Spectre - a journal

Journals - Major Programs
#40

I feel very popular and I’m not doing anything special. My words and messages have bigger impact at work and get more responses. Like people take my word more seriously.

Realized my bulking is not fully aligned, I’m forcing it instead of being someone who is embodying training hard and therefore naturally more hungry and eating more. Aligned action! Slowly I’ll gain weight effortlessly.

So

Train harder, my body will crave food and sleep to recover, ez. Listen to the body.

Listened to
00:15 - Wanted
00:15 - Spartan apex warrior

Listen to the body.

I look sexier and more fit. I need to tell it we want to get bigger dawg.

Gainz!

2 Likes
#41

Focus in the gym peak! Squats, standing press and deadlift!

peak physical perfection

improve your raw strength

raw strength output for lifting weights, enhancing day-to-day functional strength

improved recovery time

Anyway, came home after gym, made some barbarian food and about to eat it up. Chicken skin and all.

2 Likes
#42

Recon around ease, enjoyment and relaxation. Things causing friction in my life or take me out off those things. It’s a test I guess so I can practice chilling and nonchalance but also set boundaries for others and also for myself. Don’t take peoples bs seriously. View it like children drama. This brings this into mind Challenges, provocations, or shifting dynamics no longer pull you off balance, from Stormless Depths.

Mirror king is going hard. Catch myself looking into the mirror often. Every time there’s a mirror or reflection lol. More power, less doubt, each time.

2 Likes
#43

Walking around like a warrior with a Johnson kettlebell piercing. :rofl: grounded, present, fearless.

Veins have been popping since Friday.

1 Like
#44

Just two subs added and the complexity is increased. The recon a bit harder to understand.

It’s interesting how things were so much clearer with one sub for me.

One things clear, we need to do some cleaning, organising and prioritisation. That’s the next step.

—
Relaxation continues, increased awareness and then release of tension in the body and mind.

  • Light playful banter at work with multiple female colleagues. Confidence and relaxation top notch!
  • Successful facilitation of a AI lunch seminar.
  • I feel popular and busy and don’t have time to second guess or ruminate on bs. Living life dude. I love this. In the field you just execute, in the Batman cave, you reflect. So efficient, so effective. Good job lads at SC.
  • My biceps and upper arms look thicker! Veins popping in the whole arm. Focus man, even the SC forums feel like a distraction to my gainZ. I love it though.
  • My elbow feel better.
3 Likes
#45

Saving this for further refinement in the future.

I’m staying on Wanted/Spartan for now until things have settled again. As I said before, adding a second sub made the reflection a bit muddier and created a bit of disruption. The physical shifting on top and the need for better recovery didn’t help either.

Lower the exposure. Space out the subs (don’t run them on same day. Keep working out but most importantly rest/recover. Stabilise. Then we reevaluate.

—

  • Girl at work looked like she gave me deer in the headlights look really long. It was insanely long. Lol never been so obvious for me. Anyway I’m very aware of this and will make sure to not create any office drama. I just find it interesting to notice.
  • Another girl was staring as well sitting in the sofa group.
  • Made people and girls laugh multiple times in the office.
  • I feel like I look really good
  • feel like I’m on a psychedelic when I look in the mirror. Not that I’m high or anything, but I get locked in lol I’m beautiful.
3 Likes
#46

Further refinement have been done.

A Stark + IG name embedded have been ordered.

At least things are always fun with me. lol always changing

2 Likes
#47

Yesterday was a fun and stressful day at the office.

  • I’m now temporary tech lead, got a huge onboarding and leftovers from the tech lead. New experience, new discomfort and hopefully growth.
  • Got told by two colleagues that’s it’s impossible to hate me. I’m not looking to much into it, I’m just interested in having a wide range of friends both girls and guys. I just want to be attractive not necessarily get sexual validation. But it’s an IOI nonetheless in my book. Being likeable is good. Anyway, I think this is the wanted healing. Like I hear ya, but I don’t yet believe ya.
  • Laughters were shared
  • Hit the gym, there were too much squat butts. Lol can’t a man be left alone to retain and transmute? Anyway, that got transmuted into good sets of squats, presses and deadlifts.
  • I think I am some junior employees crush. But that could just be my delusional self-confidence. Who cares.
  • I’m at 82-83.5 kg now. Which is nice, but I’m worried it’s not as clean bulk as I would like. :man_shrugging:
  • dub techno seems to be a new jam for me
3 Likes
#48

I need to be mindful of what’s on my plate and and not add more. Don’t bite more than you can chew.

Because of imposter syndrome I take on more. Because of insecurity I compensate by taking on more. It’s life body dysmorphia but self-esteem. Lol

Still feeling sexier.

Today I grocery shopped for meal prepping for 6 days lunch/dinner. To keep the bulk going ~

2 Likes
#49

Perhaps I was reconciling imposter syndrome and low self-worth on W in relation to work.

The imposter syndrome / low self-worth ”won” because I ended up ordering StaRK/IG. That’s like working overtime unpaid because of imposter syndrome.

F

1 Like
#50

Name embedded is here, giving it a spin tonight.

Stark/IG: UPX - 00:15

  • Lots of subtle stares or catching female coworkers pinging my direction multiple times. I’m just standing there waiting for the coffee machine to give me the stuff.
  • feeling like I’m half man half amazing. God I love looking in the mirror lol
  • On my first day as tech lead we had 3 very important integrations break down, and we have two new big integrations to build which I’m also lead in one and second lead in another. Also the big integration incident that the tech lead on sick leave left on my plate. Everyone acknowledged that ”wow, what a tough first day as tech lead”. I’m thinking to myself this challenge will be my stepping stone and I will definitely step onto it and do my best. I hope I get rewarded for this, I do it because my work has meaning to me, but let’s be real, it sucks sometimes to see someone getting all the rewards when you’re just as heavy contributor to the success.
  • 2,5 incidents handled swiftly, 1,5 left I’m also working on optimising a process that caused one of the incidents. Aiming to improve performance by whooping 90% and remove the risk of it happening again.
3 Likes
#51

The intense first week. Now on top of that the creepy guy is hoping in my project. Lol

Interestingly after the frustration halts down to rest I realized this all is opportunity to refine myself. Through the crucible of life, the good and the bad. I subtly appreciate this challenge. Now I gotta perform while having creeps on my team.

First of all accepting that I don’t fucking like this guy and that’s ok.

Also accepting I’m not responsible for everybody’s misery. Eye on the mission.

Also if he steps out of line, call it out.

  • 3 incidents closed. :ok_hand:
  • Up 3.7 kg, that’s unnecessary fat no? We’ll have to adopt our calories next week. I’m aiming for 1-1.5 kg a month.
  • 00:15, Wanted & Spartan Apex Warlord
2 Likes
#52

Immediately the first week with IG in the mix:

Notice immediately the desire to solve software engineering problems. Like I don’t care if I don’t get paid. Lol an obsession. Gotta make sure I’m grounded and don’t lose the big picture and prioritise. Like last time, but at the time I thought it was emperors strong work ethic.

1 Like
#53

A shadow appears. Fierce competition, at all costs. For example, sacrificing sleep for the win.

I think this a innate part of me that gets amplified with Spartan.

I’m ashamed of it but at the same time in awe of that immense force. Ashamed because of how its relentless, like a stubborn child. In awe, because its main character energy.

Moving forward in my fitness goals
Moving forward in my career goals

Moved up to 30 sec

  • Spartan
  • Wanted
  • Stark/IG

Tech lead weeks are up, been really busy lately. Work, gym, family, gaming, nothing else.

2 Likes
#54

Hitting the gym

30 sec brought alot of recon. It’s ok, it’s workable, but tough. I’m staying.

  • Finished a AI way of working document.
  • got good feedback during retrospective about the weeks being tech lead
  • Getting thick lol, bulking going good, too fast though, hopefully it stabilises once I make progress in the linear program I’m following
1 Like
#55

I don’t know, I’ve gained weight but my abs look thicker, so it’s not that they got covered with fat and can’t be seen. Also my arms are bigger and chest is bigger and veins still popping.

Perhaps the weight went to my buttcheeks lol

1 Like
#56

Movember is in a day or two. I feel the desire to run a badass sub like Khan.

1 Like
#57

Stache’ looking good.

Did a am gym session, felt great. Much better in the morning for me. Will try to make it a habit!

Looking sexy, mirror mirror. That’s what the mirror tells me.

lol i did it again. Posting about stache in the ig thread lol

1 Like
#58
#59
  • I had lunch with my boss, boss. Talking about Halloween! Lol this is unusual and I was pretty chill about it.
  • Handled another incident. It seems the tech lead is looking to me for advice and support. That’s interesting, perhaps I proved myself awesome as a tech lead.
  • Watched a great movie, Hit Man.
  • I love reading people getting destroyed by Khan lol listen, it’s a end game title! Be humble!
  • Been working with a new tool that analysed my CV and started to put in 10-20 minutes a day working with it and improving my CV and now it’s finally out of mid yellow to green. It’s a spectrum so I’ll work on getting it more green :+1:
  • Listening to Wanted, Stark/IG and Spartan.
4 Likes