Spectre - a journal

Journals - Major Programs
#8

It’s integration day 🫡

Listening to old Italian film scores lately. New phase, new genre. Life’s like a movie I guess.

Jesus I’ve started to get really good at seeing results, especially internal and understanding myself better. Today was about fun and been reflecting on it today and I know Wanted has that in the copy. So it’s definitely working.

It started with this thought:

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve forgotten what fun is or how to have fun. Sometimes I also wonder what that thought is because of other people’s expectation of how i should be or their definition of what fun is that i don’t subscribe to, past or present

It hits on a really subtle and frustrating form of thing: the pressure to perform enjoyment.

Social media and culture focuses heavily on a very specific, high-energy version of fun. You know partying, travel, constant social gathering, novel experiences, photo-worthy activities, always laughing and smiling.

A new sentence emerges: fun is perhaps ”frictionless absorption”?

You lose track of time, stop judging yourself, and aren’t trying to achieve anything productive

Anyway I’m going to reflect on this heavily in my offline journal.

Another thing that has been keeping me reconning is: being wanted is not mutually exclusive. It’s basically like this with any goal. You think you want truly everyone to want you. Then you get attention and ”self-sabotage”. Ask yourself what the fear or payoff is if you’re stuck. You’re probably having a foot on the break somewhere.

Like, I want money so bad. But you have a subconscious block based on ”rich people are cheap and boring” or ”my poor friends will depend on me and I just don’t want to take that conflict and set that boundary”.

In my case it’s ”being wanted means I won’t fit corporate life or be a bad parent and father”.

Funny thing is, the perfect documentary manifested showing me a person that is cool, wanted, a sex symbol yet also a super good partner and dad. Boom! NSE, yet again!

Anyway, it’s a bs limiting belief because being wanted is not mutually exclusive like that.

How do we integrate these two points with regards to fun and wanted yet a great father and partner? Or is the chain already breaking and we just have to keep our eye on it coming back in a more subtle form?

Anyway, I’m super excited.

Today I had my skin care routine done and did some dynamic exercises on my pomodoro breaks. Starting small until I’m fully recovered and can hit the gym.

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#9

External things I noticed today:

  • Got boss to take action on getting our customer on board with AI assisted product engineering.

  • A person refused to do what we agreed on for sending them to a IT conference. I wrote a balanced message we could send them and list of things we learned from this experience for next time without causing any drama. My colleagues agreed and sent him the exact message CTRL+C and CTRL+V. The communication skills in Wanted blooming.

  • Very confident writing and communicating with customers. Usually I always have to double check with colleagues because of imposter syndrome. But fuck it. We’re gonna learn for ourselves so other people will depend on us in the future.

  • Ate bolognese but skipped the pasta. Lol Feels like a lesser evil perhaps. But really want to make small better choices that compound over time instead of turning my life around 360 in a day. Inspired, aligned action.

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#10

Stuff for my yesterday:

  • Worked from home after a morning walk in the sun.
  • More reflection around fun and authenticity.
  • So I have a new hypothesis. People who start with one sub in their journey and stay with it for a while end up growing faster overall. This is the first time I’m only running one sub and the insights are great and it’s easier to tell what it’s doing what. I can clearly see the connection to the sub goals and results. Lol I’m only running one sub. Anyway, we’ll see. I am feeling confident and excited for this journey so far.
  • Back below 80kg. The physical shifting is no joke. But I really need to build muscles dude. Also bought some nice supplements.
  • My gf had a great interview and they calling in her to the office to join for a breakfast meeting and a even a meeting with a customer to them.
  • I so clearly set a boundary today. Like all the way from reflecting on what is troublesome, then to formulate that clearly without drama to a friend group and boom. I thought hell would break loose, but nope not a word, just ”deal”.
  • Made plans with a female friend to run a half marathon in a years time. This a perfect opportunity to connect with a female friend I rarely hang out with and also connected to being fit and the physical shifting. Balanced health with both cardio and most importantly lifting weights.
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#11

interesting hypothesis. I think there was like one month in my journey in which I run solo Emperor for about a month. It was extremely productive compared to 2 or 3 subs

the desire to run more is just too strong :cry:

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#12

Nice, something further exploring then. A interesting hypothesis.

Yes, it’s hard I agree. One because why not run 3 if you are allowed according to the recommendations?

But it’s interesting if there’s a correlation between long term success with subs or not.

This point in the guide clicks with my current experience

Three titles is advanced territory and should only be attempted once you understand how your mind responds to Zero Point.

Like you understand the interaction between you and the subs. I don’t know, it’s just a hypothesis in exploring.

Things are just clearer. And it’s pretty easier to connect the recon to one title. Like I imagine you reconcile one sub and your reality or beliefs. But imagine with two subs you might also need to reconcile the difference between the two subs. Then it’s just a jungle of reconciliation and it makes it harder to see clearly what the two is going on.

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#13

check this post out Business and finances on Khan - #27 by Simon

I think it’s true

but then again, what if the subs you choose are synergistic and both focused on one goal? Like my Mogul + RICH stack.

shouldn’t a stack like that provide deeper integration and more rapid and consistent results?

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#14

Will check it out.

Sure, but generally when Saint comments on running similar modules or cores and the common question of redundancy, (imo) we learn that titles drive at the same thing sometimes from different perspectives. Those perspectives might need be to be reconciled and merged with your goals and current circumstance. I view it like it perhaps it surely increase the complexity to integrate. But surely it’s easier than integrating say those two subs and wanted in the same stack. Theres plenty of success people doing that and the advice is usually make sure you know what you want out of the combo/fusion and use conscious guidance.

I’m just theorising it makes it harder and perhaps I should start with one sub for a while and then add another. Because since my journey started I’ve always had 3 subs. While reading people’s journeys I see a pattern of people that stand out usually start with one.

Part of the theory is that starting with one, you learn ”running subliminal”-skills that you then can use to further expand your self-mastery and running subs if you start with one, my hypothesis.

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#15

Great post, I’ve read it before I realized now. Makes total sense.

#16

Interesting take, can’t really comment much because I don’t have enough knowledge here but it does make sense

I’ll consider doing a solo run some time in the future

do you have any planned duration for solo-ing Wanted right now?

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#17

It’s just a hypothesis and we’re all different. A month from now I might read it and think ”wow, that’s stupid lol”. Thanks for the discussion though.

I’m thinking I will run it solo for as long as I can manage. We’ll see how that goes lol. I’ve learned I say I’m going to do something for x long but then I switch. I’m starting to believe skadoosh ideas around (paraphrasing) ” after 3 months you’re different from the guy that started, different perspective”, so I feel it was naive to think I’ll want the same after a cycle or more.

I’m thinking for now I minimise the factors and can learn about myself and how ONE sub affects me and take those lessons with me to future runs and might make running multiple subs a little bit easier and understanding the recon better.

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#18

literally me lmao

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#19

Wooooord!

Instead of faking it till you make it, align it till you don’t need to much effort to maintain it.

2 Likes
#20

Real spill playa

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#21

any time you are around women, talking to women, seducing women or being intimate with a woman (or multiple, this is WANTED after all), you are easily and naturally being healed of the things holding you back from flourishing as a master seducer, with nearly zero energetic load or overall subconscious impact – allowing for full execution of the auric scripting and physical shifting.

Interesting today we had a discussion around if guys can be friends with girls. Girls literally saying they find guys who have female friends are so attractive. So why wouldn’t you have platonic female friends? It’s just a limiting belief and sprinkle of ”lack of abundance”.

Past blunders or ”douche” moves or whatever, mistakes I’ve made came up in conversation and I was nonchalant. Acknowledging it openly but like it’s no big deal. I’m human and life is a big fat lesson. It’s weird to find this weird or trying to shame me for it. From the copy: ”…emotional control scripting ensures you never slip up in a way that makes you lose attraction…” also ”… accept your own flaws…”. Hell yeah.

One thing is clear currently ”Living pulse” is working overtime.

  • Reflecting on fun
  • Taking a moment to assess everything I do in relation to my moods and fun. Some things you just gotta do even if they are boring. But other things I’m not obliged to do. I’m a free man in the pursuit of happiness.
  • Excited for WoW+ aka WoW: Forever.

Currently I’m in love with Wanted and the wanted archetype and the way it’s changing me. Perhaps it’s a match made in heaven. Complex. Dynamic. Very interesting. I want to explore this dance between the input (sub) and the reaction I experience within and without.

It’s funny I ran this for female attention but I’m slowly turning into a dude locked in to his purpose and self-amusement. :ok_hand: which is no shocker to me only running one sub. That kinda feels like a prerequisite of being a wanted man. I see it clearly. I’m sure it’s also going to make surrounded by woman and enjoying their company and the connection without any need for validation. I’m too busy living my life and enjoying the fruits of my labour!

No need to ”make any moves” or trigger anything, I’m just chilling and connecting. It reminds of back in the days when I used to read game and go out and then just went ”natural” and wasn’t doing anything special yet got results and buddies who did game was like trying to analyse what I did (tactics, lines etc), they thought I was doing something they called ninja game, but I wasn’t doing anything. I was just acting a fool and chatting people up. So I feel like wanted is taking back to that natural style I had mindset and continuing the journey.

I’m reading the WB thread and I see clearly why it’s a complex sub and misunderstood. Invictus saying (paraphrasing) ”it goes hard when you stop chasing results and seduce yourself”. It makes so much sense.

Researched weight lifting programs and will start hitting the gym tomorrow after work. It’s basically a mix of starting strength and 5x5. Do that for a couple months, carefully while my elbow heals, and some cardio.

4 Likes
#22

Very tired today and very hungry today (physical shifting?). I just want to chill.

Headed to a restaurant today and I feel so confident and sexy though. Checking myself in the mirror more often. Anyway, I caught a cute girl staring and smiling at me (holding eye contact) in the restaurant.

I will make sure to spend the end of the day with some journaling. I feel I need a free flow writing dump.

Pack my work laptop and gym clothes for tomorrow.

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#23

15 sec of Wanted

My dumbass forgot the gym clothes so I’m going to follow some body weight YouTube workout when I get home.

Realized I’m still reconciling ”performed enjoyment” and this thing is not complete yet. Absolutely, we’ll work through it. More specifically, ”Without trying to impress, you simply enjoy yourself—and that, in turn, draws others in.” straight from the copy. lol it’s insane to me how clear it is with one title. Now how to explore this? I guess just journal.

My tech lead at work keeps on offboarding stuff in his plate to me. It looks like it’s going to happen, I’ll be tech lead for a short while. Good experience.

Baddies everywhere.

Had a session with my naprapath today. The inflammation’s down. Told be to keep at it. Looks bright for my lifting iron future.

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#24

Been loving you journey so far and you’re in for quite the experience with WANTED

I have a recommendation that helped me when I was working on my knees and elbows

Look into kneeovertoesguy on YouTube.

The main idea idea is to apply slow unpainful tension repeatedly to the connective tissue to signal the body for repair/regeneration.

Worked superbly for me when I was going through my rehabilitation.

1 Like
#25

Nice thanks. My naprapath suggested similar stuff. Will check it out 🫡

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#26

  • Had a great meeting with two customers and then sync with my boss and she is super pleased with my meeting and said ”I can fully trust you with all meetings and customers.”

  • Got my supplements delivered. Vitamins, creatine, omega 3 and vitamin D. Keeping it simple. I already have protein, matter of fact had some for lunch as my lunch was tiny.

  • Felt a bit distracted at work. I’m unusually chill about it though (nonchalant?). I think I’m still reconciling some stuff. General anxiety, pinpointed due to having so much abundance in life and hobbies I don’t know what to do, but all we can do is prioritise. But, but they’re all good stuff, so it’s fine whatever I pick as long as it’s priority. Relax.

  • I’ve had some witty jokes lately with friends.

  • Father called me, haven’t spoken with in a while. My condolences to fire. Reminds me to use the time I have with my father wisely. Burying old drama.

  • Thinking lately of running my life like I’m the CEO and making sure decisions are win win as much as possible, but rarely splitting the difference kinda. Related to self-respect, self-care and respecting my moods and needs.

  • Had a nice game session with my buddies before bedtime. Built a nice storage house for the squad in this survival game. They were in awe lol

  • My gf was pissed off at something and I was making amends but you know when someone is pissed everything you say or do just adds fire. Lol I know I can be a volcano sometimes too, but I noticed when she was in that mood I was very calm and collected. These things can sometimes turn both parties into a loop of sheer anger. But I’m cool.

  • Tomorrow we hit the gym after work.

  • Reconciling relaxation and fun. Noticing ways or things that cause unnecessary stress, suffering or are simply not fun and figuring out how to make it easier, more fun or just straight out cut it out.

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#27

Wednesday, week 2, 15s Wanted.

  • Healthy lunch choice, made some spicy eggs with black beans and onion.
  • Notice myself saying less and less overexplaining. Wow, am I mysterious, or what!? Lol
  • Still processing fun stuff and self-amusement. Learning a lot about myself and ways I self-sabotage or make things less fun or allow external things ruin the fun.
  • Got sent a cool 3D printed gadget from a friend for my coffee machine. Increased QoL.
  • Slept bad last night and that’s no fun. Planning to hit the he early tonight. Big day tomorrow too!
  • Decision to meet up with dad and I didn’t split the difference. Either meet him tomorrow or friday and he prefered thursday but I said stuck to thursday because it works much better for me.
  • Joking around with friends in whatsup group and I’ve never gotten this many laugh-emoji-reactions before lol
  • Streaming is rarely fun. Gotta keep up with chat, think of being entertaining, no viewers, I don’t have time, performance anxiety. I just want to immerse myself in the game, IDGAF. I just can’t. And that’s ok!
  • Had a passionate discussion about AI Assisted Software Engineering and how fragile it can get if people get too much wiggle room with a friend in same industry.
  • HIIT for 20min, then StartingStrength + some naprapath exercises. Let’s go. He told me not to do Military Press, but I did it anyway, felt the elbow immediately. Shesh. Will listen next time. Lol
  • Moments of realising specific things I can change to improve my QoL and fun and enjoyment.
  • I want to train like a pro, but ease it down cowboy. There’s so many small things that I can do to get more activity in my life. Lifestyle changes, like standing at work 1 hour. Do some air squats, push ups or sit ups on lunch break. Take the stairs. No need to become a gymrat over night. Discipline over motivation.