StarkQ and Ultimate Artist

Fractal_Explorer · March 30, 2020, 10:00pm

Decided to make a new journal to detail a new chapter with the subliminal journey.

Very excited to see what StarkQ can help me accomplish in my life. I really like how flexible it is.

Without getting into a memoir here lol. I think this is the sub that will help me bring balance to my life more. I spent a good portion of my life taking everything so damn serious all the time. Just from the description StarkQ seems to have a lighter feel to it. Where Ascended Mogul seemed more like a quest for me to get stronger so I could survive the hard world, StarkQ just gave me the impression of going completely outside of that. Challenging any and all opinions and beliefs becoming so above it all it just doesn’t even matter, true freedom. I’m not saying AM was wrong for me, but I do feel like it might have amplified parts of me that kept me very tunnel visioned. The survival instinct parts.

Anyway, here’s my stack now.

x1 Aegis Iniitiative
x3 StarkQ
x3 Utimate Artist

Day 1 of listening to StarkQ. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and I haven’t had sleep to process yet. But I’ll say this, I feel the power of the sub but at the same time it’s not overwhelming. It feels almost like there’s greater clarity to the script, less confusing I guess? Don’t know how to describe it really, it’s hard to put into words. Feels like I’m also being pulled through any excuses or emotional discomfort, not given time to get trapped in those.

I’ll say this, I’ve felt similar sensations with AM. But it took a lot of deep meditative relaxation and focus. With StarkQ it just feels like it’s there and there’s minimal need for conscious interaction.

I don’t know if it’s my subconscious cooperating better or what, but it’s definitely different to how I usually react to the subs. Also I feel like there’s energy radiating from my body. Not heat, but an airy sort of magnetic feeling. Like you know when you hold two magnets with the same polarity against each other and they repel? That sort of force you feel. That’s what it feels like on the outside of my body.

Hoping this isn’t just a honeymoon period for the sub. We will see. Initial impression is I’m very excited to see how I continue to respond. I don’t think I’ve ever had a subliminal shift my state this powerfully and smoothly at the same time. Usually if something has this much force behind it there’s a lot of pushback from my subconscious.

Fractal_Explorer · April 1, 2020, 11:14am

Don’t know if this was coffee withdrawal, stuffed up emotions, or just bad timing. But I had a nasty migraine yesterday. I’ve noticed I’ve been drinking more coffee recently to push myself though the day and I think that was a bad move. It was basically a way to override my emotions and just do what needs to be done, but moreso running.

Anyway a lot of times I have these migraines there’s a lot of emotional turbulence. Not sure if that’s because of the pain or that’s whats underneath and causing the migraine.

Don’t want to jump to conclusions here saying StarkQ had me dealing with heavy shit. But I remember at one point I wanted to sleep to escape and another part of me was trying to go through this pain. As if my body was saying “Look you can run away now and feel better temporarily or you can power through this and come out the other side stronger”. So that’s what I did, it felt like facing the fears head on. It wasn’t about anything out in the world, moreso fear of concepts that I had trouble embracing. Being powerful, challenging conventional living, etc, all those things I had a deep fear of. An internal fear if you could call it that, hard to describe. It was all deep primal feelings though, there was no words or ideas attached to it, just felt like the main blocks that kept negative beliefs in place like glue.

There’s definitely still more there, but I was wiped out from yesterday and beyond my threshold for it.

MavericKobra · April 1, 2020, 12:57pm

I’m gona follow your journal because I’m interested in this stack. How has Ultimate artist helped you so far?

King · April 1, 2020, 1:38pm

You have gone a long way.

I will be following your journal.

Fractal_Explorer · April 1, 2020, 4:34pm

UA has been a huge help. I’m able to execute my ideas better and in general way more committed to my music. For some people music comes naturally, but I’ve always struggled with writing full complete songs. Lately I’ve been able to build on ideas much easier and bridge that gap between what I want and what I’m capable of making. I’m not as prolific as I want to be but I feel I’m getting there.

Fractal_Explorer · April 2, 2020, 2:23am

So I was thinking about what @Malkuth said about musical haikus. After work today I was really tired, probably because I didn’t get any rest the other night because of the migraine. So I sat down and played around with some sounds and built a small musical piece around those sounds. When I found myself stressing about turning it into a full song I just told myself it doesn’t need to be, it can be whatever it wants, long or short. I finished it in about an hour which is not normal for me, usually I’m so obsessed with dialing in perfection I’m hesitant to let anything go. But I decided the music said what it needed to say and anymore wasn’t necessary. I could add more layers to it, build on the idea, make it less repetitive. But in the end it felt like it was less of a song and more of a fleeting experience captured in musical form and that’s ok. I think StarkQ definitely had a hand in this. Even though I’ve been listening to UA for a while I’ve never been able to just put something together so quick that connected with me in some way and able to let it go and stop worrying about it not being good enough. Anyway here’s the link, not sure if this will work or not as an embedded thing.

Fractal_Explorer · April 2, 2020, 11:46am

I read up on a lot of people’s experiences working as IT. My suspicions were confirmed. People love treating this department like shit. It’s just how it is. You need a surprisingly thick skin to deal with all the bs office politics, juggle legitimate work requests, deal with nosy ass managers that think they know the answer, and have to deal with the criticism when someone can’t do their job and blames you because “it’s on a computer”. StarkQ is gonna help me not take this shit anymore because I’m tired of people thinking my department is lower in importance than theirs.

I’ve been dealing with a ton of stress lately because I care too damn much about what those people thought of my capabilities. No more. And after this pandemic is over I’m moving to another job that pays more for putting up with this shit.

Fractal_Explorer · April 2, 2020, 3:02pm

Following up on that last post of mine, it’s not really “nice”. But I’ve taken a lot of abuse from people. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and stop asking yourself what’s wrong with you and look at everything else around you and question that. Stop making excuses or saying it’s not that bad and you’re exaggerating. Just because it happens or it’s common in that environment doesn’t make it right. If I have to be an asshole to preserve my own emotional health I will. Manipulation tactic people like to use, try to make you feel like a bad person so they shame you into getting what they want.

Malkuth · April 2, 2020, 3:19pm

Bruh, this is definitely a safe space. No need to be ‘nice’. In fact, please don’t be. When you get to a better space, you will naturally be nice, because you’ll be happier. You are a human being and deserve to be treated with consideration and respect. End of story.

Malkuth · April 3, 2020, 7:47pm

I actually admire your creative process. It sounds like sometimes the meticulousness and the push to review and refine swell and grow beyond balance. But I’d bet that sometimes those same features may also serve you well. It may just be a matter of learning to dip into and out of that space as needed.

Mixing and mastering. that’s a phase that I almost never approach comprehensively, systematically, or to completion. At some point, I’ll take it on and work with it. Getting the levels right is a constant quest. And then if someone doesn’t listen on the right equipment, it’s all thrown off. haha.

Fractal_Explorer · April 3, 2020, 11:07pm

Thanks. It’s definitely a trait I used to demonize a lot, I always wished I could just be lazy and not care and just put stuff out. But like you said it’s a balance and over the years I’ve learned it’s definitely a strength, I just have to keep it in check so it doesn’t consume me.

Oh yeah mixing and mastering is a whole other beast. I try not to let that get in the way of the music as much as possible. If you haven’t read the book Mixing With Your Mind I’d highly recommend it. It’s geared more towards recording but its principles can be applied to electronic music as well. That book opened my eyes to a whole new world of psychoacoustics and how to maximize the impact of your music. I feel like you’d like it because it isn’t highly technical like “apply a highpass filter with a 24db cutoff at 40hz”. It’s more like it gives you principles of sound and philosophical wisdom to apply to your own music.

Malkuth · April 4, 2020, 4:38am

Thought of this

Malkuth · April 4, 2020, 4:30pm

Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll read it once I’m able to get my hands on a copy. Did you know that it’s currently priced at $174 on Amazon? That’s no joke.

Fractal_Explorer · April 4, 2020, 7:38pm

Yeah it’s pretty pricey elsewhere, don’t know why. Getting it directly from the website is significantly cheaper. 87 AUD, But I got mine from the library and read it, I plan to grab a hardcopy eventually but don’t really have the cash to spare at the moment.

Fractal_Explorer · April 4, 2020, 8:21pm

Number 1 reason for me why taking action is so important. I can dig my own grave by overthinking things. Sometimes I think what the action will entail is so far off from what was in my head. The longer it stays in my head and collects all these misguided ideas and notions the more detached from the reality of it I get.

I’m currently investigating some time into getting shortcuts and workflow tweaks set up in my DAW. Of course I reference other people for better ideas and then I start thinking I also need to do that. What happened earlier today is I got so overwhelmed and anxious about all of it I didn’t do any of it. It wasn’t until I told myself to just do one thing or anything and see where it goes that I felt relief. It’s always tempting to look at others to figure stuff out, but sometimes you can’t know what you need to figure out until you start doing it.

Still find myself wondering how I’m gonna pull off what it is I’m trying to do. But I can feel myself moving towards it more despite the uncertainty. I think number 1 this job im in has to change. That’s my weak link right now, doesn’t allow me to have financial freedom and it’s taxing on my energy. But we’re in the middle of a pandemic so now is not the best time.

Fractal_Explorer · April 5, 2020, 3:56pm

Decided to go back to the 24/7 listening for the subs. So I’m just having my stack loop all day and night. StarkQ has me wanting to break away from everything my life is like right now. When this pandemic is over I don’t want to be caught in the same routine, I want to take advantage of life. To do that I think I really have to up the work I’m putting in for my subconscious so I decided to go for as much exposure as possible. I don’t anticipate this being smooth and I’ll probably be tired as hell, but I have to do what I need to do to change. After years of trying to take things slow and do things cautiously, I need to change that. I need to learn how to act, how to take risks, let go of everything that has kept me in this cycle I’ve come to hate. I’ve been taking nights off for a while now and while the improvements are still there there aren’t coming as fast as I want because there are still parts of me that sabotage. I know in the past listening as much as possible created an internal pressure for me, while incredibly uncomfortable, forced me to grow in ways I couldn’t do if the sub influence was more comfy.

Sort of related to that, I was on reddit the other day reading a thread about people who had to survive when they were homeless. Now I’m not homeless, but I feel as if I’m a few bad decisions away from being it. Most people think of homelessness as the drug addict or severe mental illness. But all it takes is a crappy job that doesn’t pay enough and rent that’s ridiculously expensive and there you go. I’ve mentioned it before but I still live with my Dad and pay part of the rent. It’s better than being independent on my own and struggling financially, but it also doesn’t feel like independence. Even so I guess my internal fears of ending up homeless weren’t that far off, it really doesn’t take that much to land in a situation like that. Moreso that fear is a direct manifestation of my own beliefs about myself and how I perceive myself as incapable of survival on my own. Most of that stemming from my years of being a highly unstable individual that couldn’t function in society all that well. That’s a hard thing to shake and it follows me everywhere I go. So that’s why I also feel I need to double down on the exposure, to erase the associations with that past and build a new future.

dorfmeister · April 5, 2020, 5:23pm

I am interested in this combo. I’ve run UA quite a bit and when the name embedded stuff hits, I’d like to run these together.

Malkuth · April 6, 2020, 2:13am

That’s real.

Fractal_Explorer · April 6, 2020, 10:33pm

So initially I woke up and felt like I was dead tired. But as the day went on surprisingly I felt energized. Usually at the end of the day I feel this unrelenting pull towards just shutting down and giving up completely that I have to fight. I’m not feeling that today and it feels like I can get stuff done without it feeling like I have to fight myself.

Along with that emotions have been getting pulled to the surface and released. I don’t have a choice, there’s no way to run or ignore it, they’re being faced. I guess I have to hit a threshold with these subs where the repetition is strong enough to the point I can’t weasel my way out of following the script.

My theory at least, the nights off work for individuals that don’t have a strong self sabotaging side. It’s kind of like building momentum and you have to hit a certain point where you start really following the script. Let’s say it took you most of the day to reach that receptive state and then you turn off the subs for the night. Yes you process the new instructions, but you’re missing out on valuable open state of mind to really nail things into the subconscious. No idea if that’s accurate at all but I know from past experience with anxiety and fear in general if I didn’t keep momentum going I fell back into old ways. I’m starting to think my subconscious behaves similarly with subs and it’s better not to have really large gaps in listening unless a designated rest day.

To be honest I’m feeling a sense of hopelessness and I’m throwing myself into these subs 110% now because I need to change. Baptism by fire pretty much. As much as these subs don’t push you to do things, that’s all on you, I still need to strengthen that internal pusher in me. Sometimes that’s not even an outward action, but rather a push towards taking on internal mindsets that I’m afraid of.

It’s rather bizarre, taking on the mindset of complete confidence and fearlessness would grant me freedom and better emotional health, yet that’s something I’m afraid of doing. But that’s where the power is and even actions are useless if your fundamental mindset doesn’t shift along with them. Something I’ve experienced numerous times while facing fears in the past. Nothing is more disheartening than facing your fears consistently and it’s more of delay than an outright conquering of those things as they slowly creep back into your life.

Fractal_Explorer · April 7, 2020, 4:29pm

There is no enemy, only me. I need to stop approaching things in my own head with such a dualistic viewpoint. There’s no ill intention behind my behavior, by putting too much emphasis on that I end up fighting parts of myself that really need healing.

That’s what I’ve been going through with StarkQ. Things being brought up, me trying to fight through it or overcome it, which isn’t the point. There’s obstacles out in the word and society and there’s obstacles within yourself. Sometimes it helps identifying which is which.

There’s fight or flight. I went into fight mode, but fight or flight is an extension of fear. I was still operating out of fear as the deeper things were revealed to me. You can’t overcome what’s inside you if you hide or try to just fight it away. It takes a different level of awareness. I haven’t spent a lot of time there. I’ve either tried to detach from my issues or aggressively try to suppress them.

Moving along, not the way I intended but that’s a good thing because this perspective shift was sorely needed.