[STACKED] The Terminus Meditations

[Malkuth]

A colleague commented that I was interacting differently in the evaluations that we co-chaired. Not quite sure if his take on it was positive or negative, but either way, it seemed to go with the Stark Q effects on visibility.

I was communicating my feedback and ideas much more actively, directly, and (apparently) somewhat forcefully.

I and that same colleague will meet in two weeks to discuss some ideas and a possible collaboration on a smaller project. However my interaction may have changed, I guess it did not put him off from confirming that we’ll meet for that appointment.

Anyway, not yet sure what my take is/will be on how I’m communicating. I’ll keep paying attention in that area. My intention is to benefit those with whom I interact. If that is happening, then I’ll be cool with whatever changes happen.

[Malkuth]

Day 17: Monday May 18 2020

12:12 pm. (for the record, I’ve been seeing countless repeating numbers. I just accept it and move on. Sometimes I take photos to remind myself.)

Last night, I simply did not fall asleep. I’m a very light sleeper most of the time. I ended up staying up until 6:00 AM (or was it 7?). and then just doing meditation with Stark Q Terminus. since I was up anyway.

Will try to integrate more physical exercise to facilitate sleeping.

Today’s meditation: normal. Just that due to sleep-deprivation, time stretched. 60 minutes felt about 10 minutes longer.

[Malkuth]

Day 18: Monday May 19 2020

After the previous night of not sleeping at all, last night was a ‘head hits pillow then it’s morning’ situation.

Meditation 6:30 AM to 7:30 AM

3-Part Breathing and Stark Q Terminus

prior to sitting down on the meditation cushion, I offhandedly glimpsed an e-mail related to college alumni/class reunion sorts of matters. There had been a virtual gathering of people of the same graduating class.

Interestingly, and not surprisingly, I think, thoughts and reflections of the past, of college years, etc., swam through my awareness during the meditation session. Also, whereas yesterday’s meditation session felt 10 or 15 minutes longer than an hour; today’s felt 5 or 10 minutes shorter.

Mood after session: calm, quiet, comfortable. Yet, also, a sense of not wanting to be disturbed. Family member came and began talking to me about matters as I sat. At first, it felt pleasant, then I felt like, ‘enough. quiet now.’. Haha. but that’s me, not just the subliminal.

Now, I prepare to begin another day of working through this hill of tasks that currently need to be completed.

[Malkuth]

Day 19: Wednesday May 20 2020

Another early meditation. 4:15 AM to 5:15 AM.

3-part Breathing. Stark Q Terminus.

Felt like brainwaves were in the ordinary waking consciousness range of the spectrum throughout most of the meditation. I know though that objective measurement indicates that subjective reports of the depth or quality of meditation sessions often do not match up with what is measured.

Either way, waking consciousness works fine for me. It’s about presence.

Other than that. Just grateful for another day of practice.

10:36 AM. Going to start work tasks now, and also start my daily playlist.

[Malkuth]

Day 20: Thursday May 21 2020

Just for continuity.

Nothing unusual to report. Going forward, now that I’ve reported about three weeks of practices, I’ll only write if I have something specific to describe.

I’m happy with Stark Q Terminus. It came out of nowhere and just became a centrally important part of my stack. I feel that it’s compensating for and supercharging the other titles in my playlist. And it has impressive range and versatility.

The Terminus strength level seems to be right for me. Maybe because I can be a bit skeptical and/or clueless about how change is happening and Terminus is obvious enough for me to easily notice the effects.

(Oh, just noticed, I’m actually on the playlist loop of Stark Terminus right now. Did the meditation version this morning. This one is the 2nd and final one of the day.)

My overall playlist may be maxed out. There is a lot of overlap between my titles, but there are also a lot of titles. I guess that the potency of Terminus allows it to be the kind of harmonizing flavor of the blend. (It does feel like mixing coffees.)

Stark Ecstasy of Gold Emperor - Those are the central triad. They seem to be playing well together.

Then the supporting figures - Limitless Minds Eye Rebirth Inner Circle

And finally Aegis which is like a wall around the edge of the city keeping everything safe. I don’t necessarily get to Aegis everyday. Sometimes, I play it behind the evening story that I’m listening to with my son. That and Limitless.

It’s fun to think about how each of these characters may be contributing to the blend. But I can do that on my main journal.

[Malkuth]

Day 21: Friday May 22 2020

Meditation 7:50 AM to 8:50 AM - Stark Q Terminus, Three-Part Breathing

Noticed something interesting.

Memories and thoughts of the past have been arising as I sit in meditation with Stark Q Terminus playing. Once I paid attention to it, I realized it has been happening the whole time more or less. Or at least much of the time.

My mind is going back to key situations or experiences that I associate with problematic parts of my identity. A particular conversation with an ex-girlfriend. The experience of being awkward in a new office where I worked temporarily. A conversation with a friend at a dining hall table 28 years ago.

What tipped me off was when I noticed that at the exact moment that the subliminal ended (signaling the end of the meditation session), the flow of thoughts seemed to fade as well. Like closing a book or coming out of a dream.

so. that’s happening.

[Malkuth]

Now, about an hour after ending meditation, I just found myself feeling a kind of reverie feeling.

I think reveries just happen to people. I remember drifting into them as a kid quite a bit. And they have come from time to time over the years. I think they have influenced my taste in music and books. Certain artists probably create from that space.

This is currently playing:

It’s like a memory of an atmosphere, or a feeling. Sometimes it feels really wonderful.

Sometimes it’s like remembering just free-floating happiness without any specific situation connected to it. Trying to explain it kind of takes me out of it a bit.

It’s sort of like a gust of psychic wind. On a very comfortable day, of perfect temperature, in a peaceful place, a wind of peaceful but intense emotion/sensation/atmosphere just blows over you for a bit.

and then gradually disperses.

[Malkuth]

Peace to ‘Kuth—Stark Terminus + Golden Emperor’

I’m renaming this journal

The Terminus Meditations

I’m thinking that I’ll reserve Terminus titles for use as my meditation timers. One day with Stark. The other with Mind’s Eye.

These more powerful Terminus titles seem to fit well with the more focused and open attentional orientation typical of meditation sessions. Also, at 1-hour they are the perfect length for this use.

As for Mind’s Eye in particular, it seems like a match made in heaven to be paired with meditation practice. Maybe I’ll also designate one day per week as a non-Terminus meditation day. That might be a good day to work with superchargers instead or just no program at all sometimes.

[Malkuth]

First day meditating with Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2 as meditation timer

slight paraesthesia in left leg close to end of meditation period, nothing too bad.

feeling a bit settled right now. just physically a bit settled. grounded.

one good practice, in my opinion, is to spend a few moments each day imagining the entire cosmos. or trying to do so.

Funny how easy it is to ignore Everything

Things that are too big or too small we just ignore.

I can’t tell what the impact on my mind is at this moment. But I do have a sense of momentum, like swirling. Maybe the stimulus of the subliminal is continuing to have its effect. Likely. It’s been about 30 minutes since the meditation session finished.

[Malkuth]

Stark Q Terminus Meditation

Interestingly, thoughts went back to the past again as it played. That did not happen with Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2. (long ass name)

[Malkuth]

Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2 Meditation

Another early morning session. Something woke me up at 3:45 AM or so. Ended up meditating from about 5 AM to 6 AM. Then went back to sleep.

[dorfmeister]

I like this idea of a subliminal retreat. I’ve done a ten day Buddhist silent meditation retreat, which was an intense experience. I also know that the Monroe Institute does, I think a seven day retreat for people to be able to complete their entire Gateway Experience.

I’ve also done The Landmark Forum and a Mark Cunningham hypnosis seminar, and both of those are intended to be pretty intense.
I am already running my subs close to 24/7 so I am trying to think of how one might ramp up the experience from something like that.

[Malkuth]

Stark Q Terminus Meditation

Today was a bit unusual for two reasons.

First, I experienced Dream Recall. Not so common for me these days. But I woke up this morning with the memory of a dream. Can’t help linking that to Mind’s Eye Q Terminus, which was yesterday’s morning meditation.

The other unusual bit is just about my routine. I had 11 AM to 1 PM meetings scheduled. And I overslept. The time to do a first-thing-in-the-morning meditation would have been very tight. So I decided to do other things, and to meditate after 1 PM. Haven’t done that in a while. Nothing wrong with it though.

I’m still coming down from the intense pre-summer deadlines of the past 2-3 weeks, and so I can understand the slight shifts in my routine.

Finished today’s meditation (with Stark Q Terminus track) about a half-hour ago. Breathing pace was somewhat faster than it tends to be at 6 or 7 AM. Sometimes 108 breaths gets me to the end of the hour. This time, it got me to about 45 or 50 minutes, I think.

Noticed memories and processing of the past happening. It does indeed seem that my mind is somehow integrating past experiences. That’s interesting. But no comment.

I’ve always had numeric synchronicities. But I’ve noticed that they happen even more frequently since starting Stark Q Terminus. Sometimes I take pictures of them to note them. But those pictures really only matter to me. No one else would necessarily realize that it had been a coincidence. For all anyone else knows, I take photos every minute of the hour, and just keep the ones that make good coincidences. Anyway, it’s interesting and fun to see.

[Malkuth]

Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2 Meditation

Another great day of meditation. Today with Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2. 7:40 AM to 8:40 AM or so.

Smooth.

No need to comment much. Just feeling grateful for the opportunity to meditate with such great resources.

[Malkuth]

Stark Q Terminus Meditation

I haven’t completely decided yet whether I’ll take a non-Terminus meditation day on Sunday. It might not be necessary. I probably will. Just to stick to my original concept. And to see if it correlates with any obvious, observable changes in my mental state or process.

The practice of alternating days between Stark Q Terminus and Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2 is very smooth.

One play per day but combined with meditation.

I do notice a slight shift in my internal experiencing (i.e., mental imagery). What it feels like (again, speaking intuitively) is that there’s a specific region or space inside of my mind where vivid mental imagery happens effortlessly and constantly. Usually, my conscious attention does not comfortably find or rest in that space. And as a result, mental images feel remote and not easily accessed.

Mind’s Eye seems like it could be a) expanding that space so that it’s more easily accessed, b) guiding my attention to that space, or c) maybe both.

I do have a kind of spatial, topographical sense to how some of these things in my mind work. The mind is almost like a huge, vast and mostly dark airplane hangar. There are different features and functions associated with specific locations in that huge space. My conscious attention is like a small sphere of light moving around within that vast space. Just as with any space, certain locations in there are more familiar and accessible. But it’s always clear that there’s much, much more going on ‘off-camera’, if you will.

There was a time when I attended a full-day Holotropic Breathing workshop. Music, breathing exercises, and atmosphere were used to facilitate everyone in the room to access altered states of consciousness. For a while, in that setting, I didn’t notice much of anything happening. Then there was a moment when I sensed that the group facilitator (who was making the rounds in the room to observe the participants) stood next to my spot on the floor. I don’t know what she did. But I then felt a physical dropping sensation (as sometimes happens when you’re falling asleep). The next thing I knew I was experiencing a crystal-clear image of a room that looked like a captain’s cabin on a ship. And a very rich mahogany wood object. It did not feel mystical. Rather it felt absolutely vivid. I looked at the object for a while, just like I might have with my eyes opened. It did not disappear.

I had a few other vaguer imagery experiences that day. And then that was it. It’s never happened again. But it let me know that under certain conditions, I could access mental processes that are usually unfamiliar and remote from me.

So far, with Mind’s Eye, I’m getting a kind of distant sense of imagery experiences. Like seeing a drive-in movie theater from the highway as you drive past. That’s a lot more than I usually have. So, it’s interesting.

[Malkuth]

Mind’s Eye Q Terminus^2 Meditation

Finished meditation about 45 minutes ago. Took a break from qigong breathing. Just sat in presence with whatever arose.

At some point, past halfway point, I felt a ‘settling down’ of somewhat deeper concentration.

The effects of these tracks seem to unfold over the next 1 or 2 days after the listening session. So, now I’ll see how it impacts me over the next period of time.

[Malkuth]

Rest Day

Today is a subliminal-free day.

Today’s meditation just had to make do with the little old Cosmos-Itself.

Currently deciding between Sunday or Monday as my regular rest day.

I think I like Sundays as the rest day (hence my using that this week). On Mondays, I have about 4 hours of meetings. With an hour in the middle for lunch. That’s why I was considering it.

Truth is, though, my core stack only requires 4 hours to run. (Ecstasy of Gold Q Stage 4 (2x), Emperor Q (1x), Rebirth Q (1x), and Inner Circle (1x)

So, honestly, even with 4 hours of meetings, it probably will still be pretty easy to run my playlist.

Anyway, this journal is primarily for discussing process and progress with the two Terminus titles: Stark Q and Mind’s Eye.

I’ve been thinking of the Theravadin framework of The Progress of Insight. Essentially a topographical map of the layers one will encounter as one digs through the mind by practicing investigative attentional techniques. This is not secret stuff, a quick Google will show anyone who wants to know.

Anyway, one of the insights, or layers, or ñanas (as they’re called) is known as Fear or Terror. It’s literally a stop along the highway of Insight. And it’s one of 4 stages that are sometimes thought of as ‘Dark Night’ stages.

My point of bringing all of this up is to reflect on the inevitable ‘encounters with the dark’ that arise when we deal with the deeper layers of self and mind.

Not going to type out a big lecture on it. Just want to acknowledge it as a natural part of the process.

June 1, 2020
Stark Q Terminus Meditation

(I’ll just add this as an addendum to the previous entry since there’s not much to say today)

Nothing much to note for this. Woke up at 3:30 AM. Knew I had an early morning appointment related to son’s school, so just decided to stay up. Meditated from 5 to 6. napped for a bit. then got into the day.

[anon3072973]

Ah a fellow Stark-ME-listener. Interesting idea to meditate while listening!
Have you noticed a change in your dreams?

[Malkuth]

Ah a fellow Stark-ME-listener. Interesting idea to meditate while listening!
Have you noticed a change in your dreams?

Hey @anon3072973,

Didn’t realize we were sharing that in common. (My core stack is still Ecstasy of Gold and Emperor, but I added these two Terminus tracks because I’ve been listening to EoG and Emperor for 3 and 6 months respectively, and all 4 tracks seem mutually supportive to me. I currently only listen to Stark and Mind’s Eye during meditation).

Okay, just caught up on your latest journal.

I had one instance in which I recalled a dream. That’s major for me, because I do not usually recall dreams.

Usually, I’ll sometimes have a vague sense that I had a dream, and that’s about it. But last week I woke up with a very clear sense of one. It’s not that high on my list of priorities right now, I guess. (Sorry, Morpheus.) But I welcome them when they come.

As for the Terminus tracks in general, I have a pretty clear sense that they are doing something and that they are working at a ‘deeper’ level, possibly. As usual, I’m kind of prepared to wait a while for the seeds to grow. But these are the first tracks where I started to feel a very obvious sense of change and movement. For that reason, I’m a general fan of Terminus subliminals.

[Malkuth]

June 2, 2020
Mind’s Eye Q Terminus² Meditation

smooth comfortable session.