[STACKED] EmpQ + lowish EmpFit ST4


#1

Hey,

Recent 2 months have been soloing Emperor fitness, most of it ST1 and last few weeks ST4.

I’ll be running 3 loops of EmpFit ST4 early in the night (uptrasonic) and only EmperorQ during the day, mostly ultra but maybe 1-2 loops masked. I want to keep it at 6-7 hours a day to start, as more than that had negative effects for me when on EmpFit ST4.

Noticed the volume is much higher on the EmpQ ultrasonic when measured by Frequensee, so I might need to find a way to normalize volumes between the two tracks.

Having run an introductory 4 hours of the new EmpQ, I’m off to bed.


#2

Woke up by alarm clock at 11am, after a long 8.5 hour sleep, groggy and still tired. Wasn’t as sweaty as I’ve been waking up with EmpFit ST4 full time.

Even though I was still tired, drank some coffee and went on an awesome run. I pushed further than the amount planned and enjoyed the winter sun for a moment.

I ran EmpQ for a good 5 hours, including the masked version once while having a well deserved Saturday siesta.

I notice a mild “not taking any bullshit from you” kind of thing. Sometimes my SO gets a bit manipulative, and today I was calmly calling bull and not being sucked into the vortex. In most cases I’m already pretty stoic and well centered, but this felt possibly a bit more.

Had a J with some friends and either due to the good night’s sleep or EmpQ, it felt a bit more Euphoric than usual.

Other than that, I can’t say I currently feel too much different. I can also but say this feels heavy like running a full day of EmpFit ST4 felt. Time will tell.

Off to sleep, 3 runs of ultrasonic EmpFit ST4 and a quiet processing night before we do this again tomorrow.


#3

Well, day 3 here I guess. I ran the 3 ultrasonic cycles of EmpFit ST4 then blissful quiet. Woke up tired again this morning. Noticed a slight sore throat, and was very inefficient and tired at work. So much that I skipped my last meeting and went home early. Slept about an hour with masked EmpQ on my headphones, have been running it ultrasonic for about 5 hours since.

I’m feeling a bit of a fever, “bone”-tired and the nagging throat ache. Much less hungry. I’ll go to sleep early today with the 3 loops of EmpFit, and hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow…

I’m thinking the tiredness I’ve been feeling since I’ve started the stack might probably be due to a cold/flu, because that happens to be usually a bit before I get sick and on the first day. Let’s give it some more time and if needed I’ll adjust tomorrow.


#4

Ok, wow, I was not expecting this.

In the last update I mentioned starting to feel sick. This escalated quickly to a full week of 39 degree fever, and Strep induced tonsilitis. At a certain point it got so bad together with my existing sleep apnea, I spent 3 days/2 nights fully awake because the moment I closed my eyes my throat would block entirely and I would suffocate. Fun times. Stopped any use of subs during this feverish period.

Got on antibiotics and I’m over the hump now. Noticed that EmperorQa testing file came out in the meantime… I’ll start reintegrating subs slowly while I get healthier until I’m back where I was at (EmpQa during the day, 3 cycles of EmpFitST4 during the night).

It’s really tempting to read the other EmpQ diaries and see the effects, but that would screw up testing. I’ll hopefully have some more relevant updates in the next few days.


#5

I usually wait 24 hours before posting updates, but wanted to remark on tonight.

After listening to EmpQa ultrasonic for 4 hours yesterday + 40 minutes to the masked version, I went to sleep without any subs. Actually, went to bed with the GF. Felt like I wanted to give her a night to remember where she is the whole focus. Got her off to a crazy O. She usually needs to stop at that point, but managed to convince her to go for something new and got her off a second time. She hugged me tight and went to sleep with a large grin. Although I usually feel annoyed that she can’t reciprocate after she finishes, I just felt happy and content yesterday… Feeling like “mission accomplished”. Fell asleep in an instant.

I don’t usually dream (or at least, don’t usually remember them). The details are a bit vague, but I remember waking up at some point really giddy and laughing from a really fun dream. The setting was somewhere like a university grass knoll in the middle of a sunny day with lots of students sitting in the green, maybe a music festival, and I remember I was just being myself but a lot of girls especially were noticing me and laughing at my jokes and everyone was just having a great time.

Slept late (alarm didn’t wake me) which could still be attributed to the end of the tonsillitis. But woke up refreshed.

Started running EmpQa unmasked about 15 minutes ago and the giddy “stomache butterflies” kind of feeling is back. Let’s see what the rest of the day brings with it.


#6

After about 7 hours of ultrasonic EmpQa, I wanted to add something I’ve noticed.

I’ve been eating much healthier. I don’t have late night cravings, I’m drinking a lot less sugar and more water, don’t join in eating fries with friends when I would usually eat half the bowl. Really cool stuff. I don’t think it’s remaining effects from my illness, because I prepare and order in really good food and enjoy a healthy appetite otherwise.

The effects of this sub are making me reconsider bringing back EmpFit… I’ll give it another day or two to decide.

Sleep now, no subs.


#7

Yesterday I listened to 3-4 loops of ultrasonic and 3-4 loops of masked EmpQa. I feel I usually get more results from masked tracks but my life allows more time with the ultrasonics.

Didn’t notice much during the work day, I’m pretty relaxed nowadays because I’m leaving my stressful work to go back to more academic research. Felt centered and with a “bring it on” kind of mentality, but at the same time I wasn’t super efficient at work. I DID notice that I could much more easily look at people’s left eye without any self-conscious feelings. It felt very natural and more inquisitive for me, just looking at the person and seeing their reaction, especially with women.

Coming back home after a long day at work, I am usually very tired, but had enough energy to just drop my bag off at home and immediately go out. Didn’t feel a real need for a big dinner, and ordered a small snack (some fries and a Coke). Coke didn’t taste as good and left most of the fries, as if I knew it isn’t good for me and I need something else. From the bar a group of friends went to a dancing party which I joined. Nothing too special at the party, except for the fact that even without drinking or smoking I could just dance by myself and enjoy the movement without (again) feeling anxious or self-conscious. It usually takes me time and/or artificial help to get INTO it when going dancing with mostly total strangers.

Also, my girlfriend wanted to drink something that wasn’t available at the makeshift bar. I don’t usually like confrontations too much preferring the quiet nice way, but it felt really smooth going to the owners of the place and requesting the wine she wanted. No approach anxiety, no problem with demanding and getting what I needed for my GF. Also, noticed a girl or two checking me out from the corner of my eye, and it was easy just calmly turning around to face them and smiling. Nothing’s gonna happen as I’m in a relationship, but this doesn’t happen a lot to me and it was all very natural to me.

Back home, had sex and brought my gf off several times again. The herb helps but in the end I didn’t finish before she tapped out. Still had desire in me but as before - didn’t feel a need to finish, and went to sleep.
I’m 100% sure I had vivid dreams again tonight (remember: dreaming/remembering dreaming is VERY rare for me) + this morning, but unfortunately can’t remember what it was about other than it was again outdoors and women were involved.

Woke up relaxed and less tired than I was expecting.

With the weird food improvements and possibly better quality sleep, I feel at least some of my EmpFit goals are being met by EmpQa, which reinforces my gut feeling to SOLO it out for a while longer.


#8

Today I ran 4-5 loops of masked EmpQa and 3-4 loops of ultrasonic.

Felt very collected. Although I woke up tired, when the potential time for a nap came up I felt like working instead. Didn’t work on the most important task awaiting me, but finally addressed a task that was a long time coming and got it to the finish line.

In the evening, went to a birthday. Even though it was a day where I only eat dinner (intermittent fasting), I had to force myself to eat something as all the food was fast food and didn’t appeal to me. The Coke that I usually like almost felt disgusting and water tastes so fresh!

Back home, had some solo time. I usually spend those hours smoking, watching porn and masturbating. I had just a short smoke instead, read a few erotica stories and edged a bit, but then when I noticed the time I had no problem just stopping all, night time routine and off to sleep. Again, I’m getting a general soft but demanding feeling of desire, more radiating from the heart than from the second brain :wink:

I’m kind of curious to see if sleeping more / when I’m less tired will help me remember my dreams better, as even though I don’t remember them I get my stomach feeling like right before a big laugh. Kind of like when you and a friend want to laugh but need to stay dead serious/quiet?

Lastly, just remembered another thing. My GF is super stressed in cars when she’s not the one driving. This usually sparks comments and a critique of my driving, to which I usually respond with annoyance as I am generally known as one of the safest drivers among my friends and family. This time, the comments didn’t rouse me as much, I was seeing it as her issues and feeling Ok staying calm and stoic and not entering her emotional “warp field”. I like this.

I’m wondering what else is in store on EmpQa.


#9

So, the past two days have been… different

2 days ago:
Woke up tired, ran a good 9-10 hours of EmpQ during the day. I felt like I had very low energy and “mental” energy, couldn’t bring myself to start tasks. Went for the easy interesting ones instead of the hard and important tasks. Went home early and in general I was very “off” that day. No subs during sleep.

1 day ago:
Woke up a bit better but still very tired (even though I had a good 7-8 hours of sleep). Felt like no subs in the morning. Due to coronavirus we were sent home early to work from home. On the way back this person didn’t give me the right of way while we were merging and I noticed one of the biggest adrenaline rushes of anger I remember having. I could hear my heart-rate and my whole body felt warm and pumped like crazy, I almost stepped out of the car to call her out. As fast as it came, the feeling went away, so I enjoyed a nap once I arrived safely home. My best sub work happens when listening to masked while napping. Woke up refreshed after 45 minutes and put the ultrasonics on my phone while watching TV. Didn’t feel energy regarding work and decided to “do it tomorrow” and take the rest of the day off. Once that was decided I started feeling very turned on, sexually. Unfortunately the GF wasn’t in the same state of mind. The feeling stayed on for a good 3-4 hours, like a bubble of sexual heat in my chest. I also felt very giddy again, like at the beginning of EmpQ. As the day wore on and I was exposed to more ultrasonic, I got more and more lethargic and disconnected. Later at night, had some sex that was meh for me but apparently awesome for the GF.

I’m starting to feel less is more with this one. On one hand you get that giddy and sometimes sexual energy high which causes you to want to listen some more, but this might be misleading as I feel the sub really grinds me down and this would explain the loss of energy. I think I’ll try taking tomorrow off and maybe also today keep it only to a nap-time masked loop or max 2.


#10

So, yesterday went as planned, at least subliminally - woke up ok but after some surprise wake up sex by my girlfriend I was tired and flat for most of the day. Excused myself from a family event of her side, she got annoyed but I reminded her she previously said it would be OK for me to skip it as she only informed me of this the night before. At this point she usually makes a hurt face and leaves and I feel bad about it, but what I now see as emotional manipulations didn’t work and I felt all right resting and just being by myself.

In the evening we went to have dinner with some friends. Still felt somewhat phased-out and disconnected but still managed to have fun and laughs with the friends.

So this was a whole day without any EmpQ.

Then yesterday, I woke up much more refreshed and almost remembering a dream. Still somewhat in resting mode, I decided to only use 1 loop of masked during nap. Woke up a bit dreamy or in a sort of haze. Met a friend but no high energies there, so we went back home.

The news got me a bit preoccupied with the Coronavirus situation and how it’s advancing. I’m usually mostly logical, stoic and objective, but really felt it when the number of fatalities was listed from around the world. This got me in a very introspective mood. Had my first workout since getting sick and went to sleep early.

This morning I woke up feeling much more refreshed but although I had some work to do it took a lot of energy to initiate. Also, really felt yesterday’s workout with some sore core muscles, but sexual energy felt good and maybe even above average.

Today I went back to 3-4 full masked loops, as I’m going back gradually. First loop got me buzzing a bit with energy but subsequent loops didn’t add much. My girlfriend went to sleep early so I had some time to myself. A bit of porn / erotica but like last time I was on EmpQ I didn’t feel the need to finish. I think I know I’m more filled with energy when I don’t “get it done”, which leaves me with more initiative and drive the next day, so it felt natural to stop and do the right thing in the long run. Also, although I had the munchies it was very easy to ignore the craving and only pick up a carrot instead of gorging myself on some ice cream the missus bought.

Gonna sleep sublimitless, and go back to my regular amount of sub tomorrow.


#11

So, another 2-3 days of EmpQ.

2 days ago, went back to 3-4 loops of masked and 2-3 hours of ultrasonic.
Due to the Coronavirus situation, people all around are stressed, and so was I… Felt a bit numb all over in terms of energy. Flat. Could also be because of more EmpQ, as it feels similar to how I felt before the break. Nothing interesting to tell of that day, not at all productive at work but this could also be because of being preoccupied. I decided to keep with it and not take another break, might try to “break through” the emotional barrier.

Yesterday, put on 3 hours of masked. Felt OK, didn’t feel tired so I didn’t need the usual midday nap, but at the same time felt out of “drive”. Something surprising happened. A girl friend of mine suddenly decided to send me a bunch of awesome cupcakes with a note, saying she wanted to send me some good vibes. Never had something like that happen by someone I’m not in a romantic relationship with. I got super happy from this and really appreciated this, and told her so. My girlfriend didn’t like it, and later in the day mentioned this in front of friends, calling my friend out and how that’s a weird move. This made me sad that she couldn’t appreciate a friendly move like that.
Called work and took the second half of the day off due to the low energy. In the evening, we met with our neighbors, keeping a safe distance. The husband had his 40th birthday and due to the restrictions nobody could come to his birthday.
When both my GF and I drink it usually ends in some fun in the sheets, so I knew what was coming later in the night. I wanted it, but instead of the regular fire of need, it was a much colder more… cerebral want. Like it didn’t come from the base but from the mind, only. Put on a loop of ultrasonic SMx2 to maybe get more into the groove and have some awesome sex. It ended up being more of me getting my GF off to the point of tears, but when she didn’t want to keep going afterwards I was OK with it, numb, and just wanted to have some lone reading time and go to bed.

Today, when I woke up, the situation was better. Had more energy and got into the work early. Again I didn’t need any nap. Put on 3 loops of masked EmpQ and dove in, while handling 6-7 parallel WhatsApp chats - the current social norm as there is no meeting of friends and family.
At some point, I understood that a certain work task was much bigger than I thought and nearly impossible to make the deadline, but more than in the past I felt cool about it and just rationally chose the best possible course of action, resulting in a small breakthrough that might still make it possible.
Had 0 libido though, and got into a big argument with my girlfriend about how she was not taking the coronavirus instructions seriously and not understanding the implications of her actions. I didn’t budge an inch, felt totally justified and was very assertive even though she wanted to end the discussion multiple times, and got my way in keeping the discussion going until I got my point through. Then went back to work without the usual “let’s talk about this” to make her feel good. Surprisingly, and that’s unusual for her, she was all OK later with even some smiles for the rest of the evening.

I think 2-3 loops are a good spot for me between feeling like a zombie and not feeling it at all. It will probably progress slower, but maybe the affirmations will sink deeper and feeling a bit better will help make the process be more pleasant.

Physically, I had another training day and had a good workout. Muscles aren’t sore anymore :grin:

I’m missing the first few days of buzzing energy and drive, I hope that comes back at some point.


#12

To make it easier to follow the diary, I’ll start inserting “Day X” headings.
I’ve started this voyage 23 days ago as a stacked program with Emperor Fitness ST4, but for a while now I’ve been only running EmpQ.

Day 20, Day 21 and Day 22
Today I’m at Day 23 (I consider my first hours of use 23 days ago as Day 0), but I want to describe the last few days since my update. As planned, I’ve been running ~3 loops of EmpQ every day during the day. If not possible using masked, I run it in ultrasonic, but for the most part we are talking about masked use.

I find that falling asleep even during a nap when I’m tired is not that easy with EmpQ. I was used to taking 20 to maximum 45 minute naps, but now I notice I am lying awake with my eyes closed for the first 20 minutes so even the longer 45 minute naps result in actually only 20 minutes sleep. That being said I wake up focused and still refreshed.

Work-wise, I’m getting used to working at home but still feel inefficient. It’s much easier to stray to other things (wasting the morning hours browsing the internet etc.) and I’m annoyed with myself for wasting so much time. At the same time, knowing that this is a job I’m leaving soon, some part of me is frustrated that I’m investing so much time in something I know I’m leaving instead of investing in the next step of my work-life. I’ll need to get to a decision on this struggle soon, but I’m happy I’m aware of this (step 1) and want to take care of this, either way.

In terms of fitness etc., even though there are numerous restrictions due to the Coronavirus situation, I find myself keeping to the training schedule nicely. Every 2 days I do a home body weight muscle training and I’ve reincorporated running in some of the days in between. I’m definitely slimming down. My girlfriend is not complaining about snoring and stopping breathing during the night as much as she used to and I feel I’m sleeping better - might be there is an improvement in my undiagnosed sleep apnea.

I’ve also noticed that my voice is coming from a deeper part of my chest instead of more from the throat, and the pitch is also a bit lower. In general I feel very centered. I like being by myself and these COVID-19 restrictions are actually playing in my favor in a way. I notice that since I’m 24/7 now with my girlfriend, I’m staying up until much later because I really feel a need for my alone time. I always liked it, but it feels even more needed right now, as I process things when by myself.

Speaking of my girlfriend, she’s on her period so very little sexual activity or interest on her part. The ball of energy feels lower than in the previous days where it was mostly cerebral, now it feels sometimes like in the beginning of running EmpQ where the energy is growing in my chest area, like an imagined ball of fire growing there. It’s not the same pressure as when it’s growing from the root below, when it feels like I NEED it and something has to release the pressure - it’s more of a lion growling deeply from the chest - wanting the action but definitely patient enough to decide when to pounce.

There haven’t been many social interactions, again, due to the virus. I’m a researcher working in the realm of microbiology (and virology), so I find myself feeling in charge of the information flow getting to my friends and family, and I’m really picking up there and taking charge of the discussions. I find it funny how people are not actively sending me messages and calling me to get my take on things that are coming out.

Lastly, the day before yesterday I slept in, and could remember the dream. It stayed very vivid for a few minutes after waking. Essentially in the dream, I was single, and for some reason I was supposed to enter a relationship with this 10/10. I kept evading her but watching her. I felt how I wanted her, but at the same time I kept evading. I think I wanted to enter the relationship on equal grounds. I wanted myself to be in better shape physically and maybe also stronger as a man so that we could have a 1vs1 relationship instead of a relationship where I’m infatuated with her but she has less respect of me because of that. At least, that’s how I think of it.

I’ve noticed I’m still staying away from a lot of junk and still eating healthier but being a bit more lax about it than at the beginning and sometimes even straying, so I want to use this as feedback and see if 1 more loop per day helps me in this regard or saps me of the energy needed to keep fighting the cravings. So I’ll try putting in 4 loops per day for the next few days.

I wonder if all the named subs have been sent out, and how this could influence this subs’ work for me.


#13

I’ve been at 4-4.5 loops of masked EmpQ in the last days.

Day 23 and Day 24
Not much to report from these days… Upping the dose brought me closer to the IDGAF feeling to the point of low drive energy. Nothing is important kind of feeling, at least when it comes to work and relationships. Decided to keep pushing through and see if something moves. I went to sleep a bit earlier on Day 24 to help with it.

Day 25
Woke up still tired. I noticed I’m much more annoyed from what are stupid decisions in my opinion by my boss. As I mentioned before, I’m in the process of leaving the company so on one level I shouldn’t care and it’s my replacement’s problem. On the other hand, I built that department and the decisions my boss is making are irresponsible. I get really upset about this, maybe something to do with someone hurting my “empire”. I confronted my boss directly on a video conference call, later wrote my boss and my replacement e-mails explaining why what the boss is doing has no logic to it versus how we are doing things currently. I got a placating e-mail back, but didn’t budge and kept with my line knowing that I’m right about these points.

Another thing I noticed is that I’m finding a lot less pleasure in porn and smoking. I know these things just waste my time so I think this is where the feeling is coming from. It’s not that my libido is wrecked, actually, I find myself noticing and appreciating curvy women even more than before. The amount of porn and smoking has been steadily declining. Yesterday night I did want to “get off” and watched some porn, but after a few videos I just got disinterested and went to bed.

Training is up and healthy food choices are back - I just don’t feel a need for sweets so much anymore. Even started stretches etc. to improve posture. I can definitely see a difference with my body and hope this continues.

What I’m currently missing from this sub is the increase in productivity and moving stuff forward in terms of my work, I still find myself needing to collect enough energy to start, but once I start I can usually work through for hours.


#14

Day 26-30
I’ve kept up the moderately higher amount of EmpQ and as I expected the side effects of lethargy and zero drive in a lot of fields (work, sex, self improvement, even a bit fitness) have increased.

I’ve decided because of that to push through and Day 29 and Day 30 I’ve gone back down to 3, so I hopefully get some of that energy back while still progressing internally. The feeling is pessimistic that something is happening, but I’m putting that on reconciliation and being stuck at home 24/7 with no alone time at all.

On a negative note, I’ve been having a lot more arguments with my GF. One (corona related) caused her to shut off communication for 24hrs, which was followed by a good frank discussion ending in meh make up sex. Then today another explosion. In both cases I feel kind of numb about it. I think in both cases it was an irrational and “weak” decision to blow things up based on very minor things, and I feel I have less respect towards her because of it instead of feeling bad, which is why I don’t feel any need to ask for forgiveness. I’m feeling more annoyed by her excessive drama.

On a more positive note, even though I had zero drive and my GF and I had very little OK time with other, we managed to finish two big house related projects which had been waiting in one case for 3 years! So I’m proud of that at least.