it annoys me that they have chosen to remain mediocre.

I’m bouncing between leaving, how to leave, rebalancing relationships, helping people grow to my level and the potential pain generated from “abandonment” for me and the other. And it’s really hard on me. This is always why I’m careful with the social aspects when I’m on Khan, Emperor and now ASBR.

With ASBR I’m solid potentiated force, just there and burning is good enough to deserve my emotional currency, I don’t have any desire to share it and when I try to, I feel disconnected from myself like I’m acting.

Most are worried, saying I look sad, few say I look angry, but in reality only annoyance->anger are evoked when I observe ‘inadequacy’ or someone bothers my ‘peace’, not even me could do so otherwise. I just feel solid, with a potentiated calm and expressions that seem flat/bland, which people misinterprete.

I know this is my expression of the success, inner circle and resilience scripting in ASBR, and will be a running theme till I resolve why I’m expressing it this way.

PS: this is my own experience and may not be the same as yours.

#323

I know it is arrogance for me to assume that everyone else sees with the depth I do and yet decides to stay inadequate. Then blame them for not seeing the depth I see because it has always been way for me.

I know most of it is just me projecting my standards.

And this is one of the battles I’ve consciously been struggling with since I was a young child—the capacity to let people be on their own journey, just participate and leave when it’s time, rather then imposing my own standard of reality on them.

Anyway I got one step closer to resolving it since GLM and Wanted. But this current phase with ASBR is something else

#324

Tested Wanted with ASBR about 4 times now, Wanted adds a lot of balancing for the social aspect.

I still mostly don’t give a shit about engaging people, they’re not as interesting as usual, but when I’m engaged I don’t feel like I’m acting and my inner voice doesn’t scream “leave me alone” as consistently as before.

Essence: To Be The Prize will most likely make it into the custom.

#325

The more I use subs, the more I realize identity isn’t fixed at all.

Personal reality is like an infinite base and archetypes are simply shifting the area(s) of focus to a specific theme or subsection of my inner world for the moment.

Of recent, there hasn’t been any sub that I haven’t expressed most of what is written in the sales copy (not necessarily with full depth), including the archetypes.

It’s just that some of them are

  • Tricky to wield
  • Contain some parts that are fundamental to it that I don’t want to express
  • Or outright difficult to consciously guide from my current level of development.
#326

Now this is me trying to replicate the magic I had on my last stack while still moving towards my goals😭

This shit hard

#327

Black titles are built different, if you can handle it. Its accelerated personal growth that seems to shatter current personal reality

#328

Recently I’ve been noticing fear, fear born is perceived lack. I’m getting scared that I don’t have enough money to achieve my goals and I don’t even know how I’ll get that money.

Paradoxically, the sense of overwhelming success when I desire it is still very present and my income is coming back to baseline after the slump I had for the most of December.

#329

Been having three reminders looping in my mind for about three days now— “you must be comfortable being dominant and taking charge,” “difficult conversations need to be had” and “Embrace it”

I didn’t understand it up until yesterday, I got another ping saying “you are not a stranger to intensity, embrace it, for it is necessary”

I had a very difficult conversation about something that has caused me pain, given me sleepless nights and has stunted advancement—leaving people behind.

It’s just one part of the conversation, but it’s a first step. Besides that my decision has been made.