[SOLO] EmperorQ Personal Journal


#61

I keep this running in conjunction with Aegis and there is a strong core of belief and confidence that is being buffeted but is holding steady. I feel like I can keep going and do at least the fundamental things that are necessary.


#62

I feel a kind of strength and stability with EmpQ. My biggest issue is that there is still an insecurity and anxiety that has infiltrated my being and somehow I need to weed that out and eradicate it.

A too great need that disgusts me to look to others for approval.


#63

That is why I think building our own customized “ultimate breakdown and healing” subliminals from Q will be the most effective. Everybody has different needs…


#64

I feel like in many ways I am an observer in the world rather than a participant. That has always been my fundamental stance. I think a lot about what I notice but rarely share it with others.

Anxiety can eat up so much of our attention.


#65

Anxiety can eat ALL of our attention, actually.

If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

― Lao Tzu


#66

I am excited by Stark and probably will use it as the anchor for a named embedded sub once Q becomes available.

For now, though, I continue to run EmperorQ.

Not much to say about today. I had a terrible headache that I think was to a great extent the result of terrible sleep last night. I have also had a bunch of bloody noses this weekend. Physically it hasn’t been great. Hope to start the week off powerfully.


#67

I am just about the only person at my place of work . No problem social distancing.

I am feeling both exhausted and kind of restless today. I almost feel like I could take a nap at work. It seems like the rules by which we live are shifting.


#68

Started out really unproductive today at work, but as the hours crept by I gained momentum and had some useful creative ideas to build upon tomorrow.

Sometimes it can feel that most of what we do is only observed by us, ourselves, and little of it is appreciated. I think mostly, and in most contexts, I am ok with that.


#69

I just realized I have been running EmperorQ for more than a month (Feb. 28). There has been power and strength as an aspect of running EmpQ. Will keep running until the testing ends.


#70

I’ve been having restless sleep lately. So much energy and tension built up from all the social distancing.

I at least drive to my office, and maybe see one or two people the whole day and stand far from them and talk.

I stop at the convenience store or grocery store once in a while. Probably too much, considering.

But lots of energy and tension building up with little idea of where to dispel it.

I do a 45 to 60 minute workout each night.


#71

I like the strength and stability aspect. I can use more of that. I too have some anxiety. Mine is about starting new public projects like Podcasting or YouTube.


#72

I’d eventually like to run Stark once the name embedding and customization options become clear. I don’t want to buy it at this point and then need to rebuy a name embedded version later.


#73

I had a dream that a piece of mail was delivered to me that was laden with coronavirus and I was told to go into quarantine immediately, but I surreptitiously traveled to my office to collect some important things I’d need at home.

I had a dream in which a hoodoo practitioner would do interventions on my behalf against people cursing me. I knew it was a scam, though, but somehow still kept paying for the workings.


#74

#75

I find myself having very strong compartmentalized solidity and anxiety existing within myself. It is like I can find both within me depending on where I place my attention.

I feel like my life has reached a dead end, something needs to radically change for the better, or what is the point? Coronavirus has been feeling a bit apocalyptic to me, like, in some sense, the culture never really emerges from the other side of this crisis. Like maybe there is no other side.


#76

#77

Everything feels so unsettled these days. It is an existential crisis. I am not even sure that I can feel confidence, because it would be based on a kind of surety as to being able to handle things and that is what is taken from us by viruses, governments and corporations. I wonder if a subliminal can help to get back the sense that one can deal with whatever comes up, because these days the potentialities appear more and more f*cked up.


#78