I GOT IT!!! I got the appartment! Jezus I’m so happy and grateful right now 
9 Likes
Congratulations enjoy your new apartment and have a great weekend.
1 Like
Well, lads…
This job is hard work 
Never been working so hard in a job. It’s a reminder again why I started my coaching business years ago before moving to Spain. It’s just 40-50 hours of relentless work that I’ve not been used to since the last couple of years. But hey, everything happens for a reason!
Work, eat, sleep repeat is not the way I want to live my life tho. We will see how it all works out
4 Likes
I’ve had such an interesting week that I don’t know where to start. First of all this week was crazy, so much information and things that I have to remember while doing like 10 things at the same time in this job. It’s not what I expected, it seems that most of the job is administration work instead of teaching. They work mostly digitally with all the students, like doing the meetings with the student’s supervisors on video call instead of doing it in person. They want me to teach without any experience while giving classes I have almost no experience in:joy: My background is mental coaching, Sports, and social work. But they want me to do classes about care and welfare instead of social work. Like how you handle a group of elderly people and that sort of thing. It’s an area that I have no interest in and only know a little bit about from my old study, what’s like 8-9 years ago. So my first reaction was Yo what the hell is this? Why does my life push me in this type of direction? Then it hit me…
I was always very driven and focused on making something big out of my life. Like there was this empty feeling inside of me that I had to fill with something else, and working on my craft was the only healthy way of doing so. Otherwise, it was drugs or alcohol to fill this void. But after doing DR, finding a new family, and having my foundation back, the urge to grind and achieve and work very hard is falling away. Today is also the first day that the girl who I’m dating has become officially my girlfriend 
and that got me thinking. I was missing out on life man… don’t get me wrong I’m still someone that has to do something with meaning. I can’t work a job that pays well without the feeling that I have some kind of value for society, that’s just who I am. But I also figured out that I like to enjoy life with the people that truly make me happy 
That in itself, is a major breakthrough in my thinking.
So what did I figure out for myself so far?
- I will not work 40 hours a week or more, that’s the time that I need for my family, friends, and my girl. Especially when I have kids on my own later in life, I really want to be there for my kids and be a great dad.
- I will only be happy at something that makes me feel like I’m playing. Because if my heart is not in something, I will not do my best. Maybe it’s the ADHD side, maybe it’s who I am but I have to respect that side of me. If that means lesser pay, that’s fine with me. I don’t need much to be happy
- Purpose is very important in my life, without purpose even the family part is not feeling enough for me. That’s the right side of my brain against my left side and I have to figure out a way to balance the 2. Find something that I know in my heart is right, that is aligned with my purpose, and that pays enough to provide for my family. If that means starting my business again, that’s fine with me. If it means working for a company I really believe in, that’s also great.
I will keep this job for the time being, but I’m going to discover what I truly want in my career. I know it’s not this and for that grateful! I don’t see it as something negative, I see it as a new layer of purpose that’s starting to reveal. Also, I will do my best at this job to get better at the things I’m not very good at, like teaching things I don’t know and doing administration work. Maybe it will help me later with something that I truly desire to do!
2 Likes
Today, my step-mom said something that hit me in the right spot. It was about this job, and the practical matters that need to be learned to become somebody different. This job manifested to be difficult, and hard, and my mind/body is screaming every day to leave. But for some reason, I can’t shake this feeling that it’s necessary to be here, in this environment, with these people. To be honest, I didn’t have a difficult work life, most jobs came fairly easy like being a personal trainer and coaching some clients. I could make a lot of errors and mistake when it came to planning and being organized. Here it’s impossible to make these mistakes, you have to be precise and remember ever detail about every appointment. Combine that with teaching classes in fields I have no experience in without a teacher degree, well let’s just say it gives stress a new meaning haha 
Anyway, I have to keep going and get better at this job. I remember this quote that I heard years ago, it was something along the line of “Your intuition never shouts, it always whispers”. And my Muslim friend always tells me that the Devil shouts, to put you in a different direction than what is needed. Well I’ve been hearing many times things like “This isn’t for you, I don’t like this, I hate working so much” in a shouting tone. I will wait for when the shouting stops and the whispers return. 
1 Like
Decided to change my Journal name after the long threat that was born from my question about this topic. I thought that was creating a subliminal to become the best teacher, but after these couple of weeks, I’m realizing it’s way more than that. It’s about balancing my life out the way I want to, and I still have to figure some things out.
I took a break for about 9 days to clear everything out. I’m still having so many dreams, nightmares and sleeping poorly that I will extend this wash-out period until everything comes back to normal. While being on this wash-out, so many things are coming up:
- I have almost no feelings for my new girlfriend anymore. I was meeting her family this weekend, and they all fell in love with me and were so happy that I felt guilty. The only positive thing is that I now see the recurring pattern of pushing people away. I get feelings for a person, they get close, and then the feelings go away. It’s like this mechanism in me that will find all these “flaws” about the other person to give me an excuse to break things up. While I know this girl is so good for me. Kind and pure and just a great person overall.
- Since I started making more money, my spending habits are going through the roof. There are so many underlying money blocks from my parents that are coming up now. Both of them never could handle money and just spent it poorly. The one that comes up the most is “Spent everything now, because tomorrow it can be gone”. Maybe this feeling of being unworthy of receiving, I don’t know.
- There are emotions stuck in my heart and throat, but I’m afraid to go deep into them. Not because I can’t fix it, but when they come out, I can’t work anymore. I would really love to listen to CFW again and just focus on healing, but my life is so busy right now, there is no time to heal.
1 Like
I forgot to end on a postive note!
It’s going much better at work, last thursday it was my first day in front of a class and they loved it. It felt very natural for me to me and I felt no fear to stand in front so many people. Chiron is doing great things! Dragon Tongue is making me speak way more fluent, it’s like my thoughts are going directly into my mouth without interuption.
I also see that my desire to growth is coming back slowly. I’m reading more, picking up yoga and stretching and waking up earlier then before. Slowly getting back on track to become who I want to become!
Mind explaining what pragya has to do with this? Curious.
I had a similar rationale as @Solomon
For Pragya it is shown “By adding this to your subliminal, you will expand and develop the physical capacity of your brain to assimilate subliminal instructions at a more accurate, faster pace”.
Basically modules like it helps one absorb the sub more effectively. Hence let’s say maybe a custom with it 3 mins might be equal to a custom without it 7 mins or more.
2 Likes
My rationale is that I get overwhelmed with the subs because my brain is sensitive to Subliminals. It works immediately, but it comes with the price of intense recon. To expand and develop the physical capacity for my brain to assimilate it faster, maybe it makes my brain less sensitive to the subs because it processes faster.
But honestly, I still encounter heavy recon even with Pragya. I think this has more to do with the loss of sleep because of the dreams I have on these subs.
2 Likes
Interesting. Please report back if you notice at some point it working better. Might take time.
1 Like
Most of the days I’m angry and pissed off about life. About my current situation and how I put myself in this situation. Well… Maybe it’s not just, maybe it’s life itself that’s trying to teach me something, but I’m too stubborn to listen. It feels that it keeps pushing me towards my spiritual development, while it keeps giving me “problems” until I start working more on this path. Today I woke up after having a restless night, waking up around 8-10 times, and felt really angry. It took me around 60-90 min to get out of that state, I tried almost anything, but nothing worked… Until I did my breathing exercise I learned from Joe Dispenza. To put the mind out of the body, and poef… the anger disappeared.
The other thing I’m trying to do more of is going into my sadness. My mentor and friend told me that I have to learn to express my emotions again. That means, every evening I try to watch something that makes me tear up or emotional. My body hates this, it wants to stay in the Known and be angry. It’s so weird to me, I’ve never been an angry or irritated person. But since I’m working on myself, all this shit is coming up while trying to maintain this job that I do not like. It’s like really life? Really? Right now?
Victim mentality will never work, that’s why I keep working on myself, even if it’s goddamn hard like now. Had no idea this journal would change into a healing journey, hoped it was over but no.
So for the time being, I decided to listen to a bit of Lovebomb for Humanity and Paragon to help me heal a bit, feel more love for life, and help with the discomforts that I have in my body right now. After that, I will resume my custom, but for now, I need to address the problems that I have.
Gotta Surrender to the process ^^
2 Likes
I feel like it would help you if you found a way to swim, instead of drowning in those emotions.
By learning how to increase your vibration, and transmute negative into positive emotions, it would give you the necessary control to take charge of your life and not be swept by the currents.
If Joe Dispenza’s methods work for you to achieve this end, then use them!
The power is in your hands…
1 Like
As you said yourself, those emotions are there for a reason.
Don’t ignore them — find a way to use them as a catalyst to change your life around
1 Like
Yesterday I’ve been thinking about what everybody said to me, here in this forum the last couple of days. That this adversity and negative emotions are teaching me something. Because of that, I went into meditation yesterday for about 20-30min. Focus on my breathing, and the space around my body, and get deep into a trance. In this meditation, it’s all about changing our thought process, but something different happened.
At first, My subconscious mind was telling me that responsibility and being needed is my way of thriving. Yesterday there was 1 student that was in complete panic because of an exam he missed. This was not his fault, but because of the lack of responsibility from a teacher. I did everything I could to make sure he could do his exam and found a way. He was so grateful and thanked me multiple times for not letting him figure it out by himself. That right there… That’s my unlimited source of energy. When I feel needed, really needed. I go all the way. But when I feel what I’m doing doesn’t make a difference, then frustrations and problems arise. That’s what my higher power is trying to tell me with this job. Stop thinking about how the general population thinks you should do something, like traditional education. But have the guts to do it yourself.
I went into my spiritual side and listened to my Human Design reading while looking up my Numerology report. All these insights were already there, but I was trying to figure things out with my brain. That is not my strategy, to me, it’s the body. Intuition is my guideline, and I only feel strong in my intuition when I’m completely in my body. By using my energy wisely like running, yoga, dancing, fitness you name it. Everything that makes me feel alive. I decided at work I will use my energy all day, doesn’t matter if it takes me more breaks than others. But I know in my heart, that this ain’t it and I am responsible to change my reality and be in control of these negative emotions while I’m thriving to do something different.
Then the second insight… The one that has been lingering in my mind for years. starting a youtube channel whenever I’m deep in my meditation, this is the idea that’s coming up. People that I’ve coached in the past, my girlfriend, friends, random people you name it, always told me I have to share what I know because it helps people immensely. But I’m scared and have this feeling of “Who the hell am I to share knowledge with others?” “How will I make money out of this?” “How the hell will I even start?”
That right there, that’s the difference between intuïtion and resistance. My intuïtion tells me to do this, to start this project, while it makes absolutely no sense in my mind whatsoever. The reason I’m not listening to this, Is why I get this job, why I feel these emotions, why I get so angry at life. It’s the part deep in myself that wants to express itself. So it makes me feel terrible, and put’s me in these hard situations because I don’t want to listen to this insight. I’ve had this feeling for fucking years and I don’t have the guts to do something with it. So the question that stands is, How much pain will I let myself endure before I finally start listening?
After this insight, I was reading a book that gave me a quote on the 3rd page that hit me like a hammer. I don’t believe in coincidences, this was the Universe telling me at the right moment what was going on.
“Our potential unexpressed turns to pain. That pain --if not attended to and released-- starts to form a deep reservoir of fear and self-hatred within us. Most of us don’t have the awareness or possess the tools to process through this well of suppressed anguish. Most of us are unconscious of this quiet torment created by the disrespect we have shown to our promise. And so, we deny if someone even suggests it. And we subconsciously develop a series of soul-crushing escape routes to avoid feeling this pain generated by our talents”
Today, without intention, I fasted for 21-22 hours while working the whole day. I felt amazing when I was sitting down and working. For some reason, I just love it to fast for at least 18-20 hours a day.
Just one problem, the moment I start eating, I can’t stop Especially when I start eating carbs.
When I came home, I made a nice pasta salmon with salad. But after that, I bought wine gums because of the sugar rush after eating pasta.
And no, keto doesn’t work for me, unfortunately. I need to have carbs otherwise I can’t sleep. Maybe experiment with some oatmeal and bananas at night. Anyway, it was a nice day!
1 Like
Today was a good day like Ice Cube would say
A couple of things that went well today:
- I had one coaching class that went well. Was teaching for about 3-4 hours and they truly enjoyed it
- I’m improving my administration work with student files. Almost every week I’m doing it faster than the day before
- It seems I’m getting stricter and don’t tolerate as much anymore. That’s something that this job is learning me and for that I’m grateful. Don’t waste my time with meaningless e-mails or questions you already know the answer to. I don’t have time for that.
- Starting to feel more comfortable at this job, feeling like I can manage this.
- Told my Employers that I wanted to teach more classes of social work. They said that this would be possible because more and more people are starting to do this study.
1 Like
I’m going through this death of my ego right now. Something I thought I already tackled, but that was my ego that said the ego is death.
Yesterday I was having a drink with my colleagues and employers. At that moment that someone gave me a beer, he said “Well alcohol is a soft drug because it’s so widely accepted”. While everybody was saying yes, I was the only one saying “That’s incorrect, it’s a hard drug. One of the most harmful ones you can do”. The moment I said that the energy in the room switched. They said, “But yeah, people need to wind down and need something to disconnect from life”. At this moment, something clicked in me. I said “Well why is it that we need to “disconnect” from life, while non-drinkers never need something outside of themselves to disconnect from life? What are they doing differently?”
They gave me this look of yeah good point, but can we go back to having fun now?
Now here I’m going to sound like a hypocrite. But I also drink sometimes, mostly only on the weekends, and sometimes I don’t drink for months. Doing something “bad” is not always bad in my opinion. But to lie to yourself about your behavior and label it as something good, that’s a part of the ego instead of your true self. And the reason that we lie, is because we have conflicting beliefs inside of us. That’s why people got uncomfortable when we had this small discussion, it goes against their core beliefs about what they prefer and does not prefer.
The funny part is, That I looked up to these people the last couple of weeks. Because they are fast thinkers, have great organization skills, and are amazing planners. Things I’m not yet good at and it takes me more time to achieve those things. But at that moment, I realized that we all are struggling with our
own problems, they just hide them better. Something I’ve been reading in the book of David Goggins, but right now it clicked. Being intelligent doesn’t mean it’s better than something else. I can say that my spiritual intelligence is on another level than all my co-workers. Not to say that I’m above them, it’s just different.
1 Like
Today was an amazing day!
I was teaching a new class today, focussing on the module called “people”. They absolutely loved it! I used so many videos, and group assignments and was talking with so much energy and passion. After the lesson was done, they came to me to thank me for the class. One girl even told me it was the best class she attended:blush: this was my 3rd lesson in front of a class I’ve ever given in my life.
But the big kicker was, that 2 teachers were sitting in the next room while working on some e-mail and they heard me. After the lesson, they came to me and said “Oh man, you are so good at this. Just the way you speak and interact with your students. Top Notch!” These are teachers that are in the field for years and they compliment me like that? Damn…
I have 0% fair to stand in front of big groups and the way I speak feels very fluent and know how to inspire the room. I know this is who I am but got to give some probz to Chiron and Dragon tongue. These 2 modules feel like home for me and just double down on my strength.
6 Likes