I received such an amazing insight about my life right now by asking the right questions.
When I had my business, 2 things went wrong. First and foremost, in my administration and planning, there was none. I was working for a school that hired me as a coach, but I did not prepare well and just flowed with it. This is a recurring thing in my life, just flowing through life without really preparing or doing the hard work. Nothing wrong with that, but to achieve high-quality achievements, you have to put in high-quality work. Doesn’t mean I have to grind or work hard, but I have to work smart and efficiently. That’s exactly the thing I’m learning in this job and it’s pissing off the weaker side of me. Combine that with teaching subjects I’m not always interested in or doing things I don’t agree with. Makes the anger come out, it feels unfair.
To elaborate a bit more on the subject. I will never be happy working for somebody else
Look, I had an employer before this work at a Gym. His name was Lawrence, such a kind and supportive soul. He was even trying to help to give me cliënts for my coaching business at the time. I screwed that up because of hidden beliefs, but that’s a story for another time. But even working for him, felt for me like “Nope, I need to create something for myself”. Back then I had the perfect ground to build my business, but there was still so much shit to go through internally, that had to be fixed first.
While working and living in this new place, I learn so much about myself and who I am trying to become. I think it will even take more years for me to really cultivate the ideas and passions I have inside of me. It’s my responsibility to be patient, at that is very difficult for me, because I have such a broad view of how life could and should be.
Right now I’m still in Kindergarten, I’m experiencing life in many different forms and ways. The sooner I accept that the more I feel the joy of living.