Made me laugh.
I meant jumping off DR. Recon symptoms.
DR, Stage 2
Week 4 (due to rest week)
One loop while writing now
Feelings this morning: uncertainty, some self-doubt
I’ve put 2 new things in my routine. One is AM, the other is a scalar frequency product I’ve owned and used daily for about 4 months. It has multiple settings I can choose, and I’ve used it mostly for grounding and health improvement.
2 days ago I chose to put on a spiritually focused frequency.
And I just realized something. I’ve been uncertain of exactly what’s happening. It’s like I sense some fear constantly running around, poking at memories and feelings, inciting more fear…but what clicked was what was happening before this turned up. I’m modeling @COWolfe’s reflections since he’s kept a good focus while healing.
2-3 days ago: I felt good. Happy even. Good things happening at work, definite plans to join a crypto business to allow me to make some good side money trading crypto. I felt good. I felt hope.
And right in the middle of it: a fear of moving forward. Like a fear of success. (Part of me is saying “why are you admitting this?”) I’m seeing my mind trying to derail my truth. I can say that most of my life I’ve believed I couldn’t do it, and I’ve piggy-backed off of other’s success, happiness, and achievements. This caused me pain with the victim mindset. I’m even feeling that old “I can’t do this” mentality trying to dig in while I write. Even imagining it is creating pain. I give my own power away when I use it. DR must be battling this!
That’s where my head is at this morning. DR is working on this, and that’s AWESOME!
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Listened to a loop of LDU qv2 last night
Listening to my custom DR St2 now.
I’m facing something huge this morning. i woke up, looked for changes or anything significant going on. I knew I had to listen to a loop.
And when i considered writing here, feelings of pain hit me clearly. I realized I’m facing an old trauma in my life. I constantly say “what would happen if I wrote this?” I’m constantly fishing for acceptable things to write so I won’t be rejected. I come here, imagine just for a second of me being myself without guards up, and it quickly goes away. This is hitting home right now.
It’s also why it takes me 30 minutes or longer to write a simple journal entry. A fear screams at me “don’t write THAT!!” So I sit here, looking at my words, waiting to feel ok with it. I face this each time I write.
And as I finished writing that last sentence, I froze again. I imagined stopping. I went through a quick imagination of feeling rejected again, thus the freeze.
Every single time.
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I’m also noticing myself wanting, like really wanting, to connect here. These 2 opposite wants and needs (“Stay AWAY” and “come closer”) are warring in me. This is how my life’s been for ages. Just writing is connecting, which is why I am doing it now.
Sad.
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This is an uncomfortable post. It’ll likely be an uncomfortable read. Just warning you.
I’m going through some big identity change (or challenge), and right along with it, some core issues have emerged. I’m closer to ending St2, and they suddenly popped up. And that’s why I’ve chosen to be on DR.
I’m not writing much lately. Every time I consider it, I instantly check myself. I’ve come here for years now, and I (still) react non-stop to people. Everybody does that, right? DR is showing me stuff I’d never seen before.
Coming here (now) is me facing, feeling, and fearing rejection. “What if I write this/that??” This used to be a desired challenge for me. I’m seeing it at work with guys, and I’m not pushed to pretend as much internally. I’m intentionally reacting less externally. But internally it’s been hitting me, and I’m thinking I’m looking for my old “norm”.
I thought about focusing on my present direction and results here. It’s easy, kind of. But this is just spillover from past events. About 3 days ago, I had an emotional flashback. This is an emotional first for DR. I remembered Mom when I was young. I felt rejected. I felt wrong. I felt shameful. And powerless after. I felt unable to reverse this (though I’ve consistently tried). I’ve been looping and looping these beliefs into my life–all my life. With women, with men, everyone actually…I’ve felt unwanted. Undesirable. Rejected. And consistently faced with choosing to play like I’m powerless, or changing something in my life. I’ve done both repeatedly.
My life has been focused on coping with this. This fucking sucks. I won’t edit that. It isn’t wanted or desired, yet it’s been the paradigm I’m living under. I’ve done what I’ve known about.
This past week, I had begun stacking with AM. 2 days later I switched to Emp4. I sought more internal power, thus the switch. And I last changed it to StarkQ due to its social smoothness–it feels less competitive vs. Emperor.
----what I’ve often done here when facing possible rejection is either grovel and eek for someone to reach out and save me, or lately, I feel more drawn to not going that route–and rejecting anyone first via anger and rudeness. The one I’m reminded of consistently is @RVconsultant. I told him off quickly in this thread regarding rest days. He obliged, but I’ve known I was wrong. Sitting with the results isn’t desirable. But facing the imagined rejection again isn’t easy (just thought “his, or my own rejection?” Maybe this is what’s happening)
@RVconsultant, I’m sorry. I was rude to you, and you didn’t deserve that. I was wrong by treating you that way.
I’m presently sitting with this reality, purposefully taking rest days today. I did a loop of Stark yesterday morning, but after reading more about overload, I’ll be off today and tomorrow (though I’m craving it).
–Wow. Sitting here, hearing the self-rejection going on. Specifically, due to feeling less powerful as I’ve written, I imagined shutting down this post using a “they don’t wanna listen” tape. Damn. That’s a truth there.
Feeling anxious as I finish here. I almost pushed “reply”, then imagined scrapping this. here goes…
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Old insecurities are still alive, but I stepped back for a second and realized DR must be executing. 
If I’m feeling it, DR must be challenging it, and this is GOOD.
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Apology accepted, man!
As for rest days, another week off subliminals might help even more.
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I’m considering this. Thanks.
That is great news. It looks like you are benefiting from DR. Do you feel any heat when listening to DR? Do you see any Colors? What color is the flame?
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Like an aura-fueled heat? Nothing’s ever stood out. I’ve read about people heating up from the auras, but I don’t think I’ve ever noticed anything obvious on SC subs. I own Love Bomb, an aura-based sub, but nothing’s ever stood out to me. I also live in a tropical area, plus I work outside. Heat is normal for me 
However, I have seen aura’s effects on people. LB showed itself quite clearly when I used it. My supervisor, normally a very critical man, purposely complimented me one morning. To me, it was loud, for historically he’d never done this so blatantly.
I also have Chosen of Venus in my DR customs, a module with an aura. I remember getting a lot of female looks early on in St1, and I enjoyed that. It presented me choices I’d never considered
I also don’t see them. A woman I knew years back said she could see them, and she’s the only person I’ve ever known to have that ability. She was a true spiritual seeker, and this demanded respect. I always thought she was hot, but her focus kept her boundary strong.
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I read Saint’s reply to Hermit about misunderstanding or misusing Qv2. and someone pointed out that being oppositional to the changes a sub was seeking would definitely cause reconciliation. I actually got some recon on Qv2, but I know now I was doing too much, too fast. For years now I’ve had some images or feelings I imagined, and I’d do everything to steer my life that way. Sitting here now, I’m a little sad and a little embarassed. What I usually sought was just a hideout, a hideout from life. Subs have allowed that, and sometimes even encouraged it. Many subs I chose since they “felt good”, even GREAT.
What was also pointed out was facing the uncomfortableness of the change is a key. I’ve just been scared, even terrified. I have no desire to hide out there, as life becomes very small when I listen to fear.
Today I had thoughts and old memories of pulling up the first subliminal I ever bought, a hypnotic subliminal which I bought in 2016. It changed my mindset gradually in weeks, and I felt good (and angry) since it had assertiveness training in it. I worked with an overbearing dick for a boss, and I began to speak up for myself. I just felt stronger. I’d never felt like that before.
I came home and searched for it on my PC…and damn… I had bought another one I’d actually never used. It’s called Overcoming the Fear of Abandonment (this company doesn’t exist anymore), so I debated but chose to listen to it. I’m listening now.
This is the change I’ve avoided. I’ve hung on to this fear, and my life has revolved around it. I’m even facing some emotional conflict while writing since old thoughts are insisting I boohoo and “waaaa!!” through this. I’m probably facing the same things others have faced.
I’ve desired to stand on my own 2 feet without holding on to childhood anchors. That’s a very strong image of success for me. I’ll likely be on it for a while.
–I wrote this here since I pulled off DR right in the middle of me misunderstanding and possibly overusing it in Qv2. I even wonder (this thought scares me for some reason) how I’d do on the stock versions of DR Qv2 vs. customs. DR challenged me to change a lot.
Opinions welcomed. I’ve been using something which stimulates the love chakra (not subliminal), it’s definitely affected me, and I shared a lot of myself here. It’s opening my heart again, and I miss that. This forum and its subs invite that thing called “change”…and I’m bending. Not changing hurts worse than actual change.
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I’m stealing this bro!
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Suppression vs Expression 
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Welcome back Brother. Yes, more is definitely not better with Qv2. Maybe try DR again but do the one loop every other day thing and take a full year to run it like I am. I see no reason not to use customs if you have the means.
Check out dr. robert morse for ur eye problem. i know u said this in dec 2020 but i checked ur profile to see if u still got a problem with ur eyes and i saw ur custom Nefertum ZP’s first module is A/SPS: Eyesight.
im sure dr. morse knows wat to do far better than any doctor u have gone to.
hes cured ppl of so many things that sometimes ppl dont believe me when i tell them about it. i have to be selective with the truth about health whenever i talk to ppl.
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