Stabilizer
Phoenix and LB custom
Day 6
3 minute loops
I’m stacking my Phoenix custom with Genesis: Ascension St.1, and I’m just airing my thoughts. It’s not painful change. It’s real.
I think it’s the emotional intelligence heating up from Phoenix, as I’ve been more open to things I’ve progressively shut down in my life. Specifically, relationships of any kind. Here. At work. My birth family. Any dating. And male friends. I’ve been drawn toward the latter two, even pre-Phoenix, and it was welcome.
I’m not “Let’s welcome EVERYBODY!!” Nope, not at all. I’m just feeling my heart being more flexible, more understanding and accepting of other people’s faults. I’m thinking of the biggest people who steered my early life, and I’m (newly) wondering what made them make the decisions which affected me. Like a simple…"why?, and considering possibilities. Some grieving has come with it.
Change related: I’m much more inclined to just let stuff happen vs. steering/pushing/demanding I receive old normal things I’ve steered myself into, pushed, or demanded–to keep me “safe”.
And I’ll leave this post now. For so long, I’ve written and stressed/stewed over people’s possible reactions, to where I’ve lived in a constant defensiveness, imagining and expecting rejection. I’m just so tired of being STUCK in old fear.
To summarize my long-term goal, I don’t want my life steered anymore by the same fears I’ve clung to. I’m honestly feeling some dissipate quickly. That’s what I want.