Day 19: Resting day
Nothing peculiar today.
-Felt less ‘low-energy’
-Giggled a couple of times
-Had an urge to cry one time
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Day 20:Resting day
Here is a summary of what happened to day, and all of these are in consecutive order:
1.Woke up easily. Wasn’t so low-energy. Basically, I felt ‘usual’ until 5 pm.
2.Around that time, I started to feel sublime panic and some doubts about RZP.
3.Later, at 7 PM, my throat was gripped and I started to gag for a certain amount of time. I thought that I’m going to vomit.
4. At 8 PM, felt easy pressure on both sides of my temple and let out some tears.
5.Right now, I feel a little bit more energetic and my voice feels kind of different. I dunno how to explain, more clear, I guess?
I don’t know If I need another loop for the last day.
I’m on washout from Regen and it has been even more intense and harder than when listening. I wish you the best for your washout, good luck my friend!
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Thank you!
I hope you will get through washout and receive significant results from that subliminal
Day 21: (Considering)
This day was relatively lackluster
Almost the whole day was in depressed mood and internally lamented about being a recluse. That’s it.
I still don’t know if I need to listen to another loop today.
Washout (Processing) Day 1
Didn’t listen yesterday.
Here is a summary of my day:
1.I was feeling ‘usual’ until 12 PM. Started to experience some internal panic and almost barfed.
2.The feeling of panic lasted until 6 PM. After that, it was replaced by depressive mood.
3.Shred some tears on the way home.
That’s it.
Also, I wanted to mention one observation that I hadn’t mentioned in this journal. I have a feeling that either people distance from me, or me from them. Or both.
Washout (Processing) Day 2
The day was lackluster.
Most of the day I was in easy depressed mood and even whimpered a little bit. At evening, that depressive mood disappeared and even felt kind of happy, but that feeling only lasted for a couple of minutes. Right now, I just feel as usual.
Washout (Processing) Day 3
The day was lackluster again.
Nothing really interesting most of the day. Near the evening, I started to feel kind of sad and had felt weak pressure on my belly a couple of times. Then my my throat began (and still does from time to time) to gargle as if something is put into my throat.
Oh, and forgot to mention that my head was shaking a couple of times. That’s it.
Washout (Processing) Day 4
Have something to tell for today.
I woke up with a different, more positive feeling. As if I felt slightly free and unburdened, but that feeling kind of vanished in the midday.
Nothing unusual until the evening. When it got dark, my throat started to gargle like yesterday, right foot was shaking, and I felt weak pressure on my belly for like 3-5 seconds. All of that happened not at the same time, just to clarify.
Washout (Processing) Day 5
The day was relatively calm. Aside from my throat gagging two-three times, nothing really interesting.
Washout Days 6-7
No noticeable results, or they are present but I’m too clueless to spot them. Anyway, I still have some observations for past two days.
Day 6 (January 9)
Nothing unusual until the evening. At evening, I felt strong pressure on both sides of my temple, and I gagged a couple of times before that. When I got home, my throat started to mimic swallowing as if I was drinking water.
Day 7 (January 10)
Nothing preculiar in daytime as well. Experienced some headache near the evening but it was gone after several minutes. Had sensations of pressure on my throat that lasted quickly. And lastly. my head buzzed for some time when I was getting home.
That’s it for today. I will continue washout for a certain amount of time.
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Day 8-12 (January 11-15) (Washout days)
Experienced some recon today and during past days . Some of the peculiar:
On Day 8, I was smiley as fuck until midday. Then my mood returned back to original state.
On Day 10, my concentration got slightly better.
On Day 11, I was laughing out for 1-2 hours for no reason at all. And gradually my laughter got louder and louder to the point that I sounded like Joker.
On Day 12, had an urge to vomit but it only caused gag reflexes. And throughout the day I had a depressed mood, but that’s just due to getting slippery on the icy ground.
Day-13-17 (January 16-20)
Relatively lackluster days, experienced typical minor-level recon that I had written about in this journal. But yesterday I was pretty depressed and stressed, and I had urges to scream aloud on my way home at evening. I did scream outloud a couple of times and made neighbouring dogs alert.
Today, I’m still kind of depressed, but not due to subliminal.
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Day 18-19 (January 21-22)
Had yesterday some minor chest ache. And, according to my dad, I kind of behaved like a drunk person at evening.
Whereas today, I’ve been feeling different. Not depressed but very passive and detached (and not in a good way) as if I’m indifferent.
I would like to second what @subliminalguy said earlier. It sounds like you need to cut down to about 5 or 7 minutes. Fifteen minutes seems like it’s too powerful at this point. Recon everyday doesn’t sound like a good idea.
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I’d agree. In early ZP days, I took on this “I gotta do this to accept myself” mentality, continually hoping for better experiences. Listening to subs slowly started becoming a chore to me, something I had to do since it was “good for me”.
And healing, even without overload, is rough by itself. I kept returning to DR, but that “good for me” belief was growing thin. I was in and out of emotional turbulence on a regular basis.
I started with 5 minute loops, and shit didn’t hit the fan like it used to. Once or twice since then I’ve listened to a full 15 minute loop, and I was back in that hell once again. It’s too much for me.
And overload has different symptoms for different people. Mine shows as what I’ll call emotional whiplash. Very obvious to anyone when I share honestly in my journals. Anger, fear, grief, all bundled together.
I keep hearing “lackluster”, and I wonder if that’s a sign of doing too much. I remember @James being bored on subs repeatedly. Saint said repeatedly that it’s a sign of recon. James changed something, and I’ve not heard him mention it in many months.
My last point. I kept coming back to the forum, and I was jealous of other’s success with subs. Like “Son of a bitch! Not again!” Someone was having beautiful success again.
I felt left out. And I wanted success. So I finally tried a 5 minute loop. No fireworks, but no hellish recon either. DR sunk in beautifully on my last run.
I did Regeneration last night with AC, then following an internal nudge, I listened to 5 minutes of Stark Black (3rd loop so far) this morning. No major recon. No regret. No heavy sadness either.
5 minute loops allow me a lot more freedom now. And that’s a beautiful thing since internal freedom has been rare.
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Okay, I will try out 5-7 minute loop the next time then
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Day 20-24 (January 23-27)
Nothing noticeable. Days are almost reconless, but I drink a lot of water.
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What signs are you looking for which would say the sub is active?
Eh, I don’t know tbqh. It’s probably silly to say but I always assumed that recon or tingling = sub being active and processing in your mind
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