Starting a new life

[bombayduck]

Some little updates:

Of the 4 other members in my family, I wasn’t speaking to 2 at the time of beginning this stack. Now we can add a 3rd to the list, leaving my mother as the only person I still interact with. I am now able to openly call her out on her BS regarding me though (the incessant double standards, the need to put me down to push herself and my sister up, etc.) and it has worked out for the better, I don’t tolerate any shit from them anymore.

I’ve started training in martial arts, things have been going well in this regard. I’m very unathletic so I know that growing pains were bound to happen, but it’s a lot less worse than I expected. My physique is developing and I’ve experienced clear male enhancement benefits as well. Haven’t really experienced the ‘wanted’ effect yet, so there is still a significant amount of work to be done.

I’m definitely not where I want to be at health-wise, still don’t eat as well as I want to (having way too many cheat meals lately, bet it has something to do with breaking nofap streaks so that is my next major commitment now) so I have to focus on that coming up. Got way too much body fat for my liking.

The finance situation is still shit, I’m still wasting money excessively on things I don’t need. I need to start to actively gameplan around my wasteful spending habits, I think I should start to put 40% of my paycheck into my always-maxed out credit card balance (a credit card that I have destroyed to prevent myself from using it in public), 40% into crypto/stock and then leave 20% for spending in between paychecks. It will create a scarcity mindset with my money that will force me to curb my excessive spending habits. I think I will reduce my credit limit to the lowest possible once I get my bill cleared.

Speaking of pay, I’ve decided that I will end my leave and return to work as of next week. I’ve been making progress so now I need to increase the pressure/work load in my life to be able to handle greater burdens in the future. Time to grow the fuck up.

[ferdinandreitet]

i call my abusive family members incognito everytime they come into my room.
i harass them with incognito calls all the time and then tell them they called on the landline and it’s some women who wants to scam them.

no fucks given. it works wonders and gets rid of the narcs fast.

i also hide their stuff in a way they think they misplaced it before a situation arises where they get the opportunity start the verbal abuse

i screamed at their face and broke stuff in front of them and since then they respect me more

but the women in my family are constantly shit testing me

also use labradorite my friend it’s the best crystal to make a deflective auric shield.

labradorite is 20$ bucks

you have to become a super puppet player with your narcs and be like palatine manipulate them into oblivion

[bombayduck]

I’ve been consuming a lot of male content lately regarding masculinity and what not, and I think the better option for the majority of men is to maintain a stoic frame and always approach interactions from a logical point of view, versus an emotional one.

Regarding respect, I am reminded of Machiavelli’s adage from ‘The Prince’: when having to choose one over the other, it is better to be feared than loved. Ideally you would want both but if you cannot earn someone’s respect out of admiration, then you should earn their respect out of fear.

[Michel]

Better to be respected (and maybe feared) than loved. Unfortunately some people only learn not to mess with others through fear, which is a lesson you may need to teach once in a while.

[Athanaxos]

Congrats on starting on your journey of self-recovery and actualization. We all make mistakes, and you’re still young so just forgive yourself and then forget about it. You learned something from it, and know now to be careful with your trust and money from now on. An invaluable lesson, indeed!
Also, you doing this now in your 20ies will place you waaay ahead of your contemporaries, so good for you!

Have you checked out his thread about the “Alpha” masculinity?

On being an alpha

I want to take my SubClub hat off for a bit and share something with you guys. Something that has been bugging me. A long time ago, a PUA coach told me that there’s a difference between being dominant and being domineering. A dominant person is a person that has their inner game right. They are confident in themselves and their abilities. They have nothing to prove to people because the only person they compete with is themselves. They do well in teams because they don’t mind sharing and teac…

I can also (personally) recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover - a great way to also “take action” in conjunction with the recovery-parts of the Ascended Mogul.

Just keep working at yourself. The money matters will solve (or rather dissolve?) itself when you are focused on building yourself up. Others will take notice, and you’ll get payed what you deserve.

If you hit recon, scale down for a bit, get some additional rest days in, and then go at it again. And I second @Michel about Ascended Mogul. It’s one of the best subs imo, and especially for your situation.

Head up, shoulders back, and eyes forward. You’ll Chuck Norris the shit out of this in no time!

[bombayduck]

So it’s my birthday today, turning 26 today and feeling lonely so I’ve decided to make another update.

I’ve started working again, I feel like my energy is much more positive than before. It’s a good start but we will have to see what happens as I start to work more hours, and the work load increases. I had more sales in a a day than I did in almost a whole month of work prior to my leave, so that’s definitely a good sign of things to come.

I decided to throw 500$ on a random cryptocurrency which has absolutely sky rocketed over 10x, so that’s nice. I can’t get caught up with that however, all of that money is fictional until the gains are realized into my bank account. Still, a sign of progress with regards to investments, though I still feel like I haven’t curbed my bad habit of spending yet.

The nofap was going well but I broke a few days ago unfortunately, which is a shame because i was seeing the benefits with regards to social interactions and overall presence. I need to focus harder to accomplish that goal.

There’s a really cute girl at the gym (she works the counter and trains occasionally) who smiles whenever we see each other, but it’s hard for me to say whether it’s genuine interest or just her being polite. Then again, I have always been awful with regards to reading signals from women (according to my ex back when we were dating) but I think I should avoid those distractions and just focus on myself for the time being, even if she is really cute.

Been ignoring calls and texts from my best friend, I don’t want to feel like I’m holding myself back any longer with the social circle that polluted my mind and actions in the past. I still wanted to keep contact with him but he would ghost me regularly, and now he’s offended that I’m ghosting him. The double standards are ridiculous, I do want to give him a call but at the same time I’m not really sure.

Like mentioned earlier, I am feeling a bit lonely today on my birthday. I don’t quite miss my ex, but I do miss the loyal company that she provided for me during this day in the years past. I don’t normally go to the gym on back-to-back days but I think I will today just to curb the feeling of loneliness. One thing that I need to remind myself is that the path of masculinity is a lonely one, and to embrace solitude is to embrace oneself, and your own company. There is something beautiful in this.

[Athanaxos]

Happy belated birthday, mate!

I know you might have felt lonely and I know this might sound corny but it’s true nonetheless - when you are trying to grow, sometimes the best company you can keep is your own! Also, think of it as ‘aloneness’ instead of loneliness. Like you said about your old social circle and that it in some ways polluted your mind and actions… Sometimes being on your own for a while and getting comfortable with just being yourself by yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. You’ve chosen a path of growth, and part of that inside-out growth is that you have to go through that internal gritty stuff all on your own, in many ways. Though we are many here that are doing the same, so in that regard you are not alone in the struggle.

And about your friend… perhaps just letting him know that you are going through some personal stuff and need some time to deal with it? Just a suggestion, tho

Also the purpose of progress is not perfection, but in becoming better with each attempt. Same thing with abstinence of all sorts. Just get at it again and again, until it sticks

Sometimes, the best we can do for ourselves is to focus on our own internal growth. The external stuff tends to come of it’s own. If you are unsure about her signals… keep growing and just see what happens? Who knows, running Emperah you might even subconsciously get the signals anyway

[bombayduck]

Thanks mate, greatly appreciated.

You’re absolutely right, and I do like the choice of words. ‘Aloneness’ is definitely the way I would prefer to refer to it as.

With regards to my friend, my hesitation is in the fact that I’m not sure if I want his influence and presence in my life anymore. Anyone can tell we’re best friends because we’ve known each other for so long, the moment we see each other and enter a conversation with one another it is electric, and set at a pace that no one else can really keep up with. It’s a special bond that we have, but I’m sure that he hasn’t changed and I don’t want to be held back by others any longer. I think the worst part of our relationship was the drugs and I have left that behind, and I’m very scared of taking a step back in that regard. Perhaps I fear myself, perhaps I don’t trust in the progress that I’ve made if I’m so fearful of a relapse. Maybe I should speak to him, I don’t know, I’m still mulling this over.

I do have a tendency to be extremely self-critical to a detrimental point (past friends have said that about me), and it does have something to do with being a perfectionist. I hyper-focus on the errors and brush off the progress. It’s interesting to me that you were able to identify that in my post, it is something that clearly needs to be worked on. The issue is that striving for perfection is basically a motivator for myself, so I need to find a way to embrace the good and avoid the bad from being a perfectionist.

With regards to the girl, it’s not a big deal (at least that’s what I’d like to think). I just think she’s being polite to be honest.

I don’t think I’ve been on this stack for long enough personally, I plan on running AM with Wanted until the end of the year at least. Who knows what’s to come for next year.

[bombayduck]

Here we are, time for my next update.

I am really feeling the benefits of Ascended Mogul, wow. Everything that it says it would do for me, it has done. Running Qv2 was a complete gamechanger, took a while but now I definitely understand the hype.

I’ve only been back to work for a month and I’ve been the top salesman on the team which has been a complete shock, normally the top 2 salespeople are usually miles ahead of everyone else but I’ve been ahead of them so far, and the lead salesperson has really had to up her game to close into my lead. A complete change from where I was when I had left. Before I took as many breaks and pauses as I could, now I just feel like I want to work and perform. The commission is trash, but this has been more me proving a point to myself than anything else. I can do anything I set my mind to, and apply myself in.

Speaking of which, I have been thinking a lot lately about starting my own business. I won’t ever be satisfied working for someone else to be quite frank, I do want to start something for myself. An ‘empire’, if you catch my drift. This could definitely be in my cards for the future. However, for now I want to focus on consistently exceling at my work, and I have an idea about changing career paths and finally going into the computer/tech world. t I have plans for going back to school to change my career path but we’ll see what happens with regards to that.

The money situation has improved, I’m starting to reduce my spending habits a bit more and I’ve cleared about 75% of my credit card debt. Still have to focus on budgeting and investing more, and I really want to start creating new streams of income. Still a lot of talk and not enough action though at this point.

I saw my best friend on the street, and it was a great experience. I was really happy to see him, we connected immediately from where we left off and had a 2 hour conversation on the street without even realizing the time pass. Unfortunately everything that I suspected was the case; whereas I have been getting better, he had gotten significantly worse and it’s unfortunate. But seeing him really was a relief, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I told him the reason why I ignored his messages, I told him about where I was at my life, and it felt good to be able to say those things to him. I was scared that I would fall back to my old ways should I see him but instead it was the opposite: I felt more affirmed in my decisions if anything. He had mentioned that it was a significant sign that we had crossed paths that day, I hope that to be the case. I had feared that he would be resentful or envious, but he was actually very happy for me despite his own position. It made me appreciate having someone like him in my life, regardless of how things happened.

Now I wish I could say that I’ve had the same level of success as with Wanted but that’s okay, I’m dedicated towards using Wanted for a very long time. Perhaps it’s just my perfectionist mindset coming into play again, since I cannot deny that I am currently in the best shape of my life physically. While my workouts (resistance training) and diet has dropped off a bit lately, I have been doing more muay thai (and as a result, cardio) than ever, going to the gym whenever I can. I passed an exam to move up to the next level of classes which I’m happy about, the beginner phase is over and now the real grind begins. Again, I don’t feel like I’m getting the Wanted effect yet as I don’t feel like I’m getting attention from women like I did before I met my ex 5 years ago, but I just gotta stay consistent. I have also become more conscious of the clothes I wear, for whatever that’s worth. I think the Wanted effect will truly begin once I start dropping more body fat, as I’m still at about 16% at the moment. I do believe that my lower body fat made my face more attractive when I was 20, despite the fact that I was a twig (I was 145-150 pounds then, I’m 175 now at 5’10). Just got to be steady, my aim is to be ‘wanted’ by summertime next year.

So that’s my latest update, it’s definitely a big one but it’s been awhile and things have changed quite a bit to say the least. I can feel the difference if I read this post versus my earlier ones, I look forward to seeing how much further this can go.

[bombayduck]

I’ve been frustrated with my inability to take action lately, I’m wondering whether I should add a 3rd sub to the current stack, or if I should switch out AM for something else. Perhaps I should ride this out, or take a break for a little bit. I don’t know.

[Malkuth]

@bombayduck

I’ve been frustrated with my inability to take action lately,

Frustration.

Try a 3 day break.

Work out. Eat well. Rest. (If you’re not an insomniac like I am right now).

Then after 3 days, make your next choice.

[bombayduck]

So I want to bring an end to this journal, this is my first update in a long time. I feel like I committed too much to writing large summary posts when I should have gone the typical route of posting frequently in snippets, as that might make the process of updating less tedious.

So I’ll be making a series of final posts within the next few days to wrap up this journal; I don’t want to be as revealing about my life as I was in the past so I prefer to speak more broadly, but I can definitely say that the subs did the trick. I am a very different person compared to who I was 7 months ago when this journal first started, I can see it even in the way I write.

The reason why I’ve come back to this journal is because I want to start a new stack very soon, I have already made the necessary purchases to focus on this stack for the next 4 months. However, I don’t want to leave this journal hanging without a conclusion, so I’ll be focusing on that for the next coming days as I begin my new stack (and journal).

[bombayduck]

One thing I can say is that the advice from veterans of the Sub Club has been very valuable, I am happy to have kept things light and focused on a simple 2 sub stack for a solid period of 7 months. I see many users commit too much too quickly, or switch from stack to stack, and many new users just falling off eventually. In that regard I am happy with my results, because I committed to a simple routine with 2 subs that complimented one another.

With that said, one thing I feel I did wrong was possibly over-exposing myself to the subs. I have the ultrasonic playing throughout the day from my speakers in my room blasting very loudly, as I focus on work and come in and out of the room. As a result I tend to over-expose myself to the subs but not only that, the constant loop of the 2 subs throughout the day with the multiple interruptions meant that I was being exposed to certain parts of the subs over others; I would get 1 loop in of each sub interrupted every day, at best.

And instead of adhering to the 1 day on/off rule, I would be listening to them on multiple days one after the other, maybe resting 2-3 times a week in an inconsistent pattern. Perhaps that led to some reconciliation, which is quite possible. @Lion had mentioned that my feeling of under-exposing myself was reconciliation and I can now see why that could be the case, it manifested itself in a feeling of insecurity combined with impatience. One thing I can say is that I will definitely focus on a stricter, lesser schedule with my new stack that I have planned, though I can’t say that I’ll run the Qv2 loop only once (sorry - I will stick to the 1 loop ZP rules though).

[bombayduck]

WANTED is a must for every male in my opinion, and despite wanting to try other subs I cannot in my heart take out WANTED because of how valuable it’s been. The changes were slow, frustration set in as the changes were there but not to the level I expected, but the effects really started to be felt by month 6. I’ll be discussing this more in future posts.

Ascended Mogul, on the other hand, had almost the opposite effect on me. The effects kicked in very quickly, and seemed to wane with time. Shifting to Qv2 in month 3 led to a boost again, but eventually I felt the effects stagnate, though again it is hard to say whether it was stagnation or more the increase in standards for myself (definitely living up to its name of ‘Ascension’ in that regard). With that said, I want to try other things and have a more focused direction, so that is why I’ll be replacing AM from my stack (though I do see myself possibly using it again in the future: with QZP anything is possible). What AM did for me was exactly what many users alluded to, which was the creation of a foundation from which to build off of. I am now more attuned with who I am and what I want, which is why the need for more focused stacks has come into my mind.

[bombayduck]

And now, a detailed summary of AM’s impact on me since my last update, namely on the ‘mogul’ side of things.

I’ve established myself as one of/the best salesperson on my team, and a leader in my department. My spending situation, while still too excessive for my liking (especially during Black Friday), has become very manageable; I’ve basically become free from credit debt as I’ve been able to pay off my balance regularly. My investments fluctuate (since I’m mostly exposed to cryptocurrency after all), but I’ve made some solid plays with my stock portfolio. My YTD P/L in August for my stocks portfolio was -50% but since then I was able to bring that up to even, which I consider great considering the disasters that occurred at the beginning of the year. No I haven’t made a stupid amount of money, I’m not rich, I haven’t made the best financial decisions (made plenty of awful ones actually) but I’ve become better with managing my money and that is definitely a good start.

While I have done quite well for myself at work, I’ve decided that I need to change things up to be able to put myself in the best situation to make more money because right now I’m making peanuts for the work I’m doing. I have the intentions of going back to school to get into a field that would teach me skills that are applicable to the current and future job market (developing, coding, IT in general) and I am hoping for the best; if I can get accepted into a program, it will be the beginning of a new journey in my life, and one that can lead to more money, freedom and most importantly, self-respect for my own skills. While I always enjoyed school, the last years of university were awful and I did everything I could to make the time pass and fizzled out. I don’t want that to be my final experience of school, I want to end my schooling on a high note because I’ve always loved school, even when I was younger. Getting into this program will give me a chance to do so.

[bombayduck]

And here’s a summary of the impact of the ‘ascended’ side of AM on myself.

I’ve had a strong masculine base when I was younger but it was slowly beaten out of me with schooling and life experiences (especially with my ex-girlfriend and my family). However I’m glad to say that I’ve been able to reacquire my previous masculine sense of self, only coupled with a degree of maturity that I did not have when I was younger. My personal life is night and day compared to where it was when I started this journal.

My situation with my family is good and under control, I have a significant amount of emotional control compared to where I was previously. I started the process of getting rid of anti-depressants from my life when I first started this journal and I’m happy to say that that shit is completely out of my life and system, for good (I recommend anyone taking pills to stop that shit as soon as you can).

Fighting has become a passion of mine, I absolutely love it. I spend as much free time as I can to practice muay thai, and have dilligently focused on honing into my craft. While this isn’t exactly a money-making activity and isn’t in line with a mogul’s goals, I consider it to be definitely in line with the goals of the ascended male. I have found my passion, I have been able to develop myself physically and mentally, I have finally found a social environment that I enjoy being in and I feel great for it. I hope to continue to focus on my development and growth in this sport, with the eventual goal of being able to take an actual fight one day. As someone who has always been woefully unathletic but obsessed with sports, it would be amazing to see my hard work pay off in the form of a high-level contest.

At the end of the day, Ascended Mogul will give you whatever you give to yourself. I didn’t focus as much on the ‘mogul’ side of things as much as I did the ‘ascended’ side, but the things I did focus on for the mogul side has paid off and shown dividends. Because my personal growth was more important to me than my material growth, I feel that the ‘ascended’ side of AM helped me significantly more; the impact on my life since then is clear.

[bombayduck]

And now for the effects of WANTED…

It took a while for it to work its magic, I’m not going to lie. I grew frustrated but I kept it in constant rotation, and I genuinely feel like it’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to. This is not to say that I didn’t experience results in the early months, I absolutely did. The physical shifting was happening but I feel like WANTED’s role was truly in helping with recomposition more than anything.

Keep in mind that while I was always exercising, I never did anything hypertrophy-related. All of the exercise I do is bodyweight and related to cardio and conditioning.

The most impressive thing was how WANTED developed the exact things I either wish I had or knew that I had and wanted it to be better. For the first time in my life I actually have pecs, this alone has made WANTED worth it for me. I’ve also developed visible quads, which to me is amazing.

My strengths have always been my upper body and I’m really happy with how that’s come along. My delts have started to separate, so the division between the front and middle delt can be seen significantly more now. I have a thick neck but because of my body recomposition, there’s no fat on my neck anymore so it’s looking more masculine. I’ve always been complimented on a strong jawline but it was at its best when I was 140 pounds soaking wet, I was so skinny but my jawline was perfectly defined. Now I’m very close to having that same jawline again, only at 165 pounds instead.

I also started to develop visible abs for the first time since I was a twig a long time ago (and those were skinny boy abs, not real abs like they are now), and while it was nice to see I soon realized that I can’t have a low body fat percentage right now because I need to gain and develop more mass on my legs for fighting. So I’m putting that project on hold for now, as I focus on training my legs more.

Now I knew the physical development happened, but that’s only half the story when it comes to WANTED. WANTED is about feeling the feeling of being wanted, and that effect has only begun recently. It is definitely noticeable though, I’m starting to catch the eye of women looking at me the way they used to when I was younger (before I became fat; weight that I lost from January to May before I started my sub journey) and suddenly, I’m wanted again by the ex who left me, a breakup that triggered my new journey and focus on changing myself for the better.

WANTED has been amazing, and I intend to run it for as long as I can. Now with QZP and it’s high degree of permanence, I’m probably going to have to get it out of my rotation for a little bit eventually (to try all of the other subs), but not for now. I have a plan for my sub journey, I’m not going to be juggling subs left and right. There is a strategy, a plan and a short-term and long-term vision of what I want and need to do, and how to tailor my life to where it needs to be. I have already begun my new sub stack, and will be opening a journal about it soon.

[khan]

Wanted ZP is a great sub…. Thank you for sharing…

[bombayduck]

So long story short; Ascended Mogul was an excellent choice of sub for a beginner, it really laid the groundwork for my development. If you’re new to this, it may be tempting to try a little bit of everything but don’t. Have some self-control for God’s sake, it’ll be better for you, trust me. This isn’t supposed to be something quick that you’ll throw money at and forget about after, this is the beginning of a new path to learning that you want to stay on, ideally for the rest of your life. If you want to build a large house, the foundation must be strong. Don’t cheapen out. If you need to develop your masculinity and confidence, get Ascension. If you want to improve your money habits and your ability to work/status as a worker, get Mogul. This sub is probably the most general one in the store (StarkQ too, but I think the Emperor scripting makes Stark a little bit too big of a step-up for a beginner; just go for AM, trust me).

WANTED, on the other hand, should be run by every male using an attraction/dating/sex/aura sub. This sub is a fucking must. How the hell are some of you running PS, S&S, Diamond, etc. without WANTED? It’s truly the perfect complement to every sub that has at least a bit of “alpha” scripting, and the physical shifting tech is really something to behold.

Just want to thank everyone that posted in this journal for your help and your feedback. It was so valuable, and you have taken a part in changing my life forever. This community is amazing, extremely friendly, helpful, and accepting, I could not thank you guys enough.

I came into this forum a broken man who had only begun to glue the pieces back together, shattered from one blow after the other. I end this journal as the man I once was, but older, more mature and wiser. I was a lost boy for so long, and now I have been found.

I named this journal “starting a new life” as that was what I needed; a new start and a new life.

This new life that I wanted has begun, and it’s my own. Now, the journey begins.

Thanks for reading.

[bombayduck]

@DarkPhilosopher @RVconsultant can you guys unlist this thread as well? Thanks.