The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#196

The narcissism (Wanted State) from Wanted has tapered off, and I’m working through deeper stuff now.

Results remain, they’ve always been consistent, but they feel more stable now.

I act on them naturally, but not driving them as far as I did when the narcissism hit.

Mimy ‘acting on them naturally’ is ranging from deep care, connection, attention, closeness to romantic and sexual. And they’re expressed in a way that seems natural yet borderline pushing the boundary, as if something else is being communicated underneath.

All these are beginning to happen even when in not in a euphoric state that usually feels like in floating. Now, the euphoric state seems to be growing forth from my body, then to my mind.

#197

E//D//U, Wanted & GLM.

Hands down the best stack I’ve ever used. It’s helping me develop a concept I talked about in some thread a while back—being able to tap into the best state/resource of myself for any given situation/moment in time.

I didn’t even realize this at first and thought I was just working on my major long-term/current goal which is integrating myself as one whole, with the first step being grounding and anchoring myself more in the life I live. It entails both the somatic aspect and actually experiencing/engaging with life.

But it gets better. Its expressing in different ways— as healing, energetic, result enhancing, spiritual, romance, archetypal, action, internal acting, external facing amongst others—all at once.

Relating to the door concept I talked about here

It’s making use of every door it can access to get to a more cohesive endpoint, which also strengthens the door in the return. I see hints of every sub I’ve used since RoM, every single one of them. And I’m not on any sub that usually does this for me.

There’s so many internal and external results, which are becoming more practical as time goes on. It’s like I’m on a mystical journey of embodying my mythical self.

The best way I can describe this is that it’s a Revelation of Essence of some sort. Like a new archetype that is genuinely me and me alone.

#198

As I was typing the post above, I just remembered that this part was something I talked about in my offline journal when I started this stack, now I’m just experiencing it play out on its own.

#199

Who decided that?

I find I’ve been through two similar phases before.

Says who?

This was the phase where I question things that sneakily impose limits upon me. They usually come in two forms

Generalizations: unreasonable beliefs that are or made to seem adopted by everyone. They are also misinformation that seem like general knowledge. Example “Everyone knows that x” or “Everyone agrees that x”

Standardizations: unreasonable beliefs made to seem like some sort of law. This is one of the most sneaky ones and easily goes unnoticed. Simple example often abused is “a high value person is usually like x or values x” or “Based on statistics, x”

Most times when I ask “says who?” The entire premise of the opinion crumbles, as there’s usually no reasonable evidence that I can accept.

NO!!!

This one was the most interesting so far. A dissection of the person/content automatically occurs in my mind from the energetic level I can sense down to words and actions. It is then used to create a filter that flags every possible limit it can. And when the limit is tried to be imposed there’s this deep retort/scream of “NO!!!” that seems to be coming from the depths of my soul.

It got to the point I started sensing this even before engaging and I just skip or ignore if possible.

Funnily enough I started getting intuitive pulls with phrases like “this is for me” “ go back and engage” or “there’s value here” and then I engage the person or content.

Now, rather than “NO!!!” I get a “Who decided that?” It’s more a thing of me being the arbiter of my own reality—“I see you and what you have chosen to take on, I won’t reject you, but I will decide that which I choose to accept as my own reality”

Sounds like Pride? Narcissism? Delusional? I know.

Reminds me of Escanor form 7 Deadly Sins

#200

Validation

Been thinking about this for about two days now.

Am I still using the attention/behavior from women around me as some sort of crutch for validation?

Behavior so positive and numerous that I feel entitled to it. And when I don’t get that reaction to my presence, I see the way my state changes, how I feel, the thoughts that emerge. Suddenly, I’m seeking that attention again, only because it makes me feel fulfilled.

Anyway, work in progress.

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#201

Dropping this here

#202

I’ve been finding it hard to trust. This is not new information, I’ve just refused to note it down this blatantly, but it’s the truth. For me to express all that I desire, I must acknowledge this.

The exact memories that contributed to this outcome have been accessible for over two years now. When they became accessible I just went through them to see the entire premise, but didn’t do anything about it.

That premise being a constant violation of trust. It was expressed in numerous ways, but mostly socially and financially—stealing, gossip, power games, bullying, broken promises directed towards me or people I care about—from extended family and the people I kept as friends.

I didn’t change my situation as some where genuinely out of my hands, some I believed as so and the rest I believed I couldn’t do better.

I see this lack of trust expressing even in my new relationships. I identify and stop it from playing out. Only for the pattern to repeat again.

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#203

I’m going to be leaving behind little notes on each sub in stack, then I’ll put them all together at the very end of the stack.

#204

GLM - Presence, strength, self-mastery

Timelessness, order, holding space, beyond dynamics, self-embodiment(I AM), pure essence, fortress of veiled strength.

Peace, joy, resilience, detachment, warmth, calm, care.

An edge that transcends the labels of softness and hardness into something basic, yet transcendental—sacrifice.

Father of all, I feel like I’m in the latter end of my journey.

Mystical.

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#205

Yesterday I felt that energy in my entire gut area, it was the same activation I had on St3, responding to the state I was in.

Except unlike on St3, this had a very “waking up” feeling. It was invigorating, pleasurable even, but I didn’t let it spread.

The name “crouching dragon” came to mind and it fits very well. It’s like “I’m here I’m not asleep, I’ve just not decided to rise, just assign me a target”

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#206

Slept around 11-12 and woke up by 6AM, been in bed since then feeling the breakdown. Slept then woke up again.

The sleep-wake/breakdown-live cycle is very much present and healing happens somewhere in-between.

Though I’m very certain when I decide to move, I’ll shift into ‘living’

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#207

I also find that there is no rest on Khan St1, I don’t know if it’s how it’s supposed to function or is it’s how it expresses for me.

I think it’s the former though. Just keeps breaking down shit, going as deep as I let it, no plateaus or rest in-between.

GLM has proven to be a very good companion for this effect, containing chaos from the breakdown, help in opening the door of masculinity and allowing change to slipstream into my reality.

Synergistic and easy, it’s more of how long I am willing to give it.

#208

Where are my enemies?

I remember watching season 2 of Vinland Saga, which took a drastic turn from the first season. Though, it was a natural progression of the story, I expected more violence, hoping for the main character to flip out at every opportunity that presented itself. But the writer surprised me, impressed even.

How can you put something so profound to paper? Communicating enlightenment the way he did. It was beautiful to witness and only now do I begin to experience this for myself.

The bar for offending me is getting high, I mean really high. I see brothers, girls that melt in my presence, I see kids, some of them bratty sometimes, fun to watch, but no enemies.

The internal feeling that accompanies it isn’t always dominant, but comes to the surface when I go grocery shopping.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a doormat. There have been moments where I communicated displeasure or anger in a very Khan-like way. People literally shrink and immediately become apologetic, like my anger is the worst disaster that can happen. I also notice awareness rises along with anger, ensuring I don’t misuse it.

As soon as boundaries are reset, my anger also resets. This is the edge, with deeper layers wielded when necessary.

PS: I used “girls that melt in my presence” and not “sisters” because I’ve literally not encountered someone that fits the bill, except my biological sisters. Most of the women I encounter end up melting, like a wholesome blend of attraction, respect, friendliness and safety.

#209

Are you invincible because you’re capable or are you capable because you’re invincible?

#210

Something just happened.

I had a sharp pang of energy everywhere within my body, except my gut area. Lasting for less than 2 seconds.

It’s like an energy going from “crouching” to “flying” in one go, traveling through wires in my body. I say ‘wires’ because it felt different from my blood vessels.

It seems very familiar, but distant. With it came invincibility and desire. A desire to stand at the top, with the world at my feet. It doesn’t feel psychotic. It’s the desire to conquer with the phrase “I am the rule plastered in my mind

Very edgy stuff, I wish I was kidding typing this out.

#211

Been developing a habit where I notice a state and when I question myself regarding the state, it invites a more efficient introspection, as it feels more like me inviting myself for a deeper, intimate conversation.

For example, I begin to notice hints of anger, I ask myself “are you angry?”

#212

Woke up this morning. Breakdown feeling present, but no information on what was being worked.

Beneath the breakdown feeling was the energy of conquest. Can’t quite explain this. Think of it as layers of being with one on a deeper level than the other.

Couldn’t sit long with it as usual as I had to start my day immediately. Heading out for grocery shopping. Don’t have much to buy, but trying to make this a habit.

The sun is always beautiful and I love basking in it.

#213

Same general parameters, completely different realities.

The only outlier being you.

#214

Feeling behind on my achievement markers again. Third time it’s happened since I started this phase.

Truthfully? I am actually behind on hitting my achievement markers.

Now, I can switch my stack and hit them in new personal record time. Yet I have to remind myself once again, this is not the phase of external achievements.

The work I’m engaging now and experiencing the results is way more foundational. At this phase I want to lean into them as much as I possibly can. Opening as much doors that serve as raw materials.

Guess I’m going to keep revisiting this same topic, till I get to where I want to.

#215

Lately there’s been this deeper feeling I can’t put to words. It’s like I’m an experience women I encounter won’t recover from. I am adventure, peace, safety, pleasure, mischeviousness, pain, joy and this wistful feeling of endless fulfillment.

Can’t really explain it, but I’ve been feeling quite dangerous for some time now.