SubliminalGuy's Dragon Reborn Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#323

DR St2
Day 8
No DR this morning. One loop of St2 already this afternoon. Listening to a loop of St1 right on its tail.

After reading @Simon’s toolkit perspective on stages yesterday, then taking time and reading it again this afternoon, I’m doing a loop of St1 currently. It challenges and questions certain fears I’ve even rarely admitted to myself, so I’m listening now.

It’s kind of strange. While on St1, I was edgy a bit mostly since I kept imagining (or fearing) worse memories surfacing. It tried to keep me locked up, it did a little, but Harmonic Singularity worked on me a lot. I’m feeling a little relaxed now while listening to St1.

I enjoyed running Regeneration this morning–mostly since it’s grown to be a more familiar feeling after running it so much. I’ve been thinking of DR St4 recently, mostly since I desire to be familiar with a sub over time. I’m sure I’ll do a St4 custom, but it’s still a ways away. While reading other’s reports of staying with a sub long term, I really want to do that. I’ve done it before with other subs, and putting enough time in with a sub such as DR would be life changing. I’ve even found those stubborn fears have less and less power over time with any sub long-term.

I’m feeling St1 work on my fearful mindset as I write. That’s a sign for me that it’s really working. For the future, should I stack? Should I switch? Or maybe…I should just enjoy what I’m feeling and thinking right now. I’m used to “holding on” so tightly…:slight_smile: and it’s all fear calling itself “truth”. I see the lies easier now. I’m liking St1.

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#324

It’s doing something quite similar for me. It’s showing me lessons I should have learned from patterns of events in my past, by showing me how I should have reacted. Not in a way that fills me with regret though. It almost seems like it’s making my mind as it would be if I’d learned the lesson at the first opportunity and not repeated the pattern multiple times.

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#325

That’s encouraging @COWolfe. Your mind seems very focused on understanding those old, uncomfortable, unanswered questions. It stimulates my own thinking, so thank you for that.

Yeah. I’m just admitting it here–for it’s one of those things I’ve thought–then dismissed because of fear. Fear of miscommunicating, fear of this, fear of that. All those fears, if listened to, will trip a guy constantly.

I’m enjoying walking forward (in my mind’s eye) and being unafraid. That’s exciting to me.

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#326

DR St2
Day 9
No loops yet

I did one loop of St2 last night, followed by 2 loops of St1.

I woke up tired, and finally got up. I haven’t listened to loops yet since last night’s are still processing.

I realized something huge for me. I’m still holding on to all of my old past. I’m scared to be honest with myself, but it appears Attachment Destroyer has kicked in and is making this clear. I’m even unwilling to name old circumstances and feelings with my family since…it’s me doing it more and more.

I’m going to start stacking St1 with St2.

Thank you @Simon for the counsel.

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#327

How do you know this?
What signs tell you its still processing

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#328

A full head, like there’s a pressure built up inside. I’ve had this sensation before; my first time was with StarkT.

And I’ve felt it before and pushed through with loops with others too. Nothing good came of it. Just feeling like shit all the time.

Less is more. I’ll run a loop while I’m at work.

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#329

I’m against religion. But this is what I kind of envy and immensely respect. That’s an internal power bank.

Nothing wrong with believing in God (or anything else). I’m starting to open up for the possibility that there is a higher power. Who knows where I will end up with that…

But when it gets to trying to control other people, that’s where I draw the line.

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#330

:champagne::+1::sunglasses::trophy:

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#331

That’s one reason I’ve not gone back to church these last 3 years or so. I realized I was not me in church. I was playing a part, leaving the real me behind. I know it’s common, but I don’t want to go to relearn an old game of “bet you can’t find me!”

Hiding (by not being me) is what I’m trying to increasingly avoid. DR is working on me in this.

#332

That’s what separates religion from spirituality.

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#333

Ok. I feel like I’m losing. Maybe. Maybe not.

I started a loop of St1 about a half hour before leaving work, my first of the day. I’d planned on running a loop of St2 when I got home, specifically my custom St2 which showed up this morning.

I got home, and as I approached my laptop, I couldn’t deny my yearning to be free–from what I’ve (consciously) tried to avoid. I’ve tried to sidestep some major issues on St1 (I’ve feared being transparent or trusting towards males. Me avoiding loving myself too), and I’ve done this in part by thinking about St2 constantly. One might say this is not so important.

I call bullshit on myself. I’ve been so fearful/terrified/panic ridden when a male appears who’s possibly safe to know (ANYWHERE–including here), and I’m sabotaging myself in a hundred different ways. Eating shit food and having teeth and bone pains due to it is what I’ve been experiencing. My room looks like a bomb went off months ago, and I keep walking around the mess. I’ve tried holding on to an old mindset at work–so I can avoid taking responsibility for my CDL license acquisition. And not replying sometimes to people here (I did share my fear about males). Hiding behind lies to myself is beginning to hurt me steadily. I’m losing my battle of hanging on to old beliefs and feelings.

I also put in a 2nd loop of St1 instead of St2. St1 was what hit me on these issues often. I thought I’d successfully avoid them the first month, like I’ve always done. It finished 10 minutes ago, and I’m vulnerable.

I’ve just spent my entire life trying to hide from this shit. My WHOLE life. I’ve been weeping while wriing–fearing (and LOOKING FOR)…the old lying me. I’ve been looking out for truth, it’s popped up, and I find myself seeking to punish myself for owning it. Just internally berating myself (that probably makes NO sense).

I’m just scared. Scared of being loved? Not really. It’s scared of being hurt. I think remembering the truth is what I’m truly afraid of–since I felt unlovable, unwanted, and ultimately stuck with it.

Gonna post this now. That berating part in me is trying to kick my own ass. I wrote this 10 minutes ago…and am afraid of exposing this. Dammit.

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#334

I’ve had my share of moodiness on subs.

One thing I’m thinking about doing is taking weekends to rest as well as 1 week day… maybe Wednesday.

Sometimes my head just feels funny. I think it’s overload.

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#335

No, no, trust me, that makes perfect sense. I spent more years than I care to think about with an inner monologue that was pretty exclusively berating me. It was over different stuff than you are talking about, but it was constant, and now that I’m out of it, it was Hell.
The good news is it’s gone now. It can be beaten.

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#336

I think we’ve all been doing that on DR recently. It’s noticable from all of us to be honest. I’ve definitely been doing it for sure. It’s good that you’re noticing these things.

Being vunerable in self growth is a good thing. It ultimately allows and is what begins our change.

Who isn’t scared of being hurt? We all our whether we express it openly or not. It’s one of life’s great pains.

So beautiful that you wrote this and allowed yourself this moment of freedom to be truly honest and authentic. Proud of you man.

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#337

This is the truest thing. It does and can get better if you allow it to. That’s the hard thing about it, you need to allow it. To not hang onto that dialogue and it’s one of the hardest things to drop because you talk to yourself all day long.

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#338

It took me a long time, and I don’t think I could have done it without subs. I must give credit to both Subclub and another company for helping me through a multi year process of getting rid of that. I have to say, DR stage one seems to have really finished it off.

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#339

Pretty glad that DR is healing people at a rate that might have taken years (or perhaps never?) to get through.

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#340

It’s insanely difficult. We are at an advantage because most people refuse to accept that subliminals work - mainly due to ignorance, lack of education and just not wanting to know better.

I’m super proud of you man for working on yourself and that dialogue.

Make sure you credit yourself too. Those were the tools, you executed it. However great thought for the credit of these two companies.

The amount that DR is killing off in terms of negativity and limiting beliefs is amazing to witness.

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#341

Imagine how many lives this single product could change as SubClub becomes bigger and better? I know quite a few people who could use this help from SC but would refuse to do so.

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#342

Yeah, several people who I care about deeply seem to prefer wallowing in misery to trying anything that might help.

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