Oh I see what you’re saying now, you’re saying all the other stuff I’ll get through Khan/Stark.
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Yep, that’s the point
One sub for who you are + one sub for what you do 
Simply because I’d rather my gameplays go viral online than having just IRL fame.
I want the gameplay to be seen, not me 
got enough of that already 
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I see what you mean. What I want to is be bald shroud and streamer hence my wider custom and then who I am Khan/Stark perhaps. So that’s like you advised me on in the past, a streaming custom., and then I’ll figure out what archetype to go with that.
I sent feedback to support as well 
Damn, I am filled with uncertainty now.
D:
We’ll see if it’s going to be a 20 or 10 module one and whether its going to be streamer personality + gamer god or just one focus.
Smell the roses 
Feel good
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A new era begins:
- Khan Complete
- Stark
- GMX: Aimbot (Round 2)
### BALD SHROUD ###
Listened to Khan + Stark, for 04:20 each. 
Custom is being tinkered with so we’ll run this stack for this cycle.
Finally at Khan ST4.
Also second cycle of GMX: Aimbot is exciting. I never play GMX titles for more than a month and leaves as soon as things start to get really good. This time, it’s going to be interesting to see the insane long term growth.
Stark, because I already have it. I wanted to run True Sell, but going with what I have for now.
This blonde at the store kept staring me in the eyes at the supermarket. I’m not used to this stuff so it creeps me out still, or it feels surreal. This is what I mean, you listen to WB thinking you really want every chick staring and flocking to you, but you’re uncomfortable in reality when chicks stare.
There is blockage and you need to work through that. And this is why you might not get the results, or actually you do get them, but you don’t see them and switch it up too soon, because your ego doesn’t want to be discomfortable for a while. You quit before change is starting to manifest. Just saying…
The skateboard and ego metaphors from that manifestation book posted by venom person pointed me to this realisation just now.
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Played PUBG duo with Alex and we started to get into the team flow and almost got a chicken dinner. We landed second place. I got 7 kills.
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I get constant reminder to switch to my playstyle as soon as it doesn’t work and also every death I’m getting these microadjustment nudges, like, never assume no one is creeping behind you in PUBG or where I should have played aggressive and where I should have played passive.
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Still figuring out a new sensitivity, so switching it up and down, not maintaining one consistently, so aim is inconsistent first few round but then gets sharpened.
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The smell the roses thoughts of relaxing abs enjoying the journey are really growing. I just feel instant ease when I think that thought. Still taking action, but with freedom from outcome more often than not
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Played GMX: Aimbot - 15:00
Damn the finals is fun. I don’t know how progression is for new players without GMx, as I’ve never played it without, but I feel solid. Learning from my mistakes, coming up with cool loadouts to try for insane combo. Realised something about how the style in supposed to play as a light. Getting ideas is how to practice certain aspects of the game. Like Bruce Lee’s “Man who practiced one kick a thousand times”.
- Alot of kills and wins on The Finals.
- Was very social and talkative last stream (extroversion)
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Been back at work and grinding The Finals. Recon and lack of sleep because I stay hours past my bed time and wake up the same time for parenting and work.
I probably should sleep because research shows even an hour or two less sleep over a few days affects performance. Which means I’ll play worse, code worse and be in a less than optimal mood.
Khan/Stark is doing great, I think the kindergarten teachers are in love with me. I’m social, vibing with all the teachers and children.
Game wise, I have insane games some days followed by lesser games, I think sleep is part of it but also I need to work on consistency. I’m sure I’ll surpass this plateau soon.
When people are nagging or being sarcastic in a negative way I just feel less fazed. I acknowledge it but don’t go into such a bad mood as I used to.
I feel like people are more respectful in general besides the occasional pushing (boundary tests). Because the only issues I have is with some people I already know. New people? Aura!
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I take the unfazed part back. It blew over today, I got pissed.
I’m more mad at the fact that I got pissed if anything.
It’s ridiculous. But I did, I got super pissed. Called him a donkey and said a “your mom” insult. Now I feel childish.
I just can’t stand him dude. But he’s part of our social circle. So even if I cut him out, he’ll be around, like a donkey.
A rough day, peace
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If I can help it, I will choose to feel good. I will choose higher things.
Give it to me universe.
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My aim and results in The Finals have been insane. Haven’t played ranked yet, a bit worried about that because you play with random people and it’s higher stakes . But I’ll give it a go.
Stats and overall confidence in aim trainers up, I am also closer to hitting PR in some exercises. I’ve also reached some new PR’s.
Aimbot FTW!
I love playing heavies. What were they thinking? Most tanky AND most damage!? That sounds like a great idea! Not to mention all the multi kills I get sending in an explosive barrel loaded with C4 into a team.
Streaming wise I’m getting more views than usual, but no chatters or followers. I need to up the entertainment!
I’m running Khan, Stark and aimbot right now but feeling more and more drawn to KHan Black instead of Stark, as I feel the blockages that keep me from being this charismatic guy while streaming are there and KB might help with that. I’m super charismatic IRL, but when I stream it’s a struggle to talk to the void.
I’ve started to open up big streamers chats while I stream just to pretend I’m big and have convo to inspire what I should talk about. That has helped a lot.
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Khan Black Stage 1 - 04:20
For Khan Black I’ve decided to take two energetic courses; one in QiGong and one in energetic/pranic breathing. So one area I’m already a bit familiar with but the other (QiGong) nada familiarity. Perhaps after these two, something related specifically to sexual energy
Current stack Khan ST4, Aimbot and Khan Black ST1.
The book “The Multi-Orgasmic Man” by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams seems to be heavily recommended, that one might be the book to start with.
Starting to notice and be aware of the energies around my gut. Just notice myself noticing it more than usual throughout the day.
Enjoy the process. Cultivate that gratitude and enjoyment of the various processes of life. Try to enjoy or at least be accepting everything. Just try. The simple things especially!
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This is probably the cocky khan growing inside of me,
but I feel I should start rapping. 
Either way, I think it might be a nice outlet for that energy that is building up inside of me.
I realized I’ve been having way too much energy on Khan already, and now I don’t know what will happen with KB in the mix too. Hopefully the energy will become more focused and powerful, instead of out of control.
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Felt doubt and anxiety last night that wasn’t easy to pinpoint to a reason.
Perhaps lack of progress in my streaming dream. It would be so nice if life and your goals were an RPG and you could see progress. I’m not talking about gamification, I’m talking about an actual RPG and your progress is actual progress.
I guess it’s human nature to desire linear progression, knowing what is happening and what is happening and having more control.
I’ve forgotten how to enjoy things, which is why I remind myself to enjoy life, smell the roses!
It’s like when you start a fitness journey, count macros and in the end you’ve forgotten to enjoy the food because it’s all just a means to an end. It’s not food anymore, it’s fuel, it’s macros, it’s calories.
It’s not “oh delicious food” anymore, it’s my “3AM protein rich sardine can” to lose weight or build muscles. It’s shallow.
It’s not, “what delicious things are we eating today”, anymore. It’s “let’s grab a can of sardines and down it with a protein shake”.
Robotic, dull, shallow. Perhaps even crazy.
And the I’ve realised this runs through most of my life. Which explains why I have struggled with just having fun. All work and no play makes Johnny a stiff boy. I would like to be doing things for the sake of doing them, because they are enjoyable. Now all things I do are means to an end and that’s not a fun nor well rounded life.
Peace
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Why not work hard and play hard? Switch it around. Like set something you’ll do for few days or weeks and then have one day when you just lay back, relax, have fun and celebrate your progress.
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Hell yeah, why not? Absolutely.
That’s the goal. All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. So my goal is to reconnect with the fun and relaxation again. Something I seem to have forgotten.
Work hard, play hard.
Perhaps even hard playfulness.
Or playfully hard. Work.
Is this fun or just weird?
Ok I’m going to stop. What I mean is perhaps enjoy the hard work.
Khan Black ST1 - 03:00
Some inner turmoil (recon) going on. I guess the stifled lava within is melting.
Happy holidays! The goal till next Christmas is to love more and feel good. That’s the ultimate goal, remember it you filthy animal.
I know I might sound extreme in my have fun feel good vibes lately. But I’m really just trying to brainwash myself to have more fun and be less rigid.
It’s like if someone is too far in the extreme end of a spectrum you need a cartoonish extreme push towards the other side just to move then into balance. Telling a nice guy to say just say no is not always enough.
Too nice guy? Pump them to be a IDGAF and extremely alpha. Tell them to dominate and stop being such a little… kitty. But of course that extreme end is not good either, ultimately. But they are too far into nice guy territory and the push might put them into more balance. 
Goal is to have as much fun as possible. The laughing ape.
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Currently on first cycle of Khan ST4 and Khan Black ST1. I’m also on my second cycle of GMX: Aimbot.
“You’re not entitled to the fruit of your labour.”