I am taking the actions in my career side. But you know it’s not the part where I could potentially take big actions. I tried before ,the result was not at all good. Honestly I don’t like myself as human anymore. I am more like an animal 
because my life rules are pretty straight.
Example
Working /studying for my career(finding a living like animal)
Destructive emotions/thoughts for a girl like a loop(trapped in a loop just like animals trapped in a cycle of hunt—>eat —> sleep—> sex do it again, I mean I don’t have a bigger perception or if I have I don’t believe in it because it didn’t go in the expected way )
I mean wtf, I am so weak that I can’t get over, it feels like a spot left in my heart
Bro my life has nothing interesting
My life is" extraordinarily boring" like an animal
After reealing all this(I shouldn’t have)- I feel a relief 