Moving in a month, life is taking quite a turn.
Think it’s time for me to pull the trigger on Summertime, and specifically a Regeneration/Summertime combo, because I’ve got a lot of healing to do still.
Trigger, pulled.
Regeneration work has been incredible. Had a massive eureka moment in therapy yesterday, I’m watching the pain from my soul slowly drip away.
Gestalten has made me sharper, more work driven, and my unstable work situation has improved since.
Eros’ effect on my social, physical and romantic life has been incredible, the change has been monumental in my life.
And now?
Summertime is coming.
I might be catching feelings for someone.
We experienced a special night together, we opened up and got closer. I find myself thinking about her, differently to other women in my recent past.
I find myself feeling fearful, the vulnerability is frightening.
This feeling I’m experiencing, makes me want to pull away.
I find myself catastrophizing, playing scenarios of destruction in my head thinking that will make it easier if I expect the worst.
It wouldn’t.
The pain would still be immense, and I would have wasted precious mental energy in creating negativity into my life when I should be practicing ultimate presence, ultimate awareness. That is the way of the creative man that I claim to be.
Do not formulate futures, do not dwell in the past. You have a NOW to attend to.
Why am I so afraid of hurt?
I’ve experienced it so many times, I should be conditioned to it by now.
I’ve survived and built myself back better and stronger every single time.
If anything, I should welcome pain as the greatest motivational force of my life.
Pain will never go forever.
You just get more used to it.
This is what life is.
This is what makes life.
Without pain, how can one ever appreciate the highs of life?
Eros is working. But I find myself afraid of what seems to be happening to me.
I need to embrace it for what it is, so that I don’t subtract the beauty of life from living.
I have Summertime/Regeneration coming soon.
I’m counting down the days, awaiting its arrival.
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Like butterflies, gracing your palm.
Beautiful, graceful, delicate, a marvel to behold.
Squeeze and you will kill that.
Move, and she can move with you.
Or she can fly away.
You can also stay still.
And she could fly away anyway.
Or she’ll stay.
But it isn’t your choice. It never was.
All you can do is be the best home for her, while she’s still there.
Gotta be the best man you can be. No other choice. She’s always gonna have her options, beauty is what we all live for after all. Without its freedom, beauty cannot be or you will destroy the very thing that you love.
Washing out since my last loop on Friday, been awhile since I washed out it feels like.
Summertime/Regeneration has arrived, haven’t ran a loop of it but I can feel it in my system already. Think I might start it next week. Maybe I’ll just cut subs until next week. I don’t know, feels like with my 2 dense af customs + a healing sub it would be a good thing to just ease off a bit before I come back to it.
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Will be running my first loop of Summertime/Regeneration tomorrow.
Had a massive moment of revelation while at therapy today, it was an extremely powerful moment that exposed both my shadow self and my wounded inner child. The inner darkness within me both protects and eats away at my soul. It’s done its job very well but now it cannot continue any longer, because its job is done and now it has become detrimental to who and what I am.
It’s a part of me that I’ve become dear to, like stockholm syndrome in many ways. I fear letting it go, because I don’t know how to live without it but this is a risk I must take to figure out and understand what needs to be done for me to heal these inner wounds once and for all.
Holy shit, major breakthrough.
No matter what, everything ends well.
No matter what.
I’ve had this tendency to think, “this isn’t going to end well” and that is so fucking wrong and far from the truth and almost self fulfilling, except that even if it felt self fulfilling in the short term, it always unfolded positively as time went on.
And time’s just a human construction ultimately, it’s not real at all.
It always ends for the better. It always ends well.
It clicks.
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Finished the alabaster girl and I just want to pick it up and reread it again. What a beautiful book.
“Maybe this will end in complete disaster” and “maybe this will be everything I ever wanted” contain the literal exact same amount of logical weight and probability.
And yet we just have this tendency to assume the negative to have a greater likelihood of happening. Why is that?
Because most of the time it ends negatively? Well guess what?
It’s because you think, you assume it’ll end negatively. You’re literally creating and breathing life into the negativity, announcing prophecies of shit on your temple on the mount of self-pity and low frequency.
That’s the fucking trap. Get out of it, and be patient. It will all unfold by itself.
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Achieved my first ever 6 pack.
I look at myself in the mirror and I am the version of me that I wanted to grow up becoming when I was a kid.
I’ve had a smile on all day.
Thank you Lord for everything you bless me with.
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Congratulations!! 
Is that from WB? Or Emperor? Or…?
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My WDB custom which includes SPS: Fat Burn are probably the 2 biggest contributors.
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I look at myself in the mirror and I just can’t believe it. I look unreal, I have a 6 pack, bicep separation, delt separation and my back is fucking chiseled and detailed. I had someone say I look like the hulk because of how vascular my arms are, I’ve got veins on my legs and my abs and I haven’t been this light in over 10 years, literally.
I literally have become Him.
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Confused, afraid, of how happy I feel when I’m with her. Part of me wants to just set a timer, wondering how long this is gonna last like I expect the worst.
The other part of me wants to be as present as possible, to enjoy what may be the feeling of falling in love for the first time in a very long time. I’m so scared of what is happening, because I’m scared of the what ifs; what if it ends, what if it destroys me, what if all of this hard work and time just vanishes?
But what if it doesn’t?
What if this is it, this is what I’ve been looking for?
What if my heart’s finally found its song to sing?
What if I’ve finally found the one I’ll have a family with?
The vulnerability, the risk, it’s all necessary to find what I’m looking for. I want to fulfill my purpose, and that purpose is to create the family I’ve always wanted.
I need to risk it to find what I want.
Eros man. Heartsong is an incredible subliminal.
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Awesome. All the best.
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let the tide reign supreme
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i wanted to write a poem for you.
because it’s something that comes from the heart,
it feels different to your everyday message
of warmth and kindness
except it’s just not coming to mind.
You can’t wait for the clouds to rain,
you just need to have your cup ready
for when it does pour.
Seems like a lot of pressure,
having to wait for the storm after countless days of drought.
But when you trust in the sky,
the rain will come when necessary.
Feels like this is the longest my stack has stayed stable since my first year of running subliminals in 2021, back in the Qv2 days. Apart from adding Summertime to Regeneration, my stack has been stable since I purchased Eros on March 19.
I wouldn’t dare dox myself but I took a picture of myself shirtless on March 20, and a picture of myself literally 2 months later and I swear people wouldn’t believe the transformation happened naturally and without steroids/peptides. It is actually insane the difference to the point where if I saw it online I wouldn’t believe it, and I actually fucking LIVED it.
From average bod with a bit of fat, to literally ripped with a borderline 8 pack. It’s actually fucking insane.
Haven’t posted in awhile cause it doesn’t feel like there’s a need to, my life is busy and everything is consistently developing, growing, compounding. My stack is unchanged because there’s an insane feedback loop created by Regeneration that forces constant and consistent improvement.
I feel like I’ve optimized subliminal usage. My stack is a well oiled machine that just auto-pilots and thoroughly covers all aspects of my life.
It was my birthday last week, and my birthday typically is followed by a period of melancholy that I post about here. While I did get a fix of the melancholy, the reality is that everything has improved at such an exponential rate this year that I have no complaints.
My mindset is just on another level now. It’s so fucking cool.
Put in the work, put in the time, put in the effort. I swear to God it pays off.
My life is far from perfect, but it is consistently rewarding and I’m so immensely grateful for that.
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Saw a reel saying that a bicep vein is the McLaren of physiques in terms of rarity.
I found that hard to believe, because I have multiple bicep veins that are always showing even without a pump.
I have to own it and accept the fact that I’ve ascended and this is a new reality. I can’t seem to let go of my old self conception, even with all of the evidence in my face.
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One thing that’s super cool now, in the grand context of my life, is how, thanks to the subliminals I’ve been using as well as all the knowledge I’ve been learning, it just makes me realise that there’s a bigger picture. I play for everything. Even the negatives in my life are simply steps towards a greater picture. I am kindling a fire to be folded must be melted into the fire, so now it feels like even during my worst time periods, my rocky periods, I know it is for something greater. This kind of changes the mentality with which you approach life in general.
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I think I’m ready to give the stack an update.
I like WDB and Heartsong and GLM, but I wonder how Emperor Reforged would fit in there instead of GLM since it feels denser, and more expansive.
Gestalten is where the update needs to happen, I’d like a shift towards something more independent and less career-focused with more focus on money specifically. I do use C&C but the devil may be in the details.