[SOLO] Hail to the EmperorQ

Lots of disruption at home on Friday and Saturday due to construction work on my house and a sick cat, so I had no time for listening to EQ or journalling. Shit happens. Things are mostly back to normal today, so will be getting a few hours of listening in.

Despite the break, I’m feeling a stronger push to focus on my diet and health. Better food choices and focus on variety and freshness. My jeans have felt looser on me the last few days but I haven’t weighed myself, it doesn’t seem important. I had some weird stomach issues during the week but feeling better now. I’ve also started getting some of the soreness others have reported, in my case in my upper body.

I’ve been feeling a strong push to nail down my spending habits. It’s been many years since I’ve run any kind of budget or even paid attention to my spending, which is definitely excessive. I earn a very good salary and have no debts (except mortgage), so I stopped keeping track of my spending long ago, which is pretty stupid. That wasted money could have gone towards investments. This will change.

I’ve been thinking of my past interactions with people. Some of the ways I’ve behaved in the past now seem strange and foolish. But it’s not how I acted that bothers me, it’s the motivation behind those actions, what I felt and what I wanted from those interactions. Too much calculating outcomes (which I’m sorry to say I’m exceptionally good at) and not enough just being present and honest with my emotions.

It’s a beautiful day today, I’m sitting outside on my deck enjoying a beer and watching eagles circling overhead. Feeling really good.

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Something shifted overnight.

I woke up exhausted, but my reality has changed. I’m still trying to understand it. I feel clearer and more certain about what I want, what I’m willing to accept, what actions I need to perform and what risks I’m willing to take. My sense of uncertainty is greatly reduced, I feel more centered and “solid”.

I spent all morning deep in thought about the startup, about things I hadn’t consciously considered before, but which I’m sure my subconscious had, and was the reason for my uncertainty about the whole venture. Lots to process. I think things are coming to a head. Some things need to change or I’ll have to walk away.

No more ambivalence. Today is about action with purpose.

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Wonderful progress @bujin, I am absolutely happy for you, and also confirm EmperorQ has that effect.

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Thanks @AMASH, I think our respective experiences on EQ have actually tracked pretty well.

An Emperor doesn’t seek validation in the thoughts or actions of others. They simply set their course and expect their Will to manifest.

I met today with the other stakeholders in the startup and explained my point of view. Each showed resistance at the start, but by the end they were enthusiastic. There were no arguments, no attempts to convince, there was simply conviction on my part as I spoke, and a sense that it was right. There are are more changes needed, but some things require good timing and subtlety. But today moved things back onto the right track.

My Will manifest.

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Today I still have that feeling of being centered and solid, with a focus and calmness I haven’t experienced in a while. Things which normally irritate me just roll off, they’re just not important. There’s also that same sense of certainty that what I want I’ll get. There’s no arrogance or desire or happiness or any other emotion there, there’s just an acceptance that it will happen.

Things are weird in NY these days. People are panicking over Corona. My office is almost empty, most people are working from home, and the ones in the office are spread out so they’re not sitting near anyone else. People are keeping to themselves. I probably interacted with only 3 people all day. And yet despite everything there’s a sick guy sitting behind me coughing all day. :man_facepalming:

Whatever. People are overreacting. I probably won’t catch it, and if I do I probably won’t die, and if I do my cats will be very well taken care of. So fuck it.

Generally not a good day though. I read an article this morning about investigations into the Chinese fur farms, and the horrifying practices that go on. The photos were harrowing. I can’t describe the rage I felt. I’ve been in a grim mood all day because of it. So it’s hard to journal the effects of EQ today since that mood overrode everything else.

Tomorrow will be an off day. Off days are turning out to be interesting so I’m looking forward to it.

Yesterday was an off day and was generally pretty quiet, although I found myself easily annoyed with people at work. The desire to move on from paid employment and be my own master was stronger than ever, although not new, I felt that way before I started Ev4 or EQ. Physically I felt pretty good too, although I’ve been drinking much more coffee recently, thanks to the tiredness I often get with EQ. Good thing I love coffee, I drink it when I’m not tired as well. Just bought a new coffee machine so I can drink more of it faster. I went shopping for some “self-isolation” supplies and literally bought 8 pounds of coffee. Wooooo.

Today was much better. I was back on EQ and got about 12 hours in. I was really motivated to get work done, including some really tedious stuff I’ve been ignoring for the last few days, and felt really good throughout the day, always smiling. Even during a department meeting on Corona, where everyone was standing around looking anxious and afraid, I was sitting there smiling like a weirdo. I’m not sure if EQ’s mood boosting has anything to do with it, but I’m just not worried about it. I’m more worried about running out of toilet paper, thanks to all the idiots out there stockpiling the stuff. :unamused:

There’s no doubt in my mind that aspects of PCC are part of EQ. There’s a weird sense I’ve been getting when interacting with people, almost like an ebb and flow of energy between us. I first noticed it 3 days ago during the meeting with the startup stakeholders, whenever any objection came up I could almost feel it and redirect it. The sense hasn’t been as strong since, but it’s still there to a degree.

Still don’t remember any dreams. :disappointed:

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Yesterday was a work from home day, thanks to all the public hysteria. Fine by me. My cats are happy too, no more sad looks when I leave for work.

It was only semi productive though, lots of dealing with co-workers on chat. It’s funny, some people are convinced the world is ending, others think those people are weirdos. Guess we’ll find out who is right. But my patience with people is low these days, so I’m enjoying the isolation right now. But limited contact with people means limited opportunity to see how EQ affects interactions.

So here I am taking about pointless shit instead.

Watched Contagion last night, seems to be a popular choice these days. Good movie. Probably too optimistic though, it’s a Hollywood movie after all. But nicely shows how unhygienic people really are and how easily they can spread disease.

The last couple of days I noticed something unexpected. My posts on other social media on topics I genuinely care about are becoming far more eloquent and convincing. Those that initially disagree with my points soon change their minds, or start backpedaling, or fade into the background as their arguments are deconstructed. It’s like that startup meeting, but on a broader scale. I figured the PCC in EQ would mostly help with face to face interactions, although I don’t know why I thought that. But my writing style has changed, and how I deal with people has changed, and what I’m willing to expose about my personal beliefs has changed.

Today is an off day, I’m sitting on my deck smoking a (tobacco) pipe. Some people have stockpiled toilet paper, well I’ve been stockpiling pipe tobacco for months now, due to new regulations coming in.

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Yesterday and today are off days. Slept really well last night, about 9 hours. Haven’t slept that much in a really long time. Maybe too long, feeling a little bit out of it.

Everything with the startup is starting to cool because everybody is distracted by Corona anxiety and nobody wants to meet in person. A meeting at the end of last week was cancelled.

I’ve been feeling a sense of frustration over this all week, I think EQ is pushing me but the paths to taking action are drying up as people are bunkering down and isolating. Really hope this hysteria settles down soon and people realize we still need to live our lives.

If this isolation continues for too long this journal will degrade entirely to me bitching about stuff.

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I think I’ll need to establish new priorities for the next few weeks. With my usual avenues of expression stymied by the current situation, my frustration is only going to get worse unless I refocus and set new goals for EQ to manifest through.

I realise my journal entries have recently been a bit random recently, that’s also a symptom of my general frustration with the current situation.

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With a probable lockdown approaching and lots of time to myself, and with the startup cooling for the time being, I think that continuing with this test isn’t the best thing for me right now. So I will regretfully drop out.

I’ll be listening to Alchemist from tomorrow.

Good luck to those continuing, and especially those that test the name embedded versions to come.

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