Questions for myself:
Why am I afraid to stand up for myself?
How might I do so today, even in small ways?
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getting physically stronger helps…start working out
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I felt a change today, and I acted it on it. No violence. I just made my stand.
This morning, a steady temp worker came in a very unusual mood. Within seconds of him coming into my area, he loudly began blaming me for why his area seemed scattered. He wanted to make it personal. In the midst of his verbalizing this, I stated honestly that I had no idea why. He resumed. But I cut him off.
Slightly serious, but also humored (he blows up sometimes over little things, and he’s not a threat), I loudly said “what the hell is up?” He wanted to escalate, coming right into my space, inches away from me. He threw a threat at me that he was turning “gangster”, which again was humorous and serious, for he’s not one to attack people normally.
I stepped towards him, inches away, said slowly “ok”, and stood there, looking at him seriously. I was ready to go if he’d begun. I might have gotten my ass kicked if it went further, but I would not let him take over in his chaos. He actually stopped. He changed his message quickly, for I wasn’t allowing his bullshit. I had been angered by his challenge. I stood there. And it was over. He apologized later in the day. But people walking on me since they’re having a bad day is bullshit.
I guess I didn’t really need anyone’s imput on what I needed to do. I knew what I needed to do, and the opportunity quickly presented itself.
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I really believe this myself. Thank you for the reminder. My mistakes do not define who I am.
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Yep. I keep having people try to pull up stuff that happened 5 years ago (that had little to nothing to do with them) and act like I owe them something because of it. My answer remains the same – not now, nor ever, will I let people deny me the right to grow and change as a person. All this “cancel culture” nonsense, digging into people’s pasts to find things you can use to pretend to be a victim and demanding they pay you some kind of penance is BS.
Don’t let ANYONE do that to you.
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Want to know what’s amazing about this morning?
During this exchange, I actually recalled something a friend of mine experienced growing up in inner city Philadelphia. He was a skinny red-haired nerd, and he became a target for bullies. He told me he made a decision one day which changed everything. When bullies decided to jump him, he consistently punched the biggest guy first. He always got his butt kicked, but his reputation changed, and they actually stopped jumping him. He still is a “nerd”, but I’ve never known him to not have a backbone. He taught me that you may get beat, but they won’t forget you. Courage is not forgotten.
This morning, I may have lost if swings were taken, but I would not lose my own self respect.
Thank you for making these subliminals, @SaintSovereign and @Fire.
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I’m going to be honest now.
Found out I missed something big for a bitcoin mining payout today. I finally thought I’d made headway to get paid today. It didn’t happen, and being angry, I began ranting at my miner. What I was angry about was she assumed I was fully aware of what still needed to happen. She’s worked hard on my account…I was angry…
I was working with a young regular temp in his 30’s. I didn’t share it with him until I realized I was oozing anger. I knew he couldn’t solve this, but I did need to not do this alone. So I didn’t. I shared only parts, and I soon realized like so many times before—that it takes one to know one–my anger at her was a realization that I was at fault too. I was assuming a LOT on my part. I knew I’d been going in with only pieces of information. I knew some things about withdrawing, and she’d thrown an option at me that I wasn’t informed about. I decided to trust her, assuming it’d work out ok. Nope.
I didn’t lose money. I lost the opportunity (well, I have a 7 day window), and …damn… Realizing I’ve rested in self pity so often, like it was a comfortable (?) norm. Just realized that.
I’m embarrassed. Old messages of shame and failure are trying to run wild to run in the “pasture of self pity”. I’ve told a few people that…I was finally being paid… and it’s big money.
(Swimming in “could of’s” and “should of’s” is pain-making too.)
“What can I learn here?” seems to be on my mind vs. self pitying thinking. Today I ran Mogul while working; I’ve been running Regeneration a lot lately at work, and I desired some financial thinking since I thought I’d be paid. It’s weird. Part of me is fighting to be solution focused, while part of me knows the passive (unaccountable) victim role. I’m liking that these subs are actually punctuating my thinking. I’m really grateful for this.
I feel low, but as I go on, it’s like I’m in my mind each moment, looking for pieces to this solution.
Again, I’ll repeat: thank you @SaintSovereign and @Fire. This thinking change is quiet, peaceful, and greatly appreciated 
I’ll call this progress; I am here using the subliminals, and they’re working on me.
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I’ll share something else too, as something happened from running Mogul just today.
I look for and watch business webinars regularly since I’ve looked and compared ones among each others. Call it mental masturbation, since I’ve thought I’d jump right in when I got money for one. I’ve mentally masturbated on these for a good year now.
Mogul got into my mind today though, and I’m naysaying myself for some reason. I clicked on a webinar I’d never seen before, only listened for 20 minutes, but something different was running through my brain. It was a drive to DO something for gain. I mention this since a feeling of pain and failure has been running in me recently since I’d toned down my drive due to lack of funds. Like lately I’ll start a webinar, and the voice says “another one to dismiss? Why even learn?”.
My thinking today was nothing near that. It’s like something was driving me. The only reason I haven’t stacked it with Regeneration and Limitless at home is that I thought I’d be mixing too much, plus an old belief that being successful means ignoring my needs. I believe that last reason is just reason to avoid the change. Still, would I be mixing too much? I’m running Limitless and Regen
1:1.
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Hey @subliminalguy,
I’m new here and just read through this entire post and it’s super encouraging to read through your experience and all the discussions. I’m just starting to listen to Ascension. Wondering if you have any updates since your last post in May?
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Amazing… I didn’t realize that the initial effects were a honeymoon period. That’s great to know.