To make it easier to follow the diary, I’ll start inserting “Day X” headings.
I’ve started this voyage 23 days ago as a stacked program with Emperor Fitness ST4, but for a while now I’ve been only running EmpQ.
Day 20, Day 21 and Day 22
Today I’m at Day 23 (I consider my first hours of use 23 days ago as Day 0), but I want to describe the last few days since my update. As planned, I’ve been running ~3 loops of EmpQ every day during the day. If not possible using masked, I run it in ultrasonic, but for the most part we are talking about masked use.
I find that falling asleep even during a nap when I’m tired is not that easy with EmpQ. I was used to taking 20 to maximum 45 minute naps, but now I notice I am lying awake with my eyes closed for the first 20 minutes so even the longer 45 minute naps result in actually only 20 minutes sleep. That being said I wake up focused and still refreshed.
Work-wise, I’m getting used to working at home but still feel inefficient. It’s much easier to stray to other things (wasting the morning hours browsing the internet etc.) and I’m annoyed with myself for wasting so much time. At the same time, knowing that this is a job I’m leaving soon, some part of me is frustrated that I’m investing so much time in something I know I’m leaving instead of investing in the next step of my work-life. I’ll need to get to a decision on this struggle soon, but I’m happy I’m aware of this (step 1) and want to take care of this, either way.
In terms of fitness etc., even though there are numerous restrictions due to the Coronavirus situation, I find myself keeping to the training schedule nicely. Every 2 days I do a home body weight muscle training and I’ve reincorporated running in some of the days in between. I’m definitely slimming down. My girlfriend is not complaining about snoring and stopping breathing during the night as much as she used to and I feel I’m sleeping better - might be there is an improvement in my undiagnosed sleep apnea.
I’ve also noticed that my voice is coming from a deeper part of my chest instead of more from the throat, and the pitch is also a bit lower. In general I feel very centered. I like being by myself and these COVID-19 restrictions are actually playing in my favor in a way. I notice that since I’m 24/7 now with my girlfriend, I’m staying up until much later because I really feel a need for my alone time. I always liked it, but it feels even more needed right now, as I process things when by myself.
Speaking of my girlfriend, she’s on her period so very little sexual activity or interest on her part. The ball of energy feels lower than in the previous days where it was mostly cerebral, now it feels sometimes like in the beginning of running EmpQ where the energy is growing in my chest area, like an imagined ball of fire growing there. It’s not the same pressure as when it’s growing from the root below, when it feels like I NEED it and something has to release the pressure - it’s more of a lion growling deeply from the chest - wanting the action but definitely patient enough to decide when to pounce.
There haven’t been many social interactions, again, due to the virus. I’m a researcher working in the realm of microbiology (and virology), so I find myself feeling in charge of the information flow getting to my friends and family, and I’m really picking up there and taking charge of the discussions. I find it funny how people are not actively sending me messages and calling me to get my take on things that are coming out.
Lastly, the day before yesterday I slept in, and could remember the dream. It stayed very vivid for a few minutes after waking. Essentially in the dream, I was single, and for some reason I was supposed to enter a relationship with this 10/10. I kept evading her but watching her. I felt how I wanted her, but at the same time I kept evading. I think I wanted to enter the relationship on equal grounds. I wanted myself to be in better shape physically and maybe also stronger as a man so that we could have a 1vs1 relationship instead of a relationship where I’m infatuated with her but she has less respect of me because of that. At least, that’s how I think of it.
I’ve noticed I’m still staying away from a lot of junk and still eating healthier but being a bit more lax about it than at the beginning and sometimes even straying, so I want to use this as feedback and see if 1 more loop per day helps me in this regard or saps me of the energy needed to keep fighting the cravings. So I’ll try putting in 4 loops per day for the next few days.
I wonder if all the named subs have been sent out, and how this could influence this subs’ work for me.
